Kate looked at Andy with wide eyes, her skin crawling, her heart hammering with sympathy and a startling, intense hatred.
“What did you do?”
“Nothing at first. Kept it to myself. I respected Lincoln, but I barely knew him and was too embarrassed to take it to him. And she was so much worse after, constantly trying to touch me, saying suggestive things in front of other people. I couldn’t go anywhere on my own. I even had to wait until someone else went to the bathroom and follow them in so she couldn’t corner me. It was awful. And I couldn’t fight back the way I wanted to, mainly with my fists, because she held so much power.”
Andy looked down at the table, at her hands wrapped around the plastic water bottle. Kate waited and let her order her thoughts.
“This went on for a couple of weeks, and her advances and threats kept escalating. Eventually one of the staff sergeants, a woman named Rosalie Kurtz, pulled me into her office even though she wasn’t my supervisor. Kurtz had been watching what was going on and already suspected what was happening. She made me tell her everything, which I did.” Andy paused and smiled bleakly. “So we set up my very first sting operation.”
“How did you do that?”
“It was simple. Kurtz parked her car in the lot near mine, I stayed late at the office and let Mona Kellar follow me out of the building to my car. She very helpfully replayed the same scene, threats and all. Kurtz then got out of the car and told her if she ever threatened me again or came anywhere near or merely hinted that there had been anything between us, she would lodge a formal complaint with the RCMP and Kellar’s own career would suffer.”
Andy suddenly pushed aside the water bottle and reached across the table for Kate’s hands. She wove their fingers together, both of them slightly slick with oil from the pasta.
“And that was the end of it?”
“Pretty much. She left me alone, ignored me like she did today. I was still angry, though, and I wanted to launch my own sexual harassment case. It pissed me off that she could still walk around and everyone treated her like a god. Kurtz said she’d back me up if I wanted to go forward with it, but convinced me I wouldn’t be doing myself any favours. I’ve had to work with Kellar once since then, about four years ago. She was a nightmare. We lasted a whole three days until Finns pulled me off the case and assigned someone new. I hated he might think I was incompetent so I told him, off the record, about what had happened.” She paused, shrugged, looked Kate in the eye. “And that’s it.”
Kate looked back at her and held her hands. “Today must have been hard.”
Andy gave her a bleak smile. “It took everything I had to not turn around and drive you back to Vancouver when I saw her car in the parking lot.”
“I survived.”
“Of course you did.”
The wind picked up in a sudden gust, lifting Kate’s hair off her neck and swirling it around her face. She brushed it back, realized evening was passing them by, and it was heading rapidly into night.
“We should get going,” Andy said.
“Wait. Tell me what Kellar said to you before she left the autopsy room.”
Andy didn’t say anything for a moment then reached across the table and tucked a loose curl behind Kate’s ear.
“She told me to have fun talking about her all night.” Andy suddenly smiled the first real smile Kate had seen since leaving the motel this morning. “Which is an excellent reason to stop talking about her right now.”
Kate returned the smile and ran her fingers over the backs of Andy’s hands and wrists, making her shiver.
“I think we should go back to the motel, run a bath, and see if we can come up with a few more reasons to stop talking about her.”
Andy smiled again. “Deal.”
Chapter Six
Kate woke with a start, heart thumping a wild, uneven staccato in her chest. She rolled over to an empty bed and a silent room, vaguely remembering Andy kissing her forehead on the way out the door for her run. Kate lay back against her pillow, letting her breathing return to normal, the adrenaline of a forced awakening diffusing through her body. She tried to remember what she’d seen in her nightmare. Angler, of course, just as silent, just as malevolent, the same knowing smirk on his round face. But this time, he was leaning against an invisible wall and tossing a scalpel in the air. In her dream, Kate watched it flip end over end, flinching every time he caught it by the handle.
Kate pulled back the covers, shivering slightly against the chill damp air of a morning in the mountains. Her bare feet hurt against the cold tile in the bathroom, but she still stopped to look at herself in the mirror. Her left cheek still held the faint red lines of her pillow, her eyes were puffy, pre-coffee slits, and her hair hung in thick, twisted ringlets. Kate splashed water on her face in an attempt to rid herself of the Angler dream, then went back out and crawled into bed to wait for Andy.
She didn’t know if it was the nightmare or Andy’s absence, but Kate felt unsure and somehow misplaced lying in the motel room on her own. Like she couldn’t quite connect her life, herself, to these surroundings. She thought about what Dr. Doyle had said on the first day, how she’d seemed relieved when Kate told her that she had a day job, a real job, as a doctor back in Vancouver. But Kate had barely thought about Van East in the last few days. She could feel it slipping away, moving farther out of reach on the other side of a widening void. But she didn’t know what was supposed to fill that new space.
Kate heard the key slide into the lock and Andy pushed open the door with her shoulder, two Styrofoam coffees balanced in one hand. Andy’s cheeks were flushed a light pink, her hair pulled back under a tight black skullcap that covered her ears. Her bright green running jacket was still covered in raindrops. As Andy handed Kate the coffee, lightly kissing her with cold lips, Kate’s unease slipped away, unnoticed.
“I didn’t think you’d be awake yet,” Andy said, sitting down at the desk and untying her laces.
Kate made a split-second decision not to tell Andy about the nightmare. Andy seemed lighter somehow this morning, the weight of yesterday gone. Why ruin it?
“You know how I like to wake up early on days I don’t have to,” Kate murmured, making Andy laugh. Kate took her first sip of coffee, leaning up against the headboard of the bed. She watched Andy pull off her running gear, adding items to the wet pile, then she grabbed her favourite grey UBC Women’s Basketball sweatshirt and pulled it on. Andy scooped up the pile, headed into the bathroom to hang everything to dry. Kate listened to the sound of the water splashing in the sink. She was content sitting under the covers with her coffee, listening to Andy move around their shared space, letting Andy’s energy be enough for both of them.
“Breakfast?” Andy asked as she came out of the bathroom.
“Sure.”
Andy went to their kitchenette, pulled items out of the fridge, dumped the mini coffeepot off its tray, loaded it up, and brought everything over to Kate.
“Breakfast in bed, even better.”
Andy grinned as she scooped organic raspberry yogurt and gluten-free granola from the grocery store downtown into one of the water glasses, shoved a plastic spoon into it, and passed it to Kate. They ate in silence, Andy refilling her own glass twice while Kate was on her first.
“You’re pretty much perfect, you know that, right?” Kate said as Andy stretched across the foot of the bed.
“Fuck off,” Andy said to her affectionately, throwing a balled-up napkin at Kate that landed by her knee.
“I’m serious.” Kate laughed. “You’re the best girlfriend I’ve ever had.” Andy laughed with her, eyes sparkling. “Move in with me,” Kate said suddenly, impulsively. “When we get back to Vancouver, move in with me.”
Andy was silent, the smile fading on her lips until it looked like she was forcing it to still be there. Kate’s heart thumped in her chest, the rejection of Andy’s silence rising like a cloud between them. Kate dropped her gaze and started cleaning up the dishes.
“Kate.” Andy’s voice was low.
Kate didn’t look up. She untangled herself from the covers, carried the tray over to the kitchenette, and started rinsing the dishes in the tiny sink. When she was finished and had nothing else to occupy her hands, Kate stood very still, trying to force back the tears that threatened.
Kate heard the creak of the bed as Andy stood up and crossed the room. Andy stood by her side, ran her hand down Kate’s arm, letting her fingers rest against the inside of Kate’s wrist. Andy waited, as Kate knew she would. Andy would never force Kate to look at her. Kate stared down at nothing, feeling Andy’s fingers against the pulse in her wrist. She finally looked up into Andy’s searching, grey eyes.
“I love you, Kate. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anybody, you know that,” Andy said.
The cabin, the rain in the trees, Andy’s voice. Always this memory, this flash picture of that perfect moment.
“But you don’t want to live with me,” Kate said, hating how weak her voice sounded. How pathetic.
“You’re wrong,” Andy said softly. “I do want to live with you. How many times have I showed up after my shift at two o’clock in the morning, even after I told you I was going to sleep at my place? Because I hate going to bed without you.”
Kate turned to face Andy, the admission covering a small part of the rejection. “Then why?”
Andy took Kate’s other hand, holding them tightly in her own. “I already worry enough that I’m pushing too hard, that I’m not giving you enough space.”
Kate instantly thought back to their conversation outside E-division headquarters. Her suspicions made her next words harder than she intended. “Space for what, Andy?”
Kate knew Andy was navigating carefully, but she didn’t have it in her right now to make it any easier.
“To figure things out.”
“Meaning what?” Kate asked, exasperated.
Andy was silent, which only confirmed what Kate already suspected. “I get it,” Kate said. She pulled her hands out of Andy’s and began arranging dishes that didn’t need to be arranged. “I need to be a card-carrying lesbian before you’ll move in with me, is that it?”
Andy didn’t answer. Even though Kate couldn’t see her face, she could feel the waves of hurt coming off her. For reasons Kate didn’t have time to think about, Andy’s hurt only made her angrier.
“Is there a length of time that has to pass or a test I need to take? Do you need me to march in next year’s Pride Parade?” Kate stared down into the sink, gripping the edge of the counter.
“That’s the opposite of what I’m trying to say,” Andy finally said. Kate could see Andy’s shoulders slump in her peripheral vision. “Fucking hell, how did I get this so wrong?” she asked herself quietly.
As suddenly as Kate’s anger had risen inside her, it dissipated. She slipped her arms around Andy’s waist and Andy wrapped her in an embrace that told her she wasn’t ever going to let her go. Kate allowed herself to feel comforted, leaning into her, smelling the mixture of coffee and rain and Andy.
“Not so perfect now, am I?” Andy murmured into Kate’s hair.
Kate pulled back to look into Andy’s eyes.
“I’m sorry, Kate,” Andy said, before Kate had a chance to speak. “I’m trying so hard not to push you, and all I’m doing is backing you into a corner. I just know that this takes time.”
“Falling in love with you hardly took any time at all,” Kate said, giving her a small smile.
Andy returned it, running one hand over Kate’s cheek, under her eyes, a light touch on her jaw and neck. “But the rest of it, Kate. I know that it takes time to figure out what it means, to shift it around in your head until it makes sense to you. It takes time to say the words and to apply them to yourself. To hear people at work talk about it, to explain to the phone company that I’m not your husband, to decide what words to take offense to, to figure out how you feel about this community that everyone will just assume you are a part of.”
Andy took a breath, her thumb resting against Kate’s cheek, her fingers brushing back Kate’s hair. “So yes, I want to live with you, because any morning I wake up without you hurts. And yes, I worry, because I think moving in together will just force the issue, and I never want you to feel any pressure.”
Kate rested her head against Andy’s hand, turning her face slightly to kiss her palm. She felt relieved, the question of rejection having entirely left her.
“Am I making any sense?” Andy asked, the worry still showing in her eyes.
“Yes,” Kate told her, running her hand down Andy’s back, trying to reassure her with her voice and her touch. “You love me. And you’re still trying to protect me,” she added, with a smile.
Andy leaned down to kiss her once, so very softly, on her lips. “I do. And I am.”
The tension eased out of Kate’s body. For now, this was enough.
*
Kate walked into Serena Cardiff’s room, expecting to only see the patient asleep, as Dr. Doyle had described her just a few minutes ago. Instead she found a man in his early twenties, his light brown hair a little long and a lot messy, holding Serena Cardiff’s hand. Serena herself was sitting up, though she was very pale and Kate could see the nasal cannula of oxygen tucked behind her ears. Kate thought about the autopsy yesterday, the fluid on the lungs, the pinkness of infection. She quickly channelled those thoughts elsewhere, forcing herself to look at the symptoms and the patient in front of her.
“Hi, Serena. I’m Dr. Morrison. I met your mother and father the other day.”
“Hi,” Serena said. Kate could hear the weakness of the young woman’s body as she forced herself to expel enough air to make sound.
The young man stood, gave Kate a warm smile, and held out his hand. “I’m Nathan Tomms, Serena’s boyfriend.”
Kate shook his hand and returned the smile.
“My sister, Julia,” Serena said, pointing to the chair behind Kate. The teenage girl curled up in the chair with her long legs hugged tightly to her chest had been so quiet Kate hadn’t noticed her.
“It’s nice to meet you, Julia,” Kate said, taking in the pale skin, the large brown eyes, and her long brown hair hanging like a curtain. She looked like nothing more than a scared, long-limbed colt. Kate looked back and forth between the two sisters.
“I take it you’re not supposed to be here,” Kate said to Julia, with a smile. She guessed Julia was around thirteen. Julia shook her head.
“I’m not either, for that matter,” Nathan said, squeezing Serena’s hand.
“Lucky for you both I’m merely a doctor and not hospital security, so if Serena doesn’t mind you being here while I check on her, that’s fine by me.”
This earned a smile from Serena. Kate saw the effort required.
Kate walked over to the foot of the bed and read the chart. Serena had started experiencing difficulty breathing in the middle of the night, hence the oxygen. She saw a note about a chest x-ray being ordered but no results.
“Did they send you down for a chest x-ray, Serena?”
“No, not yet.”
Kate scanned the rest of the chart, but nothing else jumped out at her. She wanted to see those chest x-ray results, to know for sure if there was fluid on Serena’s lungs, and how much.
“Mind if I take a listen?” she asked, holding up her stethoscope.
Serena shook her head, leaned forwards in the bed. Kate moved aside the cotton gown, noting its softness compared to the ones they had at Van East. She moved the head of the stethoscope around Serena’s back, listening to the gurgle and crack of the fluid as it shifted around her lungs. It sounded to Kate like pneumonia could be settling in, but she still wanted to see the test results.
“Serena, I know it’s going to be uncomfortable, but I need you to take a deep, slow breath in and let it out again slowly.”
Serena breathed in slowly through her mouth and had just started to release it when a coughing spasm hit.
Her thin body convulsed with the effort her lungs made to release whatever had triggered the cough. Kate put her hand on the girl’s shoulder as Serena doubled over in bed, hands covering her mouth. Finally it passed, Serena taking in wheezy gulps of air as she leaned back against her pillow, eyes closed.
“Dr. Morrison…” Kate looked up at Nathan’s pale face. He pointed to the streak of foamy, pink blood on Serena’s palm.
“It’s okay, Nathan. Why don’t you get her a tissue from the table,” Kate said calmly. Nathan reached for the box at the head of the bed and tenderly wiped at her hand. Serena still hadn’t opened her eyes.
“Serena, are you all right?”
Serena nodded once.
“Good. You rest, I’m going to go check on that chest x-ray.”
Kate started walking out of the room but then caught a glimpse of Julia. She was curled into an even tighter ball on the blue plastic chair, her eyes wide and transfixed on her sister.
“Julia, would you mind showing me where to go? I still don’t know my way around this hospital very well.”
Julia silently unfolded herself from the chair and followed Kate into the hallway.
“All right, where would I find the nurse’s station?”
Julia pointed down the hall to the left.
“Your sister has been sick for a while, hasn’t she?” Kate said as they walked together.
“Yeah, but I knew it was really bad when she wouldn’t even ride Calliope.” Julia’s voice was feather-light and shy.
“I take it that’s a horse, not a motorcycle.”
A small smile from the tall, pale girl.
“Good. I don’t see a lot of horse injuries, but I’ve seen more motorcycle injuries than I can count.” Kate smiled at her as they approached the nurse’s station.
A young-looking nurse with bright red hair and freckles was tapping at the keyboard and looked up at their approach.
“Hi, I’m Dr. Kate Morrison. I’m consulting with the RCMP. I was just looking for Serena Cardiff’s nurse.” She tried out her warmest smile on the nurse, hoping it would have the same effect it seemed to have had on Judy a few days ago.
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