He leaned back, eyes wide. “I’m not broken.”
She tried to swallow back her indignation. Things had been fun and lighthearted just seconds ago, and now she’d let something get to her. Problem was, it stung too much to ignore. Did he really think she was a child? “And I’m not stupid.”
Chapter Twelve
Irritation raced through Jared. How had this all gone downhill in an instant? She hadn’t had a problem with him speaking his mind up to this point. In fact, he appreciated that she was well-versed in the art of blunt when she wanted to get her point across, and now he was just trying to decompile her logic so he could figure out what language it was in.
A retort tried to force itself past his lips. Something about not knowing enough to know she knew nothing. However, not only was that cliché, it wasn’t true. He had no doubt she knew quite a bit. He just needed more information to help him understand. Besides, the flush of her drawn lips, her narrowed eyes, all exposed his desire to make this right.
He held up a hand in surrender. “I didn’t mean anything like that.”
She rubbed her face. An irritated tone that hadn’t been there before lined her voice. “Sorry. Some things hit me harder than others.”
The revelation, not just that she had vulnerabilities, but that part of him had thought otherwise, barreled through his head. Suddenly, making her feel better and figuring out how to protect her, seemed as important as the answer to any other riddle. It was an odd sensation. Except, he didn’t know how to approach the situation any other way but directly. “Why?”
She leaned back in her chair, deep frown lines crossing her forehead.
That hadn’t been the right thing to ask. “I want to know.” He poured all his sincerity into his reassurance. “Tell me what I said.”
She looked him in the eye, her playfulness replaced with the soft edges of hurt. “Most of my life, I’ve been younger than the people around me. And then there was—” She clenched her jaw and dragged in a deep breath. “Do you know how tiresome it is constantly hearing how I must not be as smart as them just because I haven’t lived as long?”
He didn’t miss the unfinished thought, but filed it away for future reference. There were things he didn’t like talking about either. The chink in her shell made his heart clench. So she wasn’t all fun and games after all. “I wasn’t saying—”
“But you did.” She took a long swallow of coffee. “That’s exactly what you said.”
He wanted to wrap her up and patch this wound that had painted a scowl on her features and ruined her smile. But that didn’t make any sense. There was no mathematical calculation for fixing emotions. “It’s not what I meant.” The logical part of his mind said he didn’t owe her an apology. However, he very much wanted to make this better. “I just wondered, why is the now so important?”
She dropped her gaze to her hands, fiddling with the corrugated edges of the cardboard sleeve on her cup and shredding off tiny bits of brown paper. “Then you should have said that.”
“I’m sorry.”
She looked back up, lines fading from her expression. “I spent my entire school career shooting for tomorrow. When I graduated high school, things would be better, I just had to make it through. And then it was the same in college. I kept my head down; I did my work, because when it was all finished it would be worth it.” She licked her lips. “Except I woke up one day and realized tomorrow never gets here. If I don’t enjoy what I’ve got now, there’s no point in pushing for more of the same in the future.”
Her logic was painfully simple. Too bad life was too intricate to just toss all cares aside for happiness. “Sometimes you have to miss out on the right now to experience what comes next. If you take everything as it happens, instead of considering the bigger picture, you’re going to miss out on just as much.”
She pushed her coffee aside. “Unless you spend so much time weighing your decisions and overanalyzing the world around you that you miss your window of opportunity.”
“Then you wait for the next opportunity.” He’d never come across any situation he felt like he was missing out by giving it his full consideration. Except, if he’d stopped to be rational when it came to Mikki...he’d be back in his hotel room pretending there was anything work-related he could accomplish tonight. The idea he might have passed up time with her in favor of being reasonable pushed past the debate and ached in his chest.
She slid her hand across the table and under his. Her soft skin teased the pads of his fingers and made his pulse race. She clacked the barbell on her tongue along the back of her teeth before replying. “I’m not trying to convert you. I’m just answering your question.”
He exhaled slowly to force the circuits in his brain to catch up with the broad shifts in mood. “Is that why you have the piercing?”
Her hand stopped moving under his, and her jaw clenched. She shook her head. “A different story for a different time.”
Twice in so many minutes he’d summoned her frown without having any idea he was even pushing her buttons. “So impulsiveness doesn’t always work out?”
Her laugh sounded forced. “I’m not as interesting as you think. What about you? I can’t be the only one whose past still haunts me, despite my best efforts.”
The question, combined with the aching desire to make her smile again, knocked something loose in Jared’s head. Karen. The betrayal, the lies, the reason he personally never got involved with people who could be considered competitors.
The jumble clawed at his thoughts and powered through the pleasant shell the night had wrapped them in. They were all notions he didn’t need in his head right now. He scratched at his mind until he could gather up all the doubt and file it away. Mikki wasn’t Karen, and even if the two did have something in common, he and Mikki weren’t a couple. This wouldn’t be a copy of what happened before. “You’re right. Sometimes the past is best left in the past.”
Her somber expression vanished. She ducked her head and peered up at him through her eyelashes. “If we’re not lingering on what happened then, and we don’t have any way of knowing what waits for us tomorrow, it looks like the only choice we’ve got is to live in the now.”
A laugh slipped out before he could stop it. “I walked right into that.”
“The timing definitely worked in my favor.” She shrugged and scooted her chair closer until her knee brushed his. A shock of warmth raced through him. “But I promise it was far more coincidence than a setup.”
As with the night before, it amazed him how this woman could make him forget the rest of the world, including the problems at work. It was too bad their time together didn’t actually make the world stop, but this was far better than pacing in his hotel room because he couldn’t troubleshoot.
“A more neutral question, then,” he said. “Why did you get into this line of work?”
Her playful expression had returned full-force, and her eyes almost seemed to glow at the words. She tilted closer, the intoxicating scent of lemon and plum filling his nostrils, and excitement lined her voice. “I love figuring out how things work. Pulling the pieces apart, deciphering why someone did something, and reassembling it all into this nice, pretty package that just makes sense. You know?”
Hearing her unique twist on what he thought was an everyday necessity was one of the sexiest things he’d heard her say yet. He dipped in, grazed her throat with his teeth, nipped a line up to her lips, and stole a kiss. “I know exactly what you mean.”
MIKKI LEANED INTO JARED as they walked through the hotel lobby. His arm wrapped behind her back, and his hand rested on her hip. A tiny voice in her head whispered a reminder that this wasn’t going to last. She was getting too attached for a couple-day fling.
Which was silly. She wasn’t attached. Or maybe just a little. But what was the point in doing something like this if she didn’t enjoy it?
It was late enough that the only people still awake were in the casino, and the desk clerk, who looke
d like he was falling asleep on his feet. Mikki and Jared had hopped from one topic to the next without much pause. Whether it was the latest in technology, or stupid things they’d done to cram for deadlines both in school and at work.
She didn’t know if she’d enjoyed a conversation that much in...well...ever.
“The tongue piercing was because of a guy.” She winced as soon as the words were out. Why had she just said that? That annoying, tiny voice squeaked it was because this was a good way to put distance between them. Or maybe it was just too easy to be honest with him. She didn’t want to hold anything back.
He glanced at her as they stepped into an elevator. “Did he ask you to? Do you regret it?”
She might have tried to brush the comment off, but stubbornness forced out a response. “I don’t do regrets. And no, he didn’t ask. Not in so many words.”
“How do you hint at something like that?” He pulled his arm away to push the buttons for their floors and shoved his hand back in his pocket after.
Disappointment ached in her limbs at the loss of contact. She should probably get used to it now. Which also meant plowing ahead with her story. “My first real boyfriend was a guy I dated after college.” It felt odd saying these things out loud, especially to Jared, but at the same time it felt safe. “He broke up with me because I wasn’t wild enough.” And too immature, and boring in bed, and too focused on work, and, and, and...
Jared half turned and studied her face. “I can’t even imagine.”
“Yeah, well, I decided to prove him wrong. I did everything I’d ever heard him mention he thought was hot. Pierced my tongue, started wearing the clothes I wanted instead of what I thought other people wanted, stopped holding back.” She stared up in to his eyes. Jared hadn’t looked away yet. In fact, was that a tiny smile playing on his face? “Except it turned out I liked it. A lot more than I liked him. I told him no when he asked for a second chance, and never looked back.”
He brushed a strand of hair off her forehead. The gentle gesture raced through every inch of her, humming along her skin. His voice was low and firm. “Don’t misunderstand. You’re gorgeous. But the way you think—the way your mind works—is at least half of your sex appeal. I want you regardless.”
Heat flooded her cheeks, warmth clenched in her chest, and for a rare moment, she found herself without a response. The elevator saved her, and at the same time flooded her with disappointment, when the doors slid open. She nodded behind him. “Your floor.”
Never looking away from her, he stuck a foot back to block the door and hold it open. “Come back to my room.”
Tell him no. Cut this off now. Don’t make walking away hurt even more at the end of this trip. “Don’t you need your sleep?” Not quite what she meant to say, but at least it wasn’t a yes.
He kissed her, and the feather-light touch sent tingles of want from her lips to clench in her belly. He rested a hand at the base of her neck and said, “I’m not sleeping tonight anyway. I might as well enjoy as much of your company as I can before...” He gave a tiny shake of his head, as if trying to toss a thought aside. “Before the sun rises.”
She needed to argue. But the desire to spend a few more minutes, maybe hours, with him won out. “I’d love to.”
Moments later, his hotel door latched shut behind them, and Jared rested his hands on her hips. Her nipples strained against fabric when he trailed up the back of her neck, lips humming along her skin with each word. “It’s true, thinking about the fact you’ve got nothing on under your skirt has made me hard all night.” He nudged her toward the center of the room, the heat of his chest on her back never letting up. “But talking to you, seeing your mind at work, that’s making it impossible to keep my hands to myself.”
“I’d be disappointed to hear otherwise.” She leaned back into him. Everywhere they connected, she felt the pulse of need flow between them.
Hands on her hips, he guided her toward the desk in the corner instead of the bed, pausing long enough for him to toe the chair aside before he pushed her closer.
“It’s too bad I ran out of condoms earlier.” His fingers dug into her flesh as he raked them up her sides, and she moaned at the hungry contact. “I guess I’ll just have to improvise.” His hand traced up her throat and he tilted her head back. His teeth grazed her shoulder and then her neck. His words rumbled through her skin. “Bend over.”
His hand dipped under her shirt and up her spine, lightly pushing her forward. Slick warmth grew between her legs when he nudged them apart with his foot. One hand moved to her stomach and then higher, cupping her breast. The other found the edge of her skirt and pushed it up past her hips. The rough friction spiked through her, and she inhaled sharply. She rested her weight on her wrists, grinding her ass into the hard length pressing back. The air kissed her wet arousal, and she squirmed in anticipation.
“Jesus, you make it tough to behave.” He rolled the hard nub of her nipple between his fingers.
“Behaving is boring...” Her words melted into a moan when he dipped between her folds and sought out her clit.
“Good thing we don’t have to find out if that’s true.” He bumped her sex, a finger on either side, stroking fast and hard.
She dropped her weight onto her forearms and arched her back. The combination of sensations left her dizzy. She pressed into his hand, wanting more.
He pulled back from the swollen button between her legs and sought her opening. She cried out when he shoved two fingers inside her.
“You get so wet when you’re turned on.” His voice was lined with gravel. “There were so many times in the casino, knowing you didn’t have any panties on, I wanted to pin you against the wall and see how far we could get without getting caught.”
The images his words summoned sent a new spike of desire through her. “It’s too bad you didn’t,” she managed between gasps.
He pulled out of her and focused his attention on her clit again, this time grinding the button hard and fast. “Then I’ll have to make sure this makes up for it.”
She couldn’t find the air to reply with more than a series of moans. He’d hit the right spot, and the pressure had her right at the brink, but wasn’t pushing her over.
“Come for me, Mikki.” His breathless prompt drilled into her head, coaxing and heightening her pleasure further. “I want to hear you scream again.”
She was so close. Without anything to grab on to, she clenched her hands, nails digging onto her palms.
He nudged his fingers just a fraction against her clit and hit the right spot. Orgasm spilled through her, tearing a cry from her chest.
She rested her forehead on the cool varnish of the desk, waiting for her legs to steady out before standing. An unfamiliar but amazing feeling flowed through her. Everywhere he touched drew her to life more. Every word seduced her thoughts and senses. She was spent, but filled with an aching need to curl up in his arms instead. The rush of emotion made something squeak inside her. A fear she had fallen too far.
His fingers slipped out of her, and seconds later his lips brushed her cheek. “You’re incredible.”
She hadn’t thought her face could be any warmer, but she was wrong. The compliment flooded her. She managed to find her footing and force herself upright. He wrapped his hand around hers and turned her to face him. She let longing blanket her fear. Dove into his touch instead of lingering on how much it was going to hurt when she couldn’t have him anymore. He cupped her cheek and kissed her gently. The gesture defied everything about the way he’d just made her come, but at the same time it felt right, and fluttered along her skin.
He brushed his lips over hers. “Don’t leave yet.”
The simple request latched on to every hope she’d tried to suppress all evening. At least she wasn’t the only one wanting to make the most of this temporary connection. Temporary—the word made her ribs ache. She shoved the longing aside. She had him now, and this was more about living in the now than anything she’d
ever done. Right? “I’m not dressed for sleeping over.”
He unbuttoned the first button on her shirt, and then continued his way down. “Fortunately, there’s no dress code.”
“Lucky me.”
His palms caressed her skin when he pushed the top off her shoulders and down her arms. He draped the garment on the back of the chair, and seconds later her bra joined it.
Embarrassment and pleasure flitted through her when his gaze lingered on her naked chest, eyes tracing every line. It was an attention she wanted to bask in, and though the sensation was new, it was welcome.
“Let me return the favor.” She mimicked his previous movements as she stripped off his shirt. His bare chest was muscled, but not overly defined. That wasn’t fair. How did some executive geek look so good shirtless? Not that she was complaining. She traced down his sternum and along his ribs, memorizing the sensation on her fingertips.
She dropped lower, to his waistband. The trail of hair running from his navel and disappearing under his boxers tickled her touch. She didn’t have to do much to push his slacks and boxers to the ground, since they were already undone. She brushed his rigid cock, and he groaned. The skin of his shaft was warm and smooth against her palm as she stroked. He leaned his head back, eyes closed. Every sound that tore from his throat spurred guided her movements.
He wrapped a hand around her wrist and pulled her away. “I didn’t do that so you’d have to reciprocate.”
Her shoulders slumped, and a whisper of doubt flitted into her thoughts. Maybe he’s not feeing the same emotional connection. Stupid brain. “I want to.”
He rested his hand on the back of her neck and kissed her gently, only lingering for a moment before pulling away. “We’ve got to sleep sometime.”
Which made sense. But she couldn’t ignore the tiny question repeating in her mind. Is he holding back?
He trailed his nose along the curve of her neck. “I just don’t want you to think you have to.” His hot breath on her skin chased away the sting of his no. “If that makes sense.”
His Hacker (Love Games, #5) Page 10
