Margaret pulled away just enough so that she could grasp both sides of his face. Tears filled her eyes as she looked up at him.
“I willna ever be able to thank ye enough for this kindness. Why doona ye join us for dinner? It breaks my heart to know ye plan to spend Christmas here all alone.”
“No, ye need the time with yer family. I will be just fine here. It willna be my first Christmas alone. I’ve grown rather accustomed to it.”
Margaret stepped away and frowned as she reached for her purse.
“No one should grow accustomed to such a thing. There is another out there for ye, I know it. ’Tis only that ye must open yerself up to the possibility of love again. Otherwise, it will never find ye.”
He appreciated Margaret’s optimism, but he knew that there was only one lass that would ever hold his heart, and he’d ruined any chance he had at holding hers long ago.
“Perhaps ye are right, though I doona think I’ll open myself up to it this Christmas.”
He turned without another word, leaving her to follow after him.
Chapter 5
On A Now-Known Road
* * *
“Gramps, I appreciate you helping me figure out where I am. Can you please hand the phone back to Grandma?”
I couldn’t talk about this with him. Grandfather had always been far too fond of Kamden—even after the debacle of our breakup. He wouldn’t understand my dismay over having to go back to the place where everything had fallen apart.
He said nothing, but I could hear the phone switch between their hands once again. Gram’s tone was immediately empathetic.
“Harper, before ye say anything, I want ye to realize that I really doona think ye have any other choice for tonight. I know that does little to make it any easier. ’Tis only that I know ye, and I’m worried that ye will dig in yer heels and try to make do in the car overnight rather than go to the castle. Ye’ll freeze if ye do that. ’Tis far too cold.”
Most nights, she would’ve been right, but just a few minutes exposed to outside air had caused my joints to ache from the cold. I knew I had no choice.
“No, you don’t need to worry about that, but yeah, it doesn’t make it any easier. What am I supposed to say to him? I haven’t seen him in five years. He’s probably married by now. What if his wife is there with him? What if he has children there?”
The thought alone was enough to make my head spin and my stomach cramp uncomfortably. It would be hard enough to see him alone, but if someone else was there—a wife or a girlfriend—the liquor cabinet would need to be well-stocked to see me through this storm.
“Harper, he isn’t married. Doona ye think I would’ve told ye if he’d gotten married?”
I didn’t really know. It had been so long since I’d seen either of my grandparents and even when I spoke to them, they were both careful to never mention Kamden.
“Oh. Okay, well, good. Still, what do you think he will say? I know he will let me in, but I hardly think he wants to be snowed in with me for days on end.”
“Sweetheart, if ye would stop speaking for more than three seconds, I could calm yer worries. Kamden willna be there. I saw Margaret a week ago, and she said that he wasn’t due to arrive at the castle until Christmas Eve. With the weather the way it is now, I verra much suspect that no one will be at the castle.”
A breath I didn’t know I held released at my grandmother’s words. The castle was empty. Not only would I have a beautiful, warm, safe place to stay for the night, but I could enjoy it all without dealing with my ex-boyfriend. Sure, I would have to stare down plenty of ghosts of Christmas pasts in the castle, but I could manage the memories. I wasn’t so sure that I could manage facing Kamden.
“Are you sure?”
“About what? I am fairly sure that Kamden willna be there, though I admit that I canna say for sure that no one will be at the castle. Though anyone that might be there will let ye inside. Only the Grinch himself wouldna let someone in on a night like this. Now, get off the phone with us and get yerself to the castle. Let me know when ye get there.”
“I will. I’m sorry that I won’t make it tonight. I’ll get there as soon as I can.”
“There is nothing for ye to be sorry for, Harper. We will see ye when the weather clears—whenever that may be.”
As we bid each other farewell, I buckled my seatbelt and took off for McMillan Castle, hoping with each passing mile that the castle would be unattended and that Kamden hadn’t moved the back door’s spare key.
* * *
McMillan Castle
* * *
A hot bath would fix everything. His nose burned from exposure to the cold, and his legs ached from trudging through the snow. Nothing could have prepared him for such a long walk back. If his own car couldn’t make it the mile back from Margaret’s house, he was surely glad he’d insisted on bringing her home himself rather than letting her take her own car. Now, his car remained at Margaret’s home, and Margaret’s car was stowed safely inside the castle’s old stables. Not that it mattered—no one would be going anywhere for days.
He very much hoped that the elderly couple from before made it home safely, for in this sort of Scottish weather, it wasn’t safe for a single soul to be outdoors.
It took a long while for the bath water to run warm, but eventually steam began to rise. Kamden undressed quickly, placing the stopper in the bottom of the large copper, claw-foot tub as he slipped inside. He wished for every hot, scalding drop to touch his skin. He didn’t remember ever being so cold before.
As the heat thawed him, thoughts of Harper swam through his mind. Baths always made him think of her. So did airplanes, scones, black and white films, and truthfully, just about everything else. He wondered what she was up to now—where she lived and whom she now shared her life with.
He wondered what she would think about the man he was today.
Sileas slept happily next to the tub. As the chill in his bones thawed, he closed his eyes, perfectly content to relax this way for the rest of the evening.
* * *
The spare key was gone, the old lock replaced with a numbered touchpad. I eyed the numbers nervously. The castle was surely hooked up to some sort of security system, not that I believed anyone would come and investigate a break-in during this weather. Even so, I didn’t have any real desire to listen to sirens all night while I tried to sleep.
Kamden was a man of habit, of tradition. He never changed anything unless forced to do so. The rigid walls in every area of his life made him feel secure, and they are exactly what pushed me away.
I wondered what prompted him to change the lock. Had it been our break-up? Surely he hadn’t worried I would ever break in. Although, as I looked at my current situation, I realized that perhaps that was no longer quite true.
My fingers hovered nervously over the keypad as I thought back on any important dates in Kamden’s life. His birthday, his parents’ anniversary, the year the castle was built—none of the combinations worked.
If the lock was like most, it would only allow me a few more tries before triggering the alarm system. On a whim, I typed in the only other date I could think of, the one date I was almost certain Kamden would no longer remember—the date of our first day of college—the day we met. Kamden and I both started college later than most people. There were just too many adventures we each indulged in before getting serious about our careers. It was our unique but shared early adulthoods that attracted us to each other in the first place. To my everlasting surprise, the lock clicked open. Into the castle I stepped.
* * *
Sileas’ sudden leap from the floor sent Kamden’s eyes flying open, and water sloshed onto the floor as he sat up in response to the dog’s high, eager whine at the closed bathroom door.
“What is it, boy? ’Tis only the wind. I’m sure ye’ve never heard such a sound in yer life. I know I haven’t, and ye are much younger than me. Come here and sit down. Everything is fine.”
&nbs
p; Rather than calm the dog, his words only seemed to aggravate the great beast further. He whined even more loudly at the door. As if begging Kamden to let him out, he ran over to the tub and jumped up on its edge, pawing to get his attention.
“All right, all right, I’m coming.” He stood, reaching for the warm towel hanging on its heating rack. He dried quickly and reached for a robe to cover himself as he opened the door to the bathroom.
Kamden expected the dog to calm once he realized no one was on the other side. Instead, Sileas took off like a rocket, out of the bedroom and into the hallway. He could hear the dog running and barking all the way downstairs. He knew the dog’s sounds well. It was the same noise he made when Kamden came home only hours earlier.
Someone else was inside the castle. Someone the dog knew well.
* * *
I heard the dog coming only seconds after I stepped inside and closed the back door. I recognized his heavy footsteps and the distinct sound of his whine immediately—Sileas.
I couldn’t help but smile as I hurried into the castle’s main entry to greet him on the stairs. For the first two years of his life, Sileas and I had been the best of friends. It wasn’t until he bounded up and into my open arms that I realized how much I’d missed the big, drooling beast.
I held and rubbed him, smiling and near tears at the joy I felt to see him once again. It took a long moment for realization to set in. No one would have left Sileas here alone in such weather. If Sileas was here, it meant someone else was as well.
I stood nervously and slowly lifted my eyes to the top of the staircase. Rather than the welcoming face of Margaret or Henderson, I was met by the tortured and shocked gaze of Kamden.
Suddenly, freezing to death in the car didn’t seem all that unappealing.
Chapter 6
Many possibilities passed through Kamden’s mind as he followed Sileas. Perhaps Margaret and her family lost heating or electricity in the storm and needed to seek shelter at the castle. God help them if they trudged through such weather with the baby. Perhaps Henderson realized he’d left the gate open after going home and came back to make certain it was closed. At least a dozen thoughts crossed his mind, but he never expected to round the corner and find his very own ghost of Christmas past staring up at him—Harper.
Five years without a word or a whisper of her, and now she stood on his stairwell.
“Ye cut yer hair.”
If she wasn’t standing before him, Kamden would’ve smacked his own forehead for saying something so stupid to her, but they were the only words he could muster. Just as it always had, the sight of her left him gobsmacked. Her hazel eyes, the shiny honey tint to her hair, the smattering of freckles across her nose, her beauty never ceased to make him smile. Her shape was different, firmer somehow, but overall she looked like the same beautiful woman. But she wasn’t the same. Nothing was the same. He could see it in her eyes—the unfamiliar way she looked at him. They were now little more than strangers.
He couldn’t imagine why she was here.
“Yes, I cut it some time ago. Look, I…” She hesitated and he saw her swallow. For a moment, he thought she might cry. It caused his chest to tighten in response.
“I never would have come if I’d known you were going to be here.”
He didn’t know how to speak to her. He feared whatever he said wouldn’t relay how he truly felt—what he truly meant. “What are ye doing here then?”
Sileas balanced on his hind legs with his paws on the sides of Harper’s hips, begging for her attention. Kamden looked on, waiting for Harper’s answer. She continued to love on Sileas while she answered him.
“Trying not to freeze to death in this weather. You’re pretty isolated out here. I didn’t have many choices. I didn’t expect you to be here. If anyone was here, I expected it to be Margaret or Henderson.”
Of course she would come here if stranded. Anyone would. But what was she doing in Scotland? He didn’t expect her to ever set foot in the country again. He remembered her swearing to as much the last time she left.
He took two steps down the staircase. Harper took two steps backwards.
“Aye, any other year, ye would have arrived to find them rather than me. I came home early when I heard reports of the storm. I dinna wish for anyone else to be stuck here because of it. They say it could last for days.”
She nodded. An uncomfortable silence followed. They both realized what this meant. They would be alone here—together—for days on end. Facing their past was now inevitable.
* * *
If not for the reassuring touch of Sileas’ paw against me and the ability for me to hide my hands beneath the thickness of his coat, I knew Kamden would have seen me shaking. I hated it. How could he still have such an effect on me? Years had passed. Why was I not stronger? Why did the sight of him still seem to undo me so completely?
I could barely hear him over the sound of blood pumping in my ears. His voice sounded muffled and foggy. As he stepped toward me, I instinctively stepped back. I wasn’t frightened of him, I just no longer knew how to interact with him. Everything about us standing across from each other felt foreign—as if I’d broken into a stranger’s home to find the owner still there. It might have well been just that for the cold distance that lay between us.
One night in the castle with him would be hard enough, but only a fool would believe that the snow would be gone by morning. It would be days, possibly longer, before I would be able to leave here. It would take a miracle for me to make it to my grandparents’ house by Christmas.
He stepped toward me once again. As if pulled by strings, I stepped back.
“I would never hurt ye, Harper.”
I knew that. Yet I couldn’t seem to control my body’s need to distance itself from him in that moment. I planted my feet, grinding them into the staircase determined to not take another step as Kamden continued down the stairs to pass me. I could see the hurt in his eyes as he passed, but there was something else there as well, something that I couldn’t quite put my finger on—something extraordinarily different about this man I’d once known so well.
It took his voice to bring me back to the present.
“I’m going to the kitchen. I’ve not yet looked at what she left, but I know Margaret cooked like a fiend this afternoon. Ye must be hungry, and ye look exhausted. Let’s get ye something to eat.”
I’d been both of those things earlier, but the shock of seeing Kamden shook me enough to make me forget my growling stomach and weary eyes. Adrenaline still coursed through me, making me shaky, nauseous, and wide awake.
Kamden was so calm and apparently unshaken by the sight of me. His reaction rattled me even more. While I hoped he would be gone, deep down I knew there was a possibility he would be at the castle. For him, this was his home. Nothing would have given him cause to believe I would come walking in the front doors in the middle of a snowstorm.
With Kamden gone, Sileas returned to all fours and headed for the kitchen. Reluctantly, I turned and followed him, speaking to my old friend as we went.
“Are you going to be the buffer between us, Sileas? I think we may need one. I fear that before this night is over, both of us will be in tears.”
Sileas let out a knowing bark in response. Even he could foresee the inevitable trouble that would result from the two of us being locked up all alone here.
Chapter 7
In a flash of horror, it occurred to me as I entered the kitchen to see Kamden flinging contents of the freezer onto the center island—his robe hanging half open—that his state of dress for this time of evening was unusual for him. Had I interrupted something? Was he not alone here?
I’d not noticed his robe on the stairwell. But looking at him in his current state of dress, I felt foolish to have assumed he was alone. Gram’s assurance that he wasn’t married shouldn’t have caused me such relief. Unmarried didn’t mean alone. I should know that better than anyone. Kamden and I were inseparable for years, bu
t we never married.
Just because I’d lived like a virtual monk for the past years didn’t give me reason to believe that Kamden had done the same. Of course he hadn’t. Men are terrible at being alone. And as much as I hated to admit it—his looks were enough to ensure that he never needed to spend a Christmas alone unless he wished it.
“Kamden, do you need me to leave here? Margaret’s home isn’t far. I’m sure she would let me stay with her. If I’ve interrupted something, I can go.”
He froze with one hand on the freezer door and another buried deep inside it. He lifted his head and looked over his shoulder at me, his expression confused.
“What?”
“The way you’re dressed—is someone else here?”
The lump that rose in my throat as I asked the question infuriated me. I hoped the fear hadn’t come through in my voice. Kamden hadn’t belonged to me for years. There was no reason for the thought of him with someone else to make me so emotional.
He glanced downward and smiled for the first time since my arrival.
“No. No one is here, though I doona expect ye will believe what I was doing when ye got here.”
“Oh really? What were you doing?”
One corner of his mouth pulled up into an ornery grin that caused my stomach to flip over with a familiar sense of need. His smile always did me in.
“I was taking a bath.”
I relaxed a little at his smile, and it seemed to me that some unseen wall crumbled between us. Not that it would make much difference—dozens more would have to be demolished for things to ever be normal between us again. Even if we were snowed in for a month, it wouldn’t be enough time to accomplish that.
Still, it seemed that a pathway for communication was now open—one where I wouldn’t have to worry about every little thing that I said to him. I hoped he felt the same way.
A McMillan Christmas - A Novella: Book 7.5 of Morna’s Legacy Series Page 3
