We paid the bill then walked over to Nordstrom's lingerie department. I bought a couple of sexy camisoles and panty sets with matching silk robes; one in burgundy red, the other in black. Both colors accentuated the olive undertones of my skin.
I did not get to the penthouse until eight that evening. I did not see Kayden anywhere so I decided to go to the bathroom and soak in the tub. I used an oil and bath soap that I had purchased that afternoon and got in the tub hoping that Kayden would walk into the bathroom and find me there. I soaked and soaked but there was no Kayden. After half an hour I decided it would be best to get out if I did not want to turn into a prune. I got out, creamed my body, brushed my teeth and my hair, and put a new bed set on. By then it was ten o'clock. I decided to wear my new robe and go in search of Kayden, in hopes he would want to follow me to bed. I found him on the phone on a long-distance call to Singapore. It was then that my decision was made.
With tears in my eyes and a heavy heart I decided it was best for me to go to Miami for a while, until I could figure out what was going on. I picked up my tablet and made reservations for an afternoon flight to Miami the next day. I rented a car and made hotel reservations for one night; the rest of the time I would stay at my mother's condo. I emailed the kids, Eva, and Leslie and told them I would be in Miami the next week trying to settle my mother's affairs.
Vickie emailed me back.
"Let me know if you need me to go with you; I'm free this weekend."
"I'll call," was all I responded.
Why did I insist on doing things alone when I had such a strong support network? Was I really running away from Kayden or was he pushing me away? I simply went to sleep thinking about these questions. That night I felt him come in and sit by my side. His hands caressed my hair very lightly, and I felt the softest of kisses on my lips. He was there, by my side, for a few minutes then went away. When he left I just cried the night away.
I must have fallen asleep very late because I did not wake up until eight a.m. I was going to have to get moving! I washed and got dressed, then wrote a note to Kayden.
On my way to Miami; please call me when you are ready to talk. I am not sure when I'll be back but will text you when I get there so you don’t worry.
Love always, Ellie
Simple and to the point; I put the note in an envelope and gave it to Sylvia, requesting that she give it to her boss when he finished his meeting.
"Is everything okay?" she asked.
"Yes," I responded, and exited the penthouse not knowing when I would return.
Chapter Eighteen
This was the second time in over a month that I traveled to Miami under distressing circumstances. The plane ride was painful; all I wanted to do was roll in a ball and cry. Instead, I had another club soda to settle my stomach. In addition to my sadness, I was coming down with some serious case of the stomach flu because everything I ate made me want to throw up. God, what was wrong with me!
Perhaps I needed to stop running away and stay and fight for Kayden. I just didn't feel like fighting. I just wanted to cry. When I arrived in Miami, I picked up the rental car and headed for the hotel. I went into the room, got into bed, and did precisely that; I cried myself to sleep. I found myself having to extend my hotel reservation; I just didn't have the energy to deal with my mom's condo. One day turned into three; three days of not getting out of bed except to use the washroom. I didn't eat, couldn't eat, and did not care to eat during those three days. I did not charge my phone or talk to anyone. Kayden wasn't around this time to give me his strength.
After three days of crying and not eating, I dragged myself out of bed and into the shower. I took a bath from head to toe and dressed in simple comfortable clothes. My stomach was still upset, to the point I could not hold anything down. Somehow or another I made it to the car and headed for a twenty-four-hour emergency clinic. Perhaps this flu was more serious than I could have predicted, I figured I'd better take something for it. The doctor took a blood sample as well as a urine sample. A few minutes later he returned. "Ms. McCabe, I don’t know how you are going to take this, but you don't have the flu; you are pregnant."
My head started spinning, my stomach churning, and everything turned black. I woke up in bed in a strange room with a stranger looking at me and calling my name.
"Ms. McCabe, you fainted, most likely low blood sugar, you need to eat something. You are also slightly dehydrated; we have administered an IV. Is there someone we can call?" I shook my head indicating no.
"I suggest you call a taxi to drop you off at your hotel. I am also giving you the name of an obstetrician to check you out. At your age this is a high-risk pregnancy and you want to make sure everything is okay."
"Thank you," was all I could say.
I took a taxi back to the Miami Marriott and left my car at the clinic. Once in my room, I ordered room service, soup, crackers and tea, instinctively knowing that I needed to take care of myself now. Pregnant, oh my God! What was I going to do? How would Kayden react? Well, it didn't matter how Kayden reacted, the truth of the matter was that I was going to have it. If I was pregnant, I would have the baby, there was no question in my mind about that. The only question was, was I going to raise the baby alone or with Kayden?
Unconsciously my hand went to my stomach. A baby, a baby with Kayden! I smiled to myself. How would my children react? Suddenly there was a new urgency about everything that I needed to do. I found my purse and put the phone to charge. By then there were dozens of messages awaiting me. I forced myself to eat some soup and crackers before calling the family and Kayden. I didn't know what I was going to say. I only knew that I was not going to talk about the pregnancy until I saw the specialist. I also knew that I had to call the lawyer.
Kayden was first on the list.
"Hello, Kayden."
"Where the f… where have you been? We have been going crazy trying to locate you."
"I have been sick with a mild case of the flu and have not gotten out of bed until today to go to the doctor."
"Are you okay? Do you need medical care? My mom is still in Miami; I can ask her to go and look after you," Kayden told me with panic in his voice.
"I am better now, I am going to be off my feet a few more days, but I'll be fine."
"Ellie, please tell me where are you staying."
"I am at the Miami Marriott, but please don't send anyone. Ill be fine, I just need rest."
"Ellie, I am sorry; I did not mean to hurt you."
"We'll talk another day, when I'm feeling stronger. Good bye Kayden," I told him and then hung up. I did not have the heart to hear his pain but I did not want him to find out about mine. I could not bear for him to reject our unborn child, and I could not bear for him to be with me because of an unborn child.
I called the kids when I finished with Kayden and told them the same story about the flu. I was not ready to face anybody with the truth. Then I made an appointment for the doctor and left a message for the lawyer to call me back.
After all the calls I was suddenly tired again and lay down for a nap. At eight there was a knock on my door. My heart flew out of my chest with excitement, my head spinning with anticipation; Kayden was here! Unfortunately it wasn't Kayden; it was his mother Sofia. Apparently Kayden had asked her to check on me,
"My dear, I didn't know you were going to be in Miami," she said as she came in, kissing me on both cheeks. She came with a bag in her hand, filled with food.
"I wasn’t planning to, but then had to come to take care of my mom's condo. Unfortunately I got sick with the stomach flu."
She looked at me, seeming unconvinced by my words. "Come, let's eat first and then you can tell me what my son did to you."
"Thank you but I'm not very hungry," I said. She took my face in her hands and looked at me.
"How far along are you?"
I looked at her in panic after hearing her question.
"How did you know? I just found out myself."
"Does Kayden know?" she asked, as she took my hand and led me to the sofa.
"No," I replied.
"Come dear, tell me what's going on." And I did, from beginning to end. She hugged me tightly, caressing my hair, and I broke down and cried. For a moment I thought of Kayden caressing me the same way to ease my pain.
"Men can be such idiots; even my son! When is your doctor's appointment?"
"Tomorrow, at two."
"I'll go with you, no one should be alone during this time."
"You don't have to go, Sofia," then it dawned on me that Kayden was going to find out. "Please don't tell Kayden."
"I won't tell him, but you know you are going to have to tell him soon. As for going with you, I'll be here at one. Don’t forget this is my grandchild you are talking about. I want to make sure both of you are fine. Let me have the keys to your rental car, I'll have Roberto bring it back tomorrow. And Ellie, whatever happens between you and Kayden, we'll be here by your side. You are family now and we never turn our back on family. Now, let's eat."
"Thank you, Sofia."
That night I went to sleep to dreams of Kayden and a little olive-skinned boy dancing on his lap.
At one both Sofia and Roberto were at the hotel to accompany me to the doctor. I guessed his wife had told Roberto about the baby because he gave me a huge hug. Great, now another person knew about it before Kayden and my own children did!
The doctor confirmed my pregnancy and ordered additional tests. She also gave me a prescription for prenatal vitamins. After the doctor's visit, Roberto took us for a late lunch to a Cuban restaurant. I couldn't eat much; my stomach still felt queasy. I opted for an order of white rice and black beans and a club soda. We returned to the hotel at six that evening. At six fifteen I heard banging on the door; I thought maybe Sofia had forgotten something. When I opened the door, Kayden stood there.
Chapter Nineteen
I stood there with the door open. He looked so sorrowful and in pain! His hair was longer, showing more of its natural curls. His face had the traces of a beard, perhaps from not shaving in a few days. His eyes were red with deep circles under them. We stood there looking at each other for a second. Then he grabbed me and held me against his body before kissing me so brusquely and with so much passion it hurt.
"Why, Ellie, why did you leave me?"
"Why did you stop loving me, Kayden?"
"I have never stopped loving you, baby."
"Then why, Kayden, please tell me why." I didn't have to say anything else. He knew what I was talking about. He knew he had been an ass.
"I was scared, scared of losing you. Scared of the intensity of my feelings. Scared that you wouldn't love me back. And so I pushed you away before you could hurt me; except that it was too late for that. I am already heads over heels for you. Without you I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't focus on work, and there is no pleasure, only pain. I need you, Ellie. I want you, day and night. I'd rather fight with you anytime than be alone. Come home please." He started to carry me to the bedroom, but I stopped him before he could go any further.
"I need to talk to you, Kayden. I don’t know if it will be possible for us to stay together, but either way you deserve to know the truth."
Kayden looked puzzled and a little frightened. "Don’t you still love me?" he asked.
"With all my heart," I responded.
"Then, what's the problem? There is nothing that we can't work out as long as we are together."
"Kayden, please sit down, what I have to tell you is very important."
He sat on the sofa, and then said, "Now you are scaring me, are you sick?"
I took a deep breath to gain some courage, then blurted out, "Kayden, I am pregnant."
He turned pale, very pale, and for a minute I thought he was going to pass out.
"What did you just say?" Minutes passed before he spoke again. "Did you just say you were…pregnant? It can't be, it has to be a mistake."
"No, Kayden, there is no mistake. Two different doctors checked me; it's very early, but I am definitely pregnant. The doctors are telling me so, my body is telling me so."
"How? Who is the father?"
My world stopped; what did he just ask? Could he be so obtuse as to ask who was the father? I knew he was in shock, heck I was in shock too, but there was only one answer to that question. "It's you, stupid, you; who else could it be?"
"But we use protection."
"Well, then you need to ask the divine powers to answer your questions. While you wait for the answer you need to know that I intend to keep this baby, and judging from your reaction, you don't have to be part of it. I will take care of it alone if necessary."
"Ellie, I don't know what to say."
"Then don’t say anything, just get the hell out of here." Kayden froze in place at the anger in my words. "GO!" I screamed and he left. I went to the bedroom, got under the blankets, wrapped into a ball, and cried for my mother now dead, cried for my unborn child, and cried for all the years of suffering until I fell asleep.
I woke up sometime after midnight feeling restless and hungry. I knew it was too late for room service so I decided to go to the kitchen area and make some tea; perhaps find some crackers or a candy bar. It was the first time I'd felt hunger in the last five days. My hand went automatically to my stomach.
"You are responsible for this you know; I hope you are happy because you are going to have a very old mother." A smile came to my face. "A mother, I am going to be a mother again. Kayden's baby."
At forty-two I had thought I was done with raising children. Damien, my baby, was eighteen now and in college. I had planned to see the world, to travel and focus on my needs for a change. I wanted to be like a feather, free, flexible to move, to travel. But the universe had other plans for me. I was scared about being a single mother, scared about how my own children would react to this, but I was not sorry. This child was created out of love, and love it would receive.
Suddenly I heard a soft tapping noise from the door. Slowly I moved toward it and checked the peephole. Kayden's forehead leaned against the door. When I opened it Kayden almost fell on me. He was wasted!
"That's your daddy little one; I hope he'll be around for you."
Kayden mumbled, "I'm going to be a father."
"Yes you are, whether you are ready or not."
I helped him to the sofa and then took off his shoes and socks. I unbuckled his belt, lowered his zipper, and pulled down his pants. I pulled up his sweater and went to the bedroom to get a blanket and pillows. I lifted his head and put a pillow under it. He fell asleep immediately. I took a minute to look at the peacefulness of his sleep, at his relaxed features, at the beauty of his face. I wondered what our baby would look like. "Our baby, oh god, please help us," I sighed.
After settling Kayden on the sofa, I went to the kitchen and found a pack of crackers; after eating them, I drank some water. Actually that was all my stomach could handle.
I went back to the sofa and lay next to Kayden. It felt so good to touch him, to feel the heat of his body! He turned and threw his arm around me; I was home!
I slept like a baby that night, within the warm embrace of Kayden's arms. I woke up to his piercing green eyes staring at me adoringly.
It was light outside. "Good morning," he said, sounding contrite.
"Good morning to you too; how long have you been awake?" I asked.
"A while."
"Why didn't you wake me?"
"You look so beautiful sleeping," he said with a smile, then placed his hand on my stomach and said, "So we're having a baby."
"It appears that way," I responded. "It'll be a tough road, but the doctor said I'm healthy so it should be okay."
He bent down and kissed my belly, then said, "I am so sorry, I promise to spend the rest of my life making it up to you."
"I love you Kayden, this baby is the product of our love. I hope you'll want to be part of his or her life."
He brought his head up fro
m my stomach. "Do you think I would let my child grow up without a father? You are stuck with me for the rest of your life."
"I don’t want you to be with me because I'm pregnant. You have no obligations."
"Yes I do have an obligation to our baby, but I'll be with you because I love you, not because I have to."
He hugged me tightly, kissed my eyes and then my cheeks, my hair, my neck, my breast… his lips kept going down until he stopped at my stomach and kissed it lovingly, for a long moment, then his lips kept going down until they reached my sex and my body began to tremble. It had been so long!
Kayden pulled my pajama pants down, then my panties. He took his time; there was no hurry in his movements, as if he had all the time in the world. He opened my top, then felt my breasts. He kissed each breast reverently, touching the nipples, sucking them softly. Then he caressed my neck, kissing it, sucking it tenderly. When he came to my stomach he spoke a few words in Portuguese, leaned his face onto it, and smiled. There was so much love in every movement, every word, and every caress that I began to cry. Tears of joy and hope came down my eyes. Hope for the possibilities of a life together, of a future for us.
Chapter Twenty
Sofia and Roberto came at one to take us out to lunch. They were thrilled about the possibility of another grandchild, one from Kayden. They had lost hope that he would have any children, and now this miracle was on the way. I hoped their desires would not be crushed. It was too soon and at my age anything could go wrong.
Kayden seemed happy too. He talked and made plans all morning about our impending parenthood. He was already talking about moving to a house with a yard so that his son or daughter could grow up in a nice community with lots of space and good schools. He went on and on all morning, forgetting that he had not once asked if I wanted all of this. Jeez, this little one was changing my life faster than a speeding bullet.
REBORN (Metamorphosis Book 1) Page 13
