by Jill Monroe
“Where’s Stella?” Bethany asked when he found her doing laundry for Gram. She looked behind his shoulder.
“It’s over. She’s gone.”
His sister nodded, then measured out the detergent and added it to the wash. “Yeah, you two seemed pretty in sync. Like you really cared about one another. She might even have been the one, so I figured she wouldn’t be around long.”
He blanched at her words. “What’s that supposed to mean? Bethany, I can’t make her want me.”
“But you didn’t even fight for her, did you?”
“Stella didn’t seem too upset to see the back end of me.”
“Maybe because both of you are too scared.”
“What do I have to be afraid of?”
She screwed on the lid of the detergent and returned it to the rack where Gram stored her soaps and cleaners. “That she’ll make you feel again. That maybe you will love her and she’ll get sick or hurt or even die.”
“I told her I love her. Does that make it better?”
“No, it makes it worse. Because I believe you really do love Stella and you’d rather see her walk out of your life now so that you won’t love her more.”
His hand sliced through the air. “I don’t need your psychobabble. It was nice for a while, but now everything is righting itself again.”
“It’s not your fault.” She flipped off the light and sidestepped around him to walk into the kitchen.
“What?” he asked, following her through the darkened hallway.
“Lily. It’s not your fault she died.”
Something squeezed tight inside him like a vise. He pivoted on his heel and aimed for the front door. “Tell everyone I said bye.”
“There you go again, doing what you do best—running away from life and what you really want.”
“I didn’t run away to Colorado. I built a life there.” And Stella and his family and everything here at home...it threatened that life. Stella wasn’t what he wanted. He didn’t want his family always hovering nearby. He certainly didn’t want his sisters barging into his life asking questions.
But mostly Stella. Forcing him to feel. Isn’t it already too late?
Owen rubbed the back of his neck. “You really think now is the time? Really, now?”
Bethany only nodded. “Of course. It’s the perfect time since you’re already hurt and bleeding. Maybe a few truths will sink in before a new scab forms. I want you to really listen to me. You. Couldn’t. Save. Lily.” She poked him in the chest with each word.
His hand wrapped around her finger. “It was my bone marrow, Bethany. Mine. We were a damn near perfect match, and I still couldn’t save her.”
“And she was my sister, and we didn’t match at all, and I couldn’t save her, either.”
“That’s different.”
“Why? Because you’re the savior of the world so it’s somehow worse for you than anyone else in this family that she died?” She yanked her finger from his hand and poked him in the chest again. “It’s time you became part of this family again. I can’t believe we let you do this to yourself for this long anyway. Well, no more, baby bro. The pity train ends now.”
He’d stayed in Texas longer than he’d planned. He’d reconnected with his family. He’d done his duty.
Now it was time to go home. There was always something to clean at the station. A new piece of equipment or technique to learn. Without a word he wheeled around, stormed through the house, yanked open the front door and slammed it shut behind him. He stabbed his key into the ignition, then slumped against the seat. He’d get in a wreck if he drove right now in this agitated state.
His gaze snagged on one of the note cards from the Market Gardens hotel. Had Stella left him a note? His throat tightened and he grabbed the piece of paper like a lifeline and opened it. But it wasn’t a note from Stella. In fact, he sat there confronted by his own handwriting.
Whatever you do, don’t let Stella go without giving it a shot.
He stared at the words he must have written to himself only a few days ago. Thursday night. The ones he’d written under the influence of a drug that Larissa had told them may or may not give them clarity of thought.
Whatever you do...
This had been a warning to himself. For his eyes only.
...don’t let Stella go.
Stella was the catalyst, but he was also here in Dallas. With his family. Maybe his note also meant Don’t let go.
Owen shut off the motor of the truck. After grabbing his duffel bag and locking his truck, he shoved his keys into his pocket and walked back to the front door.
11
LARISSA RUBBED HER now completely sweaty palms on her black pencil skirt.
“Classy,” she mumbled.
Someone walked past her and flashed her an odd look. Yeah, nothing to see here—just a woman talking to herself.
She’d been standing outside the medical facility for the past fifteen minutes working up the nerve to step inside. Perspiration beaded on her forehead.
She could blame her sweaty state on the late spring sun shining above her head, but she knew it was nerves. And fear of rejection. And the very deserved and dire thought of having to start all over again.
After several long months, she was ready to face the man she loved beyond reason. This time she’d be the one proposing. After all, she was the one who’d left him. She took a deep breath, squared her shoulders and opened the front door, sweaty palms and all.
A friendly receptionist greeted her when she entered, and directed her to Dr. Durant’s floor. But the receptionist cautioned she wouldn’t be able to enter the offices without an escort.
Okay, she’d just wait for someone to come out, Larissa decided. She glanced down at her watch. It was only forty-five minutes until lunch. Surely someone would leave the lab and she could pop through the open door. As a plan, it was terrible, but for some reason the element of surprise had felt like a good idea this morning when she’d formulated it. With advance warning, Mitch would have time to come up with half a dozen excuses not to meet with her.
At least with the stealth approach she’d have the chance to apologize for her behavior and be able to give him the gifts she carried in her bag.
Her plan to discreetly wait outside the door vanished when the elevator slid open on Mitch’s floor and she spotted the large double-paned windows of the lab. Half a dozen white-coated doctors and assistants were working at long tables piled with cutting-edge medical research tools.
A card swipe as well as a phone on the side of the door guarded the lab from the unwanted. Otherwise known as people like her. But one of the doctors looked up just as she eyed the elevator button and lifted an arm in a friendly wave. There went her chance of sneaking out of here.
The doctor beside the first glanced up and smiled. Then the friendly doc pointed to the phone on the wall and pantomimed picking up the receiver.
Larissa shook her head and mouthed It’s okay as she backed up toward the elevator and escape. Hopeful plans devised in the morning were stupid anyway. She’d simply call Mitch tonight and ask to meet him somewhere public like a normal person.
But just then Mitch came out of an office and asked a question of his colleagues. The pair pointed toward her.
She met Mitch’s dark gaze through the glass. His lips parted and he flinched.
Regret and guilt slammed into her. She’d made him feel like that. Just seeing her made him physically wince. Man, she sucked.
Mitch turned to say something to his coworkers and for one really horrible moment, she thought he wouldn’t buzz her inside the lab. Okay, so she might deserve to be left hanging.
But then Mitch pivoted on his heel and strode to the door. Relief made her shoulders sag, but then her stomach started to roil and churn with worry.
There was a buzzing sound followed by the snick of the door opening and then Mitch was beside her, gorgeous and cold, his dark eyes intense with some kind of banked emotion behind h
is glasses.
More people came out from the offices into the lab to not-so-discreetly watch Mitch on the other side of the glass. “I guess you don’t get a lot of visitors up here, huh?”
Mitch shook his head. “What are you doing here, Larissa?”
His abrupt question shook her and she stiffened. But then, why should she be surprised? He wanted her out of there as quickly as possible, and she couldn’t blame him.
“I’m back. Back in Dallas, that is, and man, is it hot here. Although not in here, this building. It’s nice in here. You know, with the air conditioning.” Babbling? Now? She’d practiced a speech. Had written down talking points. Take a deep breath and try it again. “I’m glad to see everyone still working on HB121. Did you ever find out the problem with the batch?”
Mitch lifted his glasses and rubbed at the bridge of his nose. “It was a mixing error at the manufacturer.” Then he slid his glasses into place again and met her gaze. Emotion no longer lingered there. His face was a blank slate. “I have to get back to work.”
“Okay, I understand. Do you have a break coming up? Maybe I could buy you some coffee.”
“I don’t think so, Larissa.” He turned toward the door, already pulling out his security ID card from the lanyard he wore around his neck.
“Wait. Before you go. I brought you something. Actually three somethings. One for every year we’ve known each other.” She pulled out the first gift-wrapped package from a paper bag and handed it to him.
Mitch stopped and faced her, eyeing the package she’d given him, his face still blank. “You don’t need to give me anything.”
“This was important.” She nodded toward the present, afraid he’d try to give it back to her. “Please open it.”
His dark gaze searched hers for a moment, and then he sighed and began to tear away the brightly colored paper. She’d never thought he’d be the kind to rip open a gift. She’d assumed he’d be more deliberate, like he was in bed. A tiny shiver rippled down her spine. She’d missed his lovemaking so much.
Maybe his haste was proof of how quickly he wanted her gone.
He tore away the last piece of gift wrap to reveal a small plastic lion with a wild orange mane and fierce teeth. He stroked the body of the animal with his thumb. “Am I missing something? I’m at a complete loss.”
Larissa cleared her throat. “All over the world, the lion is a symbol of courage. Of never being afraid. When I walked out on you months ago, I thought I was being brave. Fixing my problems on my own was important, yes, but I was also afraid of what would happen if we stayed together. How long before you started wondering what you were doing with me? By then I was so in love with you, the idea of you leaving me scared the hell out of me. Ending it then was a whole lot safer. But I’m not going to play it safe anymore. Not with you. If you, uh, don’t want to be with me, it won’t be because I didn’t try.”
Mitch opened his mouth to say something, but she reached into her bag and pulled out the second gift, this time stuffed in a bag decorated with tiny stethoscopes.
He tucked the lion into the pocket of his white lab coat and then took the bag from her fingers, narrowly missing touching her. If he touched her now... Mitch buried his hand into the tissue paper only to pull out a single sheaf of paper. His eyes narrowed. “This looks like a bubble sheet you fill out for a test.”
She nodded, unable to keep the smile from her face. “It is. In January I took a math placement test, the first step on enrolling, or re-enrolling, in college. I just finished my first semester because I realized what I want to be when I grow up. Finally.”
He folded the sheet in half and handed it back to her. “Don’t leave me in suspense.”
“I’m going to be a high school counselor. I’ve talked to hundreds of people who’ve come through the doors of PharmaTest, some of them barely out of school, who needed a little direction. I’ve spoken with some of those subjects into the small hours of the night, and that was my favorite part of the job. Turns out, I’m actually kind of good at it. The money will be lousy, and the job is at the whim of tenuous school budgets, but now that I’ve figured out what I want, I can’t imagine doing anything else.”
“I’m happy for you,” Mitch told her. His voice was warm, and she knew he really meant it. But his attitude toward her still remained chilly.
She’d hurt him badly. The kind of hurt that never really went away.
Everything hinged on her last gift. Larissa reached into the bag and pulled it out—this one was wrapped in fabric with a bow. She dropped the now empty paper sack on the floor beside her feet.
“The gift is inside the fabric, but it’s wrapped in a quilt square my grandmother made. She never finished the quilt.”
Mitch tugged at the bow and released the tie. Then he unrolled the fabric to reveal an old pocket watch. The watch wasn’t expensive. In fact, the gold plate was worn in some places, and it had stopped ticking years ago.
“It was my grandfather’s,” she told him.
Lines puckered Mitch’s brow and he shook his head. “I can’t take something like this. It belongs with your family.”
But she wrapped her hands around his, closing his fingers around the watch and quilt square that were so very dear to her. “I want you to have it. It’s kind of like my pledge to you. That I’ll never waste another minute of time that I could have with you.”
He sucked in a breath, and Larissa realized that although she’d planned this grand gesture in hopes that he’d forgive her shabby treatment of him and maybe continue to date her, it wasn’t until this moment that she’d told him that she wanted him. That she wanted to be with him.
Now she couldn’t stop the words. “Dr. Mitch Durant, I am in love with you. I’ve been in love with you for three years.” She shook her head. “No, for three years I was in love with the idea of you. Then I got to know the real you. The man here—” she splayed her hand across his heart “—and the reality of that man is so much better. I have enough college credits to cover my freshman year. So that leaves me with three years of school.” Larissa took a deep breath, then met his dark gaze. “Can you wait for me for three years?”
His breath came out in a rush, and he began to smile. “I’d wait for you for forever.”
She flung her arms around his neck and his lips crushed down on hers. A muted cheer rang out from behind the lab windows. His shoulders began to shake and she laughed right along with him, so filled with love and relief and tenderness for this amazing man who was going to be hers.
Mitch pulled away and rested his forehead against hers. “But I was thinking. Since we’ve already waited three years, couldn’t that count as time served?”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s not as if no one in the history of college has ever been married. Married people do get their education.”
“Are you asking me to marry you, Mitch Durant?”
He angled his head toward the glass. “There are going to be a lot of disappointed people in my lab if I don’t.”
“There will be one very disappointed person in front of you if you don’t,” she confessed.
His fingers twined through hers. “Let’s get out of here. A proposal is something I want to be just between us.”
She tugged at his arm. “Wait, if you’re not ready. Marriage is a big step and—”
He cupped her face between his hands, his brown eyes warm and filled with love. For her. “Larissa, I bought the ring the day after we loved each other in the lab. Remember?”
The morning they’d played doctor in the offices of PharmaTest. The memory of that still gave her shivers of pleasure.
“What shall we play this time?” she asked.
“How about two people who got exactly what they wanted?”
* * *
THREE WEEKS AFTER tackling the first of the summer wildfires, Owen’s colleague Callie cornered him in the equipment room where he was busying himself checking the dates of the MREs. She’d only just
returned from her winter job, and this was the first time they’d had a chance to talk. “What happened in Texas? I know you weren’t looking forward to it.”
Owen only shrugged. “Nothing.”
“It’s just that since you’ve been back, you’ve been kind of a dick.”
“You just got here,” he pointed out, moving on to check the state of the parachutes.
“The guys warned me ahead of time, even though they were too chickenshit to say anything to you themselves. Apparently, there’s just some weird bro code that says they have to keep their mouths shut. Lucky for you, I’m not bound by that.” She flashed him a half smile.
Owen dropped the parachute pack. “You’re supposed to say, ‘No offense.’”
Callie’s brow wrinkled. “Huh?”
“Before you insult someone, you’re supposed to say, ‘No offense.’ Then have at it.”
“Is that some kind of weird Texas thing? I meant to offend you. You’re being insufferable. So it has to be a woman.”
His mouth dropped open. “How’d you— Never mind. I get it. You guessed and I just confirmed it.”
“So what’s the issue?”
“None of your business unless you have a way to fix it.”
Callie lifted her hands and shrugged. “Just because I’m the girl in this conversation doesn’t mean I’m the relationship expert. Although to be fair, most anyone can spot the problems in another person’s life. Now spill.”
“Thought you weren’t the relationship expert.”
“It’s not for you I’m asking. It’s for me. And the rest of the guys. Did I mention you’re insufferable?”
Satisfied with the parachute, he examined the next one. “She’s a doctor in Texas. I live here.”
“Strange how they don’t have fires in Texas. Or doctors in Colorado. So what’s the problem? She doesn’t love you back?” Callie asked.
Owen shook his head, then grabbed for another parachute. This conversation was distracting him. He’d have to double-check his work later. “She says she loves me, too. It’s a lot more complicated than that.”
