Rogue barked out a laugh and shook his head in amusement. “You never did?”
Patting my bag, I leaned my head back into the headrest and closed my eyes in comfortable appreciation. “A little gift for his wife… widow.”
“Remind me to never piss you off.” He smirked as he joined the motorway and took us south, home.
“You could never piss me off. You look after me too much for me to hurt you.”
He smiled softly when I tilted my head and gazed at him adoringly. Rogue was like my big brother; he and Panther had taken me under their wing in the last two years. I knew Rogue wanted more from me but I could never give him something I didn’t feel. That would hurt him more than me being insincere and slipping between the sheets with him. His smile dropped suddenly and he frowned to himself, glancing at me nervously. “What is it?”
He blew out a breath. “Panther rang me while you were inside.”
“Yeah, and?” I didn’t like his apprehension. Rogue was never edgy, and sensing his anxiety made me sit back up, my skin prickling.
His tongue swept around the inside of his cheek and he looked at me in the dim car. “Isaac’s back.”
My body stiffened involuntarily. My throat constricted and I swallowed the saliva that suddenly coated my mouth. “Okay.”
“Is it?” he asked. “Okay, I mean.”
Shrugging, I turned my face to the window and stared at the darkness outside. “Why shouldn’t it be?”
“Well, you two got pretty close before…”
“Before he left,” I finished. Then sighing, I looked at him. “It’s fine, Rogue, really. It makes no difference to me. I’m not the girl I was before he left. I’m not naïve and I’m no longer fourteen. We shared a few kisses. That was it.”
He nodded slowly. “I saw the way you used to look at him, Shadow. That wasn’t just some odd snog to you.”
“No, it wasn’t, but that was two years ago. I killed my father… and my mother, and he walked away without even saying goodbye. Nothing could have hurt me more, and I have hardened since then. I told you, my heart isn’t there for sentiment, it’s just a tool to pump blood around my body. Nothing more, nothing less.”
He smirked with a small chuckle. “You do know they call you the cold bitch back home?”
I shrugged. “They’re right, and I don’t give a fuck what they call me.”
He glanced at me and sighed. “But I know different.”
“No, you don’t because I am exactly that. A cold bitch. There is nothing more inside me. It’s okay, I know what I am, Rogue. You don’t need to defend me.”
He sighed loudly and shook his head. “Yeah whatever, Shadow. But I know deep down there’s a heart in there that still bleeds with every breath you take.”
“We bleed to breathe,” I whispered sadly into the darkness, reciting half of one of the many Phantom aphorisms.
“And we bleed together,” Rogue finished.
“Forever.” I smiled as I slipped my hand into his when it came to rest on my thigh.
“Forever,” he repeated almost painfully. “Always together.”
BULLET HAILED ME when I walked into the communal area in West. “My bitch!” She winked at me as one of the new soldiers ran his tongue up the length of her neck. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. Hunter was smitten with my best friend.
I shouted something crude about her face and men’s testicles, waving back as I snatched up a bottle of lager someone had craftily brought in, and downed half of it gratefully. Panther meandered over to me, his face pale and sad. My heart ached and I smiled softly. “How you doing, big guy?”
Shrugging, he looked away. I knew he was hiding his emotions – like we’d all been trained to do. Angered by his struggle, I gripped his arm. “You ever… ever need to let it out, you find me! I’m here, and it’s between the two of us.”
He swallowed heavily and blinked back his tears. He looked fraught with keeping his despair in and the horror of letting it all go. I nodded, encouraging him.
“Come find me. I’m just having a quick drink then I have to report back to Frederik, but after that I’ll be in my room.”
He didn’t answer me. I don’t think he could form words, but he gave me a faint nod.
Woods, our brother, had been made an example of just ten days ago. He’d been given an assignment to slaughter a ten-year-old girl, and - like we all would have done - he covered up his aid to get her out of the country instead. Frederik had found out and made Woods’ death as horrific and torturous as possible. All of West still had nightmares but Panther had lost his best friend and he wasn’t coping well. However, we had been taught that emotions were a reckless weakness and we should never show our vulnerabilities. Panther was as tough as they came yet I could see him crumbling under the heartache. If he didn’t let go, it would destroy what little of him was left.
Mouse grinned at me when I hugged her. “Happy birthday, sister.” She knocked her bottle against mine and held it up, thanking me for my gift. We weren’t allowed much but I’d been saving scraps of material from old clothes and bedding, and I’d made her a small patchwork throw for ‘her’ chair that was situated at the back of West’s communal area. “One day, me and you will celebrate your birthday in the sunshine on some hot tropical beach in the middle of nowhere,” I told her with a longing sigh. “We’ll eat grilled shellfish by crystal clear blue water, drink cocktails with little umbrellas in, and get the hottest men to lather us in oil.”
Rogue growled from behind me, his body pressing against my back as the music changed to a more upbeat track. “You know I’d willingly lather your little body in every sensuous oil known to man.”
I swallowed as arousal flooded my belly, and I turned to smirk at him over my shoulder. “Oh, it will be a women only jaunt, Rogue. Just so we can go naked…”
“For fuck’s sake,” he grumbled as his fingers dug into my hips and he ground against me, his erection pressing against the small of my back. “Do you do it on purpose?”
Laughing, I finished off my lager and handed the empty bottle to him. “Always,” I whispered, then sighing, I grabbed the little box from my bag and grimaced. “Wish me luck with the Lord and Master.”
“You don’t need luck,” Tank said as he sauntered up to us. “You’re the best sentinel in the family. Frederik won’t get rid of you.”
My head filled with visions of Woods and I swallowed back my own personal heartache. “You know that’s not true, Tank. If I piss him off then I’m as gone as anyone else here. He pushes me more than any fucker here. The man hates every breath I take.”
Bullet nodded. “Still doesn’t mean he’ll end you. Frederik is sly. He knows you bring in the money. He isn’t stupid. Even though he’s crueller with you than anyone, I honestly believe he’ll never actually terminate you.”
“Only time will tell, I suppose.” My back itched, the reminder that I’d once more been under the fury of my master’s flogger, my skin still raw at the memory of my loose mouth. I really had to start filtering what came out. I still struggled to contain my anger and I’d been flogged every night since I’d tackled Frederik over Woods’ death. I’d even offered up myself to save my friend but, of course, Frederik wanted to watch me suffer. In a way, my friends were right. Frederik would never get rid of me; firstly, because I was his best assassin, but more importantly, I was his own personal punch bag. My pain was his pleasure. I refused to give in to his cruelty. I would endure his wrath over and over just for the knowledge that Mae still lived, and in the end, that’s all that mattered.
“See you in the morning,” I called out to the continuing party as I made my way to the north of the mansion.
The corridors were quiet, and I frowned at their emptiness. Usually, as the nights were our own, the large house was thriving with people milling about, but the quiet was disconcerting. However, when I entered the north quarters, the reason for the sparse population made itself clear.
Music played loudly, ma
ny people dancing in the centre of the communal area. Several tables were set to the side, each one brimming with food and drink. My stomach growled at the sight of all the luxurious nibbles, my mouth watering with hunger. One of West’s punishments for our collaboration with Woods defection was no food for fourteen days, just minimum quantities of bread and water afforded to us. Luckily many of us could go for long periods without food, our bodies adjusted to how Frederik maintained them. But it didn’t mean we weren’t hungry. I’d been even luckier as my ‘date’ had fed me before I’d ended his life.
“Hey Shadow,” Devlin greeted with a smile. “Everything go okay?”
“Perfect,” I replied with a smile as he winked at me proudly.
Frederik stood at the top of the room. Even after nearly three years of being under his rule, my body still shivered with hatred and nerves in his presence. Frederik wasn’t just our leader, he was our God. He was the one who decided if we deserved to repent for our sins, he was the one who decided if we lived or died. He was our creator.
He turned when he sensed my approach. His eyes, as always, narrowed on me.
“My assignment is complete, Master.”
He took the box from me when I handed it to him. Without looking away from my eyes, he opened the box. “Did you come across any complications?”
“No Master. It went to plan.”
A strange sensation slithered through me and I couldn’t help but shiver. Warmth spread over my skin, my instincts alerting me to a watchful pair of eyes. Bewildered for a moment, I stood still and waited to be dismissed. Frederik eventually dropped his gaze to the box, then frowned. “What is this?”
The tone of his astonishment made my bones creak and I swallowed nervously. Maybe it hadn’t been a good idea after all. “It’s a gift for the investor, Master. I thought…”
My body flew sideways, my arm thudding against a concrete pillar when his fist connected with my cheekbone. “DID I GIVE PERMISSION FOR A FUCKING KEEPSAKE?” he roared as I gulped back the pain in my shoulder and quickly shuffled to my feet.
“No, Master. I apologise. It was presumptuous and forward of me.”
Every single pair of eyes in the room were locked on me, some pitying but most eager for a show.
Frederik stepped towards me, pushing me backwards until my back slapped against the wall and another pain tore through my shoulder. I knew it was dislocated.
“You continue to defy me, Shadow. After everything, you still think you’re above even me.”
“No Master.” I shook my head firmly. “I thought…”
I swallowed back the blood that filled my mouth when he hit me again. Pain exploded across my face and my teeth rattled with the rage fuelling my body. “Thoughts are gateways to rebelliousness, Shadow. How many times!”
“I’m sorry,” I managed to spit out through the tightness of my jaw when he grabbed my neck and hauled me up.
Sighing in frustration, he shook his head in disappointment. “You know I will have to punish you for your insubordination.”
“Yes, Master. I welcome my penance.”
“You will meet Joel in the yard tomorrow at 4am.”
Dipping my face graciously, I bit into my bottom lip. I hated Joel as much as I hated Frederik. Memories captured me in their cruelty and I shivered when horrified goosebumps rippled across my skin.
“Leave,” he commanded.
“Master.”
As I turned and I made my way out of the silent room, my pulse raced with what I knew the next day would bring. Bile threatened to make an appearance as my mind presented the many visions of what Joel would have planned for me. Damn it. It was just a dick for Christ’s sake. A dead dick. I had completed the assignment, in record time I might add. I’d been given three days to complete it and it had taken me four hours.
Anger coursed through me as I stormed through the cold, empty corridors. One day I would flee, but not before I hacked off his fucking head and stuck it on a post in the yard for the crows to peck at. His reign would one day weaken him and that was the day I was holding on for; the time when I would bring the bastard down for his cruel dictatorship.
Panther frowned at me when I burst into my room. “Hey.” He shot up off my bed and gawped at me. “What happened?”
“Fucking Frederik!” I growled when Panther grabbed my hairbrush and slid the wooden handle between my teeth. Manoeuvring my arm slowly, he pressed his thumb into my right shoulder and swiftly snapped my right back into place. Agony raged through me and my teeth sank unforgivingly into the piece of wood, decorating the handle with a pattern of my teeth. His large hands gently framed my face as he tenderly kissed my forehead.
“Okay?”
I trembled but nodded. “Yeah. Thanks.”
Nodding, he passed me a plastic cup full of amber liquid and I necked it down in one go as he threaded a strap around my neck and gently looped it under my elbow to support my weak arm. Settling back on my bed, he supported his head with his arms and stared up to the ceiling. He was silent for a while but I could hear the depth of his despair.
He gripped my hand when I placed it onto his belly. Squeezing it, he sighed. “I can’t do this anymore, Shadow.”
I nodded. There wasn’t anything to say because we all felt it. We all ached for the end. Life wasn’t just cruel to us, it tormented us all, it mocked us with its refusal to end, and we all prayed for the end with an overwhelming yearning.
“He’s at peace now, Panther. And in the end, it’s all we can hope for.”
The sound of his heartache tearing away from his soul made my throat close in and I struggled to breathe against the crushing thickness of it. He moved until his head rested in my lap and his hands clawed at me. I held him as tightly as I could, trying my best to hold him together as he broke.
“I miss him so fucking much that I’m struggling to breathe without him.”
“I know,” I whispered as my own devastation accompanied my friend’s and my sobs became as fierce and consuming as his.
We held each other for a long time, both us us giving what we could as we took the comfort offered.
And when the clock in my room rolled up to 4am, I gently slid a sleeping Panther off my knee and went to repent for my sins.
I WASN’T SURE how I felt about being back. After spending over two years with my uncle in Russia I had come to realise that my father’s rule was beyond merciless. His tyranny was both oppressive and troubling. Artur, my uncle, my own father’s brother, shared my concern. He wasn’t as hateful as my father and the stories he had shared with me during our many drunken nights had made my conscience prickle with a burden I didn’t want to carry.
My family originated just west of the cold Russian Ural Mountains, the harsh weather adding to the strict regime they ruled with. The Russian Mafia weren’t to be taken lightly, and many years ago my father had thought he was above the family regulations. He had bedded his own brother’s wife. Artur was, and still is, very family orientated. He believes that blood is the backbone of relations, and your blood comes before that of an outsider; yet this was his wife. Anyone else would have been slaughtered, but, instead, Artur had banished my father to England, to establish an association under the Phantom rule deep within the underworld of London. And unfortunately, he’d taken me with him.
Being with my uncle had shown me just how such an alliance should be governed. With strict fairness. Artur was known to all for his punishing regime but he also understood loyalty, something my father did not. Frederik saw all as a direct threat to him and the only way he thought he could keep control was to make everyone so fearful of him that loyalty wasn’t even in the equation. It was a matter of live or die to every single Phantom.
Artur had sent me back after a few more incidents of my father’s had come onto his radar. Although Frederik was my father, my ruler, Artur was in all respects the Phantoms Tsar, including mine, and I had returned to report back to him, or in easier terms, to spy.
It didn’t s
it well with me, but I recognised that Frederik’s cruel ways couldn’t go on, father or not. And if I hadn’t figured that out for myself, watching him belt Shadow like he did last night had slammed it home. There hadn’t been one single day when I hadn’t thought about her. Her beautiful face, her striking blue eyes, her pretty smile, even her strength. However, on returning, I was shocked how different she was. No longer was she the quiet, timid girl. She was an assassin, and a damn good one if the stories about her were true.
Not much had essentially changed in my missing years, except her. Her underdeveloped teenage body had now filled out into stunning curves that made my dick hard and my mouth water. Although she was just under seventeen, she had the way of a knowing woman.
I’d dreamed of her often, her promise to me playing out in torturous detail until I’d come in my sleep like a pubescent teenager, my cum spread across the sheets upon waking every morning. And watching her walk into the party last night, I knew it was time to call her up on that promise.
Devlin smiled at me as I entered the West kitchen. “And the wanderer returns.” Slapping me on the back, he pulled me into a hug. “I’ve kept things as smooth as possible for your return.”
Giving him a grateful nod, my eyes slid around the kitchen. Frowning at the low count of Wests, I looked at Devlin. “Who’s missing?”
His eyes glazed for a moment but he swallowed when I narrowed my eyes on him. Glancing at Panther, he sighed. “We lost Woods ten days ago.”
“What happened?”
“He was given a contract on a ten-year-old. Couldn’t do it.”
Anger bubbled deep in my gut. Kids were out of the equation according to Artur, who had gone into a furious rage when I’d told him that Frederik didn’t have those limits.
“There’s still one missing.” I had been searching for Shadow, and the knowing glint in Devlin’s eye told me he knew it.
“Shadow is paying penance for...”
“For?”
“She was given an assignment to terminate a married man after he’d been cheating on his wife. Shadow cut his dick off and brought it back in a box.”
The Beginning of Connie and Isaac (The Blue Butterfly #3) Page 9
