Louise

by Diana Nixon

  Never in my life had an elevator ride seemed so long. It was almost midnight when I finally stepped through the door to my room; it was drowned in the dim lighting of the city, seeping through the dark windows. I flipped the switch on the wall, turning on the lights, and gasped at all of the beauty surrounding me. The room was huge. It was like a separate apartment that just happened to be inside of a hotel. There was a hall, a living room, and a bedroom with the bathroom that was to die for. Taking a long, hot bath was the first thought that crossed my mind at the sight of it.

  I put my purse on the bed and noticed a note lying on one of the pillows.

  “I hope you like your room. Call me if you need anything, I’m right behind the red door…”

  I went back into the living room, and saw the mentioned door and knocked quietly.

  “Yes?” Will responded immediately, as if he had been waiting on the other side for me to come knocking.

  “I just wanted to make sure that I’m not alone.”

  My room looked too big and too lifeless to stay in by myself. Obviously, I was not one of those people for whom luxury could replace the warmth of a person’s touch or presence.

  “Would you like anything to eat?” Will asked. “I will call the restaurant and ask the chef to cook something special for you.”

  “No, but I would gladly take a bath…”

  “And I would gladly join you there…”

  I bit my lower lip, not sure if saying what I had in mind was the right thing to do. But then… Well, there was only one way to find it out. I took a deep breath and said, “You can join me if you’d like to… I promise, I’ll behave.” I smiled to myself, trying to imagine his reaction to my words.

  But to my disappointment, no reply followed. I waited for a little while, and then went to the bathroom to get undressed and ready for the bath. Maybe I shouldn’t have invited him to join me. But just in case he was going to change his mind, I left the bathroom door open.

  I turned on the water in the bathtub to let it heat up and came to stand in front of a huge mirror. I tried to recognize the girl looking back at me. She still looked like the Louise from my past, yet so much different. The green pools of my eyes were shining so brightly, as if they were illuminated from the inside. I ran one hand through my chestnut hair, letting the strands fall freely down my shoulders and back. I felt like every inch of me was on fire, burning slowly beneath my skin. I closed my eyes, and wrapped both arms around my body, imagining it was Will holding me now. The memory of the first kiss we shared filled my mind. It was nothing like the real kiss had been, it was too void and pale in comparison to the emotions the gentle touch of his lips made me feel. No imagination in this world could give him enough credit for the kiss he gave me — the magic of the passionate bliss created by the high of two people giving in to one another for the first time; sailing through the depths of each other’s beating heart, with every sharp breath suppressing the end of time…

  The sound of the door opening brought me back to reality. I turned around, a little scared, but I was still alone in the bathroom. Only now, it was filled with the steam created by the hot water filling the bathtub.

  “Who is there?” I asked, edging closer to the half-opened door.

  “It’s just me,” Will replied, pushing the door slightly. I stepped back, excited but not sure what to do or how to react to his presence.

  “Aren’t you afraid of me seeing you, Will?” I asked, looking at his shadow dancing on the bathroom floor.

  “Turn around. It’s still too early for you to see me.”

  “Then why are you here?”

  His response followed immediately, “Because I seem to be unable to resist you. I tried to not think about your meaningful invitation, God knows I tried… But it was all for nothing. I want to be here with you, and I want to be here with you now. May I please come in?”

  I hesitated for a few seconds, but no longer… The thought of having him with me with too thrilling to say no.

  “Yes,” I said, turning away from the door. It was difficult for me to not stay turned toward the door and play by his rules because I would give almost anything to finally be able to look into his eyes, to see the face I have been longing to see since the second I heard his voice, for the very first time, in the dance room three.

  My heart was beating wildly in my chest. I could hear every step he took, bringing him closer to me. I think, I could even hear his breathing, it was as if he was too excited to control it.

  His palms rested on my shoulders, then pushed the edges of my bathrobe down, making it fall down to my feet. I took one small step back, his eager hands met me halfway, wrapping slowly around me, along with his lips kissing my neck and collarbone. Oh yes… This is definitely better than hugging myself, pretending it is him. His arms are much more sensual around my body than my own. His arms are so strong. This is the best feeling in the world.

  I felt unable to move, hypnotized by the feeling of his palms gently rubbing my skin, and the softness of his lips eagerly kissing my body. Oh, what I wouldn’t give to turn around and look into his eyes and kiss his lips...

  The warmth of his skin felt like fire against my belly. He slid his palms up and down my sides, as if he was trying to memorize every curve of my body with his hands. The only sound I could hear was the running water. The air was filled with clouds of steam, surrounding us, like a transparent blanket.

  “My God, Louise, you are making me crazy,” he said, and delicately cupped my breasts with his hands, rubbing my nipples with his thumbs. “You have so much power over me, I don’t think I have ever gotten so much pleasure from losing my control. I would take you right here and now, if only I didn’t know it would be your first time.” He worked his hands down my stomach, leaving one of them tightly wrapped around my waist, the other moving lower, to where I needed him the most. “I want to touch you here,” he breathed, his hand resting on my pelvic bone. “I want to kiss you there,” he said, gently tapping his finger right above my clit. “I want to tease your clit with my tongue, then suck it into my mouth, enjoying the sweet sounds of pleasure escaping your luscious lips,” he whispered, then gently nibbled my neck. I couldn’t help but moan at the image his words formed in my mind. He had never been so open with me. I wondered if that was just a hint of what he would really do to me when we were finally able to be together.

  “Yes, please, I want it too,” I pleaded, maybe even whined a little.

  “Don’t rush things, my sweet girl. Let me enjoy this moment of intimacy with you first. I have been dreaming about being with you for too long to let it disappear so fast.”

  His fingers slid in between my hairless lips, circled my clit and then slipped inside me, making my need for him impossible to suppress.

  Slowly, he pushed his fingers deeper inside me, not deep enough to hurt me, but deep enough to make me want so much more than just his fingers. Turn me around, make love to me, please make love to me. I want you inside of me more than I have ever wanted anything. I am craving you.

  “Ugh, you are so responsive, and tight, Louise. The feeling of your softness wrapped around my fingers is amazing, beyond description. I want nothing more than to feel that softness taking me inside of you.”

  I felt his lips moving down my back and then up again, tickling and turning me on even more. The speed of his fingers moving in between my legs became faster.

  “Let’s get into the water,” he said, pulling them out. Then he nudged me slightly forward, toward the bathtub, standing just a few feet away from me. I could hardly think about anything but the loss of his touch; the touch I was enjoying more than I could have ever imagined.

  I stepped into the hot water, turning around slightly… But not to where I could see him, waiting for him to join me. He is finally touching me and losing himself in me. Play by the rules, Louise and he just might allow you have a look at him… Just keep playing by his rules…

  I didn’t need to wait for too long. A few sec
onds later, he was standing right behind me again, with his hardness pressed firmly against my back. I had never been that close to a man’s nakedness, but it didn’t scare me; in fact, I wanted nothing more than to get even closer… So I did the only logical thing I knew to do to get myself closer to it, I reached one hand back, and wrapped my fingers around his arousal, making him moan loudly into the curve of my neck.

  “Sink down to your knees,” he whispered into my ear. I did as he instructed and he followed shortly after me, making the water splash over the edges of the bath.

  In seconds, his fingers were inside me again, teasing and playing. I threw my head back against his shoulder, moving one of his hands to my breast, making sure I kept my eyes closed. He licked my earlobe, igniting the fire that had already been burning me alive since the moment we first met.

  “I can’t even imagine how amazing it would be to make love to you, Louise. It will take me forever to recover after this bath. And I can’t wait for the moment when I can see your beauty spread on my sheets, your hands raised over your head, grasping the headboard of the bed, with your legs wrapped tightly around me.”

  “Oh, please stop saying that,” I said, hardly breathing. I was already too excited to stand any more of his word torture, if he wanted to say it he need to act upon it. “Stay with me tonight. I don’t think I will be able to fall asleep without you.”

  “Do you really want me to stay?”

  “Isn’t it obvious?”

  “I will stay with you... But only so I can make sure you have a peaceful night. It’s been a long day, for both of us, we both need to rest.”

  “I don’t want to sleep.”

  “Neither do I. But that is exactly what we are going to do if I stay the night with you.”

  “You are incredibly cruel,” I said, smiling slightly.

  He didn’t say anything in response, instead, he kept covering my skin with small kisses, while his hands continued to study my body. He pulled me back closer to his chest, and I took it as a silent invitation to continue my teasing work. I touched his lower stomach, brushed my palm towards his hard-on and wrapped my hand around it again, sliding up and down, imagining it filling me, thrusting deeper and deeper inside me.

  Ugh, it was probably not the best thing to think about at the moment, because within seconds, I felt like I was falling apart, losing myself in the wonderful sensations caused by his touch. The heat of the water splashing around me only made the inevitable moment of euphoria harder to suppress.

  “Come for me, Baby,” he said, increasing the speed of his thrusting and twirling fingers.

  “Not until you do the same for me,” I said in response, stroking him faster and harder.

  “Oh, yes... I don’t want to wait any longer,” he immediately complied.

  The sensations showering over me were excruciating. My tummy muscles tightened in an ecstasy that was nothing but pure bliss, a mixture of heat and indescribable relief that I had been waiting for for too long.

  I let out a pleased moan, joined by Will’s growling. His embrace around me turned into a death grip, as if he was afraid to let me go. As if he was afraid of losing this moment, and of losing me being with him forever.

  “I can hardly think straight right now,” he whispered, gasping for air. Gently, he pulled his fingers out of me, then kissed my shoulder one more time before he let me go. “Take a bath, you need it now.”

  “Aren’t you going to stay?” I was dying to turn around, I couldn’t wait to see the emotions crossing his features. I could easily imagine them in my mind, even though I had no idea what the man behind me looked like.

  “I will join you later, in the bed. Now close your eyes.”

  I sighed, a little disappointed, but still too happy to get too upset about him leaving. Sinking into the water, I leaned back against the bathtub’s marble edge, and smiled.

  “You are not going to break the promise, are you?” I asked.

  No response followed. Will was no longer there. I knew it without opening my eyes. I always knew when he was gone. It made me feel so alone, so insecure. Except this time, I was more than sure I wouldn’t spend the rest of my night alone. We had gotten ourselves in too deep to pull out now. There was no doubt I would fall asleep in his arms.

  ***

  Before I even knew what was happening, my alarm clock was buzzing loudly, jolting me awake with the morning sun streaming brightly through the edges of the hotel’s curtains. I was so lost in a dream, I didn’t immediately realize where I was. It was only after my eyes finally adjusted to the light coming through the window that the memories from last night returned. I sat upright in my bed, afraid to turn to my left and see the place next to me empty.

  He promised to stay…

  But, of course, there was no one on the other side of the bed, except for a letter left on the pillow, with my name written neatly across the front of the envelope. I didn’t remember falling asleep, I guess I was too exhausted to wait for Will to come back. When did I get out of the bath? I didn’t even know if he had been here, other than to leave me a letter… How could I have fallen asleep without seeing him?

  Frustrated, I tore open the envelope and pulled out the piece of paper with the note, and read it.

  “I have crossed the line… I did something I should have never done… But I don’t regret any of it. Being with you was one of the most exciting things I had ever felt, in my entire life.

  With the wind and moonlight caressing your gentle features, I’m sitting here, watching you sleep. I’m afraid to move, afraid to make a sound, afraid to wake you and break the dream that is hiding me from you. When in reality, I want nothing more than to slip under this soft blanket of yours, wrap my arms around you, and feel your steady breath kissing my lips. But I can’t… I can’t make another mistake that will make you hate me forever. Maybe I shouldn’t have brought you to Paris with me. It’s so hard to keep secrets from you, to be with you without actually being with you. It’s hard to breathe when you are around, and it’s simply impossible to take my eyes off of you now.

  It’s like I’m blinded by your light that shines brighter than the sun itself. Your grace and beauty are my Kryptonite; they capture me and don’t let me go; they keep pulling me to you, and I don’t have the strength to stay away from you, when in fact, this would be the best I could do to save you from the pain that I know will break you, sooner or later. I should have done so many things differently… And now, that I know you, I can’t just walk away from you. I turn into a prisoner of my own weakness, becoming a hostage of the youth and light I can see in you.

  I hear you calling out my name, and my heart skips a beat. I feel your touch on my skin, and I’m lost to anything but the pleasant warmth it sends through me. I kiss you and the world around me comes to stop, as if it is giving me a chance to enjoy this very moment with you. I’m longing to see you in my dreams, where I know there are no boundaries and we can be together again, at least until the new day comes…

  You once asked me about the demons living inside of me. Now I know for sure that only you can save me from them. Only you know how to make my life peaceful. Because when I’m with you, I don’t know where I end and you begin; I feel like we are one together, I’m so happy, I’m afraid to take a breath as if it may frighten this feeling away. It flows straight through my soul, filling every inch of me. I would spend the rest of my life trying to make you happy, if only you ever let me inside your world. I know I don’t deserve to see it, and I know that no matter how hard I try to beg for your forgiveness, you will still hate me, for everything I have done wrong. I only hope your hate will eventually turn into something else, the something that I have been trying to deny for so long, the something that wouldn’t let me leave you again, the something that I cherish like the most amazing feeling in the world…

  You are so close, yet so far away, as if there are miles between us. I still can’t believe you let me get so close to you. You don’t know anything about me,
yet you trust me so much, giving yourself to me, unconditionally. I appreciate it more than you know, and I hope you will never regret the decisions you make about us, regardless of the outcome…

  Always Yours

  W.”

  I don’t know how many times I read the letter. It felt like every time I read it, I could see something new hidden in between the lines, like an unspoken message that I needed to see and understand.

  Tears were running down my cheeks, I didn’t try to stop them. I don’t know why I was crying, but I had so many different emotions running through my body and they were simply impossible to control. It was as if a different person had read the letter and not myself. The real me would never have taken the words so close to my heart. I was a strong person, wasn’t I? At least, I used to think so before I met Will.

  He changed me in so many ways. Did he even realize how much power he held over me? Did he realize how quickly he became my weakness? He said the same words about me last night, but I doubted he knew that I felt the very same way about him.

  Chapter 13

  My cellphone rang on my bedside table. It was not just a new message, but a real call from Will. I wiped the tears from my cheeks and inhaled deeply, saying, “Hello?”

  “Good morning, Louise. Did you sleep well?” As always, the sound of his voice made me tremble. I don’t know what excited me most, the things the man could do to me, even without showing me his face, or the fear that went along with everything that was happening between us.

  “Yes, I guess I did. I didn’t hear you come in and leave last night. Did you sleep well?”

  “Oh yes¸ it was probably one of the best nights ever. Did you have breakfast?”

  “No, I just woke up. You?”

  “I’m already on my way to my business meeting, but you can order whatever you want. Just look through the menu they left on the table in the living room.”