by Jill Shalvis
“It was my fault. Always will be. But that’s not why I told you.” He put his hands on her shoulders, let them slide up her throat to cup her face. “I told you because if things were different, if I could settle down, I’d want to do it right here, close to you, close to Jacob and your sisters, and be a part of your life.”
Delia’s voice was very soft, her eyes very bright. “I think I just might like that, Cade McKnight.”
“But I can’t, Delia. God, I just…can’t.”
“I know,” she whispered, and because he couldn’t handle all he saw in her eyes, he took the horses and walked away.
Cade left that afternoon. He had to. The emotional roller coaster his life had become was unbearable.
Only he didn’t count on it to be unbearable from wherever he was.
In his Boise office, he worked diligently at his computer. Mostly to keep his mind occupied, but also because something about Jacob’s revelation regarding Scott’s desire for custody seemed off.
Scott Felton was an exemplary social worker and he had the accolades to prove it. To his credit, he’d also taken kids into his own home before. He shared a house with his sister, also a social worker, and they were licensed to house kids. Many times over past few years, they’d taken in kids no one else could or would.
But that didn’t ease Cade’s instinctive feeling something wasn’t right.
Calling in several markers, Cade made some phone calls and put out feelers. It all could be on the up-and-up, but he sincerely doubted that.
While he was at it, he continued his trace on Eddie Kitze, determined that if he couldn’t give Delia a future, he could at least give her back her past.
“I think the visit was a hit— Ouch!” Zoe wailed, yanking her hand out of Delia’s.
“You have a hangnail,” Delia said, calmly reaching for Zoe’s hand. She was attempting to give her a manicure. “Come back here.”
“No way, that hurt.”
Delia laughed. “You work from sunup to sundown outside in the harsh sun. You get splinters, you get rudely thrown off horses, you slam your fingers in the barn door—”
“One time,” Zoe interrupted. “I slammed my finger in the door one time, and technically that doesn’t count because it was the wind’s fault. And as for the horses, I never get thrown off.”
“My point is,” Delia said evenly, taking back Zoe’s resistant hand, “that surely you can handle one little manicure.”
Zoe’s eyes narrowed. “You don’t give a hoot about my nails. You’re trying to take your mind off something. Is it sweet little Jacob or hot sexy Cade?”
“As if I would waste one second on that man.”
“Cade,” Zoe corrected with a laugh. “His name is Cade.”
“Whatever.”
“Delia. Come on, tell me.” All joking was set aside as her sister looked at her in earnest. “Please, talk to me.”
“I’m sorry. God, you’re right, it’s stupid to torture you. I mean, polish is a complete waste on those nails.”
“Exactly.” Zoe pulled her work-roughened hands back with relief and studied her sister. “You’re worrying me, Dee. You’re keeping everything inside. It’s not good for you, remember? You told me that when I fell in love with Ty and couldn’t accept it. You and Maddie hounded me until I finally opened up, and if I hadn’t, I would have blown up.” Reaching out, she squeezed Delia’s hands. “You’re going to blow up, Delia, I can feel it. So spill it.”
“I am not going to blow up.” But wasn’t she? Couldn’t she feel the pressure building slowly but inexorably?
“Then it’s about Jacob? I mean Cade is fantastic, more than fantastic, but you’re right, you’d never let a man get to you.”
Delia nearly laughed, but it would have been hysterical. No, tough independent Delia would never let a man get to her.
And pigs could fly.
“Jacob is terrific,” Zoe said softly. “And Edna seemed to accept his coming here as inevitable. It’ll happen, Delia.”
She could only hope. But Delia still had serious doubts, and since she’d lied to her sisters, neglecting to tell them how likely it was that she wasn’t going to be worthy in the judge’s eyes, she had no one to blame but herself for having to handle this alone.
Not all alone, a little voice inside her said. Cade has been there for you since this ordeal began. Without words he’d made it clear she could always lean on him, no matter where he was or what was between them.
Well, dammit, she wanted to lean on him right now, and didn’t know how to ask.
Later that evening, Delia was alone in her room with nothing but her needle and thread for company. She loved sewing, it was relaxing. Filled with pleasure at the sight of Zoe’s wedding gown spread before her, Delia smiled and hummed to herself as she handstitched lace to silk. There’d been no new snow, and she hadn’t seen a spider in days. Things were as good as they could get.
Until the soft knock came at her door. She knew it was Cade, somehow she just knew, and for a moment her entire body went warm and still.
“Delia.”
His voice did it to her every single time, rendered her…well, stupid. She managed to stand but didn’t open the door. The handle turned, then he was there—tall, forceful, darkly handsome…and gazing at her as if she was the only woman on earth.
For a moment she let herself believe that. Then she took a second look and saw that his big body was tense, his eyes dark with concern and barely contained anger.
“What?” she whispered. “What is it?”
Now those eyes filled with something else. Regret. And she braced herself.
“Delia, Scott is up to his eyeballs in debt.”
Chapter 10
Delia couldn’t afford to go to Los Angeles, not when she’d gone twice already and planned to go again for the custody hearing. But then Cade had shown up at the ranch with his shocking news.
Cade hadn’t just stumbled on the information regarding Scott’s financial situation. It’d taken a lot of digging, so while it ostensibly had nothing to do with Jacob, they could be certain Scott was up to something. She had no idea what, but if he owed so much and if Jacob’s inheritance was as big as Edna had led her to believe, Delia had a big problem.
First, Scott had never mentioned he wanted custody of Jacob. Why would he hide it from her? Since she’d come into the picture rather late, and for a long time there had been no one to take Jacob, it wouldn’t have been so odd for Scott to step forward. That he hadn’t seemed strange.
Second, and most disturbing, if Scott indeed managed to hide his financial trouble from the courts and won custody of Jacob, all her brother’s money would be in Scott’s control.
Coincidental? Maybe not. With all the possessiveness and protectiveness of a mother bear, she intended to watch out for her baby brother, no matter what.
In light of that, her poor credit card could take this last flight, or so she hoped, but it would certainly max out soon and she’d be left with nothing in case of emergency.
Which made her laugh. An emergency.
What else could happen?
“I paid for the tickets already,” Cade told her. It was morning and they were on their way to the airport.
Her sisters had offered her money, too, when neither of them could afford this any more than she could. The ranch was on its way to solvency, but they were still deeply in the red. They wouldn’t even begin to recoup until summer, when business should pick up.
“No.” Delia refused to be a charity case, as she had for most of her life. “No, thank you,” she said firmly, staring out the car window and watching the stark white landscape fly by. “I pay my own way.”
“It’s too late.” He spoke mildly, but there was steel in his voice. “I already arranged it.”
“Cade—”
“Let me do this, Delia.” His large hands flexed on the steering wheel and he flashed her a quick burning look before returning his gaze to the road. “It’s the least I
can do.”
Why? she wondered.
Because he refused to give her what she really wanted, which had nothing to do with his wallet? The thought stopped her cold. All her life she’d told herself she wanted security. And all her life she’d told herself that meant a certain social status. Financial stability. She’d even joked about finding her prince.
But that made her a fortune hunter and no better than her own unsympathetic mother.
She hated that thought. She was like her own mother.
No, she reminded herself, she was finding that wasn’t true at all. She’d thought she wanted those things, but in the end, it had nothing to do with money. It was about security of the heart.
It was a hell of a time to realize that, when she wanted so much more than Cade could give. And knowing his past, she certainly couldn’t blame him for his inability to give it. He’d loved his wife and child with all his heart, and now that heart was broken, without room for more love.
And that was okay.
No, that was a lie, too, a painful one. She might have hidden a lot of truths from her sisters, but with herself she’d always been brutally honest. And what she wanted from Cade scared her to death.
Everything about him scared her to death, and because of that, she wanted to fight him on the money issue. She needed to fight him, but she was exhausted from their last run of guests and the lack of sleep she’d experienced from thinking too much. “I’m paying you back,” she said stubbornly.
Cade’s jaw tightened, but he said nothing until they were on the plane.
When they’d hit full altitude, he turned toward her, put his hands on either armrest so that she was caged in by him and leaned close. “How long are you going to pull this ‘I’m too strong to need you’ act?”
Her stomach fell, and it had nothing to do with the altitude. “I don’t need you.”
His response was a low obscenity. “You’re good to go, right, Delia? Strong enough to take on the world, screw those who care about you.”
“Cade—”
“How long until you break down and admit that this is all too much for one person to handle and that it’s okay to lean on someone?”
“Who would I lean on?” she asked in a polite voice so he wouldn’t know how deeply he’d cut. She was strong enough, damn him. She leveled him with a look that would have withered any other male. Not Cade, who just met her gaze evenly. Steadily. Patiently.
“Your sisters for starters,” he suggested.
With a huge sigh, she broke eye contact. “I can’t,” she mumbled, feeling the shame heat her face.
“Why the hell not?”
She studied the cloud formation.
“Delia.”
“Because.”
“Because why?”
“Because I lied to them about the trouble I might have getting custody, okay? I couldn’t stand the thought of failure or the fact that I’ve made nothing of my life, so much so that I couldn’t even get custody of my own brother.”
“Oh, Delia.” With a gentleness that nearly broke her, he forced her to look at him. “You aren’t looking at yourself very clearly if you honestly believe that.”
“You’re the one with rose-colored glasses here, Cade.”
“You’re the most amazing woman. I wish you could see you the way I do.”
Embarrassed, she scoffed and tried to look away, but he held her, and in his touch she found the oddest thing. Comfort. In his voice she found honesty and an affection that made her swallow hard. “How do you see me?”
“As a woman strong and capable, yet warm and full of passion for life. You’re incredible, Delia.”
She turned away, she had to, for he’d touched her deeply, and embarrassed her, too.
“No, listen to me,” he said urgently. “I know your life hasn’t been easy, you’ve certainly never been given any advantages, and yet look at you. By sheer grit and hard work, you’ve made a life for yourself and your sisters. You run a guest ranch, for God’s sake. You’re still in control, Delia. You can do this.”
“Can I?” she whispered.
“Yeah. Oh, yeah.” His voice was strong and sure. It was full of a pride that made her want to believe him just to prove herself worthy of his trust.
“Delia…what about me?” His gaze held hers, his fingers stroked her cheek. “During those times when you can’t always be strong, when you need someone, why can’t you come to me?”
“I think that’s pretty obvious, considering you’re the one who runs as fast as he can every time we get too close.”
The golden specks in his eyes danced with a sudden heat. “I’m not running now,” he whispered.
“Running now would be detrimental to your health,” she said, glancing outside. But damn him, she was breathless. Just one touch and she was leaning toward him, oblivious to the passengers around them, hoping, craving, nearly begging for his mouth to meet hers.
“Delia,” he said. Just that, just her name on a little sigh as he kissed her lightly. “I think I have a problem.” His mouth touched hers again. “You.”
That had her spine stiffening, even as her mouth tingled from his kiss. “I’m no one’s problem. And I’m not going to fall apart. I don’t ever fall apart.” Turning away, she stared out the window, watching her mountains vanish as she headed back to her city.
The man beside her remained silent as she watched her two worlds mesh.
They drove directly to Scott’s office, but Cade could think of little else other than Delia.
She was an enigma, cool, sophisticated, elegant. And yet much of that was just a front for the woman beneath, the woman he was beginning to know better than he’d ever intended.
She had a heart of gold, though she’d probably freeze him over with one hard gaze if he dared to tell her so. She was the strongest, most compassionate, most vulnerable woman he’d ever met.
And he wanted her with everything he had.
What a mess. He’d told himself he’d never again open up his heart, not after suffering the loss of his precious family for eight long years.
Eight long years.
But didn’t he, maybe just a little, deserve some happiness?
Delia didn’t say a word as they were ushered into Scott’s office.
He was on the phone when they entered, and though Scott didn’t seem pleased to see them, he hung up and smiled politely. “Hello.”
“You haven’t been honest with me,” Delia said calmly before Cade could speak. “You want custody of Jacob and you never told me.”
“Why should I have?” He folded his hands and watched her with unreadable eyes. “You showed up out of the blue wanting Jacob. I couldn’t be expected to trust that you were who you said you were.”
“I showed up out of the blue,” Delia responded, “because I didn’t know Jacob existed until Cade started researching my past for the Triple M. And once I did come into the picture, you knew exactly who I was. You had me checked out before you approved visitation with Jacob.”
“Checking you out is procedure.”
“And yet the question remains,” Cade said. “Why didn’t you mention you wanted custody?”
“It was never a secret,” Scott insisted. “Jacob is—was—completely alone. We didn’t even have Edna in the picture then. We just…” He shrugged. “We bonded in a very strong way right from the beginning. He needed someone and he liked me, even trusted me. I decided to petition for custody, because I saw no problem with my taking him.”
“But then you found Edna,” Cade said. “Did you rescind your request for custody then?”
“Yes, we found Edna, who was blood-related and was willing and able to handle both the boy and his financial situation.”
“So did you rescind the custody request?” Cade pressed, and Scott broke eye contact.
“No,” he said without further explanation.
“Does Edna know?”
“Look, all along we’ve known Edna’s just a temporary situa
tion.”
Cade wasn’t buying that. “Because of her age?”
“Yes. She’d keep him, but it isn’t her first choice.”
“And your keeping Jacob had nothing to do with anything but your fondness for him?”
Scott’s eyes narrowed. “What are you getting at?”
“It’s just a question.”
“I don’t think I like the implication.”
“I haven’t implied anything. Yet. But there is the matter of your considerable debt,” Cade said.
Scott went still.
“Stock-market problems, Scott? Or maybe drugs?”
“I’ve never done drugs. I take care of children, for God’s sake,” Scott said furiously.
“Gambling, then?”
“That’s none of your business. I don’t know how you could have found out.”
“If I did, so will the court. You must realize you’ll be investigated if you’re going for custody.”
“I’m already approved for foster care—I have been for years. Again, this is none of your business.”
“No, but it’s Jacob’s,” Cade said. “He has a sizable inheritance.”
“That money is protected by his trust fund.”
“And accessible to Jacob’s guardian.”
Scott rose. “I’d like both of you to leave now.”
“I’m sure you would,” Cade said, rising, too, and reaching for Delia’s hand. He was shocked to feel it tremble before she turned up her palm to lock their fingers.
“This isn’t over,” she said to Scott.
“I think it is,” he replied.
“Have you turned in your report to the judge yet?” Cade asked.
Scott’s body couldn’t have gotten tenser. His phone rang but he ignored it. “No.”
Cade pulled Delia to the door. “Recommend Delia,” he suggested. “Edna’s only helping out of the goodness of her heart. There’s no reason for anyone else to take Jacob when his own sister wants him.”
“Unless that sister isn’t qualified.”
“I’m perfectly qualified,” Delia said proudly. “And don’t you dare throw the size of my bank account into my face, not ever again. You’re worse off than I am, and if I have to, I’ll make sure the judge knows it.”
