by Alicia Rae
~Blake~
I could not tear my eyes away from Audrey when she’d walked away from me. She murmured what appeared to be a handful of good-byes to each of my family members and then ran off toward the parking lot in a hurry. I forced myself to stay fixed in my stance and observe from a short distance.
Her stunning green eyes were still stuck in my mind. I had never seen so many conflicting emotions streaming through a pair of eyes before, and I did not know what to make of it. Every part of her seemed so kind and genuine, but her hidden sadness and apprehension did not go unnoticed by me. A trace of mystery was wrapped around her, and I was shocked that I was unable to get any type of read on her.
I was a Marine, for Christ’s sake. In my eight years of service, I had interrogated many people. It was my job to read people and make an assessment, sometimes within split seconds. Yet, that woman, Audrey Hampton, had left me reeling, stumbling head over feet.
I was confounded by my uncertainty, and it left me wanting to see her again. I yearned to pull away her concealed layers one by one.
When Audrey had gazed up at me and smiled that stunning soft smile of hers, I could have sworn that I saw straight into her—not the ins and outs of her life, but into her soul. Her beauty was natural and unpretentious, and I had a compelling intuition that it reflected the kind of person she was on the inside.
I had met many people in my life. With my challenging career, I usually saw horrific, ugly people, the ones who had dark souls beyond fixing, the ones who planned terrifying, unthinkable plots against others. I had known many, who claimed to be good friends, yet seemed to prove otherwise over the years. To see Audrey, on the other hand, had been invigorating. She’d gifted me with her presence, her beauty, her authenticity.
I shook my head at myself. It was hard to put into words what she had done to me. Seeing her had sparked something deep within me, igniting a flame I’d thought burned out long ago.
Footsteps sounded at my left side as I continued to stare off in the direction where Audrey had left.
“Hey, Blake,” Damon said, stopping at my side. He followed my line of sight. “What has your eagle eyes on high alert?”
I rotated fractionally to gaze at him. “What do you know about Audrey Hampton?” I questioned, getting right to the point. I had an inexplicable urge to know more about her.
“Audrey?” Damon’s voice sounded astonished by my inquisition. “I’m afraid I don’t know much.” He crossed his arms over his chest, pondering, as he redirected his attention to me. “The one time I asked Gail about her, Gail said she’s a sealed-vault type—whatever that means—but a great friend. That’s about all I know.”
“Huh,” I murmured, amazed by my own reaction to the woman.
Damon laughed wholeheartedly, and he gave me a brotherly slap on my back. “I thought you were home for R & R, not to chase after a woman.”
“I am,” I answered, snapping my attention back to the moment. I didn’t want Damon to think I had lost my mind over someone I just met. Besides, today was about my brothers, not a stunningly beautiful woman I knew nothing about, except for her first and last name.
“Uh-huh. You sure about that, man?” Damon joked with a teasing grin.
“Yes,” I convinced myself out loud, knowing I was in no position to date. I was home because I had all sorts of shit running through my head from the military clogging my thoughts.
“Then, let’s get some drinks”—Damon held his glass in front of him as if it were filled with contaminants, and he unleashed a disapproving expression—“and not this champagne shit. We need to find some goddamn beer and celebrate your safe return.”
A deep laugh escaped from my chest. “I am definitely in need of a cold beer,” I agreed with brotherly affection. “And you have a new office to show me.”
“Let’s do it.” Damon nodded, gesturing me toward the front door.
As we made our way to the building, I decided to put the green-eyed beauty out of my mind until a later time when I could reflect over our meeting with a clear head. Right now, my thoughts belonged to my brothers and how proud I was of their accomplishments.
At the end of the day, my family was all I had.
I silently wished my house-hunting could just be over already. I gazed into what felt like the umpteenth building today. Letting out a deep sigh, I tuned out Ashley Wilson, the realtor, who was making her typical sales pitch, and I walked over to the balcony off the empty living room.
The glass door revealed a small section of Lake Tahoe. My eyes roamed back and forth, noting how the blue water contrasted against the green pines. Huge rocks outlined part of the lake on the west side. I continued to stare at it while trying to envision myself living within this complex and sleeping and eating in Lake Tahoe every day for a whole year without being called out for a mission on a moment’s notice.
Will I ever get used to just…standing still?
I thought back to my last day in the Marines only four days ago.
As I buttoned up the front of my Marine Corps Utility Uniform, I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror, wondering if this would be my last day or if I would extend my term.
I was torn.
I loved my country and the men and women who stood beside me every day, fighting for the freedom we believed in.
I wanted to reenlist, to keep fighting for that freedom, yet another part of me wanted to know if I would ever have a life again back home, as a civilian.
Would I ever find my purpose?
I still remembered every word First Sergeant Jack Witherstone said to me.
“What will it be, Johnson?” Sergeant Witherstone asked, already writing notes in my personal file.
My brotherhood to my fellow soldiers was blood deep. “I’d like to stay, sir.”
Sergeant Witherstone paused and glanced up at me. Without a word, he rose from behind his desk and came to stand in front of me. “You sure that’s what you want, Johnson?”
“Yes, sir,” I said.
“Look, Johnson”—Sergeant Witherstone sighed—“as much as I want you to stay, I don’t know if you’re doing this for the right reason.”
“Sir—” I began to state politely to reassure him that this was what I wanted.
But he cut in, “You had a rough year, Johnson. Things happened that weren’t in your control…” He trailed off, as if letting his words sink in.
My chest seized in agony, taking all my air and making me hollow and empty inside. I could not have that conversation again right now.
“See, Johnson?” Sergeant Witherstone regretfully shook his head. “You still won’t talk about it, and you have yet to accept that you couldn’t have changed it.” He lifted my file and tapped it against my chest. “You have ninety days of unused leave piled up in here. Use it, get some R & R, and then decide.”
“With all due respect, sir, I already made my decision. I want to reenlist,” I dutifully countered.
“R & R, Johnson. That’s an order.”
I swallowed hard. “Yes, sir.”
I overlooked Lake Tahoe’s spectacular view again.
Is this really what I want?
I sighed. Clearly, I had no fucking clue what I wanted. In fact, outside of the Marines that I loved, I didn’t know who I was. Blake Johnson, the civilian, no longer existed. I was Sergeant Blake Johnson, the guy who had earned the respect of fellow Marines and shown them the same respect in return. Outside of the military, I didn’t know who I was or where I belonged. I had no purpose or gifted talents.
Ashley faintly cleared her throat behind me, so I turned to face her. She slowly maneuvered herself closer to me with a coy look in her brown eyes while she bit her lip, approaching me like a wild cougar on the prowl. Adding in a flip of her hair and a sway of her hips, she blatantly let me know exactly what was on her mind.
Ashley’s eyes had sex written all over them as she studied me intently. “This place seems to suit you better than the last four.” She parted her lips and ran her tongue
over the bottom edge of her top teeth. “What do you think, Blake?”
She was an attractive and nice woman, but I just wasn’t feeling it—at all. In truth, I wanted to run the opposite direction. To top it off, a distinctive pair of green eyes wouldn’t leave my thoughts since my brothers had had their grand opening last week. Not to mention, I was too fucking stressed to have a relationship.
I took a small step back, pressed my torso against the doorjamb behind me, and offered her a friendly smile. “I like the location of this apartment much better than the others,” I deliberated out loud. I had slept on cots, the ground, just about anywhere, so I definitely did not need fancy amenities. As long as I had four walls and a bed, I would be good to go. The only requirement was that I had to have a small outdoor balcony, so I would have an additional way to escape, and this one was the first to have it.
No matter if I returned to the military or if I retired, I needed a place to keep my stuff since my parents were selling their house so that they could travel now that my father had retired. I needed to lay down some roots of my own, and there was no better place than near my brothers.
I told Ashley, “I’ll take it.”
“Great! I’ll pull out the paperwork. So, you’ll be doing a twelve-month lease with an option to buy, correct?”
I needed a place to call home. This would give me time to learn the area and make some decisions in my life. “Yes,” I answered, realizing this place was about to become my home. I had never lived on my own outside of the Marines, so most of my belongings consisted of duffel bags filled with clothing, my laptop, a handful of amenities, and a few other miscellaneous items.
My first priority would need to be getting furniture, so it appeared a shopping trip was in my near future. I would have to make a trip to Denver soon to clear out my stuff in my parents’ home, but that would basically be sorting out my childhood keepsake items.
As I filled out all the necessary paperwork for my new place, all I could do was hope for a sign, something to tell me what my life was supposed to be from here on out.
Only a few days after I’d signed the lease, I’d made a trip to the DMV, and I was now officially a California resident. Well, my place was in California. The Marines still had the power to make my living quarters anywhere. Damn, I was still so confused, wondering if I was staying or going and where my life would go from here.
This morning, Damon and Jason were helping me move into my new house.
“Motherfucker, you owe me big time,” Jason huffed behind me, helping me haul a solid oak dresser up a flight of stairs to where my bedroom was located on the second floor.
“Yeah, he does,” Damon scoffed.
He cradled the bottom right corner of the dresser as I held the left. Jason was at the top.
“Making us haul all this heavy damn furniture is gonna cost you a year’s worth of beer,” Jason demanded.
“You girls out of shape?” I joked, wiping the sweat off my forehead. I wished I’d opted for a tank top and shorts instead of jeans and a tee.
We heaved our way up another stair and rounded the corner. “Apparently, when compared to a Marine, we are,” Damon responded sarcastically.
I chuckled as we finally breached the doorway.
“Tip it, so it’s straight,” Jason said.
We rotated the dresser to fit through the doorjamb. We carried the piece of furniture to the left wall of my bedroom and set it down between two narrow windows overlooking the water. I was glad I’d picked the room with the best view as my bedroom even though I probably wouldn’t spend much time in here.
“Speaking of the Marines”—Jason caught my gaze and gestured around the place I would call home for the time being—“are you not reenlisting? I’m assuming you’re staying in Lake Tahoe permanently since you had a little shopping spree.”
I shrugged, unsure of what to say. “I haven’t really made up my mind yet,” I said, knowing they deserved my honesty. I didn’t want to get their hopes up or let them down. “Either way, Mom and Dad are moving, so I need to have a place of my own from here on out.”
“Understandable,” Jason replied thoughtfully.
Damon was intently studying me. “And you specifically choosing this place has nothing to do with Audrey, the blonde you kept eyeing at the grand opening? You know, she lives only a few doors down from here.”
“Of course not.” I could not mask the shock on my face. “I had no idea she lived nearby,” I added truthfully.
“I didn’t think you knew.” Damon pulled out a black-and-white bandana from his back pocket, wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead, and then grinned at me. “I must say, it’s quite a coincidence though.”
“I guess so.” I frowned. For the last week and a half, I had done everything in my power not to think of the green-eyed beauty. I’d decided to keep my distance from her since I was no good for her, and she was now my neighbor.
What are the odds?
“Fuck, I need a beer.” I sighed as I turned to head downstairs to the kitchen.
“Beer?” Damon asked immediately.
I could hear the excitement in his voice.
Jason said, “Say no more. We’re coming with.”
The two of them followed close behind. The three of us going down the old wooden staircase sounded like a herd of elephants. I made a mental note to stop at a hardware store to pick up a drill and a bucket of screws, so I could fix the faulty boards later this week. Although, a good four hundred pounds of muscle moving in one direction was bound to sound loud. The thought had me stifling a chuckle.
I reached the refrigerator first, so I pulled out three Bud Lights, thankful that I had gone to the supermarket early this morning. With my hands full, I went over to stand by my brothers in the adjoining living room, and I passed them each a cold drink.
Damon and Jason both thanked me.
“You’re welcome,” I answered as we each twisted off our caps in unison. I flipped my cap into the garbage can just a few feet off to my right.
In the Marines, traveling was part of the job, so I was still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that this was my place. As I looked around the house and my new furniture, I hoped that it would start to feel like it was mine, no matter how long or short my stay was.
Damon suddenly extended his Bud Light in my direction, catching my attention. I glanced from his hand up to his face.
“I know I’ve said this already, but I really am glad to have you home, man.” He smiled. His eyes had that sincere look in them. “It just hasn’t been the same without you these past several years.”
“We sure as hell missed you.” Jason grinned, reaching forward with his bottle, too, but his eyes held a bit of mischief in them. “It has been hard to be the three rebels, like Mom always called us. While you were missing in action, Damon and I had to work overtime.”
“Thank you. Missed you guys, too. I’m happy to be home,” I admitted, letting out a soft smile.
We all clinked our bottles together.
“As for still being a rebel”—I let out a crooked grin—“you were supposed to grow up.” I tossed back my beer.
After swallowing a swig, Jason said, “Someone has to keep Mom on her toes, or she would get bored after raising the three of us.”
I gave my brother the look. “I think you need to worry about Pearl keeping you on your toes. You’re going to have a herd of boys knocking on your door soon enough.”
“Nah.” Jason shooed me away. “We already had the boy talk.” He shrugged. “We agreed, no boys until she’s thirty.”
“Thirty? Right!” Damon busted out laughing, causing Jason to glare at him. “Pearl only agreed to that because she’s seven years old! Let’s have that conversation again when she’s sixteen and blushing at boys. Then, tell me what she says.”
“You’re about two seconds away from me kicking your ass.” Jason glared at Damon.
Damon, Jason, and I took a seat on the new black leather couch I had go
tten for the living room. I looked around at my new place, thinking of everything I’d purchased—an entertainment center and couch for the living room, a decently priced round wooden kitchen table with four chairs even though only one chair was needed, a small black metal patio set for the balcony, and a king-sized bed and a dresser for my bedroom upstairs. The two spare rooms were still empty.
All the walls were white and bare. At least the entertainment center would cover one of them in the living room. I wasn’t much of a decorator, but I didn’t need all of that. I could add more later when this house started to feel like home. Right now, being back in the civilian world felt odd enough to me. I needed time to settle in and just breathe.
I could only hope the rest of the place would come together over time. I felt a stab of guilt over being back home in the States while my other brothers and sisters were still out serving our country and facing danger on a daily basis. Here I was, tossing back a cold beer with my brothers.
“Yo, Blake!” Jason waved a hand in front of me.
With rapid military instincts taking over, I snapped my head back at his close proximity, whipping my attention over to him. “What?” I asked, louder than necessary.
Jason’s face was full of concern. “You okay, man? You looked like you were having an out-of-body experience for a second there.”
Yeah, you could say that. “Nah, I’m good,” I replied.
“You wanna talk about it?” Jason probed.
Damon cocked his head to the right. With a roll of his eyes, he groaned, “Ah, fuck. Here we go again with the feelings and shit.”
“Fuck no, I don’t want to talk about that shit with you,” I answered on a strangled laugh. “Leave me alone.”
Damon threw his head back, chortling hysterically. Then, he redirected his gaze to me and pointed to Jason. “You might as well tell Brother Bear over here, or he’ll eventually find a way to pry it out of you.”
I shook my head good-naturedly, knowing Jason was the softy of the three of us. “Oh, there is nothing to pry.”
Jason grinned mischievously and shoved me with his arm. “Don’t worry. I’ll get it out of you eventually.”
