by Diana Nixon
I nodded, trying to force the terror freezing my body and mind away. I don’t think I had ever been more scared in my entire life. My heart was beating so fast, I hoped I wouldn’t end up in the hospital with a heart attack.
The applause got louder and I think I stopped breathing for a moment.
“It’s time,” Kate said, slightly pushing me toward the stage entrance. “Remember, they are just strangers, and you are the star.”
I can do this, can’t I?
Inhaling deeply, I took a step closer to the stage. It was time to show everyone, including myself, just how much of a fighter I really could be. Or at least show them I would not fall in the middle of my dance. Yeah, it was going to be one hell of a trial to go through.
I put on the mask, and the show began….
The first beats of the song filled the show room, the audience got quiet. Slowly, I went to the center of the stage, the glow of a single stage light was illuminating the scene, and followed my every step. I couldn’t see anyone, it felt like I was the only person in the whole room. My only audience was the lonely chair now standing next to me. I sat on it with my legs spread on both sides of the chair, my back to the people, whose breathing I swear I could hear ever through the music. My palms slid down my legs, I took off my shoes, and leaned back, sending an imaginary kiss to the suddenly excited audience, making them scream and shout at every move I made. The music got louder, and so did the applause, but I didn’t dare to look at the people welcoming me. Instead, I closed my eyes and let my dancing nature take over my body, mind, and spirit.
I danced like there was no tomorrow. I danced as if it was my first and last chance to prove I knew how to dance. Well, partially, it was true. After all, first impressions are always the most important.
When the lights turned from white to red, I pushed the chair away and raised one hand to grab a huge golden ring dropping from the ceiling that was supposed to be my see-saw for the rest of the dance. I had never danced high above the ground before, and I had no more than a few seconds to latch my belt to the ring. I was praying I wouldn’t fall when the ring began to rise back up toward the ceiling. It was probably the scariest part of the show, but it was also my favorite part. For just a minute, I was able to imagine myself as a bird, flying high above the club and the audience…
Wind filled my lungs, as the ring started to spin. It was still too dark in the room to see the clients. I mentally thanked Kate for this small trick of light, it became my salvation.
The end of the dance was the only part of the whole thing that I still was not sure about. According to plan A, we needed to make it seem like the ring was falling down; I was supposed to be hanging on to the ring, with my legs, and the rest of my body hanging freely in the air. Kate said I could use plan B. But it wouldn’t be as spectacular. So… I took a deep breath, and leaned back, feeling the air from the giant fan, whipping my dress around in the wind, and playing with my hair. When the song had played its final beat in the silence of the room, I unfastened my belt and let the skirt of my dress fall down to the floor. The lights went off.
My heartbeat accelerated. It felt like my heart only had a chance to beat one time during the entire dance and now it finally began to beat regularly again.
I didn’t know how much time passed before I heard the loud applause indicating the end of my small performance, but it felt like no less than forever had passed before I realized I had actually done it, and I executed it perfectly. My inner world exploded. Every single second of my endless rehearsals was worth it — this very moment of relief and indescribable euphoria, running through me and filling every inch of my body and mind were all worth it!
I finally opened my eyes and had to blink a few times before my vision adjusted to the bright lights. The ring, the chair, and the missing part of my dress were gone. There was just me, hiding behind the mask that was so much more than just a piece of shining fabric. Right then and there it was a whole world that belonged only to one person — me…
I bowed and left the stage, as happy as ever.
“My talented girl!” Kate hugged me tight, and I suddenly felt like I might break into tears. Not because I didn’t like my dance, but because I was too excited over all the emotions, feelings, sights, and sounds, going on within and around me.
“That was un-freaking-believably beautiful.”
I laughed quietly through my tears and took a step back, saying, “If only you knew how much I was worried about the end of the show. But I thought I’d rather stop thinking, and then I just threw my head back, praying it wouldn’t end up kissing the floor.”
Kate and a few other girls standing around us laughed.
“It was amazing, Louise,” Natasha said.
They all congratulated me on my first dance. But there was one more person whose opinion I wanted to hear. Not that I expected any compliments, but still…
“Valery!” I called. “What did you think about my dance?”
To my surprise, she had been watching me with the rest of the team and not from the show room.
“Do you really want to hear my opinion?”
“I do,” I said without hesitation. I was sure she wouldn’t say anything good, but she surprised me with her words. “That was fantabulous.” And then, she left without saying another word.
It was my first small personal victory. No one knew how close Tess and I used to be. No one knew how painful it was to watch her leave now, even though I knew her words were sincere. They meant the world to me, but on the other hand, I was sure they were just the beginning of the war that neither of us were willing to lose.
“Did you see Drew’s reaction to your dance?” Kate asked, pulling me to the dressing room.
“No, I don’t think I saw anyone or anything at all. I still feel like I am dreaming. Did he like the dance?”
“Oh, I’m pretty sure he did. He rarely smiles, but when your dance was over, he was the first person to rise to his feet and start applauding you.”
“Really? Then next time, I’ll take my time enjoying the after-show compliments.”
Kate laughed again. “You did such a great job, Doll. I’m sure people will remember it forever.”
All of a sudden, the door behind us opened, and Tess came in, smiling as if she had just won the lottery.
“Room three, private dance,” she said, as if she were announcing the arrival of a king or someone equally as important.
Kate and I shared a glance.
“What does that mean?” I asked, already knowing the answer.
“You need to go,” she said, a little worried.
“How am I supposed to dance? Um, I mean, what kind of dance am I supposed to do for him?”
“Anything to please your client,” Tess said, smirking devilishly. Oh, she didn’t know me very well. I was not going to miss the dance, regardless of how much I hated the idea of doing a private dance, I also hated the thought of being locked in a room with some stranger.
“Okay,” I said, rising to my feet. “Should I change into something else?” I turned to Kate.
She still looked a little worried, and I wondered if she knew something that I didn’t. I looked back at Tess and said, “I’m coming. You may go now.”
Her smirking face turned red, but she didn’t say anything else. As soon as she was gone, I asked Kate, “Is there anything else I should know before I leave this room?”
“Just remember what I told you last night.” Kate smiled slightly, and nodded to the wardrobe. “You’d better change into something more comfortable. Clients who order private dances don’t like the girls to be wearing too much clothes.”
I swallowed hard. “That man, waiting for me now… He won’t try to…” I didn’t dare to finish the question, but it was not needed. Kate knew exactly what I was worried about.
“No, of course not. But dancing for him might be… A little more intimate than public dancing is.”
“Is he allowed to touch me?”
&n
bsp; “Yes. But you can stop him whenever you think he crosses the line. Plus… There’s one more thing you should know. Our clients don’t always want to be recognized. So when you enter the room, turn your back to the door. The client may come wearing a mask, or he may also ask you to blindfold your eyes so you wouldn’t see his face. There’s nothing to worry about. It’s normal for private dances.”
“I’ve never danced for a man before.”
“You’ve never danced for a room full of men either, before tonight that is... So don’t be scared. Just be yourself. Dance and tease him a little. This is what men come here for. Now go, it’s not polite to keep the client waiting. And good luck, Louise.”
I will surely need it, I thought to myself. I changed quickly into a pair of black shorts and a matching bra with shining fringe which covered most of my belly, at least I didn’t feel completely naked. I put back the high heels and headed for room three…
I can’t say I was overly scared of doing this private dance. Or maybe I was just still too excited about how successful my show had been, and it felt like I would never be scared of anything, anymore. I entered a room that was half-dark and took a few steps away from the door, stopping at a chair right in the middle of the room. No more than a few moments later, I heard the door behind me opening and closing. Am I supposed to say hi or something? Kate didn’t mention anything about greeting the client, so I thought I would just stay quiet for now.
I didn’t know who my client was, or what he looked like. I didn’t even know how old he was. But somehow, I preferred to think he was not much older than me.
“Close your eyes,” he said almost in a whisper. I didn’t hear him coming close to me, but when he spoke, I could feel his breath on my neck.
Carefully, he covered my eyes with a blindfold and tied it around the back of my head.
There was no music in the room, so I didn’t know what to do next. Should I ask him to turn on some music? Or should I just start moving without it?
Suddenly, he spoke, “I liked your dance. It was very beautiful.”
“Thank you,” I said, again, not sure if I had the right to talk. From what I could feel, the man was not standing behind me anymore. Maybe he was a few feet away from me.
“It was your first show, right? Did you like dancing for so many people?”
Why is he asking me so many questions?
“Um… Not really. In fact, I was afraid it would be a total failure.” Was he here just to talk to me?
“You didn’t look like you were scared or anything. Rather on the contrary.”
My breath caught the moment I felt him come to stand right behind me again.
“You looked like a dancer who knew exactly what she was doing.” His fingertips ran down the back of my neck and stopped at my shoulder, caressing it lightly. I panicked. I had never been with a man before, and even though I knew it was not going to go any further than I allowed, I was still a little scared. Are there any cameras in the room? Can anyone see us? Will anyone help me if he tries to undress me or worse…
I felt my palms sweating. I grabbed the back of the chair standing nearby.
As if he could feel my fear, the man spoke, “You don’t have to be afraid of me. I won’t do anything you don’t want me to do.”
His voice was so soft, almost like a feather tickling my shoulder and neck. Something strange started to form inside me. I had never felt it before, well… Maybe just a few times… When I was thinking about the mysterious stranger I met several years ago.
The excitement…
I didn’t know if it was right or wrong to feel it in the presence of the man whose name I didn’t even know. There were many times I heard the girls from the orphanage telling each other about their ‘boyfriends’. Some of them lost their virginity very early in life, but I still couldn’t understand how it was possible to sleep with a guy just out of curiosity or because you had a few drinks, blurring your mind and judgement. I didn’t know anything about physical attraction, but somehow, I was sure it should be mutual, and right now, I didn’t feel like I should allow my momentary splash of hormones let my defenses go.
“Don’t you want me to dance?” I asked, turning my head a little to where I knew I would feel his breath on my skin again. The weird thing about the whole situation was that I was a little hypnotized by everything the man said or did, it was as if he was spellbinding me and I didn’t feel like I had enough strength to resist him.
“Do you want to dance for me?”
Did I want to dance for him?
“Yes, I do…”
“Is that what they told you do?” The question was asked in a harsh tone of voice. I couldn’t understand why. Did I do or say something wrong?
“No. But you paid for a private dance, which is my job, and now I need to pay off the money you spent on me.”
“Do you always follow the rules, Louise?” He pronounced my name, as if he was tasting it, trying to see if he liked the sound of it.
“I don’t have a choice but to follow them.”
Now I felt his hands wrapping around my belly, sliding painfully slow across my skin; every inch of me froze.
“I hate following the rules,” he said, drawing small circles around my navel. “But I love breaking them,” he added; one of his palms slipped down to my shorts, but I stopped it before it could go too far.
He smirked. “You are very shy for a girl who works in Le Papillon.”
I felt like I was trapped in a gate with the lion who was just about to swallow me alive. With his hands around me, I couldn’t move or run away. And I bet he knew it too.
“You smell like jasmine and oranges,” he whispered into my ear. “It drives me crazy.” I felt his lips on my earlobe, and I don’t know why, but I suddenly wanted to turn around and feel them on my lips as well…
“I know I need to step away, but I can’t,” he said with so much despair in his voice.
Neither can I…
“I’ve been waiting for this moment for so long, Louise.”
“You mean for the entire show?”
“Yeah… But it still felt like forever,” he replied after a short pause. “I want to take you away from here. Will you go with me?”
“I can’t…” No matter how much I wanted to. What the hell is going on with me?
With the stranger’s hands still caressing my belly and back, and with his lips teasing me with a soft whispering, I felt like I was losing my mind.
“I don’t want you to dance for anyone else, ever again.”
What?
“You will never go to the private rooms again, unless you know it’s me waiting for you there.”
“I can’t decide for my boss.”
“Don’t worry about him. I’ll pay him enough to keep you all for myself.”
“Why would you do that?”
Finally, I dared to turn around, I wanted to take the blindfold off, only he wouldn’t let me.
“Because you are mine now,” he said, catching my hands before they would free my eyes.
I almost laughed at his words. “I don’t belong to anyone.”
“You do. You always did.” He said with so much assurance, as if he knew everything about me, about my past and maybe even my future.
“Who are you?” I asked, trying to find out anything I could about the man I was talking to now.
“Does it matter?”
“It does. Because it looks like one of us knows so much more than the other one does.”
“Don’t you like secrets, Louise?” I could swear I almost tasted the question on my lips. It was probably asked inches from my mouth.
“I hate secrets. Especially, if someone keeps secrets from me.”
“I’ll tell you everything about me, but not tonight.” He ran one palm down my cheek and stopped at my chin, saying, “I think it’s enough talking for one night. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“I won’t be here tomorrow.”
“Why?”
“Then where can I find you?”
“We are not allowed to see our clients outside the club.”
“Who said you will see me? We can meet somewhere faces don’t matter.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Will you come, if I give you the address of the place where I would like to see you again?”
“I… Don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“But will you?”
Maybe it was a mistake, maybe even the biggest mistake ever, but I said…
“Yes, I will.”
I heard the sound of a pen running across a piece of paper, and then he put it into my hand, holding it a little longer than I expected.
“Don’t tell anyone.”
“I won’t. Can I just ask for your…” I didn’t have a chance to finish my question, because the next moment, I heard the door opening and closing again.
I took off the blindfold, and he was gone…
Chapter 6
I don’t know how long I had been standing in the middle of the empty private dance room, when suddenly I heard Kate calling me from behind the door, “Louise? You okay in there?”
She waited for no more than two seconds before she opened the door and let herself in.
“Hey, why are you still here? I saw your client leave about ten minutes ago.”
“I didn’t realize he had been gone that long, time is going so fast tonight.” I sat on the couch, still trying to catch my breath after my weird ‘dance’ with the client. I had no idea what to think about what had happened. I made sure to keep the note he had given me out of Kate’s sight.
“Is there anything I should know about, before you go back to your room?”
I swallowed. “No. Why would you think that?” I hoped I didn’t sound like a frantic, caged animal, whose lies she could immediately detect, because that was exactly how I felt at the moment.
“You look and sound a little… Lost. Are you sure you are okay?”
