by Mj Fields
“What kind of car does he have?”
“A little one, black. I think it’s a BMX.”
“You mean BMW?” I ask, trying not to laugh.
He looks up at me. “Well, it’s not a Chevy.”
Now I do laugh. Then I see Gray sitting down by the dock.
“You wanna go ask Gray if he’ll takes us into town?”
“Sure.” He smiles and, like a flash, he’s running toward him.
I walk inside to see Gage at the window.
“You know where Juliana is?”
He shrugs. “Probably reading a damn magazine somewhere.”
“What kind of magazines does she like?” I ask.
He looks back at me. “How the fuck am I supposed to know?”
I narrow my eyes at him. “She was your wife.”
“Don’t fucking start with me,” he grumbles.
“Not starting shit. Not saying she and I both weren’t wrong, but you should look at how the fuck it would feel to come from nothing to having everything and how that may feel to a person.”
“Garrett,” he hisses. “She fucking knew. Probably planned to get knocked up by a rich boy her whole fucking life.”
“She had no clue,” I tell him. He looks at me. “She had no clue. I knocked her up. Me. I pushed her to make the decision she did. Me. You willingly took her to bed. Big, fucked up, twisted tale, and not one of us is innocent. I’m not minimizing what you’ve done for me, not one bit, but I’m gonna ask that you step the fuck down from your high horse and feel what it’s like to be in someone else’s shoes, other than the ones you’ve been in your whole life.”
“Fucking forced into,” he snaps.
“You’re a good man, Gage, the best, but I’m gonna fix this shit, and you, you’re gonna go love on your little chick who hates the fuck out of me.”
“She doesn’t hate you. She fucking loves me. She’s trying to protect me.” He shakes his head like it’s an insane idea.
“She’s not alone.”
He looks at me curiously.
“Brandon treats his mom like shit.”
“She left him,” he snaps.
“Did you ever once give her the opportunity to stay?” I ask.
“She fucking lied to me,” he snaps.
I shrug. “And she lost everything she so desperately tried to love.”
“Not my fucking fault,” he retorts.
“Well, it is mine. And Gage, I’m gonna fix it. I’m gonna make it right, for both of them.”
His eyes narrow, his jaw twitching, but he doesn’t say a damn thing.
“I’m gonna have Gray take me into town. I need a vehicle. Would like to take Brand with me.”
“There’s a barn full of vehicles right out there,” he huffs.
“Gonna need one of my own.”
I head upstairs toward Brand’s room where I hear her voice.
“Peter, please don’t come here,” she pleads. “I’m bonding with my son.”
I look in the room. She’s lying on her stomach, a magazine in front of her, her phone on the bed.
“This is unacceptable, Juliana!” he yells at her.
“Shh, I told you reception is horrible here. You’re on speaker, and I prefer everyone not hear you going off.”
“Going off? How dare you talk to me like that? Get home, or I swear...” He stops, and her body stiffens. “I will make you regret it.”
“Juliana, hang up on that motherfucker,” I snap as I walk toward her.
“What is wrong with you?” she asks me.
“Who the fuck is this clown?”
“Her boyfriend. Her fiancé,” a weak-ass bitch voice trying to be badass smarts off.
“Is that how you talk to a woman? How about you come right up here and try that shit in front of me?” I snap.
“Don’t,” she says to me. “Don’t!”
“And who the fuck are you?”
“I’m Brand’s father; that’s who the fuck I am,” I snap.
“Dad?” I turn quickly and see Brand in the doorway.
“Oh, God.”
I look back as Juliana covers her mouth.
“Brandon, your mother needs a moment,” the douchebag says to my son. MINE.
“Brand, you’re good. Your mom’s gonna hang up the phone.”
I look at Juliana. She’s a freaking mess.
“Juliana, that man will not be around my son,” I tell her quietly. “End it.”
“This is not your business,” she whispers.
“Uncle Gray is waiting,” Brand says.
“Be right down. You wanna go grab a couple drinks for the road? Four drinks.” I turn and look at Juliana. “Four.”
“Why don’t you go help him, Garrett?” she says.
“Who the hell is Garrett?” fucknut’s voice comes over the speaker.
“My dad, and he knows I don’t like you,” Brand smarts off to him.
“Brandon, we’ve talked about this,” Juliana says. “Could you please give us a few minutes? Both of you?”
“You know how I said we need to respect Mom?” I ask Brand, and he nods. “You go grab the drinks. She and I will be down after I tell the shitstick that he ever talks like that again, he’ll be swallowing his teeth.”
Brand sucks his lips in, trying not to crack up. He nods and runs out of the room, laughing.
I turn and look at Juliana, receiving a stone-cold glare.
Chapter Seventeen
Reminder
Juliana
“This is a private conversation.” I point to the door. “Go.”
“He talks to you like that again, swear to fuck, he’ll spend a month chewing his own ass while shitting out his teeth.”
“Go,” I damn near beg now.
He doesn’t move.
“Peter,” I say into the phone, “I’m sorry about all that, but—”
“I thought your ex’s name was Gage,” he snaps at me.
I walk into the bathroom and lock the door behind me, leaving Garrett standing on the other side.
He bangs on the door, I ignore it.
“Well, it’s a long story, but his brother Garrett is Brandon’s father, and—”
“You are something else,” he snaps. “I want you back here now!”
“And I will not allow you to speak to me that way. That, Peter, is unacceptable.”
“If you’re not home tomorrow, we’re finished, and so are your chances at a job anywhere I’m connected.”
“I’m not sure it’s possible to be home then,” I say, my anger spiking.
“You make it happen, or you keep your whore ass there.” The line goes dead.
My whore ass? My whore ass? I send him a text.
- Get out of my house.
His reply
- You’ll regret this.
I don’t reply.
I walk out, ready to light into Garrett, when he does something that knocks me for a loop. He hugs me.
“I know you’re pissed.” His hug tightens, then he whispers, “But he’s not gonna talk to you like that ever again. I’ll make damn sure he doesn’t, like I made sure they couldn’t hurt you again.”
“What?” I push him away and fail. “What are you talking about?”
“Nothing. Not a damn thing.”
“Garrett,” I begin.
“Mom, Dad?” Brand’s voice stops, and he giggles his nervous, little giggle. “Sorry.”
“Wait, Brandon,” I say, pushing free. I walk outside the room to find him smirking. “I don’t know what you think is so funny, but—”
“Garrett—Dad, he’s a real cowboy.” He continues to grin.
“I’m not sure I understand.”
He grabs my hand. Brandon grabs my hand, and my heart nearly melts. “Come on, Mom; Uncle Gray is gonna take us to buy a truck.”
“What?” I ask then look back at Garrett, who’s laughing now.
“Let’s go, little lady,” he uses some sort of weird voice.
&nb
sp; Brand looks back at me. “See?”
***
Driving home in an SUV, I am a nervous wreck. Why he needed two vehicles, both burgundy, is beyond me. Why I allowed him to force me to drive a brand-new Cadillac Escalade when I haven’t driven in years, is also beyond me.
I can’t help thinking about him and Brandon walking around the dealership, getting in and out of the trucks and SUVs, making sure they were big enough for Garrett’s legs to stretch out comfortably for the long road trips Garrett plans to go on to get the horses he promised Brandon.
Brandon looked at him like he was a new shiny toy, and Garrett looked at him like he had loved him forever.
As angry as I am at Garrett, it begins to lessen each time I see him whisper something to our son, and watch as our son looks at me in a different way than he has the past three years.
When he pulls into a strip mall, I follow, and the truck behind me, the one Grayson is driving, keeps right on going.
I follow him into a Taco Bell parking lot and get swept up in the emotion it triggers. I sit as I watch him pull Brandon out of the truck’s back seat and swing him around in a circle, Brandon laughing and Garrett smiling. He sets him on his feet and whispers in his ear. Then he follows Brandon to my side of the vehicle, and Brandon opens the door.
“Come on, little lady.” He uses that same voice Garrett used.
As I get out and thank him, he starts to walk away.
“Brand?”
He looks at Garrett. “Oh, right.” Brand grabs my hand and blinks up at me. “Dad said this was where you went on your first date, a long, long time ago.”
“Is that so?” I ask him.
“He says you were the prettiest girl he’s ever seen,” Brand continues.
“All right, Brand.” Garrett laughs as he holds the door open for us. When we walk past him, he grabs the hat off his head. “Chow time.”
Brand grins. “Chow time.”
After we order, Brand and I go sit down, while Garrett waits for our order.
“You know what Dad said?” Brand asks, sitting next to me.
“No.” I smile.
“He said that he loved you before he got sick, and that now he’s better, he wants to love you again.”
I’m upset that Garrett is having these conversations with my son, but Brandon is so happy.
“If your dad says stuff like that, you should tell him you’re a big boy, but adults should keep some things to themselves.”
“I told him I loved you before you got sick, then I was mad at you.” He looks down, and my heart falls. “He told me you were sick, Mom. Why didn’t you tell me you were sick?”
How do I explain this to him? How do I tell him that I did it for him, that he deserved better than I could be at that time?
“Well, I guess I knew it was gonna be okay. That you were gonna be okay. That Mags and Gage, they were gonna make sure of it?”
“Why you saying it like a question?”
“Because, Brandon,” I whisper. “Because I don’t know how to explain it.”
“Dad said it was like the nastiest stomach bug, but in your heart. That you needed to make sure I didn’t catch it, like he did.”
“He caught my nasty heart bug?” I ask.
I look up when Garrett sets down the overflowing tray of garbage that, if I remember correctly, tastes amazing.
“Stomach bug in the heart story?” he asks Brandon.
“Mom calls it a heart bug.” Brandon giggles.
“Well, she’s the nurse, so I suppose she knows better than a couple dirt-loving cowboys, huh?”
He nods and smirks.
“The heart bug, I gave it to her. She wanted to make sure you didn’t get it. Can kill some people, but not us Falcons.”
Brand nods, perfectly content with his answer.
Garrett looks up at me and stares. Then he shakes his head and looks down.
“What’s so funny?” Brandon asks him.
“Not laughing,” Garrett answers.
He smiles. “I wanna hear more stories about you and Mom.”
“Did I tell you about the time I went to her house and fell through her steps?” Garrett asks.
“Nope. But why did you fall through them? Were you chubby?”
“No, the stairs were old.” He unwraps a taco and sets it in front of him. Then he grabs another one, unwraps it, and hands it to me.
“Thanks,” I say, looking at it.
“Why didn’t they fix ‘em?”
“They didn’t fix much, Brandon,” I tell him.
“I never met them yet,” he says, looking at me.
“They died,” I tell him, looking up at Garrett.
“I’m sorry, Mommy.” Brand reaches over and grabs my hand.
Heart melting.
I look at Garrett again, and he looks away, saying, “Happens, Brand.”
“Did they have the heart bug?” he asks.
“That would require a heart,” I answer.
Garrett’s eyes widen. “What she means is—”
“They weren’t nice people, Brandon. They didn’t love like you, Gage, Mags, Grandma Gail, and your dad. They didn’t know how.”
“Is that why they died?”
“Nope, they had an accident,” I tell him, instead of the truth, whatever that may be.
“When I fell through, your mom knew just what to do to fix my leg. She was born to be a nurse,” Garrett redirects the conversation. “Then your mom, when she was just seventeen, she had to take care of herself. She worked, went to school, lived on her own.”
“At seventeen?” Brand asks him, and he nods. “I’m not living by myself till I’m thirty, like you guys.”
I have no idea why, but that makes Garrett and I both laugh.
“How old do you think we are?” Garrett asks him.
“Like thirty.” He gives him a look like “duh.”
“Your mom is twenty-four. I’m twenty-five,” he tells him. “And you’re gonna have to get a job when you’re seventeen if you want to be as cool as your mom.”
Brand shrugs. “I’m gonna be a cowboy and a construction worker.”
“Interesting mix. So, does that mean you’re gonna put up walls on horseback?”
Brandon laughs and nods his head.
***
I follow them to Falcon’s Landing, where the carefree afternoon spent with Brandon and Garrett is going to end.
When he drives past Falcon’s Landing and turns onto the next dirt drive, I follow him all the way down a windy path to where he stays. There, I start to open the door when I see Garrett shake his head. Then I see Brand running up to the door.
“Come on, little lady.” He smirks. “I never been here before. Uncle Garrett—I mean, Dad, he says they used to come here all the time when he was a little older than me. His favorite place. He wants to build a garage and a barn, and fix up this old place.”
“Is that so?”
“Yep. The barn is gonna have stalls, Mom. He’s gonna teach us how to ride horses.” He stops and looks at me. “Are you gonna move here, too?”
I shake my head. “I have a house—”
“Come on, Brand; let’s get back to the house and do some fishing.”
“Can we do it here?”
“Thinking maybe someday, but this old dock needs some work. Wouldn’t want you to fall through.”
“Mom could fix it.” He smiles at me. “Right, Mom?”
“Sure, but I still wouldn’t want you to get hurt,” I tell him.
“And Dad? Do you want him to not get hurt?”
I look at Garrett, who raises his eyebrow at me, and answer, “No, of course not.”
We all walk to the house, Brandon holding both our hands as we walk through the field, and he tells me what the stakes are for, and the plan to fill them in.
“Lots of work before the horses come,” he tells me.
“Horses?”
“Lots of them, I hope.” He smiles. “Cowboys need lots of ho
rses.”
Chapter Eighteen
In Deep
Garrett
Nothing has ever felt so fucking good as this moment, Brand holding our hands, walking through a place that once brought me calm.
In the six years I was gone, I never imagined I could have this; didn’t deserve it. I don’t deserve Brandon to be accepting of this, either, but he is. And Juliana, she deserves this, too. She deserves it more than she knows.
As we come up over the hill, I see Gage pacing by the lake where everyone is sitting and ready for dinner.
Phoenix points, and Gage looks and sighs.
Juliana looks at me nervously, and I nod, hoping to let her know it’s fine. She looks down.
When we get closer, Brand drops our hands and runs to Gage, who bends down and catches him as Brand jumps into his waiting arms.
I stop and watch them.
Juliana looks back at me. “Sucks, doesn’t it?”
“It’s gonna be fine. One day, Juliana, one day and look at him. He’s gonna be fine, so are you.” I walk up and grab her hand. “I promise.”
She looks down at my hand holding hers and slowly pulls away. “It’s not that easy. It’s not.”
“Can be if we let it,” I tell her, crossing my arms over my chest.
“How do you forgive someone who crushed you, pushed you into a corner where you latched on to a lifeline made of lies and deceit, and left you dangling above shards of glass for six years, Garrett?”
“Little dramatic, isn’t it?” I regret the words as soon as they leave my mouth. But here, this land, it makes me feel like everything will be just fine.
She shakes her head. “I’d rather have burnt up in that house than feel like I have for years.”
I shake my head.
“Did you start that fire?” she asks.
I shake my head again.
“Then what did you mean?”
“I knew they would,” I tell her. “Down deep, I knew they would, and I wanted them to. I didn’t drop the match or tip the poison over, but I got the ball rolling.”
She shrugs. “You didn’t do it then.”
“I used the words ‘That place goes up in flames, you let the fucker burn,’ and it happened. I knew those fuckers were afraid of me, thought I was Deed’s bitch. I pushed it. Knew it back then and never felt guilty. Still don’t.”
