by Dani René
“I’m always careful, Dad, but you’re worrying me.” This time, I pull him into a hug, and it’s the first time in almost ten years that my father holds me, slapping my back in a man hug.
“I may not always be here, and I haven’t been the best father, but I do love you, son.” He stares at me for a long while and I know he means it. I can see it in his eyes. We’ve been estranged since my mother left, but right now, this feels like he’s finally accepting me.
“I’m going to be staying at the rented apartment downtown while I’m back here. I just wanted to get a few things from my room tonight.”
“I understand.” He nods. “Just know the house is always here for you. The door will always be open if you need to come home.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
He leaves me in the kitchen to mull over what just happened. He’s clearly hiding something from me, that much I know, but I can’t help smiling to myself at the show of affection from the man who’s always been cold and standoffish toward me.
Grabbing a soda, I head back to my bedroom to pack a few things I want. Tomorrow I’ll be on my own, and even though my childhood home is still here, it’s time for me to move on.
7
Piper
I haven’t seen him in two days.
After the call, I overheard Preston talking on the phone about Ryder heading back to the city. I don’t know if he said it because he knew I was eavesdropping, or if his best friend really is gone. I did go to the warehouse, but it was empty.
My heart hurts thinking about him just walking out of my life again. Even though we’re not a couple, I still have feelings for him. Wishing them away didn’t work, and my attempt to move on is frivolous at best. Each time a guy asks me on a date, I’d compare him unfairly to Ryder. I recall the day he walked out. When he left and I knew for certain he wouldn’t come back.
The sun is hiding behind thick gray clouds. It’s the final day and I don’t know how to say goodbye. Ryder leaves along with Preston and Jeremiah, and something tells me he won’t be back. Yes, promises were made, but I have a feeling he’ll be happier without me. He’ll forget the little girl with the crush on him.
I don’t blame him. He’s older, more mature than I am. At least, that’s how I see it. When he goes out to clubs in Los Angeles, he’ll have hundreds of girls swooning over him. I shake the thought out of my head, hoping with all I have that he’ll tell me he’s decided to stay. Call it wishful thinking or whatever.
Pulling on the hoodie, I stuff my feet into my sneakers and head out the door. I’m meeting him at the warehouse and we’ll be walking down to the bus station together. Since Preston left earlier, and Mr. Kingsley took Ryder’s car keys, he’s having to take the bus.
I know my brother would’ve come back and picked him up, but there’s one thing about Ryder—he’s far too proud to ask for help. It’s not far to ride, and I take my bike to the place that’s become a second home to me over the past couple years. I needed Ryder when I didn’t think I needed anyone, and now he’s leaving.
Moments later, I stand my bike beside the door and step into the large open space. Finding Ryder dancing in the dim light of the warehouse, I watch him for a moment, and I can’t help smiling.
I close the distance. My eyes are glued to his body moving like it’s fluid with the song. It’s a slow one, and watching him do a spin on one foot is strange. He’s doing pirouette, but he’s dressed like a bad boy with ink adorning every inch of bare skin.
I close my eyes and listen to the lyrics as if he’s trying to tell me something with the song. “Feels Like Home” by Chantal Kreviazuk is beautiful and heartfelt. My heart aches in my chest at the thought of him leaving today and I need to blink back the tears.
As soon as the song comes to a stop, so does he. Ryder’s eyes find mine, and we’re tethered. It’s as if he can always sense where I am, and it doesn’t matter how crowded the room is, or where I am. He will find me.
“You’re early,” he says, stepping up to me, pulling me into a hug. The warmth he always radiates cocoons me in such a way that I find myself tearing up again.
“I’m late. We better go.” My words are mumbled into his T-shirt, but I know he’s heard me because he steps back.
Cupping my face with his hands, he holds me steady, leaning down so we’re eye to eye. “No crying,” he demands. “I don’t like seeing you sad, Piper. I have to do this.”
“I know,” I tell him, swiping at my wet cheeks. Lifting my chin in defiance, I offer a sad smile. “I’m allowed to miss you.”
He nods, as if allowing this to be my excuse when he knows it’s so much more. Then we’re moving through the warehouse, collecting his things. We take a walk down to the main road where the station is, just outside town.
“You know; I’ll be back before you know it. You’ll probably be dating some asshole,” he tells me chuckling, earning him a swat on the shoulder. “I’m serious, Butterfly,” he croons my nickname, making my body tremble.
Just then, a bus comes to a standstill at the terminal and we’re in the rush of a crowd of people heading out to a better life while I’m stuck here with parents who don’t love me.
“Promise me, Ryder,” I implore. “Tell me you’ll come back for me.”
He smiles, his dimples appearing, and I can’t stop my mind from taking mental pictures of him. I need to remember him like this, happy, smiling, like a man about to embark on the adventure of his life.
“I will be back for you, Piper, I’ll always come home for you.” The emotions swimming in his hazel eyes steal my breath, stop my heart, and turn me rigid. I blink, the tears flow, and I know I’ll never stop crying, not until he comes back.
“I love you.” I’ve never said those words to anyone before. Ever. But it feels like the right time to finally tell him. He knows. I know he does.
“And I love you too, baby girl,” he tells me, leaning in to plant a kiss on my lips. And then he’s gone, leaving me with tears streaming down my face. It dawns on me that he didn’t hesitate to tell me he loves me.
Picking up my phone, I press my thumb to the reader to unlock it and open my messages. The last one from him is from two days ago. Just before he called me. Then, silence. I push off the bed and make my way into the kitchen. The coffee is already brewing, the space smells like the cafe down the road.
“Pip,” my brother calls from behind me. When I turn around, I find him leaning against the doorjamb, staring at me. “What are you doing today?” he questions, stepping into the immaculate space. My folks ensure that the house is always shining and spotless. Well… what I mean is they have staff who do it for them.
“I have classes today, Preston. You know that,” I tell him, crossing my arms in front of my chest, annoyed that he doesn’t remember anything I talk to him about.
“Don’t act bratty, Pip. I need your help with something,” he says, grabbing a mug, which he sets beside the coffee machine.
My gaze follows him as he fills it with dark liquid, then takes a long gulp before looking at me again. “What is it, Preston?” I sigh, thinking he’s about to ask me to call up one of his girlfriends to give her the boot. He’s done it before, and even though I thought he was an asshole, I did it for him because he’s my brother.
“I’m worried about Ryder,” he says, causing my heart to kick against my chest. When I meet those familiar blue eyes that are a mix of mine with a hint of green like Ryder’s, I see real emotion flickering in them. His eyes hold something I’ve never seen on my big brother’s face before—concern.
“You’re worried about him?” I laugh, turning away to grab a mug and fill it with coffee. “That’s a first. Who are you and what have you done with my asshole brother?” I question.
“Look, I know I’ve been a pain in the ass for most of your life, but… he’s my best friend.” This time when I look at Preston, I see it. He’s hiding a secret. His eyes dart back and forth between me and the mug.
“Tell me what you�
�re hiding,” I demand, but my voice is barely audible. He’s silent for a long while and I wonder if he heard me, but then he sighs. Leaning back against the kitchen sink, he watches me for a long while. “Please, Preston. If something—”
“It’s not my story to tell, Pip,” he finally responds, interrupting my questioning. “This is up to Ryder to tell you. If he wants to. I know you have a thing for him.”
“What?” I gasp, swallowing the shock I know is clear on my face.
He shrugs, then smirks. “Come on, sis… Do you think I’m blind? Every time he walks into the room your cheeks burn a bright red. Your eyes follow him around like a lost puppy.”
“Don’t be ridic—”
“You’re saying I’m lying?” This time my brother looks like he’s far too satisfied with his assessment.
I open my mouth to respond, but I can’t. I’d be lying to my brother and as much of an asshole as he is, I can’t bring lies into our already volatile relationship.
“I thought so.” He nods. “I don’t care about your crush, or his, for that matter, as long as he doesn’t hurt you. Or else I will have to kill him.” It’s the first time my brother has ever shown any concern for me. For my well-being.
“What’s changed between us, Pres?”
“Nothing. I’ve been through shit while in the city. I’ve fucked up a lot and because of that, my best friend is angry with me. He may not show it, but it’s my fault that his life is now as fucked up as mine is.” The agony that drips from his words is enough to have me stalking toward him. Placing a hand on his shoulder, I give it a squeeze, which makes him look at me.
“What happened?” I ask again, knowing he won’t offer up the truth, or the story, because I’m certain Ryder is the one who needs to tell me.
“I told you, Pip. It’s not my story to tell. Ryder is the one you need to hear it from. He loves you, you know?” This time, Preston stares at me, his expression serious. There’s no glimmer of a lie or a joke.
Ryder does love me?
Once again, my heart thuds, beating out a melody against my ribs. “He doesn’t. I’m just his best friend’s little sister.”
“I’ve seen him attempt to date other women when we were in the city, but nobody makes him smile the way you used to.”
“Used to,” I tell him. “Those are the operative words that describe me and Ryder.”
“You’d be so surprised to know he still holds a flame for you. Trust me, just this once, Pip.” My brother smiles, his eyes crinkling at the corners. There’s nothing that can prepare me for what my brother does next. His arms wrap around me, pulling me into a fierce hold. “Give him a chance to explain. Don’t shut him out just yet,” he tells me. “And don’t give up on him. He may have made a mistake, but so did I. He, however, has paid far too long for his.”
“What’s happened to you, Preston? You’re scaring me with this cryptic nonsense.” This time, my words earn me a chuckle. My brother, all six-foot of him, is every girl’s dream. With his blond hair, blue green eyes, and those dimples on either cheek, he knows how to use his charms to get anything he wants.
“There’s a lot that’s happened between Ryder and me that I feel responsible for. Although,” he says, setting his mug down to get a refill, “this isn’t me fucking with you, little sister, this is me wanting what’s best for him.”
“And you think that’s me?” This time I sound incredulous because I can’t believe my brother would feel this way. Not that he’s done much for me in the past. But this is a new side to him I never saw coming.
“Look, Pip.” He turns to me, sipping his drink before continuing. “All I’m saying is, give him a chance to explain. He’s… volatile right now. And he needs someone to ground him.”
Folding my arms in front of my chest, I regard him warily. “Fine, I’ll go talk to him, but this”—I motion between us—“doesn’t make anything that happened between us right.”
“You’re old enough to know people make mistakes.” His response is confident. “At twenty you’re practically a grown-up.”
To that I laugh. “Well, Mom and Dad wouldn’t agree,” I tell him bitterly. I know they’ll be home from the business trip tomorrow and I still have to broach the subject of me moving to the city.
“Let me handle them and you handle my best friend.” Preston waggles his eyebrows and chuckles when I swat his shoulder.
“Don’t be gross, Pres,” I grumble and wrinkle my nose more in embarrassment than anything else. My cheeks heat when he offers me a wink.
He leaves me in the kitchen mulling over what he’s told me. If something happened to Ryder and he’s hiding behind some wall he’s built, it won’t be good once he finally breaks down. That’s one thing about him. He’s kept his pain inside and offered up a mask for as long as I’ve known him.
With every moment we’ve spent together, he thawed, but only for me. Perhaps my brother is right. Maybe I’m the only one who can get through to Ryder. I fill my mug with coffee and head back to my bedroom.
Finding my phone, I unlock the screen and scroll down to the number that’s taunted me for months, years, and I finally hit dial on it. After talking to him only a few days ago, I feel less nervous when I hear the ringing on the other end. I recall being a teenager with a crush on my brother’s best friend.
Even though he wasn’t allowed in our house, not until much later just before they all headed off to college, I would always find a way to be around him, even if I didn’t utter a word. I was in his orbit and that’s all that mattered to me. My parents hated his appearance, he didn’t fit in with their perfectly structured world. But Preston was never one to follow the rules. And Ryder became one of the trio along with Jeremiah. The three guys spent all their time together.
When his voicemail picks up my call, I drop my phone on the bed and head to my closet. Pulling out a pair of jean shorts and a tank top, I quickly pull them on. Thankfully my early morning shower has left me ready to walk out the door. If Ryder is depressed, if something is bothering him, then I need to get to him.
Once I’ve slipped my socked feet into my sneakers, I leave my forgotten coffee on the bedside table and race out the door with my phone in my pocket and keys in hand. I easily slip into the driver’s seat of the small Mini Cooper my Dad insisted on buying me when I got my driver’s license and I make my way to the warehouse.
There’s no need to second-guess myself. I know he’ll be there. And after our reunion two days ago at the same place, that’s exactly where I’ll find him.
The drive there is only ten minutes, but during that time, I doubt my choice to come here, to see him. I try to talk myself out of pushing Ryder to give me the truth, to explain what happened to him, but as I pull up to the warehouse and see his car parked near the entrance, my heart thrums wildly like the beat of a song in my chest. A melody only Ryder knows. And I know he needs me now, just as I needed him all my life.
He walked out.
It’s my choice to walk back in.
8
Ryder
Solace.
Music.
Passion.
Three things that have kept me going. Even after all this time, I still find my happiness in the beats of a song. Even though I’m broken, I still have this one thing that allows me to remember who I am.
My life hasn’t been easy. Yeah, I grew up wealthy, with friends in the same circle, fancy parties every weekend, but those things never made me happy.
Her face flits through my mind. As always, I growl out my frustration as I listen to the beat, making up the moves as I do.
She’s been a part of me for far too long. The young girl who didn’t fit in, beside the boy who always stood out. When I went out with Preston and Jeremiah, people would stare. With my ink, my piercings, they thought I was trouble.
If only they knew.
And even then, when I was thought of as the bad boy in town, she saw me. Her big, innocent eyes looked through me, noticing the small parts of
me I hid behind a tough exterior. It was Piper who gave me something to live for. She made me love when I believed I was incapable of loving. But I couldn’t do much about my feelings for her, because she was far too young.
She’s in the pool. I’m lying back on the lounger beside her brother. My eyes are glued to her behind my shades. Thankfully, Preston hasn’t noticed me checking out his sister. Dressed in the skimpiest bikini known to man, she wades through the clear blue water and steps out of the pool.
Water trickles over her golden skin. The tight pink material hugs the globes of her ass. Small triangles cover what I want to see, what my mouth waters to devour. But I shake it off when I feel my groin churn with want.
Her hair, the color of silky spun gold, hangs down to the curve of her lower back, just above the waistline of her bikini bottoms. Long lithe legs—toned from her love of dancing—tease me.
“Dude,” Preston grunts from beside me, jolting me up from where I’ve been ogling Piper.
“What?”
He sits up, handing me his phone. “Those two chicks invited us to their house party this weekend,” he boasts, but I don’t care. They don’t hold my interest, but I can’t tell him that, so I nod. “You coming?”
“Yeah, I’ll be there.”
He chuckles. Grabbing the device, he rises and presses it to his ear. “Hey, baby.”
I turn back to Piper. She’s dried off, but her hair is still dripping down her back. With a quick glance at Preston, I quickly make my way over to her. “You been practicing?” I question when I reach her as she strolls into the pool house. Her ass wiggles as she walks. Her hips sway hypnotically, and I’m entranced.
“Yeah, but I’ve hurt my ankle,” she pouts and it takes all my restraint not to imagine what her mouth could do to me.
“Want me to check it out?” I offer, meeting her inquisitive stare.
