Jennie turned her head to one side, giving him the most insulted look she could manage.
“What? I was being nice. I think you look terrific, but I remember how you are.”
“Just how am I?”
“Come on, you know what I mean. I recall once, back before we had children, waiting for thirty minutes while you ironed your shirt to remove a single wrinkle. One wrinkle.”
“And it was wrinkled, why?”
“Not important.” Thomas laughed. “In any case, if you’re all right after rolling around on the ground with Louisa…”
“Not entirely unlike what caused that wrinkle you might remember.”
“Exactly my point. If you’re all right, then I’ve no problem. We’ll park your car and go.”
***
Jennie glanced about the restaurant, noting the crisp, white cloths on the tables, the dark wood floors, the sparkling crystal, and the silver that gleamed under the soft lights. It looked so very similar to the one to which Thomas had taken her on their first date. He had been trying to impress her, and, without a doubt, he had succeeded. That restaurant had not been a setting for a casual dinner with a friend.
Neither is this one…
She chuckled quietly. On their first date, she had been primarily interested in attracting Thomas’s attention, and from the expression on his face when she had come downstairs, her low-cut top and barely-there skirt had done that quite successfully. On the other hand, the restaurant’s hostess had appeared reluctant to seat them.
Tonight is different, she thought. I am different. I’m no longer an eighteen-year-old trying to impress a college guy.
She glanced down at her freshly pressed shirt and skirt, smiling. She had decided they were both too wrinkled to wear to dinner, and, upon arriving at Thomas’s hotel, she’d set up the miniature ironing board in the bathroom, reappearing a short while later, clothes pressed, hair brushed, and wearing fresh makeup, confirming that, although some things never change, other things do—tonight she was a middle-aged woman trying to impress a distinguished-looking man.
Jennie studied the other women at the restaurant. Not knowing where they were going, she’d had to guess what to wear. At one table for six across the room, three women were dressed up, wearing ankle-length dresses, but otherwise, Jennie seemed to have guessed well.
After they placed their orders, she took in a deep breath. She had practiced what she wanted to say, but her heart was pounding, and she was beginning to perspire. She breathed out and began. “Thomas, I’ve never apologized to you for the way I treated you back…back then.”
He started to speak, but she held up a hand to stop him. “Please. I need to do this.” She looked into his eyes. “I can’t tell you why I abandoned you and our daughters, why I deserted you. It made me furious when we were in court and you used those words about me, but they were true. I did do those things. I cannot explain why I chased after those other men. My therapist says I was sick, and I was, but that doesn’t seem adequate in an apology. It sounds as if I want absolution for my sins without taking responsibility for them.”
Her throat was suddenly dry and she stopped to sip water before she continued. Thomas waited patiently as she did. Jennie was glad for that.
“I loved you, Thomas. I always loved you, even though I told myself I didn’t. After you divorced me, after I came to my senses, I wanted to come home to you, but I didn’t know where you were, or how to find you. I was humiliated whenever I thought about how I had behaved, and I feared that if I could actually locate you, then you’d slam the door in my face.”
Tears began to well up in her eyes, and she twisted the napkin in her lap.
“I want you to know how very sorry I am for everything I did to you, for how much I hurt you. I couldn’t imagine you would ever forgive me and I…I was shocked beyond belief when you invited me to sit with Louisa, and then even more when you asked me to diner…after I refused.” She dabbed at her eyes with the corner of her napkin.
Thomas reached across the table and squeezed her other hand.
“I know you were sick. Believe me, we tried every way on earth to prove you were simply evil, but we couldn’t do it. It never made sense, how suddenly, how dramatically you changed. It wasn’t really your fault.”
“But I still made the decisions, Thomas. Even though I was sick, I did not have to walk away.”
“You did what you thought made sense at the time. Your thoughts were distorted. I stopped blaming you a long time ago.”
“But you still held a grudge. Even when it was obvious I was not trying to take Alexis and Christa from you, even when Emma would invite me to visit, you barely acknowledged my existence.”
Thomas nodded. “I guess I couldn’t let myself. I suppose I wanted an apology and an admission of guilt. Then, after Emma died…” He looked away for a moment, releasing her hand, but Jennie reached for his, taking it in hers again.
“Actually, it wasn’t until the day I called you. I realized that I needed a sitter for Louisa and your face popped into my mind, looking just like the girl I took to dinner the first night of college…You do, you know. You really haven’t changed.”
“Liar.” Jennie smiled and could feel herself blush.
“I dismissed the idea immediately—old habits and all that—but then Christa called, and even though I didn’t mention it, she suggested that I ask you. The coincidence seemed to be too much to resist.”
He looked into her eyes.
“After Emma died, the world seemed different. I was suddenly aware that one never knows what is going to happen. It suddenly seemed ridiculous that I had been holding a grudge for close to two decades. Christa told me so, and I finally saw her point. The next day, after you refused to help me, I thought about you for a long time. I tried to resurrect my bitterness, the hurt, some of it, all of it.” He shrugged. “I couldn’t do it. I knew then, I had forgiven you.”
“Thank you, Thomas. Thank you.”
The waiter arrived with their salads and they sat quietly until he left.
Jennie picked up her salad fork and moved the lettuce around her plate. “How do you manage, taking care of Louisa and all, as a single parent?”
“I barely remember being any other kind of parent.”
That hit close to home and Jennie looked away.
“No, please don’t take it like that. I was not criticizing you. It’s just…fact. Actually, it’s easier to care for Louisa than it was with Alexis and Christa. I have a nanny now. I don’t have to cope with kindergarten and play dates. I just feed her, change her, play with her, and put her to bed.”
“She’ll grow older…”
“And things will change.” Thomas laughed. “I know, but I’ll cope. Neighbors have offered to help too. Cecelia Cross…”
Jennie made a face.
“You know Cecelia?”
“I met her after Emma’s funeral.”
“And?”
She saw a twinkle in his eye.
“And she promised to take good care of you.”
Thomas laughed. “I can imagine.”
Jennie didn’t want to talk about Cecelia. “You certainly did a good job with our daughters. My attorney searched and searched for any evidence, any rumor even, to suggest you were not the perfect father you appeared to be.” Jennie shook her head. “Came up empty.”
“Of course she did. I’m wonderful.”
Jennie laughed. “So it seems…In any case they are both terrific. I’ve so enjoyed getting to know them.”
“They love you, Jennie. I doubt Alexis has told you that, but I know her and I can tell. Amy does too, you know.”
“Amy is wonderful. I wish I knew Tasha better, but she has never seemed to be interested.”
The waiter cleared their salad plates and brought their dinners.
“You ordered a rib eye on our first date,” Thomas said.
“You remember our first date? I thought such things were only important to girls.”<
br />
“I recall everything—what you ordered, what we talked about, the red ribbon in your hair, what you wore, where we went after dinner.”
“I had a really good time that night.” Jennie smiled as she remembered.
They reminisced about their time in college and the first years of their marriage. As they finished dinner, Thomas suggested that they have dessert at The French Crepe, a restaurant known primarily for their after-dinner menu.
“Their Bananas Foster crepe is one of the most delicious desserts I have ever tasted. I mean ice cream, bananas, brown sugar, rum. They light the rum just before it reaches the table. One serving is enough for at least two people, but I wouldn’t even dream of splitting one.”
“Oh, that sounds good.”
“Then, there is a strawberry crepe…”
“You’ve convinced me.” Jennie glanced at her watch. “It’s almost eight o’clock, though, and I shouldn’t hang around too long.”
***
The only indication that the low, brick building housed a restaurant was a small sign out front. A short flight of steps led to the door, and Jennie had to duck as she entered to avoid scraping her head on the frame. As she paused to allow her eyes to adjust to the dim light, a few bars of a melody floated through the room, and she glanced to her left, toward a low platform where a quartet tuned their instruments. It could be a farmhouse in France, Jennie thought as she surveyed the uneven brick floor and the rough wood walls. Thomas took her arm and guided her to a table near the musicians.
“I’m definitely having the Banana’s Foster crepe,” Thomas said. “As I told you, I’m seldom willing to share, but dinner was so filling I might consider it tonight.”
Jennie studied the menu. “It’s made with rum,” she said to herself as she looked at the other crepes.
“The alcohol burns away, if you’re worried about that.”
“Yes, but I have been on the wagon for twelve years. I’m not that weak, I know, but I don’t even want to taste it…I’ll have the apple crunch crepe, I think. Apples, pecans, cinnamon sugar, what could be better?”
A young woman joined the quartet and began to sing. Jennie recognized the tune as an old French folk song. She remembered a little of her high school French and began to translate what she knew.
“Je t’aimerai toujours means I will love you always,” she whispered. She listened intently, but could not make out most of the words, so she closed her eyes and allowed the music to carry her along.
The singer’s voice rose as the haunting melody reached a peak.
Ne me laisse jamais. Je ne te quitterai jamais.
“Never leave me. I will never leave you…It’s so sweet,” she said, turning to smile at Thomas.
He nodded. “It’s a nice sentiment.”
“But…”
“It’s easy to promise. It’s hard to do.”
“Thomas…I’m sorry…”
“No. I’m sorry. I’ve become a bit cynical, I suppose. I just think we shouldn’t think so much about what the future—”
The conversation paused uncomfortably as the waitress bought their order and set their plates down. She seemed to sense their discomfort and smiled briefly before scurrying away without asking if they needed anything else.
Thomas leaned over and reached across the table, touching Jennie’s arm. “I mean to say that we—that people—should be more concerned about today than worried about the future.”
Jennie let out her held breath and nodded. “Same here. Life will do that if you’re not really careful.”
The next song was livelier than the first, saving them from more awkward conversation. The restaurant was beginning to fill and the crowd began to clap in time to the music.
“It’s a drinking song,” Jennie told him. “Knights of the Round Table, taste, yes, the wine is good.” Thomas laughed and they both joined in the chorus. They finished their crepes and ordered coffee. It arrived with swirls of whipped cream piped on top.
Jennie took a sip. “Oh this is good. I may never use skim again.”
The musicians took a break, and Jennie stifled a yawn as she checked her watch. “Thomas, it’s after nine, and I need to go before the coffee wears off. I have a long drive ahead of me. I’ve been enjoying myself so much I never noticed how late it is.”
They drove back to the hotel in silence, although, Jennie did notice Thomas glancing at her several times, a concerned look on his face. Her eyes had closed a couple of times, but she kept forcing them open.
“I’m just resting my eyes,” she said once. “So I can stay awake for a couple of hours on the drive home.”
Thomas pulled into the parking lot next to Jennie’s car. As he opened the door for her, she covered her mouth when she was unable to stifle a giant yawn.
“This is terrible. I almost fell asleep.”
“Several times, I think.” Thomas put a hand on her shoulder. “Will you be able to make it home?”
“No choice. I had a really good time tonight…” The words came out distorted as she yawned mid-sentence.
Her eyes were watering from being so sleepy, and, although it blurred her view of Thomas’s face, she could see he was worried about her.
“Maybe another cup of coffee? I can make you one upstairs.”
Jennie hesitated, and then nodded. Better safe than sorry. “Good idea.”
***
When they reached the room, Jennie settled on the sofa, while Thomas started the coffee.
“I’ll have a cup to keep you company.” He popped a K-cup into the coffee maker and added water. “It may not be whipped, but at least they have real cream in the mini-fridge. How many do you want?” Hearing no response, he glanced over his shoulder to find Jennie lying across the sofa, her eyes closed. The coffee had taken less than a minute to brew, yet Jennie was already down for the count.
He gently shook her shoulder. “Jennie? Jennie?”
She sighed, murmured something incoherent, and began to turn onto her other side. Thomas smiled as he placed one hand on her back to keep her from rolling to the floor.
He recalled that when they were married, Jennie would often stretch out on the bed, nap for fifteen minutes, and awaken refreshed. Perhaps that’s all she needed, and she would be ready for her coffee in a few minutes.
Thomas poured creamer into the cup, lowered himself into a chair, and watched her as he sipped the coffee.
As he did, Jennie turned onto her back, a smile crossing her face as she murmured again. He remembered how she sometimes used to talk in her sleep. Generally, he never understood what she’d said, and he could not make out her words now, but he thought he’d heard his name.
After forty minutes, he’d finished the coffee and had read the entire hotel services manual, when he decided that she was not “cat napping,” as she would have called it, but was really, truly asleep.
He turned down the covers on the bed, then he slipped one arm under her legs and the other behind her shoulders, picking her up. She cuddled into him as he placed her on the mattress, making it difficult to slip his arms out from under her. Once he did, he removed her shoes, and pulled the blankets across her body. Asleep, the years seemed to fall away, and she truly did look like the girl he had married. He leaned over and brushed a strand of hair out of her face.
“I love you, Thomas,” she whispered, this time clear as a bell.
He frowned and jerked his hand away as if she had bitten it. Then he softened and caressed her face. She smiled and sighed.
Turning away, he found an extra pillow and blanket in the closet and he made himself comfortable on the sofa.
***
Jennie awoke with a start, finding herself sitting bolt upright. Where was she? Not since she’d been sick could she remember waking with such a sense of dread and disorientation. She could see it was morning, but she was in a hotel room, in a king-size bed.
Thomas’s room.
She struggled to think.
He’d start
ed the coffee…and now, she was asleep in his bed.
She looked about wildly, calling his name. No answer came, but a blanket and a pillow were piled on the sofa, a sheet of paper lying on top of them.
She slipped out of bed. On the sheet of hotel stationary was a note. Thomas’s writing.
Good morning, sleepy head. You didn’t even wait up for the coffee, so I decided you should spend the night here. I didn’t think you’d want to sleep in your clothes, they wrinkle, you know. I was going to help you out of them, but remembered you are quite skilled with an iron. So your virtue is still intact, although I wouldn’t have seen anything I haven’t seen before. Of course, we were married…
Jennie laughed. It sounded just like Thomas.
I promised to meet Alexis and Louisa at eight and to take them and Tasha to breakfast. You were asleep, and I suspected you likely would not want to explain where you spent the night. I’ll return about ten, I think. If you need to leave before that, have a safe drive.
Thomas.
Oh, by the way, you still talk in your sleep.
She stared at the letter.
What had happened? He said she talked in her sleep. What had she said? She closed her eyes and tried to remember…she’d fallen asleep, on the sofa though…and then she felt someone—Thomas, it must have been—lifting her gently from the sofa and depositing her on the bed. He used to do that when she fell asleep in their living room. She had cuddled against him like she used to do and…what else?
His hand had brushed across her face, a gesture he had frequently used in the past to tell her loved her.
I love you, Thomas.
Her hand flew to her mouth. “Tell me I didn’t say that. Tell me it was a dream.”
She gulped. What else did I say? What else did I do? What must he think of me?
She reread the note.
Jennie imagined Thomas bending over the table, writing the message, unsure if she had meant what she said or if she had simply been mumbling in her sleep. He could have just written it off, but he didn’t. He would have known that she would now feel it necessary to ask him what he had heard.
Once and Future Wife Page 8
