by Diana Nixon
Copyright © 2015 by Diana Nixon
All rights reserved
No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval systems, without prior written permission of the author except where permitted by law.
The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
Cover design by Jennifer Munswami
(J. M. Rising Horse Creations)
Edited by Heather Anne Davis
Contents
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Acknowledgements
About the author
Louise
(Summary)
It doesn’t hurt to dream, unless you know your dreams will never come true.
Since childhood, Louise Woods has wanted to become a dancer. The day she arrives at Le Papillon – a private cabaret club where men come to enjoy the beauty of women dancing, her life completely changes. Louise lives in the club and the rules of living and working there cannot be ignored or broken. Either you do your best to please the clients, or you are out. No flirting, no secret affairs, just dancing.
During her first public show, Louise meets a stranger who pays for the privilege to have her privately dance for him. He won't let her see his face, he won't even introduce himself, but he will make an offer that she won’t be able to refuse. He won’t make any hollow promises, but he will make her believe she is special…
“I hate following the rules,” he’ll say, “but I do love breaking them.”
Will she dare to risk losing everything she has, just to make the darkest of the stranger’s fantasies come true? Once the decision is made, there will be no way back…
Prologue
New York, 2005
My hands were freezing. I looked down at my holed gloves and shoved my hands deeper into my jacket pockets. Not that it helped me warm up, of course, at least I knew I would save my fingers from frostbite. My whole body was shaking, as if I were all naked, standing in the late January wind; the amount of clothes on my body didn’t help a thing — they were all torn and dirty. I bet I smelled like a trash can, though I was the only one who cared about how I looked and smelled.
My eyes traveled to the empty hat lying near my knees. I sighed. There was no way I would leave the station without a penny in my hat. Someone will have mercy on me and give me a coin, right? I looked hopefully at the people passing by, but none of them looked back at me. Everyone was in a hurry, thinking about their own lives and problems, running or talking on their phones, or to their companions. Well, of course… Unlike me, they had homes and families to rush home to, and take care of. Unlike me, they knew they would be having dinner today.
I took a deep breath and the smell of hotdogs burned my nostrils. I would kill for a bite of a hotdog right now, I thought to myself. I closed my eyes and imagined sinking my teeth into the warm bun; my stomach immediately responded with a hungry growl.
What a traitor…
“Lu! What the hell are you still doing here?” My dreams were broken by the sound of my best friend’s voice. “Marlena will be pissed if we don’t get home on time.”
Home… I smiled sadly at her words.
“We don’t have a home, Tess.”
She rolled her big, dark-brown eyes and pulled me by the elbow, helping me up to my feet.
“Stop being such a pain in the ass. At least at Paradise we have beds and a roof over our heads. Or do you prefer being one of those cardboard dwellers that we see all around the city?”
“No, of course not,” I mumbled, picking up my hat. “Tess, I can’t go back now. I haven’t earned anything today.”
She smiled, embracing me by the shoulders. “Not a biggie. I’ll share a few bucks with you.” She tossed me a ragbag full of riffling paper cash and ringing coins. It felt like the biggest treasure I’d ever held in my hands.
In a whisper I asked, “How do you always manage to get more than the rest of us?”
She smirked, taking the bag away from me and hiding it under her old, long coat. “Too much knowledge makes the head bald.”
I shook my head and we walked to the station’s exit, trying to not attract too much unnecessary attention. People always hated beggars, but there were also those whose job was locking us behind bars. To our great relief, the police couldn’t do anything to us, we were just a group of homeless juveniles. We could be sent to the orphanage, but we already lived there, so a few hours behind bars felt almost like a vacation to us. No work, no begging. At least we could sleep without being afraid of Marlena, our supervisor, splashing a bucket of cold water on us. For some unknown reason, she was sure it was the best way to wake us up in the morning.
Paradise was our personal hell, the worst place in the whole world, where children’s lives didn’t cost a dime. We were kept there until the day we were no longer needed. We lived by begging; we spent days and sometimes even nights at the train stations or bus stops all around the city, asking people to give us some money, because one day our parents thought we were a burden, and they wanted nothing further to do with us. So, they sent us away.
We were liars… We lied about everything, including our own stories. They were never true. Lies have become our only way to survive. If we couldn’t lie properly, we didn’t get money, and without money, we didn’t get food. There was no such thing as friendship between us, and sometimes I wondered how long it would take Tess to realize that we couldn’t possibly be friends. Not that I didn’t like having her as a friend. She was twelve, only two years older than me, but sometimes I thought she knew so much more than I did, about everything.
Tess was one of six children in her blood family. She learned about them from the records she stole from Marlena’s office. She even tried to find her younger sister Brianna, but it was all for nothing, because the day she showed up at the door where her sister’s adopted family lived, she was reported to the police for breaking into their house. All the information about her family was immediately deleted, from Marlena’s files anyway, and she never got a chance to find the rest of the addresses where her other siblings could be living. When she was brought back to the orphanage, she said she would still find them, no matter what, and they couldn’t keep the records from her forever. We never got back to that conversation, so I didn’t know if Tess was still fascinated with the idea of meeting her brothers and sisters. But one thing I knew for sure — she never wanted to see her parents again. Well, none of us did. For us, they all were just heartless monsters, traitors that couldn’t be forgiven, ever.
Because of our so-called parents, our lives were a living hell. I doubt there has even been a worse place for children than Paradise. They treated us like trash there. Those who couldn't work, were simply thrown out into the street.
Starting at five years old, every child was forced to learn how to earn money. When it came to work, boys and girls were treated equally. There were no exceptions for anyone. Even if you were sick and had a fever of 105° you still had to work. After all, it was all about getting a bigger portion of cereal.
&
nbsp; We couldn’t afford to trust anyone, not even those we ate and shared rooms with. Everyone defended his or her own interests. Despite our young age, we were fighters. No one knew the rules of survival better than we did. By the time we were officially allowed to leave the walls of Paradise, we turned into monsters, just like those people who left us there, soulless creatures who would kill for one measly piece of bread. It was a destiny none of us really knew how to avoid. There was no way out of our everyday prison, either you lie and rob, or you will die. Regardless of how difficult our lives were, we didn’t want to die. The rest was history.
Night was the only time of the day when we could get some rest, but we rarely cared about sleep. There were other things to do. We played. Like really played, as if we were just regular kids, with no problems and no need to think about survival. When Marlena fell asleep, we gathered in the basement she never checked, and played and laughed and danced, until it was time to get back to our rooms if we didn’t want to be disclosed and punished. There was only one thing that we ‘loved’ about our supervisor’s bitchy temper — she was a hopeless sack rat. Not even the beginning of World War III could make her get up earlier than her alarm clock was supposed to. Sometimes I wondered if her passion for sleep was our small blessing in this life for all the terrible things that she put us through. I doubt starvation is legally allowed as a punishment for children, even for those who are kept in the orphanages. But in Paradise, anything was possible.
We couldn’t run away. We were not allowed even to think about it, because our every step outside the orphanage was carefully tracked and recorded by the strangers who came by every once in a while to check on the small electronic chips we were wearing around our ankles. They took them off just for a few minutes and quickly replaced again, as if we were some super-dangerous prisoners, with no right to breathe until we were told it was okay to do so. Sounds cruel, I know. But unfortunately, we couldn’t change the situation.
Days passed one by one, but the worst part was they were all the same. I woke up, went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, had breakfast which usually consisted of nothing but a cup of tea with a few pieces of toast, and then went to ‘work’. If luck was on my side and I earned some money, I could allow myself a cheeseburger and a coke on my way ‘home’. The only trick here was to not be seen by anyone, because other kids would immediately report me to Marlena, and I would be without food for the rest of the day, and night for that matter. Tess was the only person whom I could trust. Sometimes we ‘went shopping’ together, we never told anyone else about it. It was a small secret she and I both cherished as if it was the most sacred thing in the world. Back then, we had no idea our lives outside of Paradise wouldn’t be much different from what they used to be there…
One day, something interesting happened. It was the beginning of March, and thank God, the weather was not as cold as it was a month ago. I was still wearing my old jacket, but now it felt so much warmer and cozier. I was sitting on a piece of folded cardboard, hoping for someone to give me a coin. It was early Monday morning, the most crazy time in the day for New York’s train stations and the best time for us — beggars. There was a girl standing not too far away from where I was sitting. She was probably about my age, ten or twelve maybe. She looked at me and smiled, which was surprising, considering people rarely paid any attention to us, unless they stopped to give us some money.
There was something different about this girl. She looked like she wanted to tell me something, but the moment she tried to take a step closer, her mom pulled her back and whispered something into her ear, which made her smiling expression suddenly darken.
Here we go, I thought to myself, she must have told her I was nothing more than a lying hood rat.
I turned away from the girl and looked at the corner where Tess was usually standing. As always, she was shamelessly happy, counting the coins and bills that she had in her hat. I still had no idea how she did it. Not even one of the Paradise dwellers had ever been as lucky as she was, at least not when it came to counting your daily revenue.
The unexpected sound caught my attention. I turned my head back to my hat and saw a hundred-dollar bill together with a few coins lying there. I’d never received that much from one person, let alone from all of the people who dropped money in my hat in an entire day.
“Thanks,” I said, looking up at the stranger standing in front of me. He smiled down at me, I don’t think a stranger had ever smiled so brightly at me before. He was very handsome, like one of those princes I saw in the cartoons. We rarely got a chance to watch them, but whenever we did, it felt like a breath of fresh air, like an escape from our everyday colorless routine.
“What’s your name?” He asked, still looking at me. For a second I had that familiar feeling of fear. At Paradise they always warned us about talking to strangers. They said we couldn’t trust anyone. We could easily be kidnapped and transported to another country where some bad men would sell us into slavery. Stories like that were like everyday prayers we had to listen to every morning before leaving the walls of the orphanage.
“Louise,” I said in a small voice. Despite my inner fears, I liked the guy who was so generous to me. He was probably around twenty, wearing what looked like the most expensive coat ever, with a white shirt and dark-gray tie, matching the color of his deep, studying eyes.
“Louise,” he repeated quietly. “What a beautiful name.”
I felt my cheeks blushing. “Thanks,” I mumbled, lowering my eyes. No one had ever told me my name was beautiful before. Maybe it was because only a few people knew my full name. Everyone in Paradise just called me Lu.
“Here, take my gloves,” the guy said, giving me a pair of black, leather gloves. “Yours don’t look good.”
I hesitated, looking around for any of the other kids from Paradise who could report me to Marlena for talking to a stranger.
He smiled, watching my hesitation. “Take them. You need them more than I do.”
I was just about to thank him again when I realized it would be my third thanks in a row. So I nodded shortly, and took the gloves wordlessly.
“You are not going to spend my hundred on sweets and ice-cream, are you?”
I shook my head. There was no way I would waste or give the money to Marlena. Not this time.
“I’ll buy myself a new scarf,” I said, hiding the money into my ‘secret’ pocket.
The guy smiled again. “You have enough to buy yourself a new jacket as well.”
I did, but… No one would allow me to wear a new jacket, especially outside Paradise where I was always supposed to look miserable. Not that I was going to tell him about it of course.
“I will follow your advice, Sir.”
He nodded approvingly, then looked at his watch and grimaced. “I need to go now. Will you promise me something?”
“Anything,” I said without hesitation.
“Don’t let anyone hurt you.”
Uh, if only you knew more about me…
“I promise,” I said after a short pause.
“Good. Have a great day, Louise.”
“You too, Sir.”
I watched him walk away from me, and a weird feeling formed inside my chest. He could be someone’s brother or son. His parents must have been rich and successful. He must have had a fantastic childhood…
Lucky him.
I looked down at the pair of gloves I was still holding in my hands. It was probably the best gift I had ever received from anyone. Carefully, I put them on, and smiled at how warm and cozy they felt against my skin. I kept the gloves on for a few more seconds, then I took them off and hid them under my jacket, afraid someone would take them away from me. I couldn’t let it happen.
Since that day, everything had changed. I was no longer afraid of people kidnapping or hurting me. I didn’t even let myself think about it. I started singing and dancing on the stations, just to attract more attention and get more money. Not that I was good at dancing or singi
ng, but somehow, my childish moves and sounds made people smile. They stopped and watched me, sometimes even clapped their hands. It made my heart flutter. There were moments when I closed my eyes and imagined myself being a famous dancer or singer… People coming to see my shows, applauding and admiring me…
Of course, those were just my dreams, and they were never supposed to come true. But there was one more reason for my sudden change of mood. I was waiting for him… Waiting for the moment to see him again — the stranger with the most beautiful eyes ever. I could still see his stare in my mind’s eye. It was not compassionate or anything. It was full of mystery I couldn’t quite understand. As if he knew something I didn’t.
Every day, I ran to the station hoping he would be getting off one of the trains and stop by and talk to me again, but he never did…
Months passed, but I never stopped hoping I would see him again. Maybe I was simply afraid to let my dreams go, because deep down inside, I knew that the day I let them go, I would be back to the hell I used to live in before the day I met my stranger. But I made a promise, I couldn’t break it. Even if the only person who could hurt me was myself…
“Hey, Lu, can I use your mailbox to receive a few things?”
I rubbed my eyes, trying to understand what Tess was talking about.
“My mailbox?”
“Come on sleepy head, wake up! It’s almost five thirty! We need to be at the station in twenty. And yes, I was talking about your mailbox. You never receive anything from the outside, but I have a friend who wants to send me some things, and that’s why I need your box.”
“What happened to yours?” I sat in my bed, wishing I had just a few more minutes to stay under the blanket and watch the rest of my dream. I didn’t remember what it was about, but it made me feel so happy.
