by Diana Nixon
“So what should my dance be about?” I looked skeptically at the dress that Kate was holding, and shook my head. It would barely even keep my upper body concealed, and that doesn’t even begin to cover the fact it would probably show the entirety of my lower body. “I hope you are not going to make me wear that…”
“Don’t worry, it’s not for you, I need to find a new costume for Val’s show. The old one was irreparably destroyed.”
“How?”
“Oh, how I wish I knew the answer to that question. I would gladly kill whoever ruined the amazing bustier and shorts I spent an entire week designing and sewing.”
I felt a little surprised at her words, she must do it all around here. She must be a house mother; she trains the girls, brings in the new ones, makes sure we are fed, cared for, and in addition to all of that, she designs and makes the costumes the girls wear for their shows.
“I didn’t know you were also the designer of all the clothes we wear.” I took one of the floor-length dresses that was decorated with dozens of small Swarovski crystals off the rack. It was white and looked a little out of place among the rest of the costumes, considering most of the wardrobe consisted of black, red or dark-blue outfits.
“We have a great team of designers working here, but sometimes, when I want something special done, I just make it myself.”
“What do you think about this dress?” I asked, holding it in front of my body, and facing a huge mirror covering one of the walls of the wardrobe.
“Hmm… That might be interesting.” Kate looked at the dress and then looked into the mirror to see the dress held against my body, and nodded. “We’ll take it.”
“You still haven’t told me what my dance should be about…” I followed her over to some boxes containing hats, gloves, stockings, and some other accessories.
“You are going to tell your story.”
“What story?”
“Well, you do have a story, don’t you? I mean everyone has a story, so what’s yours?”
“You know my story. I grew up in Paradise and then I was sent here when I could finally leave. There is nothing else to add.”
“Tell me more about your life, but this time without words, with a dance instead.”
I frowned for a moment, not sure what exactly she wanted me to do. Was one dance enough to tell the story of the majority of my life? And how the hell was I supposed to use cabaret style dancing when in my mind the dance of my life was so much different from what they usually did on these stages?
“Okay, so here’s the plan,” Kate said, handing me a mask that matched my white dress. “We both know you are afraid of dancing in front of so many people. Is that right?” I nodded. “So first of all, we need to make sure the guests won’t cause you to be as nervous as they normally would, and that’s why you are going to wear this mask. No one will see your face, you can easily imagine you are up there alone, with no one watching. You can even close your eyes if you wish. Just don’t think about all those greedy bastards gawking at you. They come here to relax and enjoy the beauty of the show. Sometimes they bring women with them, but never their wives. Mistresses mostly. You shouldn’t be worried about them, think about yourself and your dance. The better you dance, the higher your salary will be. And the more money you have, the more luxuries you can afford.”
I smirked, humorlessly. “Trust me, I know exactly what that means.”
“Good. Which means you will do your best to impress the audience. Oh, and they love newbies, by the way.”
“That doesn’t make me feel any better,” I muttered, trying on the mask. It was so beautiful, I felt like a princess from a fairytale. The only difference was that my fairytale was made for a mature audience.
Kate laughed. “I look at you and remember myself at your age. I was afraid of my own shadow. Don’t ask how long it took for me to get used to public dancing. You won’t like the answer.”
“Hey, you are not really helping, you know?”
She laughed even harder. “Just kidding, I am only joking! Relax, Louise. You know what you are doing. It will be great, I promise!”
“Don’t promise me anything, unless you are going to dance that solo for me.”
“Stop your belly aching. Let’s go to the show room and try out a few of the moves.”
Kate was right about the mask, it helped a lot. Even though no one was in the room, I still felt like there were dozens of eyes staring at me. But then, I put on the mask, and my surroundings seemed to disappear, and definitely didn’t seem as scary as they did before. It was as if the mask had hidden not only my face but my whole body behind its soft, shining fabric and feathers.
I liked the idea of my dance. Even though I never said it aloud. The more I trained, the better I got, and I could tell the end result was going to be amazing. It was not a traditional cabaret dance. I added my favorite ballet steps to the dance, and combined them with a few ‘seductives’ as Kate called them — the dance moves that were supposed to show I knew exactly what the visitors wanted from me and my dancing.
I had been training, trying different moves and steps for about an hour, when I heard someone yelling from the other side of the room, “Kate, what the hell is going on here? You are cutting into my training time. How am supposed to be ready by tonight, if I don’t even have a place to practice?”
I immediately recognized the owner of the voice. It sounded so painfully familiar, as if I had just been transported back to the day Tess and I had to say our final good-bye. Tears began to fill my eyes.
“Calm down, Val. You were not here, so I thought I could use the stage to train the newbie. Now, it’s all yours.”
I was standing there, breathing heavily, staring at my best friend who I had been dying to see for years, and I couldn’t make myself say a single word.
“Tess,” I called to her after a short pause. But she didn’t even look in my direction. She said something to Kate and left in a hurry.
I swallowed hard. I was lost for a moment. I knew I was not the only girl sent here by Marlena, but I could have never imagined I would find Tess here.
“Louise, are you listening to me?”
I shook my head, shaking off my surprise, “Sorry, what did you say?”
Kate looked at me suspiciously. “You okay? You look like you’re about to pass out, you are as pale as a ghost.”
“I’m fine. It’s just… Wait, why did you call that girl Val? Is she the same Valery you told me about earlier?”
“Yeah, that’s her. She has quite the temper. Even though I have been around her for a while, I don’t always know how to handle her.”
“How long has she been working here?”
“For about two years, why? Do you know her? Oh, she was raised in Paradise too, right?”
“Yeah, but back then her name was Tess.”
“That doesn’t really surprise me. Many of Marlena’s girls change their names when they come to work here.”
Slowly, I took off the mask, and inhaled deeply. I was so happy to see my friend, but on the other hand, I didn’t know if she would be as happy to see me. She looked so different now, unreachable... Would she even want to talk to me? What if I just go knock on her bedroom door? Will she see me then? Suddenly, I felt like there was a huge wall between us. I couldn’t see it, but I could feel it with my heart. I didn’t know what really made the wall, Tess’s new life here or my inability to understand things didn’t always go the way we wanted them to. Either way, I was going to talk to her, at least to see if my assumptions about her new personality were correct.
“How about lunch?” Kate asked, bringing my thoughts back to reality; the reality I knew would never be as perfect as I wanted it to be.
“Sounds great.” I forced a smile and followed her out of the show room. I stopped at the threshold just for a second and turned around to look at the illuminated stage one more time. I already knew I belonged there, I was only unsure if I would be able to meet the expectations o
f the others. Kate and Drew were sure I would be just fine, I wish I had their assurance…
Later that day when Kate and I went through my wardrobe, we took out everything that was too big or too small for me; at that point I only had about an hour left to get changed and ready for the show. The girls were allowed to watch each other’s shows, even if they were not dancing in them. Of course, we were not allowed to sit with the visitors, there were private tables, reserved just for us.
Kate also warned me about visitors who could be a little more persistent than the others about getting you into their bed. They would send drinks, ask for personal dances, but would also ask the girls to sleep with them; accepting their favors was forbidden. Drinks were the only thing I could accept from them, because it brought more money into Drew’s pocket, and because girls didn’t have to pay for their own drinks. The visitors were here to watch, and we were here to dance. We were out of their reach, and they were always out of ours.
I don’t know why, but I was a little afraid of going to the show room that night. Judging by all the noise behind my door, the club was already filled with the guests. Kate said no matter what we were doing in the show room, we should look perfect, like pictures everyone was allowed to look at but not to touch. We couldn’t show up in shorts, jeans or T-shirts. If you didn’t want to dress up for the night, you were not allowed anywhere near the show room. It was unbelievable, how many rules we had to follow. For a moment, I thought there were even more than we had in Paradise. My fate obviously had a sick sense of humor.
I looked at my reflection in the mirror and didn’t even recognize myself. With Kate’s help, I looked gorgeous, like a real and true lady; my make-up and outfit would fool even the most biased of my beholders. I felt like I was still wearing a mask, like the one I used for my dance. I didn’t look or feel like myself anymore. Is this what my new life is? A dream come true? I was not sure anymore if that was the kind of dream I wanted to be true… The sound of applause tore me from my inner musings. It was a sign that another dance was coming to an end. And it was time for me to join the show. I rose to my feet and headed for the door, not even bothering to look at my reflection even one last time. I wouldn’t see anything I truly liked in it… It was just another lie, yet another role I had to play. And I was going to be damn good at playing it, because there was no way I would give up on my life and let someone else take complete control over it, even though right now I personally had no control over it, someday I would.
“Ma’am.” The doorman bowed his head, greeting me. I smiled slightly to myself. I was not any better than him. In fact, we were in the same situation, even if he didn’t have to wear the makeup or dress I had to. None of us had a choice but to keep smiling.
“Thank you,” I said, entering the show room.
There were so many people inside, I would have never believed it was a private club. All the tables were taken. Of course, the majority of the visitors were men. They laughed, drank, and talked to their companions. I immediately noticed a few pairs of curious eyes following my every step. Thank God, it was dark enough in the room so no one could notice my embarrassment. Shoot, apparently not even an expensive dress could save my self-assurance from falling to pieces.
I took a deep breath and headed for a table I knew I would find Kate sitting at. She and a few other girls I had met earlier in the day, were sitting there too. A new song started and more lights illuminated the stage. Another performance began. Kate waved her hand, and moved closer to Natasha, to give me the space to sit next to her.
“So, what do you think?” She asked, sliding a glass of what appeared to be orange juice over to me.
“This is crazy,” I said the first thing that came to mind. I didn’t know how else to describe my feelings, or anything else going on around me.
The girls laughed. “You will get used to the noise,” Moly said. “When the show is over, and you go back to your room, it feels like a World War has come to an end. It is always such a relief.”
“But you don’t have to attend every show,” Kate added. “It’s just that today is your first day as a member of the team. If you don’t dance, you are free to stay in your room, or if it’s your day off, you can go out and have fun somewhere else.”
“Excuse me, Miss,” the waitress said, “those gentlemen from table five sent you this.” She put a glass with an unknown drink on the table and left.
“Woo hoo!” Natasha applauded. “Looks like someone has already started collecting fans! Not bad, Girl, not bad at all.”
“What am I supposed to do with this?” I pointed to the drink. It didn’t look or smell like juice, and I doubted Kate or Drew would approve of me getting drunk on my first day at work.
“Don’t worry about it. Val will gladly have it after her dance is over,” Laura said. “Besides, you are not allowed to drink unless you are twenty-one.”
Two hours later, our table was full of drinks sent by the visitors. Most of them were sent to me. Kate said that it was a usual thing to happen around here. She said the men always liked new girls, even if they were not dancing.
When the time for Tess’s show came, I was all nerves. I hadn’t seen her since the incident this morning, and I didn’t know what her reaction to seeing me would be. She was supposed to dance with two other girls — Linda and Marisa. The three of them were dressed in black, with huge hats on their heads, corsets and stockings, the ensemble was sexy. I bet most of the men watching them at that moment wanted to see more than just a dance.
“Is it even legal to wear that on the stage?” I asked, taking a few sips of my juice.
“Not everyone knows what to do with that kind of an outfit, but yes, it’s totally legal and amazing, isn’t it?”
I couldn’t help but agree with Kate. No wonder Tess was her favorite baby. She danced smooth as butter and so gracefully, you could see she had no fear of falling or making any mistakes in her dance. She knew exactly what she was doing, and everyone, including me, was watching her in awe. It didn’t matter how many dancers were there with her. There was only Tess. Everyone’s eyes were focused on her. It was as if people were under a spell from her dance, no one could look away, and they looked like they were in a trance, until the dance was over and Tess was about to leave the stage. She bowed and went down the small set of stairs, leading to our table, gathering compliments along the way. She was a star here. My fears about my show grew even stronger.
I will never be as good as she is, I thought to myself.
“Well done, Sweetie, as always.” Kate rose to give Tess a hug.
“Wow, so many drinks! Who’s stealing all my fans tonight?”
I finally dared to reveal my presence to her. “Hi Tess,” I said, waiting for her unpredictable reaction.
Slowly, her eyes moved to where I was sitting, as if I was the last person she had ever expected to see again.
“I don’t believe it… Louise?”
“Believe it or not, but yes, it’s me.” I smiled slightly.
“What are you doing here?” There was nothing but pure fear in her question, as well as in her gaze.
“She’s the newest member of our team,” Kate said proudly, squeezing my shoulder.
“Did Marlena send you here?”
We both knew what she actually wanted to ask.
“Yes,” I said without hesitation. “Now I work and live here.”
“I see… Well, good luck. With both.”
And then, she just walked away from our table and disappeared behind the main doors, opening into the hall.
What the hell?
“Did she break one of her heels or something?” Apparently, I was not the only person to see Tess’s weird reaction to me. Kate frowned too. She was still staring at the doors, confused.
“I’ll be right back,” she said, leaving us.
“Do you and Val have some kind of negative history from Paradise?”
I looked at Natasha, puzzled. “No. We used to be best friends.”<
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“When was the last time you two saw each other?”
“About two years ago, when Tess, I mean Valery was allowed to leave the orphanage.”
“Oh, I see,” Moly said thoughtfully. “Do you know that she didn’t come here right after she was out of Paradise? She tried to run away, many times, but Drew always managed to find her.”
All of a sudden, I remembered the note Tess left before leaving Paradise. It said to never ever try to run away. I thought it was talking about the orphanage, but apparently, there was something more to it than I had originally realized. It was something I was going to figure out.
“Do you know what happened after she was found?” I asked.
“No. But it was rumored Tess was forced to please Drew’s special guests, if you know what I mean.”
I didn’t like Natasha’s answer, at all. Obviously, there was a story behind Tess’s mask of hate. The only question was if I really wanted to know it…
She has always been like a sister to me. Even today, when I saw a different side of her, I still hoped the Tess I knew and loved was alive in there, maybe hiding somewhere deep down in her heart that somehow turned to stone. I wanted to talk to her, I needed to talk to her. Not just to ask about what happened after she left Paradise, I wanted to talk to my old friend I had been missing for so long.
Chapter 4
I stopped at the door to Tess’s room, unsure of what I should do next. I couldn’t even make myself call her Valery, let alone get used to such an unexpected and maybe even a little shocking change in her appearance and attitude. What if she doesn’t want to see me? What if she…
I didn’t have time to finish the thought, because the next second, the door opened and I saw Tess, wearing the same outfit she had worn for her dance. She had walked away so quickly, I didn’t have a chance to figure out the reason behind her weird behavior.
She looked a little surprised to see me standing right outside her door. “Oh, it’s you,” she said with disdain, opening the door wider. “I heard footsteps and thought it was Kate. What do you want?”
