She took a few halting breaths, each one easier than the last. Grabbing another tissue, she wiped her eyes and then peered back into the slate-blue eyes that had first captured her all those years ago. The ones that taunted her and played with her as a child. The ones that first looked upon her as a woman of interest and not just as a pesky kid. The ones that held hers as she gave him her virginity. And the same eyes that told her to trust him when he said he would always take care of her. They’re the same eyes. The same ones that I trusted but then forgot to when things got rough. But no more.
“I trust you,” she said simply.
He sat quiet, not knowing what she was referring to but knowing that an important breakthrough had occurred.
“You always told me to trust you and I did. But four years ago, I forgot that. I didn’t trust that you would stay with me. Or keep loving me. Or needed me. I didn’t trust that I even knew what I was doing. I don’t want to do that ever again.”
“What happened, baby?”
“I went to my Finding Daily Strength Miscarriage group this evening.” She looked up to see that he was listening intently. “I’ve always seen our common thread – that we’re just a group of women who are grieving together because we had miscarriages. But tonight, I saw us as complete individuals. Some are pregnant again, some have had children now. Some are single. But we’re all different. Don’t you see, honey? I finally realized that one miscarriage does not have to define me. It’s possible to get pregnant again. And carry the baby. And want the baby.”
She had shifted around so that she was straddling his lap, holding on to his shoulders. His fingers were on her hips and she could feel them flexing.
Lifting her hand to his cheek, she continued, “I was so afraid that I would never love again. Or get pregnant. Or have a child. And I know life is unpredictable. Something could happen again. But this time, I want to trust that you’ll be there. And we’ll stay together to face whatever happens.”
“Oh, Suzy girl, I’m not going anywhere. We’re in this together. I’m getting what I’ve always wanted: you, us, and now another chance at a baby. There’s nothing else in life I want but you.” Leaning in he placed a soft kiss on her lips. Gentle. Light. Pulling back he looked deeply into her sky-blue eyes, remembering the teenager who stood in her mother’s bakery when he came back from football camp that summer and knew once again that she was the only one in his heart. Kissing her gently once more, he whispered, “You can trust in that.”
Chapter 18
Suzanne had every intention of not telling anyone about the pregnancy until she made it to the three-month mark, but the first surgery day in the vet clinic had her running to the bathroom to throw up. Annie and Leon stood outside of the door, worry written on their faces.
“Suzanne, are you all right?” Leon asked.
Annie rolled her eyes at him saying, “She’s throwing up. What makes you think she might be all right?”
“Oh. Dumb question, wasn’t it? Do you think she has the flu? Should we reschedule some appointments?”
“I don’t know. Do you think it could be something else?”
Annie and Leon shared a look as he raised his eyes widened in surprise.
A weak voice came from the other side of the door. “I can hear you, you know.”
“Can we get you something?” Annie asked.
They heard the sound of a toilet flushing and water from the sink running. Leon grabbed a water bottle out of their small refrigerator. The door opened and a pale Suzanne emerged, dressed in dog-print scrubs, her fingers pressed to her lips.
She dropped her eyes, not willing for them to peer too deeply inside and mumbled an apology.
Annie grabbed her pulling her into a hug. “Oh honey, you don’t have to apologize. Are you okay?”
“Must be something I ate,” she offered.
“Are you sure? Could you be pregnant?” Annie prodded.
“Lord girl, just look at you! I’d say you were definitely carrying,” Leon effused.
Suzanne lifted her eyes, her face unable to hide her secret. A slow smile spread over her face. Leon whooped as he grabbed her swinging her around in the lab. Giggling, she hugged him back. He settled her carefully down on the floor.
Annie walked over, placing her hands on Suzanne’s shoulders. “Are you okay with this? Are you happy?”
Familiar tears hit the back of Suzanne’s eyes as she stared at her dearest friend. Nodding, she admitted, “Yeah. I am. Really happy.”
Annie pulled her in for a heartfelt hug. One that, while Leon witnessed, would never be able to quite understand. The hug of two women. Women who knew love. Loss. Emotions that come from the deep center of a woman’s soul. Suzanne felt them to her very core.
Stepping back, she continued, “I admit it was a shock. Certainly unplanned. I must be the most fertile woman to get pregnant with one unprotected time!” She blushed looking at Leon, who just laughed.
Looking back at Annie, she said, “But Annie I promise it won’t interfere with work. Well…” she glanced behind her at the bathroom. “I suppose until I get my sea-legs back, it will affect me a bit.”
Annie laughed and said, “No worries, honey. You can work the front and I’ll let Leon help me with the surgeries.”
Annie hesitated, staring at her two co-workers and friends, suddenly looking slightly nervous. Pushing her long, copper hair away from her neck, she bit her lip as though wondering what to say. Suzanne and Leon then shared a glance and turned back to her.
“I know that look, doc. What’s going on?” Leon asked, pretending to glare.
“Well, I’ve got three things that are happening that I needed to talk to you all about and was going to wait until later today, but now is as good a time as any, I suppose, since we are sharing secrets.”
Leon mumbled, “Ya’ll are sharing secrets. I don’t have any.”
The women rolled their eyes and Annie continued. “First of all, Suzanne’s not the only one having a baby.”
The statement hung out there in the air for a moment before her words sunk in.
“Oh my God!” Suzanne shouted, jumping forward to hug Annie once again.
“Group hug,” Leon laughed, grabbing both women in his embrace. “I must be crazy working around all these female hormones. My Shirley will wonder what’s happening to me.”
The three shared their moment of joy, then quickly found out the details. Annie told them that she was three months along and Suzanne admitted that she had wanted to wait since she was only about a month along.
Leon stared down at Annie, saying, “Okay, spill the rest of the beans, doc. You said there were three things happening. Being preggers is one. What’re the others?”
“Okay, you all know I was trying to sell this practice. Well, I have. The initial papers are signed and the final closing will be in a month. And I have been able to arrange the buying of the practice in the county.” Looking at them nervously she continued, “You both said you would go with me and I can’t imagine having a clinic without you. But I will totally understand if you want to stay here.”
“No way!” Leon declared. “I’ve already talked to Shirley and she’s on board. It only changes my commute by about fifteen minutes each way and I’d be heading out of the city, so it’d be a nice ride.”
Smiling, Suzanne looked at Annie. “You know I’m staying with you.” Looking around at the small lab room, she admitted, “Although it will be weird not being here every day.”
Annie agreed. “Yeah, I’ll miss this place, but the new facility has so much more room. And a client base ready to expand.”
Leon interjected once more. “Okay, so that’s the second thing you needed to tell us. What’s the third?”
“Well, we’re going to get some help in here for the next month. With me being pregnant,” Annie stopped and looked at Suzanne, “and you being pregnant, it will be nice to have an extra pair of hands. The new owner of this clinic wants to go ahead and start working par
t time here to get used to our clients and have them get used to him.”
“And that would be…?” Leon prodded.
“Dr. Ketchum. Phil. From the ER clinic.”
Suzanne’s eyes quickly looked to Annie’s, not masking her concerns.
Annie saw her look and continued quickly, “I know you’re concerned about his lack of reporting some things to Animal Control, but he and I have talked and he has assured me that all protocols were followed. He has even showed me copies of reports that he sent. He still maintains that the ER clinic fulfills the highest standards. Its owner, Dr. Marker, certainly demands that of his employees.”
Suzanne nodded, understanding Annie’s desire to get the clinic sold and, while she promised her support, she still could not quiet the nagging feeling that he wasn’t to be trusted.
Annie continued her news, “So, tomorrow Phil will be starting with us part time. He’s turned in his notice to Dr. Marker at the ER clinic and will be working there only part time and then with us.” Looking at Suzanne, she said, “He agreed to do surgeries two mornings a week and then spend another two mornings helping with the appointments.
“Are you guys good with all of this?” Annie implored after giving them a minute to process the new information.
Leon and Suzanne immediately gave her their approval. Suzanne replied, “It’s a lot to happen in the next month, but with us three together, we can accomplish anything!”
One last hug amongst the three friends and they separated as the bell over the front door rang, signaling a new day starting.
* * *
That afternoon, Suzanne received a text from Pamela asking her to meet her at their house. Not the shelter? I wonder what’s up with that. Please don’t let her be back with Joe. I don’t trust that man.
Annie let her go early and she hopped into her car, heading to see what was going on. Knowing BJ would want to know where she was, she texted him. She was surprised when she got an immediate text back. Mtg you there.
She drove to Pamela’s house, now more curious than ever about what was going on. As she pulled up, she saw several police cars parked out front. A policewoman was standing with Pamela in the front yard, but Suzanne did not see Dwayne or Chuckie anywhere. She then saw Matt and Shane coming from the inside of the house.
Hopping out of her car, she ran up the front walk toward Pamela, who turned toward her, eyes wide in shock.
“What’s going on?” she asked breathlessly. “Where are the boys? Are they all right?”
“Yeah,” Pamela said with a shaky voice. “They’re still back at the shelter with one of the other ladies.” She took a quivering breath and continued, “It’s Joe. He’s dead. The police found his body and he was murdered.”
“Oh Pamela, I’m so sorry,” Suzanne exclaimed. While she did not like the man, she felt for Pamela’s loss. “What happened?”
“He was in the back shed,” she said as she jerked her head toward the back of the house. “He’d been shot. The place is messed up like someone was looking for something.”
Just then, Shane and Matt stalked over. “Called BJ. He’s on his way,” Matt said.
“How’d you know I was coming?” she asked.
Shane just raised one eyebrow in response before replying, “Seriously? We knew she’d call you and you’d drop everything to get right here in the middle of this fuckin’ mess.”
She was in the middle of an eye-roll when BJ’s SUV came around the corner. Peering inside, she could see Gabe as well. Great. The whole macho patrol is going to be here and probably scare Pamela to death. Glancing at her friend, she could see her shock-filled eyes take in the wall of testosterone that surrounded them quickly.
BJ’s eyes only sought out Suzanne’s and she gave him a small nod to let him know she was fine. He quietly wrapped his arms around her shoulders, offering her warmth from the chill and emotional comfort as well. Gabe gave her a look that she interpreted as him knowing about the pregnancy. She gave him a small smile in return.
“Mrs. Johnson. I don’t know if you remember, but I’m Detective Dixon and this is my partner Detective Douglas.”
Pamela nodded at the men and Matt continued. “We need you to go to the shed with us to see what may be missing or what your husband may have been involved in.”
“Can I go too?” Suzanne asked, then noticed that both Matt and Shane gave BJ a look first. Huffing, she turned up to BJ saying, “Honey, she needs me.”
He nodded but added, “Only if I can go too.” Matt agreed and the four of them walked to the back of the house while Shane and Gabe talked to the policemen inside.
Entering the small shed, Suzanne could see that it was wrecked, but then not knowing the state it was in before Joe was murdered, she turned to see Pamela’s reaction. It was strangely blank.
Then Pamela’s eyes landed on the blood splatter stain on the back wall and her knees buckled. Matt quickly grabbed her while assisting her to a stool. BJ pulled Suzanne back in protectively against his hard body.
“Detective, this may surprise you but my husband kept this old shed locked. I don’t know what he had in here or what’s missing.”
Nodding, Matt asked, “What can you tell me about his habits with the shed. When did he come out here? What did he carry? Was it at night or daytime?”
Her brow crinkled in thought as she answered, “In the old days, he just kept tools and the lawn mower. But they eventually got moved outside and he just said he needed a place to get away from me and the noise of the kids. Sometimes, he would bring the dog out here.”
Matt was quiet letting her remember details that would slowly come. His patience paid off.
“He’d meet people out here. They’d come to the house and he’d say he was taking them to his office. I just thought it was a dumb name for an old shed. Kind of like he was trying to play at being a big man.”
“A big man?” Matt prodded, looking around the shed.
Sighing, Pamela continued. “My husband was a proud man. A good man when we were first together. But his job didn’t pay much. It rankled him when I would get a raise and he became angry. He kept saying that he was going to find a way to make more. To begin with, he’d say that it was for me and the boys. But then, it just seemed like he got all puffed up with importance when others would come to him.”
Suzanne walked over and placed her hand on Pamela’s shoulders for support and received a small smile in return.
“Detective Dixon, I don’t know what he was involved in. I’m embarrassed about that. He got meaner and began drinking. And between my job, trying to raise the boys right, and just keeping the house together…I just didn’t ask too many questions. Joe bounced between having money that he’d wave around like he was a big earner and then other times he’d hound me for the housekeeping money, taking food away from our boys to do God knows what with it.
“Looking back, I should have realized that he must have been gambling. Winning big sometimes and losing bigger other times.” Shaking her head, she confessed, “I feel so stupid. I should have done something earlier. Or left him earlier. I don’t know.”
Suzanne rushed to her defense saying, “You did the best you could. Joe made his own choices. His. Not yours. If he was gambling, then he was addicted and there was nothing you could have done.”
Matt asked, “So if he was using this as a bookie joint, you haven’t been out here to know what may be missing?”
Pamela shook her head. “No. Once, he caught the boys out here, trying to snoop in a window. They used to play here before he took it over and I know they missed their play area. But he caught them. I wasn’t home and he whipped them something fierce.” With tears sliding down her cheeks, she admitted, “That was when I first knew I might have to leave him some day. I told him if he ever touched the boys like that we’d all take off. He just told me to keep them away. And I did.”
“Ma’am, we’d like to talk to the boys. We don’t need your permission, but you need to be present. Ca
n we do that now? Do they know?”
Her eyes grew wide in fear, but she agreed. “They don’t know he’s dead. They just know something bad happened when the police came to bring me here. I need to talk to them first. And I want to be there when you talk to them.”
She looked up at Suzanne. “The boys really trust you. Do you think you can be there too?”
Before she could answer, BJ squeezed her shoulders. “Babe,” he whispered. “Don’t want you getting upset.”
She twisted her neck to look up into his concerned face. Warmth spread all through her. Here was a man who would lay down his life for her. Care for her. Comfort her. Protect her. And he’ll be the same with our children. Not like Joe. Never like Joe. Smiling, she whispered back, “I love you.”
“Love you too, Suzy, but that doesn’t answer my concerns.”
“I’ll be fine. In fact, why don’t you go with us? You can keep an eye on all of us.”
Another shoulder squeeze was all the answer she needed. Turning back to Pamela and Matt, she said, “Let’s go.”
No one noticed the binoculars trained on the group moving out of the shed, following them with interest. Nor did they notice a signal to someone else to follow the group. Not the police. Just Suzanne. Just to follow her.
* * *
Several hours later BJ drove Suzanne home, both quiet in their own thoughts. He kept looking over at her face, pale with dark circles under her closed, red-rimmed eyes. She barely stirred when they arrived and didn’t protest when he carried her to their apartment. He quickly pulled off her scrubs, leaving her in just her panties. She sat on the edge of the bed, weariness pouring off of her. He grabbed one of his large t-shirts and pulled it over her head.
She looked up at him, recognizing his concern. “Honey, I’m okay. Really.”
Pulling her up into his embrace as he pressed her tightly against his chest, he replied, “Babe, what you are not, is okay. You’re strong and kind. You’re trying to be there for your friend and the boys, but you gotta take care of you.” He took her by the shoulders and gently pushed her back so that he could capture her eyes. “Warning you right now, babe. You don’t take care of yourself, I’ll shut this shit down quicker than you can blink.”
Love's Trusting (The Love's Series) Page 19
