“What has he done to you?” she asks, her face full of emotion and worry.
“Gone. He’s gone. He says he doesn’t want me, that he doesn’t love me and that... that he can’t give me what I want,” I splutter through my tears. The door flies open as a very pissed off looking Conner storms in.
“Get out, Conner. Can’t you see we’re a little preoccupied in here,” Belle hisses at him as I lower my head.
“Where’s he fucking gone?” Conner roars, scowling furiously. “Beth, tell me. Please?”
“Calm down, Conner,” Belle says as she holds up her hand. “I won’t tell you again. You’ll fucking leave if you carry on,” she continues as she frowns at him. I can’t even look at him. I’m so pathetic but he reminds me too much. Alex, Conner, it’s all the same damn thing.
“New York, the note said New York,” I say quietly through my sniffs. He walks over to Belle and kisses her on the head, which makes me bawl again.
“A fucking note? The prick. I’ll call you, babe. I need to go. Look after her and call me if I can do anything,” he says as he picks up his phone and starts thumbing through the contacts.
“Where the hell are you going?” she says. “Don’t do anything stupid, you idiot.”
“It’s not me I’m worried about,” he mumbles as he calls someone on the phone and walks out. “Love you,” he calls over his shoulder as the door slams. That also causes more fucking tears.
“Insensitive bastard,” Belle mutters into my hair as she strokes it. I can’t feel it. I can’t feel anything but pain and hurt. “Can I do anything for you? Do you want to talk or do you want a bath?” she asks quietly.
“No, I just want to go to bed and forget it all,” I reply through my sobs, preferably loaded with alcohol, or even drugs. I hate fucking drugs. The bastard has made me want to take drugs. I can’t breathe. Oh, holy shit, what the hell am I going to do without him? I’m shaking again. Alex withdrawal, or maybe something equally as scary, is invading me, scratching at me and hurting me deep inside.
“Okay,” she says as she lays me down and pulls back the covers. “We’ll talk tomorrow. James is doing the Stevely dinner because our cooker didn’t arrive so you don’t have to get up. Just stay here as long as you like. I’ll see you in the morning. Call if you need me,” she says with a final stroke of my hair, then she gets up and leaves the room, closing the door softly.
I kick off my jeans and jumper and crawl into bed, trying not to think about the man who not only turned my world upside down but then destroyed it as if it were nothing. Half an hour later and with a snarl to myself, I reach for his bow tie and pull it up to my heart. He might not want me anymore but that doesn’t stop this damned pining I’ve got hammering in my chest. Tomorrow I’ll deal with it. Tomorrow I’ll let the healing process begin, but for now, right at this moment, I’m just going to pretend that he’s still wrapped around me and that it’s all going to be okay. It’s then that I begin to fall asleep, tired and exhausted, yes, but with him still beside me to keep me safe and warm, I finally close my eyes and sleep.
Chapter 31
Belle
“H ey, babe,” Conner said sweetly.
It was pathetic really, this babe shit, but reasonably cute in its own way.
“Hi,” she replied with as little emotion as she could manage, because he’s a man, and therefore he’s a dickhead. Mr. Bastard-Arsehole White just proved that, yet again.
“How is she?”
“Asleep for now, but she’s not good,” she said, picking at her nails and gulping back some more wine, wondering what the hell it was that he wanted, running away to find his little sodding friend, to what? Help him through his turmoil? Alexander White obviously has no heart at all, let alone any turmoil to deal with, but then why would he? Bastards with more money than sense are rarely able to do anything other than screw well.
“Okay. Is there anything I can do?”
Not fucking likely. You’re a man, therefore you’re a dick as well, who more than likely has no ability whatsoever to do anything right, regardless of how unfairly beautiful you are.
“Why has he done this to her, Conner? What the hell did she do to deserve this?”
As if Conner Avery could answer the question. Clearly Mr. White was just playing his normal bloody games like all the rest of them. She wouldn’t be surprised if he smacked his women about as well with his “I’m in control” attitude.
“I don’t know, babe, but I’m sure she didn’t do anything.” He sighed. “I’m going to find out though. I’m on my way now and as soon as I know something, I’ll call you. I promise, okay?”
Too sodding right you will, because then I’ll know where the arsehole is so I can kill him, or at least make him pay for his error in judgement.
“Okay. Don’t let him get away with it, Conner. You find him, and you make him pay for this or I swear to god, I will,” she hissed at him, trying to contain the venom spitting off her tongue and failing.
“Okay,” he said quietly.
“Okay,” she replied with a sneer as she refilled her wine. “I never liked him,” she muttered.
“You never liked me and look where we are now?” he said softly in that voice that weakened her a little. She hated it.
We’re nowhere, you idiot. You’ll stay exactly where I put you while I control these stupid feeling things that are beginning to surface for some inexplicable reason, and damn you for making me sense this again. Love… stupid, pathetic, needy.
“I know, but she’s not like me. She can’t deal with this shit. He was too much for her. I knew he would be and I should have stopped it before it went this far,” she replied, quietly chastising herself with every word uttered. “I love her. I can’t watch her in pain.”
“I know. But he’s not the man you think he is, Belle. That’s why I have to go. He needs me and I can’t watch him in pain either. He’s the only brother I’ve ever known. You wouldn’t understand and now’s not the time to go into it,” he said with another sigh.
Pain, really? He didn’t know the meaning of the word pain. If he did, he wouldn’t have done this, would he?
Her eyes narrowed at the thought. Perhaps it was something she could use to get back at him.
“What do you mean?” she responded, now quite intrigued at the thought of an in pain Mr. White.
“He’s... Oh shit, it’s complicated, babe. I don’t know how much to tell you. It’s not really my place to say anything,” he replied quietly with a slight crack to his voice.
It appeared that Conner was actually having some sort of real feeling regarding the dickhead. It was amusing in itself and she chuckled at the sensitivity he was having. He should learn to control that emotion before it consumed him to hell. But complicated? What was so complicated about him being a giant sized arsehole?
“Okay... You go find your little brother. But don’t you dare bring him within a mile of her or me. I won’t be responsible for my actions,” she said, trying to find the anger and bring it to the surface again. Conner Avery’s little emotional struggle was beginning to have a very negative effect on her. It was disconcerting. If she wasn’t careful, she might actually have to respond kindly at some point or even admit that she gave a shit about his feelings.
“Okay, thank you. I do love you,” he said in a small voice, clearly noticing her frosty behaviour.
He wasn’t thick. She had to give him that. And he was hot as hell, but fundamentally she had to keep reminding herself that he was simply a man, and therefore a dickhead who would of course destroy her if she let him.
“I know,” she said, fiddling with the wine bottle again and pouring herself another glass while shaking her head at the very thought of love. It was a revolting emotion. No good ever came of it at all.
“Will you ever tell me you love me?” he asked.
Would she? Unlikely. She didn’t even understand what the sodding word meant anymore. The last time she’d said it, Marcus had literally beaten her h
alf to death. The man she loved with all her heart had looked down on her and rained blow after blow because of what? Her skirt was too short. Bastard. That’s what love apparently gets you.
“Possibly. If I’m ready,” she replied, downing the wine and looking down the corridor towards the bedrooms. Conner’s insecurity was the last thing on her mind. He was more than likely just as much of an arsehole as White was and she’d be damned if she’d get in that sort of trouble again, regardless of how much she liked him. Fucking men and their pathetic weaknesses.
“Then I’ll wait.”
Enjoy that.
“I know. I’m going to go and check on her again,” she replied as she stood and made her way across the lounge, cringing with every step she made at the thought of her baby sister. Why hadn’t she protected her from this? She’d even been so stupid as to push her toward it at one point, thinking it would help her confidence somehow.
“Okay, I’ll call you tomorrow.”
Whatever, just find the shit then kill him, or even better, get him back here so I can.
“Okay, bye,” she said as she ended the call, threw the phone on the sofa along with her ridiculous feelings for Conner and walked to her sister’s room.
She watched her for about ten minutes, and then, after deliberating the best thing to do, just got in bed next to her and pulled her into a hug, stroking her hair again like she did when they were children. It was just typical that she would meet someone like him. He had probably found her innocence and beauty appealing, but fundamentally, dickheads like Alexander White weren’t capable of anything lasting or meaningful. They just wanted to break something that wasn’t damaged to somehow prove their own superiority.
She knew the feeling well. Marcus had done exactly the same to her and he was just like Mr. White. In fact, they probably went to the same school of how to screw women over and leave them. She blew out a breath and pulled her not so innocent anymore sister toward her again.
“Alex…” Beth murmured in her sleep. Belle closed her eyes and sighed at the torture that was coming, hoping her sister was stronger than she had been.
No, baby sister, it’s just me. I’m so sorry. But I’m here and I always will be.
The End... For now.
THE WHITE TRILOGY CONTINUES
Feeling White
Second book in the trilogy
By
Charlotte E Hart
Https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00VWEFX3M
And
Absorbing White
Final book in the trilogy
By
Charlotte E Hart
Acknowledgements
There is only one person I have to thank for putting up with my constant keyboard tapping every evening and it’s my wonderful partner. I love you more than words can say.
Without your support through the last year or so, I couldn’t have achieved any of this and you’ll never understand how much that means to me. But hopefully if you look inside the characters, you’ll find a bit more of me that you’ve allowed to open up and free itself from its box.
Me x
Special thanks go out to all the Book Blogs who have supported me in this endeavour. Without the fabulous help of all these blogs my books would be nowhere at all. You are all stars in my eyes. But in particular: Rachel Brightey at Orchard Book Club and Rachel Hill at Bound By Books Book Blog.
My editor - Heather Ross - thank you gorgeous x
My PA - Leanne Cook - Love you, honey. You know how wonderful you are x
And of course, you guys, anyone who’s read my story and enjoyed it is warmly thanked and acknowledged as super wonderful. I hope you’ve liked my characters and if they’ve resonated with you in some way, be it small or large, then I’ve achieved my goal, which was to provoke thought and entertain you.
CEH x
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Seeing White Page 54
