by Diana Nixon
The lights were all shut off inside the room, the only illumination was a few candles, burning on a round table in the middle of my living room.
“Will?” I called, hoping he wouldn’t break his promise about meeting me here tonight. Who else would have lit candles in my room?
“I am in here,” he responded from my bedroom.
I walked in, and saw him standing near one of the floor-length windows, looking out into the street. His silhouette made shadows dance on the floor. I breathed a sigh of relief and leaned against the door frame, fascinated. He was there… Once again, he was so close, yet so far away from me.
I hesitated, not sure what to do next. No, scratch that, I knew exactly what I wanted to do now — to come closer, to feel his arms around me, to feel his lips kissing mine…
“You were stunning tonight,” he said, still standing with his back to me.
“So you liked the dance…”
“I loved it. I don’t think you’ve ever danced as beautifully as you did tonight. Did you see the pictures?”
“Yes, great job. Why didn’t you tell me you liked photography? It’s not a secret, is it?”
“Not anymore.” He turned around, and I saw a black mask covering half of his face from his forehead to his cheeks. He was wearing a tux, with no tie. A few of the upper buttons on his white shirt were undone.
He came closer and cupped my face in his hands, caressing my cheeks with his thumps. “What picture did you like most?” He asked.
I was mesmerized by his closeness. It was the first time that I could look at him, even though the mask didn’t show much, but at least I could finally enjoy the view of his perfectly-sculptured, full lips.
“The one with my face turned to the audience. What about you? Do you have a favorite picture of me?”
“I do.” He touched the corners of my lips with his fingertips; tremors ran through me. “It’s the same as yours. You were looking right at me, when I was taking it. You didn’t know it, but God, that look in your eyes… It went right through me. I wanted nothing more than to throw the damn camera away and come kiss your parted lips, right in front of everyone watching us.”
“You are more than welcome to do it now.”
He smiled, looking down at me. I never doubted that he had a beautiful smile, but actually seeing it, with my eyes instead of my imagination… It took my breath away.
I was looking up at him, trying to guess what color his eyes were. But I could hardly see anything while the lights were off, and the mask did a great job keeping his eyes and his identity hidden from me.
“It feels even more surreal than before, doesn’t it?” He said, as if reading my mind.
I reached one hand up and touched his face, trying to remember the emotions I felt the first time I had touched him this way.
“You once said that blind people are capable of feeling things much better than we can,” he said, “but I feel like even with my eyes open, I can’t get enough of you; of looking at you, of being with you, of dreaming of you. Because every time we are together, it feels like I am caught up in a dream — in the most beautiful and exciting dream.”
He bent down and touched my lips with his, softly, just once, which was a complete disappointment, considering how much more I wanted at the moment.
“Whenever I touch you, I see your chest rising and falling, as if it’s hard for you to control your breathing; your lips part with a sharp intake of breath. I see the light blush covering your cheeks, and it drives me totally crazy. The mere thought of taking away your innocence makes me drunk. I feel like I’m losing control, but I don’t give a damn. All I want and need is you.” His gaze met mine, and now, more than ever, I despised the fact I couldn’t see his eyes… I hated it even more than I already had before. “And when our lips touch, I’m lost, lost to everything but the softness and sweetness of the kiss we share. I want to kiss you senseless, and it takes all of my self-control to stop when I feel like going too far. I have no power over the pull overwhelming me, but I love it,” he whispered against my lips, before capturing them in a real kiss.
His fingers twined in my hair, pulling it, as if demanding an immediate response from me. He didn’t have to wait long for my response. All at once, the thoughts and emotions running through me turned into something I didn’t even realize I was capable of feeling — love…
The sudden realization was even more frightening than everything I had felt for William before this very moment. I used to think that I was strong, but with him, I didn’t want to be strong anymore. I wanted to be weak and fragile, and I didn’t care if it sounded stupid. He was my strength, like the air filling my lungs, the heart beating wildly in my chest, and the light that I couldn’t live without.
Kissing me one last time, he grabbed my wrists and pushed me into the wall behind me, pressing his chest hard against mine. “What are you doing to me, Louise? Why can’t I let you go? Why can’t I stay away from you? Give you a chance to live your own life, and not mine?” There was so much pain in his voice which sounded more like a desperate whisper. “I want you all for myself, always. I can’t imagine letting you go back to Le Papillon. I can’t imagine letting other men enjoy your beauty. I just can’t…”
“You don’t have to worry about other men. I don’t need any of them, I just need you.”
As if those were the exact words he wanted to hear from me, he started kissing me again, with even more need and desire, I could feel it radiating from him; it was like he was shooting off electricity from his body and sending it straight through mine.
A faint moan escaped my lips, burning down all the doubt and fears I had ever had about being with Will. The heat of his kiss left me weak and wanting. What did I say about dinner? Oh, right, we were supposed to have dinner first…
Will broke the kiss, and slowly let my wrists go, just to cup my face in his palms again. “You are so responsive, Louise. I seem to be unable to step away from you while feeling so much need in your kiss.”
“Do you need a minute to catch your breath?” I asked, jokingly.
“Most definitely.” He swallowed hard and stepped back, running one hand through his dark hair.
“How about we eat … first?”
He looked at me, a small smile curved the corners of his gorgeous lips. “First? I love the sound of that. Let’s eat.”
We went into the living room, and sat at the table with the candles burning on it. We could eat without trying to tear the clothes off of each other, couldn’t we? Well, we could at least give it a try.
“Don’t look at me like that, Louise.” Will growled, closing his eyes for a moment. “I can hardly think about anything but taking you right here, right now, on this table, and you keep sending me those silent messages that I don’t really know how to ignore. Please, just … stop it.”
I smiled. “As you wish, Mr. Secret.”
He smiled too, a little more relaxed this time.
“Despite the fact that I still need to keep secrets from you, I love it when you call me that.”
“And I think I know why.”
“No, really?” He leaned closer, watching me intently.
“It makes your self-esteem exult.”
He laughed. “Do you really think that low of me?”
“I’m just sure that self-esteem is one of the weakest traits men like you have.”
“Men like me?”
“You know, men who think they know everything about everything, for whom losing control over the situation is the same as losing a World War; men who don’t take ‘no’ for an answer.”
Will studied me for a long minute. “You are right, Louise. Well, almost.”
“Almost?”
“I like losing control with you.”
I could feel my cheeks burning again, and I bet he could see it.
“Let’s order some drinks. Maybe they will help you… Cool off a little.”
I rolled my eyes, taking the wine list. “As if I were t
he only person here who needs to cool off.”
He laughed quietly under his breath. “Let’s think about food instead, Louise. At least for a little while.”
“You always sound so bossy. Why do you think I need food? Are you planning to exhaust me tonight or are you just trying to fatten me up?”
“Maybe… About the exhausting part, I mean; you are perfect, no need for fattening…” He stumbled over the last words, barely holding back another smile. He didn’t even look at me, still staring at the menu, when I knew for sure his own thoughts were far from food or drinks.
“I’m not going to follow your orders, neither in a bed, nor out of it,” I said firmly. No matter how much I loved being with him, I also wanted him to know that I was not going to turn into his personal slave, sex or otherwise, and make his every dream come true without saying a word.
“We will see.”
Seriously?
“I can’t believe I trusted you so much.”
“What if you like my orders? You never know if something tastes good or bad until you try it.”
I looked up and saw him smiling at me. “Why don’t you switch your dirty thoughts to food, Mister?”
“As you wish, Miss.”
We ate in silence. It might seem a little weird for someone else, but not to us. Our eyes stayed locked for almost the entire dinner, except for those rare moments when we needed to refresh our drinks, or slice a piece of roast beef. After the waiter came back to take the dishes away, and we were alone again, Will went to the record player and turned it on, letting the sounds of music fill the room.
“Shall we dance?” He asked, offering me his hand.
“You’ve never danced with me before,” I said, rising to my feet.
“You’ve never asked me to dance with you.”
“Right… My mistake.” I looked down at our bodies touching, and once again I realized that there was no hesitation in what we were doing, it was as if we had been dancing for years, knowing every step either one of us was about to take.
Will spun me around, and pulled my back to his chest, saying, “I remember you asking me to tell you how we could make love without seeing each other’s face… This is one of the ways.” His palm slid down my dress and pulled the edge of it up, exposing my hip and a part of my lingerie.
I sucked in a deep breath, afraid of what he was going to do next. His hand slipped lower, to where I could feel his fingers caressing me through the fabric of my panties. His lips touched my ear, hot flesh against my skin; my head started to spin. My tummy tightened at the force of the need I felt at that moment. A gentle breeze from the open window rustled my dress and my hair; the scent of Will’s cologne drifted in the air, a mix of spices and wood.
“What are you thinking about?” He whispered, now moving his hand from my panties and up to my belly, as if licking my skin with the heat of his touch.
“I think I have too many clothes on me,” I said, gasping for air. Even with the window open, it still felt like there was not enough fresh air in the room.
He smirked. “I couldn’t agree with you more.” He pushed his hand deeper under my dress and with the help of his other hand, he took it off of me, letting it fall down to my feet. I didn’t move.
“Turn around,” he said in a low but firm voice.
I did as he said, trying to fight the embarrassment that I thought would never return, especially after the bath he and I shared last night. I don’t know why, but something felt different about tonight. Maybe the fact that I was finally allowed to keep my eyes open, or the fact that I knew our game would go so much further than it did last night.
Wordlessly, he reached for the back of my bra and unfastened it, slowly pushing the straps down my shoulders. The bra joined my dress, laying on the floor, and I kept staring at them because I didn’t really have enough courage to look into Will’s eyes.
He touched my chin with his thumb, forcing me to look up at him.
“Is it even legal to be so stunningly beautiful?” He smiled, leaning closer, his breath feathered my lips, making the temperature of my body rise to several degrees. Our gazes met for a brief moment, but it was more than enough to feel the heat pulsing between us.
I closed my eyes, leaning forward, dying to feel his mouth on mine again. I could taste the wine on his lips, making indescribable sensations travel through my bloodstream, just like the drink that we had shared, moments ago. He could feel my weakness, I knew he did. But I hardly cared. With him, I was not afraid of losing my balance or falling.
He broke the kiss from time to time, and I could feel his tremulous breath escaping his lips and tickling mine, it was teasing me and I could barely handle it anymore. His closeness was so disarming. I wouldn’t be able to fight whatever he had on his mind that he was going to do to me, even if I wanted to. The good news was I was sure our thoughts and desires were the same.
I could feel every single part of my body that his wanting eyes stopped at. My heart was about to jump out of my chest at the force of the anxiety that was swallowing me alive.
Now or never, I thought to myself. I took a few steps back, until I bumped into the table with my rear. Resting my palms on its smooth surface, I sat on it.
“Come here,” I said, a little afraid he wouldn’t take the dare. “I remember you mentioning this table in our previous conversation…”
He shook his head slowly, as if he couldn’t believe his eyes and ears. “It’s your first time, Louise, it should be done differently.”
“Alright, but we can at least start here, can’t we?”
I reached for my panties and pushed them down my legs, watching Will’s eyes following my provocative gesture.
When our gazes locked again, I knew his restraint had been destroyed.
So much for your famous self-control, Mr. Secret.
He took a few steps closer, spread my legs apart and pulled me roughly to his body. “I told you to be careful what you wish for, remember?”
“Yes.”
“Then you’d better not try to stop me, ‘cause there’s no way I’m gonna leave this room without getting what I have been dreaming about for nights, first.”
“I won’t try to stop you.”
“Are you sure about that?”
Was I?
“I am,” I said, wrapping my hands around his neck, capturing his delicious lips in a kiss. It was anything but slow and tender. Will deepened the kiss almost immediately after I started it.
I was melting in his arms, and I didn’t care if I couldn’t ever be myself again… I just needed to be with him; I needed to be with him right now. Plain and simple.
“God help me, Louise… I want you… So much, I can barely breathe without suffocating.”
“Then what are you waiting for?”
Chapter 16
Hot lips moved up my belly, leaving fiery kisses on my skin. The coldness of the table surface beneath me contrasted with the heat boiling inside me. Leaning on my elbows, I let the sweetest of sensations swallow me up.
Will was hovering over me, with nothing but his lips touching me. He put his hands on the table, one on each side of me, and smiled slightly, saying, “This is going to be a long night, Louise.”
“Sounds good to me. I wasn’t going to sleep anyway.”
“When you are with me, you will never get enough sleep at night.” And before I could stop him, he pulled me to his body again, pressing his arousal against my sex. Even through the fabric of his trousers I could feel how hard he was. Oh, boy, did I still have a chance to stop him? Did I want to stop him? No, not in this life for sure.
Sliding his palms up my hips and sides, he leaned even closer and pinned my hands over my head; his lips working their way down to my breast. Running his tongue across my nipples, he pressed himself harder against me, and I couldn’t help but admit that I wanted him now more than ever. Not just his fingers and lips, but him, all over me, inside me, hard and deep.
He sucked one of my nipp
les in between his lips, making another shattering moan escape my throat.
“You make the most erotic sounds I have ever heard,” he murmured, now moving one hand down my stomach and in between my legs. “You are like the most exquisite instrument that I can’t get enough of playing. I want to hear every fine sound you make, I want to dive into the music of your moans, I want to dive inside you and never come back from the magical and mind-blowing world that you create around me.” Slowly, he thrust one finger inside me, finding the spot, pressing it tenderly and making more delicious moans of pleasure fill the silence of the room.
Shivers ran up and down my spine. The wind from the opened window joined in our sweet game, making goose bumps cover my skin. It was like bathing in an ocean made of both fire and ice, burning to ashes and then coming back to life again, taking a deep breath and letting the fresh air fill my lungs.
Will pushed his fingers deeper inside of me and I flinched from the pain it caused. It’s not like I couldn’t stand it. It hurt just enough to make me want more, more of him inside me. He kept his mouth on me, relishing every inch of me that his knowing lips could find.
God, women must have been crazy about spending the night with him, in one bed…
A very unpleasant feeling formed inside me, overshadowing the sensations he was flooding my body with. Jealousy…
“How many were there before me?” I asked, surprising both of us by the unexpected question.
“What?” He stared down at me, his lips pressed into a thin line, making him look a little angry and definitely more dangerous.
“How many women were there before me?” I don’t know why I suddenly wanted to know the answer to that question. Maybe because I didn’t want to be just another toy to him; a toy he couldn’t wait to play with, and then toss away as soon as he was finished with his fun and games. Or maybe it was because I loved him too much to let someone else take him away from me.
Love…
