by Terri DuLong
She nodded. “I know. I seldom talk about it. It was ten years ago. I was involved in—a relationship.” Staring down at her mug, she went on. “I was almost four months along—and I had a miscarriage.”
“Oh, Gracie.” I reached out to grasp her hand. “I’m so sorry.”
“Well, you know,” she said, “I’ve always felt those things happen for a reason. I’d already seen an OB guy and was taking very good care of myself. In all honesty, it certainly wasn’t planned. I was one of the women who forgot to take my pill for a few days.” She paused and ran a hand through her auburn curls. “I don’t even know if it was a boy or a girl. I didn’t want to know. It was over. There wasn’t a thing I could do about it.”
Despite her attempted bravado, I detected regret in her tone. “But Gracie, you’re healthy and only thirty-six—it’s not out of the question for you to have a child.”
She laughed, lightening the mood. “Hey, sweetie, you forget there’s another part to this equation. A man. And at the moment, I’m fresh out of those.”
I joined her laughter and nodded.
“But you,” she said. “Hell, Monica, you have a husband that absolutely worships the ground you walk on. Adam adores you. Would it really be so bad if you’re pregnant? How do you think Adam would feel about it?”
Even without a recent discussion on the subject, I instinctively knew Adam would be over the moon. But he knew my reluctance to having a child and had always been willing to support that decision.
I shrugged. “Probably happy.”
“I think you’re right. Look how great he is with Clarissa.”
“Hmm…” was my only response.
“And I never thought I’d say this, but you’re turning into quite a good mother to her as well.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that….”
“I do. Look how far the two of you have come since she arrived here in April. You’re developing closeness, and you know she loves being here with you and Adam. Remember when Billie was lost? You told me you couldn’t believe how you felt her pain—you said it was something you couldn’t even describe, but it tore your heart out to see her so miserable.”
It did, and that emotion had totally surprised me. I had never experienced anything like that for another person before. And the first time she hugged me, sobbing in my arms over the loss of Billie—how natural that had felt.
Leave it to Grace to make me feel better. By the time she left and Adam and Clarissa walked in from school, my nausea had completely disappeared and my emotions were calmer.
I had decided not to mention any of this to Adam. I still needed some time to absorb myself what could be happening.
For the next three mornings, I awoke again with the same nausea, only to have it disappear by midday. I still let Adam think it was some kind of bug I’d caught while I tried to figure out what my next step would be. I had decided that if nothing happened by the time we arrived in Augusta, I would purchase a pregnancy kit and share my suspicions with Adam. We could discover the news together.
But that wasn’t to be—on the fourth morning, instead of the familiar nausea, I awoke with the distinctive cramping in my lower abdomen, knowing full well there would be no pregnancy kit.
I stayed in bed allowing the cramps to roll over me as I considered the strong sense of letdown I felt. A sense of loss for something I never had—I hadn’t been pregnant at all. For whatever reason, I’d simply been late. But for the first time in my life, I had given serious thought to the possibility of bringing another life into the world.
I glanced over at Adam, soundly sleeping beside me. His handsome face was covered with peacefulness and I reached out a finger to stroke his cheek, causing him to stir. I felt a surge of love move through my body as I thought about creating another human being that would be a part of both Adam and me and the love that we shared.
There would be no pregnancy test while we were in Augusta—but there would definitely be a serious discussion with my husband.
34
I was in the bedroom, humming to myself and choosing various clothes to take on our trip. Adam and I were leaving for Augusta in four days and I was exceptionally excited.
Having time alone with Adam was something I’d probably always welcome, and it had nothing to do with Clarissa. I had come to truly enjoy her company and having her with us, but I’d also come to understand that all couples need their quiet time together. Four days and nights would provide us plenty of time for the discussion I had planned, and I knew I’d enjoy the Christmas shopping in a new area to explore.
Trying to decide between a navy or light blue pullover, I heard the doorbell ring, which caused Billie to go running and barking in her protection mode.
Laughing, I walked toward the front door. “Billie, hush. We’re not being invaded.”
I opened the door and was so shocked to see the woman standing on my porch, I felt light-headed and couldn’t speak.
“Well, hi, Monica. It’s me, Carrie Sue. Surely, you remember me?”
I gripped the door frame and nodded. “Yes. Yes, I remember you.” Although in all honesty, she had aged since I’d last seen her. Still extremely attractive, but telltale lines had formed at the corners of her eyes. Blond hair was fashionably styled—chin length, with bangs that didn’t quite cover lines in her forehead. Makeup so perfect, it could have been applied by a top consultant for Lancôme. Definitely still attractive—in a cheap sort of way.
“Well, are y’all gonna invite me in or make me stand out here on the porch like a dog looking for shelter?”
I found my voice and replied, “I don’t know, Carrie Sue. What is it you want? Adam and Clarissa aren’t here.”
She threw her head back laughing and adjusted the large malachite pendant hanging around her neck. “What do I want? Well, I want my daughter, of course. Where is Clarissa Jo?”
I did have to marvel that somebody who called herself a mother had no clue that on a Monday afternoon at 1:00, her daughter would be in school.
Which was exactly what I told her. “And besides,” I added, “you can’t just show up here out of the blue and expect to see her. You have to discuss this with Adam.”
“I don’t think there’s much to discuss. I got myself a lawyer, went to the judge, and I have the papers here to prove it.” She patted the black Gucci bag hanging from her shoulder. “I have visitation every other weekend.”
My greatest fear was becoming reality. Was she serious or just trying to pull one over on us?
“Look, I’ll call Adam at school and let him know you’re here, but I’m not letting you in until he gets here. So come back in about an hour. Sorry,” I told her, closing the door in her face.
My legs were trembling as I leaned against the back of the door. Taking a deep breath, I ran for the phone.
Within twenty minutes of my call to Adam, he walked in the kitchen door, Clarissa at his side.
Coming over to hug me, he said, “You okay?”
“I’m not sure. She said she’d be back in an hour.”
“Mama’s really here?” Clarissa questioned, with a worried expression on her face. “Will I have to go with her?”
Adam ran a hand through his hair, kneeling down in front of his daughter. Placing his hands on her shoulders, he looked into her eyes. “I’m not sure what’s going on. But I do know you won’t be leaving Cedar Key for any visits with her. The judge made that very clear at the hearing. But yes, you might have to visit with her on the island, and that’s only every other weekend. We’ll figure it out,” he told her, standing up and taking a deep breath.
“How about some hot chocolate, Clarissa?” The poor child needed more than a comfort drink, but I thought it might help.
“Okay,” she said, leaning down to pick up and cuddle Billie. “Come on, girl. I’ll take you out.”
She clipped on Billie’s leash and went out to the yard.
Filling the kettle with water, I felt Adam’s arms go around my waist
.
“We’ll get through this. We will,” he said, nuzzling my neck.
“I know, but it’s just not fair to Clarissa. She’s settling in so well here with us.”
“I can hardly believe Carrie Sue actually has come to Cedar Key. I have a call out to the lawyer. We’ll be able to find out if she’s telling the truth about legally asserting her visitation rights.”
Clarissa walked back in the kitchen, unclipped Billie, and hung the leash on the hook by the door. As she plunked into a chair, I couldn’t help but think she resembled that child who had come to live with us almost eight months before—sad and unhappy.
Just as I poured water into the mug of hot chocolate, the doorbell rang. I swung around to see Clarissa looking at me with uncertainty. She reached down to scoop up Billie and prevent her from running to the foyer.
“I’ll get it,” Adam said, walking to the front door.
“Well, hello, sweetie.” A Southern drawl filtered back to me in the kitchen. “I must say, you’re lookin’ mighty good these days,” I heard Carrie Sue tell Adam.
“Come into the kitchen,” he told her without an ounce of friendliness in his words. “We need to get to the bottom of this.”
I heard her high heels tapping across the tile floor as she followed Adam and turned around from the counter to see her enter the kitchen. Although Clarissa sat right there in plain sight, Carrie Sue’s gaze panned the kitchen, taking in the antique oak table, fashionable appliances, and designer decorating. Finally, I saw her eyes drift to Clarissa.
Walking to her daughter, she drawled, “Well, sugar, it’s been much too long since Mama’s seen you. Look how you’ve grown.” Quickly pecking Clarissa’s cheek, she then exclaimed, “What on earth is that?” pointing to Billie in Clarissa’s arms.
“It’s her dog,” Adam informed his ex-wife.
“Oh, well, you know I’m allergic to those things,” she said, raising a hand to her nose as if to catch a sneeze.
“You’re no more allergic to dogs than I am.” Adam pulled out a chair and sat down. “You just don’t like dogs. So get over it. The dog stays exactly where she is. If you want to discuss this situation, then sit.”
Carrie Sue’s eyes grew wider and she opened her mouth as if to say something, clamped it shut, and then sat in a chair beside Clarissa at the table.
I did the same, taking the chair next to Adam. My husband was showing me a side of himself that I wasn’t familiar with. Normally easygoing and soft-spoken, he now exhibited an assertiveness that bordered on aggressive.
“Okay, what exactly is all of this about, Carrie Sue?”
“What it’s about,” she said, reaching into her bag, “is…oh, do y’all mind if I light up a cigarette?”
“Yes!” both Adam and I exclaimed.
“Yes, we do mind,” Adam told her. “Monica and I are not smokers, nor do we allow smoking in our house.”
Carrie Sue raised a hand and shrugged. “Okay, okay. Just thought I’d ask.” Pulling papers from her bag, she passed them to Adam. “Exactly what this is about is about a real mother claiming the right to seeing her daughter.”
I caught the nasty glance she shot in my direction and watched as Adam scanned the papers in his hand. I looked across the table at Clarissa, who hadn’t uttered one word, but still sat there clutching Billie in her arms.
After a few moments, Adam passed the papers back to Carrie Sue. “These seem to be in order, but I’m not agreeing to anything until I have my attorney check it out. And anyway, what are your plans? You live in Georgia. You mean to tell me you’re going to drive down here every other weekend to spend time with Clarissa?”
I swear the smile that covered Carrie Sue’s face was an exact replica of the Cheshire cat’s. “Don’t be silly, Adam. Of course not. That would be foolish.” She paused for a second before stating, “I’m living here on Cedar Key now. If my daughter is here, then this will be my new home.”
Feeling like I’d been punched in the stomach, I heard Clarissa gasp, “You moved here? Why?”
“Yes, Carrie Sue, why?” Adam repeated, ice lacing his words.
Tossing bangs off her forehead, she calmly replied, “I just told you why—to be with my daughter. I’ve gotten myself a condo over at Fennimore Mills. A two-bedroom, and plenty of room for Clarissa to stay with me.”
Yup, my worst nightmare was suddenly materializing. You mean to tell me I now had to live in the same town as Adam’s ex? Bump into her wherever I went? As the poor me attitude began to descend, I looked over at Clarissa and felt instant shame. The poor child looked like she’d been hit by a Mack truck—her face was pale, her eyes wide and uncomprehending, and her fingers kept kneading Billie’s fur—but she remained silent.
“And what do you plan to do here, Carrie Sue? You’re only going to have Clarissa every other weekend. What do you plan to do the rest of your time here?” Adam’s voice had noticeably risen.
“Do?” she questioned. “Why, I don’t rightly know. I saw that you have a beach—I’ve always liked sunbathing.”
I just bet, I thought. And probably wearing practically nothing.
“And…well…I hope to make some new friends,” she went on, irritation creeping into her voice. “Actually, that’s none of your business, Adam. I seemed to find plenty to do in Georgia and I have no doubt I’ll do the same here.” Standing up, she straightened the short, black corduroy jacket she wore.
It was then that I assessed the rest of her outfit. I had been so focused on the problem at hand, I hadn’t given much interest to what she was wearing. But now I could see the jacket and white silk blouse were definitely Ralph Lauren. The charcoal gray slacks were probably Armani, and glancing down at her stylish high heels, I would have bet anything they were Prada. All those years living and working in Boston had developed my sense of fashion. Oh sure, I thought, she’s going to fit right in here on Cedar Key—where our normal attire was either jeans or shorts, depending on the weather. The old saying, a fish out of water, was going to take on a whole new meaning for Carrie Sue Brooks.
“And so,” she said. “The judge has granted me visitation with Clarissa this coming weekend. I’ll pick her up after school on Friday. Understand?”
Adam also stood up. “What I understand is—nothing will happen until my attorney gets back to me. Leave me a number and I’ll call you when I hear something.”
Carrie Sue reached in her bag, whipped out a card with a Georgia peach and a phone number, threw it on the table, and flounced out of our house.
35
The three of us looked at each other as the front door slammed shut. All of what had just transpired astounded me, but what really overwhelmed me was the lack of affection or interest Carrie Sue displayed toward Clarissa. Not even a good-bye.
“Now what?” I heard her say, looking up at Adam and me.
He shook his head. “I’m as confused as you are, Clarissa.” He walked around the table and pulled her into his arms. “But I tell you what, you’re not going anywhere until I know for certain the judge agreed to this and until I go and check out where she’s living.”
“You mean I really have to go and stay with her?”
I heard the plaintiveness in her voice. This was so damn unfair. Why the heck did a child have to go somewhere she clearly didn’t want to be?
“We might have no choice,” Adam told her. “But let’s wait and see what Trent says when he calls. And in the meantime, I think the three of us deserve a nice dinner out. How about the Island Room?”
This brought a smile to Clarissa’s face. “Really?”
“Yup. Why don’t you go do your homework now and we’ll go about six.”
She walked out of the kitchen with Billie trailing behind her.
I went to Adam and put my arms around his neck. “I can hardly believe this is happening. She doesn’t even want to go, Adam. It’s not right. And Carrie Sue—my God, she didn’t even talk to Clarissa. Showed no interest whatsoever. Why the hell is she doi
ng this?”
“Because that’s how she is. Always has been. Everything is about her, certainly not what’s best for her daughter. Although I must admit, I seriously had my doubts that she’d actually show up here.”
“And you were right—what on earth will she find to occupy her time?”
“Well, she doesn’t have to work, so that eliminates that. She’s set financially. We have a fair number of watering holes in Cedar Key.”
I pulled back from his embrace to look at him. “Are you serious? You think she’ll spend her time drinking?”
Adam let out a deep sigh. “It’s what she does best, Monica.”
The phone rang and I let Adam get it, hoping it was the attorney.
“Hi, Trent,” I heard him say.
I decided to go check on Clarissa and see if she needed any help with her homework. Her bedroom door was closed, but I could hear her talking softly. She didn’t have a friend in there. Who was she talking to? I tiptoed closer and put my ear to the door.
“How do you know it will be okay?” I heard her say. Then silence. “Yes, I can be strong, but I still don’t want to have to stay with her.” Was she on the phone? No, she couldn’t be. Adam was using the line. “I know, but…I just want her to go away. We don’t need her here,” she said. Was she talking to herself? “You will? You’ll go with me whenever I have to go there? You promise?”
“Monica?” I heard Adam call, causing me to jump away from the door.
“Yeah?” I said, walking back to the kitchen.
“I’m afraid it’s all legal. Carrie Sue did get herself a lawyer, they went to the judge, he signed the visitation papers for every other weekend—and it begins this Friday.”
“Shit! Oh, no!” I said as it finally dawned on me that we were due to leave for Augusta Friday afternoon.
“I know. Augusta. Well…we could still go.” His hesitation was obvious.
Without even thinking, I blurted out, “Are you crazy? Of course we can’t go! And not be here all weekend in case something happened. No way. We’re not going.” I was emphatically shaking my head.
