by Leanne Davis
Kylie fell silent. He finally lifted his head and his gaze fell on her face. He reached forward and cupped her face in both his hands again. “What? You’re not saying something. Just say it to me. Don’t tell me what you think I want to hear. If you’re mad say so. If you don’t believe me, tell me. But you have to tell me.”
She lifted her hands to cup his hands with her own. “I think… I think that you are going to chew me up and spit me out.”
Her tone was so quiet he almost had to lean in to fully hear her. He frowned, gripping her jaw more desperately. “Kylie… no. I’m not… I’m not. Kylie, I’m…I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I don’t think you will mean to. I just think it’s going to happen.”
He stared at her, and she stared back. She didn’t know how to explain it. Maybe just because he was older and therefore the world of differences that existed between the two of them. She had years before she was remotely in the sphere of life experiences and circumstances that he and this Morgan Hartley were. She just didn’t see how this could last.
“You don’t let me in, Tristan. You don’t tell me about your friend Morgan or introduce me to your family after you’ve been involved from the start with mine. I know nothing real about you. I see you here and my apartment. But you don’t really include me in your life. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that. I was okay with that. But you talk like there is something more here.”
“There is everything more here. I haven’t seen my family other than my grandfather since we met. That’s how much they are not in my life. It’s not like I’m not including you, it’s that they aren’t included in mine. They won’t care I met someone new. I like your family, okay? I like hanging out with them, even Donny, even though he detests and distrusts me. I think it’s kind of cool he’s so suspicious of me and wants to look out for you so much. I didn’t know how lonely and quiet and kind of pointless my life and my family was until I met you and yours. So it’s a preference yes, to be with yours. Your mom is nice to me, kind, and interested, and I like watching how she treats you. I didn’t know mothers could be that way. It’s that I want to be included in your life, not that I don’t want you in mine. Does that make sense?”
His hands dropped off her face and he sat back until his own butt hit the rim of his luxury bathtub. He sat down, leaning his elbows on his thighs. He kept scrubbing at his face with his hands and running them restlessly through his hair. She reached forward to still his hands. He seemed so distressed and something struck her then. He was lonely. He wasn’t so sophisticated right then, admitting he needed her family and her because he didn’t have much of his own. Her heart felt like it swelled in her chest cavity. She had no idea she could ever make anyone feel like this. She slid off the toilet seat to come to him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and tucked herself against him. Startled, he had to move to accommodate her body against him. The body he didn’t cringe from. He didn’t tell her to correct herself or gain weight or be anything other than who she was, right here, right now. He made her feel like exactly enough, when she’d never had that kind of full acceptance of all her issues in her life.
She gripped his chin in her hands and forced his gaze to hers. She nodded, unsmiling. “It makes sense. And I like my family too. Even Donny’s distrust. It makes me warm and fuzzy inside to feel protected by him… them. Ally included. But for some reason I always felt like I wasn’t quite enough. I was damaged or something and needed to find a way to fix it. With you, I don’t feel damaged. It’s like you just accept me, as is. Yes, I have issues, but you’re so blasé and okay with them, they feel more like manageable issues than heartbreaking problems. And I like that version of me, better than anyone else’s. Like I’m enough. I’m okay. As is. Exactly as is.”
His arms were surrounding her, his hands warm on her back. “You are. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. You are perfect to me, as is, Kylie McKinley.”
She smiled and leaned her head against his chest, just below his collarbone. His chin came down to rest on top of her head and a stillness settled inside of her. “I’m glad you’re not sleeping with Morgan Hartley.”
His chest lifted as a soft rumble escaped his mouth. “You are like no one else in the entire world.”
****
Over the next few weeks, Kylie was shocked and kind of confused to find herself in a relationship of all things. With Tristan. He came over to her place. He called her. He kissed her. He showed up at the restaurant for dinner if she worked too many nights in a row. He tried to walk her home. He drove her if it was raining. He asked her out. He took her to dinners, the movies, the symphony once. They went ice skating one rainy Saturday and then bike riding on a sunny Sunday. They did things and they did nothing together. It was impossible. Her mom called with her approval. Ally even approved. It was such an odd experience to have them know about her personal life but seem to think her choices were actually pretty healthy.
“I have to go to a conference this weekend.”
“Oh. Where?” They sat at dinner. She picked through a few bites. He often ate the rest of it. And rarely did he comment, admonish or lecture her. She tried to ignore the slight dipping of her heart at the news. So what? He’d be gone for the weekend. What did she care? None. She could get together with Olivia. Or maybe she’d go to a party on campus. She hadn’t done that in weeks. Since Tristan. She could though. She could do that. Even though it held no interest to her.
“Vancouver, Washington.”
“Oh, what’s it for?”
“A dull, dull convention bringing together Tamasy Industries and all their locations to discuss our current and future goals. It’s dull as hell. But I was thinking, you could come with me. We stay at a hotel that’s right where the drawbridge comes into town. I’ll be tied up some of the time, but there should be plenty of time when I’m not.”
Her eyes widened and her mouth popped open. She did not expect an invite. “Are you for real?”
His smile was boyish, sweet, and amused. “So for real. What do you say? You’ll have to skip a day or two of school but as you’ve told me before you’re such a bad-ass it should be no problem.”
“I—yes, I would go.”
His smile was sincere and he reached across the small table to encircle her hand in his. He rubbed his thumb absently along the pad of skin where her thumb connected to her palm. She noticed he often did that. Rubbed absently at the little patch of soft skin. It struck her as a little bit amusing, a habit she was sure he didn’t know he had. Or maybe because it was one of the few places on her that had any meat in it, so he appreciated the feel of it.
It could be that.
It sounded so grown-up, mature, to be going to a business conference in an entirely different city and even state. Her heart beat manically. Her! It was crazy that this was happening. Crazier still it was the man across from her interested in her going with him.
He nodded, pleased. “I was thinking we could fly up and then maybe rent a car and drive home. It’ll take a while that way.”
“Sure.”
“But, you know along the way, we could make some stops.”
“Okay. Anything in particular?”
“Bend, Oregon.” His gaze was steady on hers. His tone was flat and quiet. He knew exactly what he saying. What he was pushing for from her.
She jerked her hand out from under his. She crossed her arms over her chest. “Oh, okay, sure Ally—I mean, Tristan. I’ll do what you think is best for me. You criticize her for it, but here you go. Deciding how to fix me.”
His gaze held steady. Which she expected. People like him and her sister, so sure and confident and usually right, were blessed with the ability to do and think what they wanted. To believe they were always in the right, so sure, why be embarrassed or unsure? While she spent her entire life and moods feeling embarrassed and unsure.
“It was just a thought. I don’t think I have to point out what you’ve done to date doesn’t seem to have worked regardi
ng him. Your father, who you call Micah, who I really, gut-level feel, you want to call Dad.”
“You don’t understand.”
“I probably don’t. I’m just going off what you told me. What you seem to feel.”
She shifted her gaze to glare out the window, not seeing the pleasant scenery, the city street, and the park across from the café they were eating dinner in. “I don’t know.”
He leaned back in his chair and nodded. “Think about it. We don’t have to. It was only a thought.”
“Is that the reason you asked me to go with you?”
“No.” He sighed. His expression was almost bleak.
“What?” she prodded. Dear God, he looked grim. Did he have doubts? What?
“I just didn’t want to be gone that long from you.” He shrugged and shook his head. “I have to tell you this”—he swiped his hand towards her and then himself—“was not what I ever intended to happen.”
A small smile finally stole over her lips. He sounded so surly about it. Like a little boy unsure why he suddenly felt like kissing a girl classmate instead of accusing her of having cooties. “I think we both agree on that. I didn’t foresee it either.”
His gaze darkened. “No, you never foresaw anyone wanting you for more than a quick hook-up because that’s what you think you deserve. But I don’t think that, and yet,” he shook his head again, still baffled, “I can’t seem to stop myself from seeing you. Even daily doesn’t cut it.”
A thrill shot through her straight to the center of her heart. She totally got that because that was how she was feeling too.
“Is this you being sweet?”
His face lifted and he caught her gaze and finally smiled, chagrinned. “I sound like an ass. But I just haven’t ever dated anyone like I want to see you. I didn’t predict it, at all. So…”
She leaned towards him. “I’d like to go still.”
He leaned to her and their hands met again halfway across the table. “That’s excellent. Because I’d like you to go still.”
****
The hotel was several stories tall and their room sat overlooking the Columbia River. There was giant drawbridge that spanned it right where the hotel rested. Lights from traffic and the bridge smudged the darkness that would otherwise be the river. The room had a king-size bed and a small balcony. She bounced on the bed as she watched Tristan efficiently unpack his suitcase. He pulled out suits that were folded just so and when he unfurled them to hang them up she was surprised there were no wrinkles. He had grown up, business-like stuff to do here. She sat on her knees, as her gaze roamed out the sliding door. “You travel often?”
He was in the bathroom then, setting out his travel bag. “A couple of times of year there are different regions of the company I go to and meet with my counterparts and underlings. Eventually I hope to manage all of them, while we open more locations across the country. But that’s a while down the road.”
“Tristan?”
His head poked out. “Yeah?”
“I really don’t fit you or your lifestyle.”
He smiled with a kind, easy manner and sauntered forward. He gripped her shoulders and brought her to his chest. “You fit me, surprisingly perfect.”
He could seduce anyone, she suspected. He could quell her fears and make her heart melt with just a sentence. He often did so. All reassuring and confident. All understanding and caring. It was dangerous to her, making her vulnerable to getting hurt by him.
“I think Ally just about fainted when I told her where I was going and why. I think she was even a little put out. This is the kind of stuff I think she envisions herself doing. Not that she’s jealous of me, because I’m not doing it, my—”
“Your… what, Kylie? Your boyfriend is doing it?”
She shrugged listlessly and shifted her gaze to the bed. “Anyway, my point was I haven’t done anything but sleep with the right guy. But she was surprised you’d brought me.”
“And back to this.” His tone was annoyed.
“What?”
“Back to why Kylie isn’t good enough as is. And by the way, insert ‘boyfriend’ when speaking about me. And just… stop trying to change my mind about you.”
“You sound kinda mad.”
“About you. Okay? I’m mad about you. But I swear to God, I’ll have to get naked and dance with bells on my toes down the middle of the street before you’ll give me your attention and hear what I’ve been saying.”
She cupped his face in her hands. Kneeling on the bed, she rose up so her fingertips could outline his mouth. She kissed him gently. “I heard you. I’m working on it. The whole confidence and believe in myself stuff? It’s not natural for me. You know that. Just like I know it is for you.”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped. It’s just frustrating sometimes. To think one thing and hear you speak another. But I guess I’d rather you speak it to me than hold it inside.”
Silence descended and he looked so glum she tugged him toward her. “Wanna try the bed out?”
“Are you trying to distract me?”
“Totally. Do you want to?”
He shook his head but let her start undoing the tie he wore. They had ended up flying up and renting a car. The suggested stop in Bend hadn’t been decided on yet.
“You’re very persuasive.”
She shook her head. “You’re always so well dressed.”
He suddenly shifted and his hands came to her waist where he suddenly lifted her up and she was in his arms as he pushed her forward and followed her down to the bed. “O-kay, then,” she said, giggling as he suddenly took over with a lot more purpose than she had started with.
When his hands were all over her, his mouth and tongue sucking and licking every part of her as she writhed and moaned under his crazy-hot and constant ministrations, he suddenly grabbed her hands, pinning them to the mattress as he lifted his face up, his gaze raking over her. He stared right into her eyes and she stopped, unsure what the heated, passionate stare was all about. “I think I might be falling in love with you.”
He held her gaze. Her eyes widened. It was the moment. The heat of this moment. Being naked together. It was—
But he seemed totally cognizant of where he was and who he was with and what he was saying.
“Tristan,” she gasped out in shock and wonder. “I—”
“Don’t answer me. Just believe me.”
He then leaned down and covered her mouth with his so she could not speak. But her heart was hammering, almost like it could implode. Almost as intense as the sexual feelings that were pumping through her.
The next morning he was gone. He had an early business meeting. He left a note to order something. Charge it to the room.
She showered and dressed. Wearing casual clothes she headed out of the room and through the main lobby. To the left was a large convention center. Later, that’s where Tristan’s conference was located. He’d shown it all to her right after he’d checked them in.
She spotted him, sitting in the elegant restaurant of the hotel. He was sitting in a window seat with a woman, similarly dressed as he in business attire. They were in an intense and serious discussion. Each had tablets they kept glancing at. He happened to look up as Kylie peeked at him through the restaurant door that stared into the hotel foyer. He caught her eye and her entire body paused as if she was caught by the police trying to shoplift. His lips just barely lifted in a little smile and he raised his eyebrows just a fraction of an inch. Something hot felt like it spilled into her bloodstream. Just from the smallest, mildest eye contact imaginable and her entire body was flushing in pleasure.
Her breath caught in her chest as she stood almost statue-like in middle of the busy foyer. He had turned back, tuned into whatever his companion was saying. He nodded and spoke, yet his eyes kept lingering on Kylie. The thrill to have his attention and his interest was like liquor being poured into her gut.
He finally sat back and tilted his head at her. She
swore they were having an entire conversation across the lobby and interior of the restaurant. Maybe… maybe she might be falling into… something with him too. How else could this crazy connection between them be described? There was nothing casual about it. But neither was anything hard. It was so easy to be with Tristan. To talk with him, smile with him, enjoy him. She didn’t get tired of him. Ever. It was never quite enough time together. Which, for a girl who usually hid from most everyone, was a new experience. Not being sick of another.
The thought sent her wanting to run outside and keep going. She didn’t know how to give her heart over to anyone. She only managed to do it with her mom and sister and Julia because it was required. But to willingly give herself to another? Make herself vulnerable? She didn’t know if she was strong enough to do so.
But then… there he was now, smiling at her, shaking his head slightly in amusement at her. And a big grin broke out over her face as she finally turned, and headed out of the hotel all warm and flustered now from the mildest interaction two people could have. Yet he made her feel… so connected. She hadn’t had a lot of experience being so connected to another.
A long paved walking trail followed along the Columbia River. It had streams of people walking, jogging or meandering it. It went by condos and housing that was city-like yet preppy. The Portland airport was across the river and every kind of plane and jet came in and out on a regular basis, so there was always something to watch. She went back and spent the afternoon lazing at the pool and periodically spied into the giant room where Tristan’s conference was, looking for him. She would often spot him and instead of ignoring her, hurrying her along, he’d do a version of their morning flirting and have both of them smiling at each other across the space and crowds of people. He excused himself once and came out to her, taking her hand and quickly pulling her down a corridor and another before pushing her into a doorway to kiss her until her knees were weak. “You trying to get me fired? How can I concentrate with you prancing around?”
