“You are mine! That means that you don’t disrespect me by sitting there and flirting with Carter Fucking James at my school!” His foot found my side, and I bit back the scream that tried to push its way out. “You want to go be with him, Madison? You want to go be one of the many whores he fucks and never calls again?” Another kick against my thigh this time. “You will stay away from him and any other prick that comes up to you, do you understand me?” I was crying so hard all I could do was nod. He opened the door, slammed it, and left me there.
I hated that he got like this, and I hated myself for letting it happen. The first time Chris had ever hit me was our first summer together.
We were going to the beach with his family and I had just bought a new bikini. I wanted to look nice for him. We were only on the beach for about a half hour when he leaned in my ear and said we were leaving because I didn’t feel good. I felt fine and was confused by it, but I figured if he wanted to leave then we should go. We said our goodbyes to his family and drove back to his house.
He wouldn’t talk to me the whole way home and when we got there, he dragged me up to his room. As soon as he closed the door, he slapped me so hard that I fell to the floor. He called me a slut for wearing that bathing suit, and told me he could see how much I loved all the guy’s attention. That couldn’t have been farther from the truth. I hated being the center of attention. After that day, he never asked me to go to the beach again.
. . . .
When I got to class Wednesday morning, Carter was waiting for me and it brought a smile to my face. I quickly wiped it off, though, “Carter, listen, we can’t hang out again like we did on Monday.”
“What? Why? What happened? Did I do something that pissed you off?”
God, this was hard. “No, you didn’t do anything. It's just best if we don’t hang out.”
“Let me guess. Your boyfriend doesn’t want you hanging out around the lower class. You know, Madison, I thought you were better than that.” He walked into class and didn’t even look my way for the rest of the day.
Carter
Why the hell was I so upset? I barely knew the girl and she had a boyfriend. The thing was, I know that I wasn’t imagining things. There was something between us, and it had been the first real thing I that had ever felt. I know that fucker Chris was the one that was behind this. I stole a glance at her during class every chance I could get; luckily, she never caught me.
When she sat down in English, she winced like she had been hurt and I wondered what that was about. Chris had better not been putting his hands on her. That was one thing I couldn’t stand, no matter who it was. I needed to catch her outside and ask her.
I was packed up and ready to leave five minutes before the bell rang. I needed to catch Maddy and talk to her. The professor dismissed us and I raced out the door. I wanted to be waiting for her. I saw her leave and stepped up beside her. “I need to talk to you.” The look on her face was unreadable, but she seemed sad.
“Why? I thought I pretty much said everything I needed to this morning.”
Ouch. “Please? Five minutes?”
“Okay…what?”
How do I even ask this? “Are you okay? I saw you when you sat down and you seemed like you were in pain. Did something happen? You can tell me; I wanna help you.”
I could see in her eyes that something was going on. “Carter, I’m fine, but I need to go now.” I let her go, but I had never been so sure in my life that something was wrong.
. . . .
Maddy stayed away from me for the next couple months. Every time I tried to get close to her, she would run or duck into one the classrooms. I tried to go out and have fun with my friends, but I couldn’t shake this feeling. Even they noticed that something was up with me. I don’t understand why I can’t shake her from my system.
“Carter listen, we get that you like this girl, but its like November; time to move on.” Shawn was looking at me, but he just didn’t get it.
None of us were really the relationship kind. We went out, had a good time and sometimes went home with girls, but hadn’t ever been with someone long-term. It was killing me to know in my heart what is going on with her and not be able to help. The first day I met Maddy, she was smiling and had that adorable sundress on. But since then, all she wore were jeans and long sleeves, even when it was warm out. I know that that asshole is hurting her, but she won’t talk to me.
“Listen, I get what your saying, but I know something isn’t right and I’m not gonna give up on her. I know you guys don’t get it, but she is the one. I have never felt this for any girl I met. She has been ignoring me for almost two months, but I still find myself looking for her everywhere. I find excuses in class to talk to her. You know me and I’m not one to chase girls, but even that one day of being around her changed that. She's different and I feel different whenever I’m around her, even when she's ignoring me.”
Jason laughed at me. “Carter, you just met this girl! You don’t even know her that well; maybe you just need to get laid and get her out of your system.”
That is what I would have done before, but it wasn’t going to work this time. I had tried to forget Maddy. I went home with girls, but I just wasn’t interested.
I didn’t know how to explain it to them, but in the couple hours I spent with Maddy, she got to me. I had never met a girl like her, and I didn’t want to let her go. I had a feeling that she wanted me, too, but something was holding her back.
Chapter 2
Madison
Carter was killing me. He knew what was going on; I don’t know how, but he did. I was getting so tired of having to run and hide from him.
Things with Chris haven’t been any better, either. If it wasn’t the clothes I wore, it was the fact that I was looking at all the football players when he took me to the game. I was forced to wear long clothes, even if it was hot outside, so no one could see the bruises. Sometimes, I've thought about leaving him but, the truth is, I am scared of what he would do.
Its like he has this switch in him that just flips and a whole different person takes over. If I’m being honest, that person scares the hell out of me.
I’m sitting in English class right now, trying my best not to look over at Carter even though I can feel his eyes on me. The professor is talking about a project that will be due before Thanksgiving break and that we will be working in pairs.
My only thought is please don’t put me with him. God can't be that cruel. He tells us to pair off and everything happens so fast. Everybody is scrambling to get into their pairs and I’m looking around for someone to ask.
I see a guy coming up to me and I know he is going to ask me. I think his name might be Matt. Just when he reaches me and starts to ask me, he gets this fearful look on his face and asks the girl two rows over.
I glance behind me and Carter is standing there. He looks down at me and gives me that smile. Kill...me...now.
Our professor went on to talk about the details of the assignment. We have to do a study on the student body at the university. We need to come up with questions to ask, do surveys, and turn that into a ten page paper and a presentation. Carter couldn’t have possibly looked more pleased with himself.
My stomach dropped. Chris was going to flip out. He didn’t believe me that I never talked to Carter anymore. He hit me last week because he said I was looking at him when we were eating lunch, even though I wasn’t. He would never believe me when I tell him I didn’t choose to partner with Carter.
“Well, we have two weeks before this is due so when do you want to get started and plan it out?” The project was due right before Thanksgiving break, not that I would be doing anything other than sitting in my dorm during break. “If you want to come over tonight, I don’t have work.”
Come over? As in his house? Oh, hell no! I am strong, but I don’t have that much willpower. What can I say to him? Sorry, I can’t come over to your house because I’m extremely attracted to you and I don’t tr
ust myself? Sorry, I can’t come over because my boyfriend is extremely jealous and will flip his shit?
“Okay, that sounds great!” Who just said that? Shit! That was me! What the hell was I thinking? I looked up at Carter and he was smiling at me in the way that made it hard to breathe.
“Okay, I’ll see you tonight then. Do you want to give me your number so I can text you the address?”
My number? Oh, he thinks I’m one of those normal college students and that I have a cell phone. “Sorry, I don’t have a phone.” To say that he looked shocked would be an understatement.
A cell phone required not only money, but people that you want to talk to and I had neither. Well, maybe I had one person I wanted to talk to, but that was a bad idea.
“Um…okay; well, here then.” He pulled out a piece of paper and scribbled his address on it.
“Okay…I’ll see you tonight.”
Chris was waiting for me when I walked out of English and as soon as Carter came out behind me, Chris' expression hardened. I knew I was in for it but, at this point, it couldn’t get any worse.
Carter looked at Chris, smiled, then looked at me and said, “See you tonight, Maddy”
Shit, just got worse. I could literally feel the anger radiating off Chris. Carter had no idea what he was doing. He thought it was all a game, but he had no idea.
I was used to the drill now. Chris took me to my room and locked the door. I turned so my back was to him and braced myself for what I knew was coming. He came up behind me and started kissing my neck. What was he doing? I heard him undoing his belt. Shit, I hope he didn’t think I was ready to have sex right now! I don’t know if I ever will be. That’s when I felt his belt slap against my side.
“Why the fuck are you going to his house tonight? Do you still want to be one of his whores? I can make you a whore just as easily.”
“We have a project for English, Chris. I swear I didn’t pick him. We were the last two left after everyone had paired off.” I sat waiting for him to hit me with it again, but nothing came. I turned around to see what was going on. He was standing there in front of me with his pants and boxers down and just looking at me.
“If you are going to act like a little whore for anyone it will be for me! Do you understand me!” I nodded my head. What did he want from me?
“I’m the one that puts up with you. Do you really think someone like him is going to want to deal with all your shit? We aren’t going to have sex right now so stop looking at me like that, but don’t think I’m going to wait much longer. However, you are going to suck my dick until I come in that virgin mouth of yours. Then when you are with him tonight, you will remember who you belong to. Got it?”
I nodded my head; this can’t be happening. Chris forced me onto the floor, and then told me to open my mouth. The minute he put it in my mouth, I started to cry. He warned me to stop or he would make it so I couldn't show my face tonight. After what seemed like an eternity, Chris finished in my mouth. I ran to the bathroom down the hall, and threw up until I had nothing left in me.
When I went back, my roommate Nicole was there. She took one look at me and I swear, somehow, she knew. Chris didn’t like me hanging out with her because he said she was too nosy for her own good. I changed and got ready to go to Carter’s house, although I didn’t know how I was going to face him now.
Carter
Knock knock
Maddy must be here. I started walking to the door and my heart started beating faster. When I opened the door, the look on her face stopped me in my tracks. What the heck had happened to her? She looked presentable on the outside, but I could see the pain in her eyes. I had to ask her tonight what was going on.
“Hey, come in.” She walked into my house, and it felt so good to have her here. “I made dinner because I figured you would be hungry. I hope ravioli are okay. They are the one thing I’m half-decent at making.”
She smiled at me. “That was really nice of you, Carter, thank you.”
I made us plates and we sat down at the table. I tried to make small talk, but all I was getting were one-word answers.
She looked up at me. “So, what do you think we should do the project on?” That was so not what I wanted to talk about right now, but at least she is talking to me. “I was thinking we could do a study on tuition rates and whether students feel that what they are paying was fair. We could ask them about all of the different fees; maybe even see if they are aware of all of them. I also think we should try to find out if they feel they are getting what they pay for.”
“I really like that idea. If you want, I could type up a sample survey and email it to you. You can change anything you need to; then, we will pick a day next week and survey random students.”
“Okay, that sounds good.” She took her plate to the kitchen, washed it off and stuck it in the dishwasher. I saw her going for her coat. She can’t leave yet; she just got here.
“Maddy, please don’t go yet.”
“Why, Carter? We both know that I shouldn’t be here. You know you didn’t need to taunt Chris like that earlier, either.”
Just hearing her say that asshole’s name pissed me off. I knew Chris because he used to come up here to party with some of his friends last year. He had a habit of running his mouth. In fact, he and Jason almost got into a fight. I just don’t get what she sees in him. I’ve seen him with other girls when he would visit campus and he was an asshole to them, too. I wasn’t a saint and admitted to having my share of girls, but I always treated them with respect.
“Listen, I know I was an asshole and I’m sorry. It just drives me crazy that you’re with him, Maddy. I can see that you’re not happy. Where is that girl I met the first day that had that great smile? You never smile when you’re with him and that’s a damn shame because you have a beautiful smile.”
I saw the blush creeping up her face and, before I knew what I was doing, I went over to her and kissed her. Her lips were just as soft as I imagined they would be. She gasped and I took advantage, slipping my tongue into her mouth. I could tell she wasn’t experienced, but it didn’t matter. This was the best kiss I had ever had in my life. She pulled away suddenly, grabbed her jacket, and ran for the door. I caught up to her. ”Maddy, please stay.”
“Carter, I can’t do this. I’m with someone else!”
“I know you are and I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.” Yes, I do. I’m falling for her. Fuck, where did that come from? How can I be falling for someone that doesn’t even want me? “Listen, I know he was probably mad about you coming here tonight. But you’re already here so as long as I promise not to kiss you again, will you hang out?”
“Carter, you have to promise me.”
“I do. Now come sit down.”
She seemed so uncomfortable now and I was pissed at myself for making it that way. “Your house is really nice. You mentioned earlier you had off work. What do you do?”
“I’m a bouncer at Rebellion.” By the blank expression on her face, I’m guessing she never heard of it. “It’s a club downtown. I’m guessing you’ve never been there?”
“No, I don’t really go out much.”
If she were my girl, I would take her out all the time. It made me sick that she was with that asshole. We watched TV for about an hour. Some comedy was on and she was laughing at it. I missed hearing that sound; I missed just being around her.
She turned to face me. “So, tell me about your family?”
“Well, I told you my mom passed away. After that, it was just me, my dad, my brother, and sister. Holly is seventeen and Anthony is fifteen. What about your family?”
Her face dropped and she seemed to be looking anywhere but at me. “Listen, Carter, I had fun, but I really need to go. I have to study.”
What did I say? Why is she all of a sudden telling me she needs to study? I knew she didn’t, but I didn’t want to push her. I wonder why me asking about her family upset her so much? I wanted to ask her, but I don’t thi
nk she was ready to tell me anything tonight. “Okay, let me give you a ride home.”
“No, it’s okay. I will ---“
“Come on, I’m taking you home.” She reluctantly went outside and got in my car. I pulled up to her dorm and got out.
“You don’t need to walk me in. I’ll be fine.”
“It’s okay, I want to.”
She just nodded her head. When we got to her door, she was about to unlock it when her roommate opened it. I recognized her. She was in one of my afternoon classes.
I gave Maddy a hug; it felt so good to have her pressed against me that I didn’t want to let go. She pulled away first, but the look in her eyes let me know I wasn’t the only one with feelings like that.
“Thank you for tonight, Carter. I’ll see you in class.”
Madison
When Carter kissed me tonight, I did something that I have said I would never do again--I gave him a part of my heart. I didn’t want to and it scares me, but it was inevitable. I wish everything happened differently. I wish Chris didn’t want me and that I could be free to be with Carter.
Chris had been getting especially paranoid lately, telling me that I could never leave him. If I did, he would find me and he would make sure me and whoever I left him for would pay. I couldn’t bring Carter into this.
I walked down to the bathroom to get ready for bed. When I came back and climbed into my bed, Nicole was watching me.
“So, Carter James, huh? I’m glad you finally came to your senses and told that abusive asshole to take a hike.”
What did she just say? How did she know? No one knew. This can’t be happening. “What are you talking about? Carter and I are just friends.”
“Listen, girl, I went to high school with Carter. He isn’t “just friends“ with girls. And he sure as hell never walked a girl to her door, unless he was going in. Even then, he would leave once they were done. Don’t fool yourself. That boy likes you and if I didn’t see it with my own eyes, I wouldn’t have believed it.”
Playing With Fire Page 2
