by Grace, Aria
I take a seat and try to focus on the papers in front of me. It’s not until I see the dried blood coating my hands that the emotional toll on my body and soul floods my senses, and I begin to weep.
I weep at the thought of losing my mate.
I weep at the prospect of raising our beautiful baby alone.
And most of all, I weep at loss of a life I’ve already come to cherish.
Unsure of what to do next, I pull out my phone and text Matt, letting him know what’s happened and that we’re at the ER.
Not a minute passes before he responds. On my way.
Thank god for him, because I don’t know if I can do this without someone at my side. I’m supposed to be the big, strong alpha who takes care of my own, but without Andy, I’m nothing. I’m at a loss as to how to function without knowing he’s going to be okay.
When Matt arrives, he pulls me into a hug. “I’m so sorry this is happening. Do you know anything yet?”
I shake my head, tears streaming down my face. “I can’t even fill this out,” I say, showing him the clipboard full of papers.
“We’ll get it done. Don’t worry.” Matt takes the stack from me and helps me work through the information. When we finish, he takes the clipboard back to the man at the desk then sits silently next to me.
“The guy at the desk said he doesn’t know anything, but the doctors will come out when they have some information.”
“Thank you.” My voice is weak, but Matt hears me and nods.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
Time ticks by slowly as we wait to hear something…anything. But nothing comes. My heart is in my throat, constricting tighter with each second that passes.
I’m not sure how much time has actually passed when someone finally calls my name. “Mr. Taylor?”
Jumping up from my seat, I step over to the woman at the doorway. “I’m Jude Taylor.”
“Mr. Taylor, I’m Gwen Stevens, the prenatal doctor helping your son.”
“Is he okay?” Tears threaten to spill again as I await to hear how my baby is doing.
“He’s stable right now, but we have a long road ahead of us. As you know, he’s several weeks premature. We’ll maintain a close eye on his vitals. The next few weeks will be critical.”
“Thank you.” Relief sweeps through me as I realize he’s okay.
“You’re welcome. But prepare yourself. We aren’t out of the woods yet.”
Matt places an arm around my shoulder and gives it a squeeze. “Any word on Andy?”
“I’ll find someone on his detail to come and give you an update.”
“Thank you, Doctor,” Matt says, guiding me back to our chairs.
Another hour passes before my name is called again. “That’s me.” I try to stand, but the man waves at me to stay seated.
“No, please. Stay there.”
This can’t be good.
“I’m Dr. Marks, one of the surgeons assisting on Andy’s case. I’m sorry you’ve had to wait out here for so long without any news.”
My stomach sinks again as I prepare for the worst.
“Andy suffered from preeclampsia. We also found bruising on his back and side, which we believe occurred during his fall.”
“Is the preeclampsia what’s taking so long to fix?”
“Unfortunately, when Andy fell, he ruptured his spleen. We had to go in and do emergency surgery. He lost a lot of blood, so we’re lucky you called for help when you did.”
“But he’ll be alright?” Thank god Matt is able to ask the questions I can’t seem to formulate with the barrage of information coming at me. “When can Jude see him?”
“Andy should be just fine. We’ve replenished his blood supply and the other surgeons are closing him up now. He’ll need an hour or so of recovery before we move him to a room.”
“Thank you.” Tears pour down my cheeks as I finally feel like I can breathe again.
* * *
“Mr. Taylor?” A young female nurse stands in front of the waiting area, calling me.
Matt and I get up and walk toward her, wondering what new news she’s bringing.
“Hi. I’m Shayna. Would you like to see your son?”
My eyes must light up because she smiles and motions for us to follow her. We walk through what seems to be a thousand hallways, turning corners here and there and taking an elevator to the fifth floor before finally landing in front of a large doorway. Shayna swipes her badge across a panel next to the door and a loud click sounds as the door swings open.
We follow her into another waiting area before she turns toward us. “If you’ll each put a gown and gloves on over your clothes, I’ll take you into the neonatal unit.” She points toward packs of sterile gloves and gowns in the corner of the room.
Matt and I react quickly, each putting on the required garments. Then, we follow Shayna through another set of double doors and into a dimly lit room full of enclosed baby beds. She steps over to one with the name Taylor printed on a sticker in the front. Fresh tears fill my eyes as I look beyond the plastic enclosure at the tiny baby sleeping inside. He’s so little that I can see his ribs stretching his skin as he breathes.
But he’s ours.
Mine and Andy’s.
Our baby to love.
47
Andy
Trying to open my eyes is difficult, especially when a bulb as bright as the sun is about two inches from my face. I squeeze them shut and turn away from the offending light.
“Andy?” I know that voice…don’t I? I try again to open my eyes, letting them adjust to the light above me.
“Bright…” It’s all I can say but my meaning is clear. At least to someone who loves to take care of me.
The light immediately dims and the voice I heard earlier speaks again. “Andy, baby? Can you hear me?”
The fog lifts from my mind, and I croak out his name. “Jude?”
“I’m here. Let me get you some water.”
A few seconds later, something is prodding at my lips, so I open them and accept the straw Jude is guiding to my mouth. I take a small sip of the cool liquid before spitting out the straw. I cough again, which really hurts for some reason.
“Jude… Where am I?” My mind is still fuzzy as I try to remember where I was before I woke up. In addition to the headache pulsing across my forehead, my body is sore and achy. Did I contract the flu?
“You’re at St. Vincent’s, sweetheart. You had some problems, but the doctors have you fixed.”
Immediately, my hands reach for my stomach. My significantly flatter stomach. “Oh god. Where’s my baby?” Moisture begins to pool and then drip down my face.
“Shh, it’s okay. Calm down.”
I can’t calm down. Not until I know where our baby is. “Jude, where’s our baby? Oh god. What happened?”
“The baby is fine, or at least, he will be.”
Jude’s words have a calming effect on me. “He?”
“Yes, Andy. It’s a boy. We have a beautiful baby boy.”
“We have…a boy?” I’m barely able to speak the words as Jude clasps my hand in his and holds it beside me. “Where is he?” I try to sit up from my prone position, but Jude’s hands press gently against my chest.
“You’ll see him soon. Right now, you need to get better yourself. I need you well so you can help me take care of him.”
“I don’t understand.” I grab my head, wishing the dull throb would go away.
“Baby.” Jude’s voice is soft, as though he’s trying to handle me with as much care as possible. “Do you remember anything from last night?”
The spinning in my head only amplifies the confusion I’m feeling. “I… I.”
“It’s okay. Don’t stress about it. That isn’t important anyway.”
The bed is uncomfortable, so I shift and try to relax a bit more. A knock on the door draws both of our attention as a man dressed in scrubs walks in holding a tray. “Dinner time.”
As if a
wave crested on the shore, a flood of memories sweeps back over me. “Dinner. I was making you dinner.”
“That’s right.” Jude’s face lights up. “That’s good. It means the concussion you have isn’t severe.”
“What happened?” This time, I look straight at Jude, pleading with him to tell me why I’m in this hospital bed and how my baby came into this world more than a month early. I listen as he tells me the story of what he knows. All I can do is lay in silence, practically in disbelief that we almost lost the baby. When Jude finally finishes, I see the exhaustion in his features.
“God, love.” I hold my hand out for him to take. I still feel weak and can’t seem to lift my arm very far. “Thank you for saving us.”
“I didn’t do it for you or the baby…”
I gasp, not sure what he’s saying and unable to shield my hurt. Am I hallucinating from the meds?
With a smile and a wink in my direction, he sets my mind at ease. “I did it for me. And I’m not ashamed that I did it for completely selfish reasons. But I’m not through with you or our baby yet. I want more time. Time to fall more deeply in love with you. Time to watch our son grow up into a strong man.” He stops and smiles gently. “Time to see us become grandfathers.”
I nod, wanting all that time with him too.
“I didn’t do it for either of you because I had to do it for me. Knowing I have you and our son by my side is the only way I’ll survive. Without the two of you, I’m nothing.”
A tear carves its way down my cheek as I look at the man who has stolen my heart. “I love you, Jude.”
He squeezes my hand again as my eyes fight to stay open. “Don’t fight it, baby.” His soft words give me the permission I need to drift back into a light slumber. “Let your body heal.”
* * *
“Are you ready?” Jude opens the door to the house and leads me outside. It’s early in the morning, but neither of us could sleep well last night.
“As ready as I’ll ever be,” I reply, walking to the truck as he unlocks it. After almost two months of daily trips to the hospital, we finally get to bring our little Jeremy home today. I won’t lie and say that the first few weeks weren’t tremulous. I was a nervous wreck any time one of the doctors said anything that didn’t sound encouraging.
But as the weeks went by, Jeremy became stronger. Just as I knew in my heart he would.
We arrive at the hospital and are greeted by name by the neonatal nurses. They motion us through to where Jeremy has been living in his home away from home. Shayna is holding him next to his bassinet.
She smiles brightly as we approach. With my arms outstretched, she places Jeremy into them. His tiny hand balls into a fist and makes its way around his face before sticking his thumb into his mouth and sucking.
“We haven’t even gotten him home and he already has a bad habit to break.” Jude’s comment draws another huge grin from Shayna as she points a finger at him.
“I think the best part of that sentence is that he’s going home.” She winks before grabbing a diaper bag off the floor. “Here, this is from us.”
Dammit, just when I thought I was done with the tears. “Thank you. You didn’t need to do that.”
Jude takes the bag and echoes my statement. “Really, you shouldn’t have.”
“We wanted to. It’s from all the nurses. Jeremy has been such a great baby. We’re going to miss him around here.” Shayna is almost in tears as she beams at us and rubs Jeremy’s forehead lightly with her fingertip.
“I don’t know how to thank you for all that you’ve done.” I look to all the nurses standing around the room.
“Thank us by making sure he’s taken care of,” Shayna says. “And make sure to get him to all of his checkups. That’s important for any baby, but especially for a preemie.”
“You have my word,” Jude says, moving in next to me and wrapping an arm around us. “They’ll both be cared for very well.”
Shayna nods, knowing he’s telling the truth. We say our goodbyes again and head home with our baby boy. Finally, we’re a complete family.
* * *
Once we’re at home, I carry the baby into the nursery for the first time. Matt and Jude worked hard to make my Winnie the Pooh nursery come to life. Jude even went out and purchased two copies of the same book so he could cut the pages and line them up as a border around the room. You can literally start at one end and read the whole book by the time you get to the other end.
Settling into the rocker with Jeremy in my arms, I hold his tiny, blanket-wrapped frame in my arms as we rock. When I look up, Jude is leaning against the doorway, staring at the two of us. “You know how happy you’ve made me?”
“He hasn’t started crying yet,” I tease.
“It doesn’t matter. His cry means he’s alive and strong, and that’s the best sound I could ever hear.”
I smile, knowing that although we haven’t hit a two o’clock feeding cry yet, Jude has every intention on being right there with me to help care for our son. Jude joins us in the room and places a kiss on my cheek and then one on Jeremy’s forehead.
“How about I get some breakfast going?”
“Your famous breakfast?” I ask, remembering his crispy bacon and omelets.
“Anything for you.”
It’s not long before the smell of cooking eggs and delicious bacon waft into the baby’s room. I keep rocking, staring down at the sweet, innocent face of my sleeping child. “You don’t know how lucky you are to have a dad like Jude,” I say in a soft whisper. “But one day, you’ll be old enough to understand how lucky we both are.”
Jeremy shifts in my arms, stretching out his little hand and yawning before opening his eyes. Staring into those baby blues, I know everything is right in my world.
48
Jude
I walk out of the bathroom still toweling off the beads of moisture that remain from my shower. Andy is already laying in the bed, fully clothed.
“You okay?” I ask, playfully popping the towel in his direction.
“Yeah,” he replies groggily. “Just tired. God, having a baby is exhausting.”
I drop my towel onto the floor and kneel onto the bed. “You’re doing a great job with him, baby. I couldn’t ask for a better partner to take care of our son.” I nuzzle next to him on the bed, but he tries to push me away.
“Don’t. I’m gross.”
“You’re not gross.” My statement is matter-of-fact, because it’s true.
“I’m still fat, and I’m sure I have baby spit-up on me in more than one place.”
I nuzzle his neck again, this time planting a kiss below his earlobe, which is one of his sweet spots. “You’ve never looked better to me than you do right now.”
“Ugh, I’m disgusting. You obviously need your eyes checked.”
I grab his chin with my fingertips and force his gaze to mine. “Andrew, you are even more beautiful now than you have ever been. You are the father of my son, and the rock in my life. There isn’t a day that goes by that you are not the gorgeous man I fell in love with, because,” I pause and place a finger on his chest, pointing toward his heart, “I fell in love with this. The way I feel about you… The way you excite me, that’s all just a bonus.”
His eyes change from scrupulous to sensitive as his voice comes out in a raspy whisper. “You mean that?”
“With every fiber of my being.” I capture his lips in mine, letting our mouths meld in a passionate kiss. My tongue juts out and slides across the seam of his lips.
They quickly part, inviting me to explore within his warm mouth. When I’ve completed tasting and licking him, I slide my tongue down his chin and to his shirt, which I slowly begin to unbutton. Each one that releases exposes more skin, and my mouth is happy to explore every inch of it.
I pull his shirt off enough to allow his swollen chest to fill my vision. One of his nipples has a bead of milk at the tip and I quickly lap it up then suck him into my mouth. A few drops of milk
dance on my tongue, causing me to moan in delight. My hard cock is pushing against Andy’s jeans, which means they need to go. Now. I reluctantly give up the luscious milk my mate is producing and kiss a wet trail down to his navel.
I kiss and lick at his stomach as my hands expertly unbutton his jeans then slide them and his underwear down to his ankles. I lean back, pulling the offending clothing from his body so I can see the amazing man lying before me. His cock is hard, so I make quick work of planting myself between his legs and sucking the tip into my mouth.
Andy squirms as I plunge deep onto him, letting his cock fill my mouth and tickle the back of my throat. I drag my hands up either side of his legs until I find his opening, which is already dripping wet and ready for me. Inserting a finger slowly into his hole causes Andy to moan and squirm beneath my touch. Making him feel pleasure is a complete turn-on for me and gets me hard every time.
“Oh… Fuck. I need more.” Obediently, I insert another finger, gently pushing inside his channel and letting his slick hole guide me to his happy spot.
My cock grows harder as we continue this play. So, I lick and suck on his cock before looking up. Andy’s tongue juts out as he tries to lick his own nipple. The sight makes my cock twitch and a drop of precome seeps out. His other hand is busy twisting his nipple as he writhes beneath me. Leaving his cock for a moment and pulling my fingers free of his hole, I move to his nipple, lapping and sucking on the milk he’s produced. Another moan from Andy makes my cock fill even more as I take in a mouthful of milk and then find his mouth. His lips part and I feed him the delicious nectar he’s making.
He licks his lips and opens his eyes. “I need your knot. Please.” The pheromones coming off his body prove how desperately he wants me inside him. And I need him just as badly as he needs me… I reach between his thighs again, teasing his ass as I gather some of his wetness. I glide a handful of his moisture onto my shaft and then line it up with his hole. I’m barely able to push in before Andy bucks and swallows every inch to the base of my cock.
