by M. H. Strom
Alone in my room, I tried to understand what I was feeling. I liked her so much it was actually painful, I ached to be with her. If this is infatuation it sure feels like love.
There was a knock at the door. I rushed to open it thinking Joanna had come back to me, but it was just my friend Josh.
“Hey.”
“Hey.” I tried to hide my disappointment. I went over and covered the painting with a dust cloth. I didn’t want him to see Joanna like that.
“So what’s up with you?” He flopped onto my bed.
“You don’t wanna know.”
“Come on man, spill.”
I sighed. “I think I’m falling in love.”
Josh looked amused.
“Yeah, and she’s not even sixteen yet, and she’s only here for two weeks then goes back to Colorado. I know it’s stupid, but when I’m with her it’s like the happiest I’ve ever been.”
“You gotta stay away from the young ones. Toss her back and keep fishing.”
“She thinks we’re meant to be together, like it’s fate or something.”
He shook his head. “You’ve gotta end it, man. Tell her you’re not meant to be. How ‘bout I set you up with someone who’ll make you forget all about her. I know this girl, she’s a real babe, and you’ll soon know the difference between a sixteen and an eighteen-year-old.”
“You’re not helping, man. I don’t know if I’ll ever meet a girl like this again. She’s something special.”
“All girls are special, you just haven’t had enough of them to know that. You should come out with me. I’ll introduce you—”
“Nah . . . thanks man, I just wanna be left alone.”
“Alright.” He got up. “You watch yourself with that girl though, dude. She’s too young to handle.”
He pushed open the door and looked back at me. “Hey, I’ve been there. It sucks but you’ll get over it. See ya in the surf.”
“Yeah, see ya.”
The door closed behind him leaving me alone again with my thoughts. I closed my eyes and immediately pictured Joanna’s smiling face. I liked her so much. “What should I do?” I said aloud to the empty room, or perhaps it was to God.
I removed the dust-cover and looked again at her portrait. She was truly beautiful, a perfection of symmetry and proportion. It was definitely the best thing I’d ever painted.
I saw my parents’ Bible still laying there by my bed, and in a flash of inspiration I knew how I was going to finish Joanna’s portrait.
It was late when I finally put down my brushes and stood back and admired my work. Her figure was floating, her hair spread out, her eyes closed like she was asleep. A flowing ribbon curled loosely around her with the inscription: ‘Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.’ She was a sleeping beauty awaiting love’s first kiss.
I was really pleased with it. I couldn’t wait to show Joanna.
After a quick cleanup, I crawled into bed and drifted off to sleep with Joanna’s beautiful image still lingering in my mind.
Three
Five p.m. but no sign of Joanna. I waited for her outside the store and eventually she showed up, her face flushed, her eyes red.
“What’s wrong?”
“I need to talk to you.” She glanced towards the store. “Let’s go somewhere else.”
We followed the rough dirt path that led down to the beach. For some time she didn’t speak, then she stopped and faced me.
“My parents know about us. Lizzie told them I wasn’t with her last night. They wanted to know where I was . . . they yelled at me.”
She started to cry. I put my arms around her and she buried her face against my chest. When she looked up at me again, her eyes full of tears, I gently asked, “So what did you tell them?”
“That you’re just a friend, but they freaked out when they asked how old you are.”
I hugged her tight. “It’s okay. We’ll keep a low profile for a while.”
“I don’t want you to get in trouble because of me.”
“Don’t worry about me.” I gently wiped a tear from her cheek. “I don’t mind getting in trouble for you.”
“I don’t want my parents to be mad at me either. I don’t wanna sneak around behind their backs and have to lie to them.”
“So . . . what then?”
She didn’t say anything.
“You think we should stop seeing each other?” A small part of me felt relieved at the thought of it ending, it was already so emotionally intense. But the rest of me couldn’t stand the thought of losing her. I started to feel angry. What happened to love finding a way? She just gives up at the first sign of trouble. And I was worried about breaking her heart.
“Zach, do you think you could talk to my parents? I know if they met you they wouldn’t be so freaked about it.”
“You think they’ll let us keep seeing each other?”
“I don’t know,” she lowered her eyes, “I hope so.”
“But if they don’t . . . will you keep seeing me anyway?”
“I don’t wanna disobey my parents, but I don’t wanna lose you either. I don’t know what I’ll do.”
“Alright, let’s go see them then.”
We started walking back up the path. Joanna took my hand, giving it a little squeeze of appreciation.
I was nervous about meeting her parents—I could just imagine some big confrontation with them.
“What are your parents like?”
“They’re Christians—but don’t worry, they’re not scary or anything. Just don’t mention the times we’ve been alone in your room together.”
“What should we say then?”
“I don’t know . . . just say we were hanging out and talking.”
I sighed. Is this really worth it—getting a grilling from her parents so I can spend some more time with a girl I’ll probably never see again? But even one minute with Joanna was worth it. I had no choice.
We entered the campground and she led me through the woods past several campsites. She squeezed my hand again as we neared a campsite with two tents. I could see a middle-aged couple sitting at a table, but they had their backs to us and hadn’t seen us yet.
Joanna released my hand. “Mom, Dad, this is Zach.”
They both turned in surprise. Her father stood up and looked me over as he offered me his hand.
“Hello, Zach.”
“Hi.” I shook his hand. He had a firm grip.
“Take a seat.” He motioned to the chair across from him. Joanna sat next to me.
Her parents didn’t look too scary. I could see the resemblance between mother and daughter—her mom was still good looking even at her age. Her father was tall and distinguished looking but he had a friendly face.
“Zach wanted to meet you and clear up some things.” Joanna’s voice sounded a little higher pitched than usual. She smiled at me and it gave me some courage.
“It was good of you to come and see us, Zach.” Joanna’s father spoke with a calm seriousness. “We were very concerned when we heard Joanna was spending time alone with a boy we didn’t even know about.”
Her mother fixed me with a piercing look.
“You’re eighteen, Zach?” Her father looked at me with a serious intensity. Okay, so they were a little scary.
“Yes sir. I know it might seem strange for me to be hanging around with your daughter, but . . . uh . . . she’s just really nice to talk to. I like hanging out with her. I didn’t mean to cause you to worry.”
Her parents stared at me like I was from another planet. I glanced at Joanna and she smiled encouragingly.
“Zach, we don’t allow our daughter to date. If she goes out with a boy it’s always with a group of her friends—never alone.” Joanna’s mother was trying to sound calm and controlled like her husband but there was an emotional edge to her voice. “You’re much older than she is. We want to keep our daughter from situations she’s not ready to handle yet.” She gave Joanna a disapproving lo
ok. “Joanna knew she was breaking our rules.”
This wasn’t going too well. Joanna had slunk down in her chair. She seemed so much younger all of a sudden. I wanted to tell her parents to stop treating her like a little child, but I knew if I said that I’d never be allowed to see her again.
“Zach,” Her Father spoke again, “we’d rather you didn’t see Joanna anymore. We prefer her to be around others of her own age, that we know.”
Yeah like Matt. He’s a great influence.
Silent tears rolled down Joanna’s cheeks. I tried desperately to think of something I could say to change their minds.
“I . . . I understand you want to protect your daughter, but we’ve already become such good friends, and I’d really like to continue our friendship if that’s possible. Would it be okay if we stayed in a group with her other friends?”
Her mother shook her head. “She hasn’t been very trustworthy with you so far, Zach.”
My mind raced. “Well, that was my fault. I’m sure she wouldn’t have left her friends if I hadn’t asked her to. She was talking to me about her faith and I didn’t feel comfortable talking about it in front of her friends. What we’ve been discussing has really opened up some things for me.”
I watched their stern faces begin to thaw. Wow! Using their religion was genius, how did I come up with that?
I looked at Joanna. She was looking at me with a strange expression. She probably doesn’t like me lying to her parents, but it’s not really a lie, she did talk about her faith.
“Is this true, Joanna?” Her father looked at her and I held my breath.
“Yes.” She said meekly.
“Well, perhaps we have been a little hasty.” He turned to his wife, “What do you think?”
She nodded. “Would you like to stay and have some dinner with us, Zach? We could have a little chat and get to know you better.”
“Sure.”
Her mother’s attitude changed to all smiles and sweetness as she went to work cooking up something on their camp stove. Both parents started peppering me with questions and I felt uncomfortable under their scrutiny. I tried to get them to talk about Joanna instead.
When dinner was ready, we sat around their small table and Joanna’s father said grace before we began eating.
“I notice you don’t like talking about yourself much.” Joanna’s father looked knowingly at me across the table.
“There’s not much to tell.”
“And you’d rather talk about Joanna.” He raised an eyebrow at me. “I’m getting the impression your interest in Joanna is more than just friendship.”
I looked at Joanna, she was blushing and her father had noticed that too. I didn’t say anything, I just focused on what I was eating.
Joanna’s father leaned back in his chair and looked at us. “There’s a good reason why we set these rules about dating. I know at your age how easy it is to be swept up by your emotions and lose all common sense. You know, the Bible teaches when two people have sex they become one flesh. Today we have a marriage ceremony and legal papers that make people married, but it’s the union of flesh that makes someone married in God’s eyes. I’m telling you this because the world treats sex like a thrill ride at an amusement park, but sex is something special. Jesus said, ‘What God has joined together let no man separate.’ There’s never anything casual about it.”
Why is he telling us this? Does he think we’ve had sex?
I looked at Joanna. She was looking at me and I couldn’t tell what she was thinking. I hadn’t heard any of this stuff before. No wonder Christians make such a big deal about sex. But it kind of makes sense that God would give us a natural way of marriage. We always add our own stupid rituals to everything.
Joanna was still looking at me. Is she thinking how close we came to being married in God’s eyes? What if we’d actually done it? I realized with surprise that the thought didn’t scare me. In fact, I kind of liked the idea of accidentally being married to her. Maybe I really am in love.
Her father continued. “If you’re not ready for the whole deal of marriage and babies and everything else then don’t even get started with the sexual stuff. And you’re not ready yet even if your bodies think you are. When you have feelings for each other your bodies go crazy with hormones. Nature’s job is to make us procreate. That’s what attraction and sex is for on a basic level, to make babies. Nature battles against us sometimes, and it can be hard. Our souls seek a soul mate and our bodies seek to procreate. You need to be wise and self controlled and not put yourself in a place where nature might overcome your commonsense.”
Joanna was blushing again and her father sighed. “I don’t mean to embarrass you but I know the world doesn’t teach these things. The world says sex is just a fun thing to play with, but sex is more than just an exciting game to play, and who you have sex with really does matter.”
“What you’re saying makes sense,” I said cautiously. “The world lies about everything.”
Joanna was looking at me strangely again. She probably thinks I’m just saying that to look good in front of her parents.
“There’s only one truth, Zach. Jesus said, ‘I am the way, the truth and the life, no one comes to the Father except through me.’ And only his truth can set you free.”
It was too much. I just wanted him to stop talking.
“I should probably get going.” I stood up.
“Alright, well you’re always welcome to drop by and have a chat with us, and if Joanna’s around you can spend some time with each other while you’re here.”
“Okay. Thanks for dinner.”
Joanna stood up too. “I’ll show you the way back,” she turned to her father. “Is that okay, Dad?”
He frowned then nodded.
We walked some distance from their campsite before Joanna said anything. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know he’d lecture us like that.”
“Is he a preacher or something?”
“No, not really.”
“At least we can keep seeing each other.”
“Yeah.” She smiled. “Thanks for talking to them. I know it must’ve been hard for you.”
“Yeah, your dad’s okay though. At least he speaks the truth.”
“You believe it’s true?” She looked surprised.
“Yeah, I think what he said is probably true. You know, I realized something else. . .”
“What’s that?”
“The thought of being married to you didn’t actually seem that bad.”
Her face lit up. “I was thinking that too.”
We stood there grinning at each other.
“I should get back to my parents. I don’t want them worrying about us.”
“Hey,” I grabbed her hand as she turned to go. “I love you.” My words were heavy with emotion. It was such a powerful thing to say and really mean it.
“I love you too.” Tears welled in her eyes. She blinked, and a single tear rolled down her cheek.
I caught the salty tear with a kiss, then my lips moved to hers kissing her with all the love I felt for her, a love set free from my intellect trying to convince me it wasn’t real. I knew I was in love, my heart ached with it, it was so pent up inside me longing to be expressed.
She pulled away, smiling up at me through her tears, then as if unable to speak, she just turned and walked away.
Getting ready for bed that night, I saw my parents’ Bible still sitting there. I picked it up and started reading, beginning in the New Testament because I wanted to read about Jesus.
I thought I already knew the Bible from all the Sunday school lessons I had as a kid, but I was surprised by what it actually said—especially what Jesus said.
I couldn’t help but compare it to my parents’ lives. I couldn’t see anything of their religion in what Jesus taught. They were more like the Pharisees who judged everyone by outward appearances and kept empty rituals and laws. Jesus was radical—all about loving others and giving up everything for G
od. He didn’t care what people thought of him, he hung out with the worst people. This was the real Jesus—not the church version. I bet Jesus wouldn’t even be welcome in most churches today. He’d be too radical for them.
I put the Bible down and turned out the light. In the darkness I thought to say a prayer.
“Thank you for bringing Joanna into my life. Please God, allow us to keep seeing each other. I really care about her.”
It was the first time I’d prayed since I was a little kid and it made me feel reassured somehow.
♥ ♥ ♥
I usually slept late on weekends but this Saturday I was already up and heading over to the campground before 8am.
There was no sign of life at their campsite.
“Anyone here?” I called.
“Just a second.” Joanna’s muffled voice came from the smaller tent.
“What are you doing?” I could hear her shuffling around inside.
“I’m getting changed. Hang on.”
She burst out of the tent. “Hi!” She beamed, her eyes sparkling with happiness. She threw her arms around me and we kissed.
“Is that where you sleep?”
“Yep, that’s my tent. My parents sleep in the other one.”
“Where are they?”
“They went out somewhere. They wouldn’t want us to be alone together. We should go find my friends or something.”
“Can’t we be alone for a while, just to talk?”
She shook her head and pouted. “My parents are so strict.”
“They’re just protecting you.”
“Yeah, from you!” She laughed.
“You need protecting from me.” I grabbed her around the waist and drew her to me, kissing her giggling mouth.
I looked into her beautiful, smiling face. “You know, I was thinking . . . the only way we could keep seeing each other after the summer is if I moved to Colorado.”
Her eyes widened. “Are you serious? You’d move all that way to be with me?”
“Would you want me to?”
“Yes! I really, really, really, really, really want you to.”
I laughed. She was so cute. “It’d be hard though. I’d need a place to stay, and a job. I don’t have much money. I guess I need to know if we’re really that serious to even be thinking about it.”
