"Maybe I don't. but I wonder if you do either. I
can only imagine what it was like for you to be living
under those circumstances and traveling about with
someone like that."
"Nothing ugly happened!" I cried, and then I
really did begin to cry. "He taught me magic tricks
and I helped him with his act. He was my only close
relative. He loved me and he was alone. too. I had
nowhere else to go!"
As inscrutable as Tyler tried to be with me, his
face couldn't help but soften with some compassion. "Look. I admit I don't know your whole story.
All I know is what I've been told by Mrs. Westington
and what Echo described to me earlier. I'm sorry if
Fin jumping to too many conclusions, but you're
guilty of the same sort of impulsive judgments," he
said, nodding at the rock.
I flicked the tears off my cheeks. Then I took a
deep breath. This was a big mess. I wasn't here a week
and already there was great turmoil. Does it just
follow me wherever I go? Will it always?
"Well, what do we do now?" I asked him. "Declare a truce," he said. "You want me to
row us back?"
"No, I can do it," I said, grabbing the oars
before he could. He shrugged and then leaned back. "I don't mind being spoiled." "Very funny." He looked at me with somewhat more trusting
eves. "Did you complete the evaluation exams?" "Yes."
"I'll pick them up and go over them tonight. I
don't give the equivalency exam, you know. You have
to schedule that at the public school. I'll help you
arrange for it when I think you're ready, if you're ever
ready."
"I'll be ready."
"So, if you don't mind telling me, why didn't
you remain living with your sister? Even though she's
off on tournaments, you could have stayed with her.
She would be considered your legal guardian. I'm
sure, and at least you could have remained in school
and had something of a normal life."
I continued to row,
"Why did you run away to live with your
uncle?"
I hesitated to say anything. I continued to row,
with him staring at me.
"You don't have to tell me anything." he added
in a tone of voice that meant precisely the opposite. "I couldn't get along with her roommate!" I
exclaimed.
"Oh? Why not?"
"She was too demanding."
"Demanding? In what way?"
"In a sexual way, if you have to know." I said.
"And my sister was upset about it. I knew that
somehow it would end up being my fault."
"What do you mean exactly? What did she do?"
he asked, his face full of interest and curiosity now. "I don't want to go into detail, Tyler. She
wanted to have sexual relations with me."
"Really? Did she just ask or what?"
"No, she did more than just ask. I said I don't
like talking about it. It was very, very disturbing at the
time and it's painful to think about it now."
He nodded. thinking. 'Why would your sister be
angry at you for something like that? You would think
she..." He thought again and then he nodded softly.
"Oh," he said. "You mean your sister and this other
woman were
"Yes."
"Man. you did have a screwed up family. A
lesbian sister, an uncle in love with a doll, and who
knows what else."
"My family wasn't screwed up! Not everyone
marches to the same drummer. I'd think you'd
understand that, being you're so intelligent." He shrugged. "What about you? Are you a
lesbian?" he asked with as much emotion a doctor
might show when he asked if I had an ache in my tar.
"Is that why your sister's lover made a pass at you?" "I don't think so," I said, "Just because one
person in your family is gay, it doesn't mean you have
to be."
"So why do you say you don't think so? Don't
you know for sure? Are you attracted more to girls
than boys?"
"I'd rather not talk about all that."
"Well, have you had boyfriends?" he pursued. "It's not really any of your business," I said. He didn't look angry about my reaction. He just looked pensive, again like some doctor reviewing symptoms. I rowed on, biting down on my lower lip and sucking back my tears. Talking about it only brought back my painful separation from Brenda and
the only family I knew,
"How did your parents die? An accident?" "No, my father had an inoperable brain tumor
and my mother fell into a deep depression and
overdosed on sleeping pills."
"Wow. I guess Mrs. Westington was right. You
have been dragged over the coals."
"I'm not looking for any sympathy," I said. I
wanted to add "especially from you," but I held that
back.
"That's good. Old Chinese proverb say 'He who
feels sorry for himself can demand an apology from
no one.' "
"What's that mean?" I asked. grimacing. He shrugged. "I'm not sure. I got it in a fortune
cookie." He held his expression for a moment and
then he burst out laughing, The expression of surprise
on my face made him laugh harder.
Finally. I started to laugh myself. I was
laughing through tears and it was like sunshine on a
rainy day.
"Do me a favor,' he said when we docked the
rowboat. "What?"
"Show me that doll. I'm curious about it and
how Echo described it."
I looked at him suspiciously.
"I just want to see how a doll could upset her so
much and understand how you and your uncle used it
in the show. If makes you uncomfortable to do it. I
understand."
"No, it's all right," I said. "I shouldn't have left
Destiny like that anyway."
"Destiny? The doll has a name?"
"Yes. That was her real name."
"Real name? I don't get it."
"She was a real person. I'll show you pictures
of her in the motor home."
"So a doll was made of a real person. Why?" "You'll understand when you see it and the
other things," I said.
"Everything all right?" Trevor called to us from
the small vineyard as we walked toward the motor
home. I knew he was really calling only to me. "Yes, thank you. Trevor," I shouted back. Tyler waved to him but said nothing, and
Trevor didn't wave back. He barely nodded. "As Mrs. Westington would say, the jury's still
out as far as his opinion of me," he said as we
continued. "That's all right. It's good that he's so
protective of them." He glanced at me. "Looks like
he's getting to be just as protective of you."
"Believe me, I don't mind." I said. "I haven't
had anyone protective of me for a long, long time." "I guess not," he said, and then paused when we
reached the motor home. "There's a car. too." "Yes, that was my car. Uncle Palaver hitched it
on after I found him."
He studied me and the way I was looking at the
vehicle. "It's hard for you to go in there, I bet." "Yes."
"We don't have to do it. It's really not that
important"
"No. I've got to do something with Destiny.
Now is as good a time as any. C'mon," I said, and led
him to the door. "Have you ever been in one of these
before?"
"No," he replied. After we went up the steps,
opened the door, and entered, he said. "Pretty neat." "Yes. This part can be expanded after the motor
home is parked."
I led him down to Uncle Palaver's bedroom. He stood gaping at the Destiny doll, I hurried to the dresser that contained her clothes and began to dress
the doll.
"There's a picture of them together, the real
Destiny and my uncle." I said, nodding at the framed
picture on the wall to his right. He looked at it and
then back at the doll.
It was embarrassing for me to put on her
panties and her bra with him watching, but it was how
Uncle Palaver had dressed her. I worked as quickly as
I could.
"That is one lifelike doll. Can I touch it?" he
asked. I nodded and watched him touch Destiny's arm.
"Feels just like real skin. And those breasts and
nipples. Who made it, a plastic surgeon?"
"I don't know."
"There are even fingernails and hairs. No
wonder the kid was so confused. Why did your uncle
have this made?"
"My uncle was very much in love with Destiny
and it was so painful for him to lose her. He found
someone who would do all this detail,"
"Even pubic hair. You didn't need that much
detail for the show, did you?"
"No, but it didn't hurt that she looked this real." I turned the doll over and undid the cabinet that held the batteries. "These have to be replaced," I said,
taking the dead ones out.
"What can you make it do?"
"Using the transmitter. we. I mean I. can move
her arms and legs, hands and fingers. Her head and
even her eyes shift. But the most important thing is
her mouth. We, my uncle mainly, could do an exciting
ventriloquist act with her making her mouth move.
Her comments related to the tricks and he had tricks
he could do that often would involve the doll holding
something. There are other things, too, things he used
in his act."
"This must have been very expensive to create." "I don't know," I said, completing the dressing
of Destiny by zipping up the skirt and buttoning the
blouse. "He never told me how much she cost to
make. I don't think the money mattered to him." "Well, at least now I can understand why Echo
still believes it's a real person lying there."
"After she saw this, she ran out. I followed her
into the house and spent time with her, writing out an
explanation as best I could."
"She just told me about the doll and how she
had discovered it. Her description made it all sound
quite kinky and strange."
"I'm sure it did."
"We'll have to show it to her again and
explain."
"Mrs. Westington might not like it," I said.
"She didn't want me to show it to her. I'm sure she
wanted me to leave all that out"
"So she doesn't know she's seen it?" "I didn't tell her when I should have," I
confessed.
"Hmm, well, maybe that's for the best right
now. I'll speak to her about it later. when I think it's
okay. I'll make sure she knows you didn't mean
anything bad.."
"Thank you," I said.
He nodded, still unable to keep his eyes off
Destiny. Finally, he realized it.
"Let's go get your exam papers. I've got to be
heading home. I'm already a good half hour late and
my mother gets very upset."
"What do you do for her?"
"It's for us, our business. I oversee the
manufacturing of our chocolate wine sauce and
manage the retail outlet. I mean, we have enough
help, but we like to keep control over everything. I'll
bring some around for you to taste," he offered. "I'd like that."
After I dressed Destiny. I carried her out and
put her in Uncle Palaver's chair. Then I went back and
closed the bedroom door.
"What are you going to do with all this?" "I'm just waiting for our attorney to let me
know. I imagine we'll sell the motor home quickly. I
won't sell the car, of course. That's mine. I need to
discuss it all with my sister. too."
"Where is she right now?"
"She's still in Europe. She should be calling me
soon."
"That's good," he said. He glanced back at
Destiny and shook his head. "Man. . .that does look
real. Even the teeth look like real teeth."
"Yes," I said. "I admit she does look alive." I
still had trouble calling Destiny "it."
We left the motor home and returned to the
house. Trevor had finished his harvesting in the
vineyard for the day and was not around,
"For now," Tyler said before we entered the
house. "I wouldn't say anything to Echo about what
you've learned and all concerning the rock, et cetera." "I won't. She'll be too embarrassed. But what
are you going to do about it, about her crush on you?" "As I said, hopefully convince Mrs. Westington
to register her in the school soon. Once she meets
other people, other teachers, she'll be fine. I can't tutor
her too much longer anyway. My mother needs me
more at the plant and store. She's not well herself and
she has been trying to get me to stop doing this." "Oh. I'm sorry."
"Don't mention it to Mrs. Westington yet. I
don't want to upset or frighten her about it."
"I won't." I told him.
We went inside and he retrieved my exam
papers, glancing quickly at them.
"Urn, not so bad. We'll see. I'll be back
tomorrow, same time," he said.
"Thank you. I'm sorry about before,' I said.
"Accusing you of things and all that."
"No, it's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault or
at least any of our faults. If Echo had a decent mother,
this might have all turned out differently for her and
for Mrs. Westington."
"Someone once told me you have to deal with
the hand you're given," I said.
He smiled. "Sounds to me like an old Chinese
proverb."
My laughter followed him out. For a moment I
just stood there in the foyer. Then I heard Mrs.
Westington tap her cane. I turned and saw her peering
at me from the doorway of the kitchen.
"Well now, this is the latest that boy's stayed
here. He's going to catch hell and walk the plank
when he gets home." She smiled. "I guess you're
getting along then."
"We'll see. Mrs. Westington. I did the best I can
on the tests."
"That's all anyone can do, the best she can.
Come on in here and let me show you the right way to
prepare a meat loaf. One of these days, you'll be
winning a man through his stomach," she added, and
disappeared into the kitchen,
Would I? I wondered. Would I ever have any
semblance of a normal life? Any real relationships? Working beside Mrs. Westington in her kitchen
recalled the many times I worked besid
e my mother.
Just as Mama had told me about her life as a child.
Mrs. Westington told me about working in the kitchen
beside her own mother. The affection and the love
between her and her mother was as palpable to me as
the affection and love I had shared with mine. I
enjoyed hearing her stories, but when she talked about happier times with her family, she reminded me of my own and that brought tears to my eyes and a heaviness to my heart. When would nice things, happy things, stand on their own for me and not resurrect memories that only brought back pain? Would it be like this for
me forever and ever?
I hid my sadness from Mrs. Westington and
together we prepared the dinner. She let me set the
table and then I went to freshen up.
If Echo was still upset about confronting the
Destiny doll, she didn't show it at dinner. nor had she
mentioned it to Mrs. Westington, Trevor Washington,
on the other hand, looked suspicious and troubled to
me whenever he glanced my way. When he invited
me to look at the wine-processing equipment and
storage facility after dinner. I quickly accepted. "Can't you think of a better way to waste her
time?" Mrs. Westington quipped.
"No. Ma'am." he said, and winked at me. Echo wanted to go along as well. With an
impish smile on his face. Trevor invited Mrs.
Westington to join us.
"Might jolt your memory a bit. Mrs.
Westington," he added.
"If I ever want my memory jolted. I'll put my hand in an electric socket," she told him, and he
laughed.
Although she complained about it. I could see
her look of satisfaction when Echo and I followed
Trevor out to the plant.
"As I told you. Echo knows a lot more about
the wine-making process than Mrs. Westington
thinks," Trevor told me. "She's too full of curiosity to
be ignored,"
The building the plant was housed in was
immaculate. I could see how proud of it Trevor was. "After we separate the stems from the grape
berries." he began. "the skins are broken to free the
juice. The mixture of juice, skins, seeds, and pulp is
called must."
We followed him about as he explained. Every
once in a while. I glanced at Echo and saw she was
doing an odd thing. She was signing to herself,
thinking aloud, and what she was doing was repeating
what Trevor was telling me, but repeating it from
memory.
Tyler's right about her. I thought. She is very
bright and she's not being permitted to develop as she
Shadows 02 Girl in the Shadows Page 7
