by Jet MacLeod
“Sorry, I am just trying to adjust to my thoughts,” Grace said.
“So spill it.”
“I don’t know where to start,” Grace said truthfully.
“The beginning is always good,” Alexis suggested.
“The beginning…well that is debatable. Where did the problem start? I don’t know. That’s the problem,” Gracie said.
“Then, how about you tell me why you came back,” Alexis said.
“I was sick of Atlanta. My partner was dead and I wanted to kill Camille. I wanted change. I wanted peace. I wanted home.”
“So, you came back to Columbia and moved into the lake house. That doesn’t seem so bad. So, what gives there?” Alexis asked.
“I decided to retreat into a bottle. I made an ass of myself. I did things that I would never do rationally or sober,” Grace said.
“Like what? You didn’t kill anyone, did you?”
“No, I guess I was trying to kill myself.”
“What do you mean by that?” Alexi asked.
“I went to the Closet one night not too long ago. I got piss drunk, evidentially I did some sort of striptease, passed out, and got driven home by the bar’s owner, woke up with a monster hangover and my Mum in the house. It was pretty bad and I was angry on many levels.”
“Wow. That’s really interesting. So, how did that go?”
“Not good. Mum was not really happy about finding out I was home the way she did. Da wasn’t either, but they got over it. I wasn’t too happy when Mum told me it was Reagan Knightley that called them to tell them I was a drunkard and home.”
“What? Wait a minute, Reagan, as in from high school Reagan?”
“The very same,” Grace said.
“Interesting, go on.”
“Well, Da sets up this dinner date between Reagan and me.”
“Stop. Just stop. This is too much,” Alexis said, laughing.
“Laugh it up. He thought he was helping. However, he swears he wasn’t trying to do anything,” Grace said, “I am not sure I believe him.”
“No joke. That is hilarious. So, what happened at dinner?”
“It was quiet. Da and Mum tried to get a conversation started but to no avail. Reagan and I just stared at each other,” Grace said.
“I bet that was fun.”
“Yeah, so, any way, we had dinner and then, I left.”
“Okay…so why is that bothering you so much?” Alexis asked.
“That is where Reagan truly came back into my life.”
“Ah,” Alexis said, “Reagan is the problem.”
“Yes,” Gracie said, flatly.
“How did that happen?”
“I don’t know really. I guess it is a long story. I think it was a real gradual thing. I am not sure when or where but I actually began to fall for her. And, now,” Gracie said, “I’m devastated.”
“I don’t understand. How are you devastated? What could possibly make you like that? What happened?” Alexis asked.
“My boss, Captain Danica Wannamaker, called her in for questioning.”
“Oh? What for? Did you find out?”
“Yes, I guess that is the problem. It was the way I found out. It upset me so much, I left,” Gracie said.
“You left? Why?”
“I found out too much.”
“Like what?”
“She is a victim.”
“Huh? A victim of what? What does that mean?” Alexis asked.
“You know what unit I work for, right?”
“Yeah, ‘the panty police’.”
“And, Reagan is a victim speaking with my boss…”
“Yeah…oh. Oh! She’s a rape victim. So, what happened?”
“I don’t know. I left before she told Danica anything. I couldn’t handle the situation. So, I left,” Gracie said.
“You left her? Why? Why would you do that?”
“I couldn’t handle it.”
“Why?” Alexis asked, trying to push the conversation forward.
“I would rather not say.”
“You haven’t. Tell me you didn’t. Tell me you didn’t do what I think you did.”
“What do you think I’ve done?” Grace asked deflecting the statement.
“You did, didn’t you?” Alexis accused her.
Grace said nothing. She sat there staring at her Chicken Marsala ashamed of her actions. She couldn’t look at Alexis because she felt guilty. She couldn’t believe what she had done.
“You’ve slept with her, haven’t you?” Alexis asked a little too loud.
Gracie’s head popped up. She dismissed the glares and stares of the other patrons in the restaurant. Grace and Alexis sat staring at each other unsure of what to say or do. Both of them felt that enough had been said with Alexis’ last question and Grace’s silence as an answer. Alexis was waiting to see if Grace was going to say something.
“You did. And, now, you’re upset because you didn’t know that she had been raped. Does that change how you feel about her?”
“Yes,” Grace said.
“Why?”
“I feel like I have violated her.”
“How?” Alexis asked and then continued, “You didn’t violate her, if you two made a decision together as adults and you both made love to each other. You didn’t force her. She didn’t force you. She made the decision to open up to you that way. You shouldn’t feel dirty.”
“But, I do. I feel like I have violated her. I feel like I have done something horribly wrong. I feel like I should have known. I should have had some sort of idea. I deal with this every day. I don’t understand why I didn’t know,” Grace said.
“Why? Because you are some great detective? That is bull shit, complete and utter bull shit. Just because you are some great detective doesn’t mean that you would see that coming.”
“I should have,” Grace said.
“No, you shouldn’t have. Why should you have seen something that you weren’t looking for? You didn’t know that she was part of the case. You wouldn’t have known to look at her for anything. She didn’t tell you because she didn’t. You should forgive her and yourself. You need to move on past this hang up. You need to go back to her and talk. If you do nothing else, you need to talk to her,” Alexis explained.
“I just wish I would have known before last night.”
“Why? Did you not enjoy it? Did you not choose to be there with her? Did she not do the same? Would you have not touched her?”
“I don’t know. I can’t know. I didn’t know.”
“If you did know and she still came to you, would you have turned her away? Would you have denied her the love you both wanted just because you found out that she had been raped? Would you deny her?”
“I don’t know,” Gracie said.
“I think you do. This is why you need to talk to her. You both need to clear the air between you two, again. If you love her, you will do this. First of all, you need to apologize for leaving her at the station with Danica. You left your lover when she needed you. You ran. You were the coward and just because you didn’t know everything. She had remained strong and steadfast because she had to deal with the fact that she has been raped. You need to rise up to her level,” Alexis said.
“I know.”
“Good, then do it. Help her help you. Let her know you care and understand. Make her feel important, again. Show her you love her. I don’t mean go buy flowers on the way to the station or where ever, I mean show her,” Alexis said.
“I got it. I am going,” Grace said, leaving some money for the bill, “And, by the way, thanks. I guess I needed a reality check.”
“We all do every now and again.”
“So, are we still having that party, next week?” Grace asked.
“Yes, I just have to make sure that Emily doesn’t find out.”
“Yeah, well, call me if you need anything to help you with the party. I’d like to help you if you need it,” Grace said, “Okay. Goodnight.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
Reagan sat on her couch overlooking the lake. She felt hurt and exposed. She watched the storm blowing across the water in torrents of rain. She wanted the rain to wash away all of her pain and embarrassment. She didn’t know whether she was angry or just upset that Grace had left her at the station.
Reagan was glad that Danica brought her home, but she was still upset that her car was at the office. She wasn’t sure how she was going to get the car back or even to work the next morning. Reagan hoped that she wouldn’t have to call for a taxi to take her to the office. She wondered if she couldn’t get her grandmother to drive her up to get the car.
She picked up the phone and dialed her grandmother. Reagan didn’t like to wait and she didn’t like not having her vehicle at her disposal. She was too upset to tell Danica to drive her downtown to get her car. She was just happy to get out of the station and now she wanted to talk to her grandmother.
“Grandma?...I’m okay…Yes, ma’am, I promise….How’s Catherine?...Really?...No…I was at the sheriff’s office…No, they found a break in the case and needed to ask me some questions…because of DNA…No…No…Yes, evidentially Catherine’s father is a serial rapist who has become a murderer…I know…I know…Yes, ma’am…They want my help…I don’t remember…Yes…I’m trying…Yes…No…No, they want to take a picture of Catherine and try to use her picture and mine to come up a composite of the guy…I don’t know, Grandma…I guess…it is a start…Yeah, I know it might not help me at all, but we have to try, right?...I am not going to let anyone hurt her, Grandma. She is my life…Yeah, well, that isn’t why I really called…I need some help…No, not like that…The deputy picked me up at the office and dropped me off at home…Yes…My car is at the office…Yes, ma’am, I know it is late…I was hoping that you would take me to get it…Yes, ma’am…Thank you…I’ll be waiting…I know we’ll talk on the way…I love you, too,” Reagan said.
She moved through her house trying to find her umbrella and jacket. Once she got them, she moved towards the front of her house. She turned the porch light on and waited for her grandmother at her front door.
Grace pulled into her driveway. She noticed that the lights were on over at Reagan’s but her car was not there. Grace wondered if she should call and ask if Reagan needed a ride back downtown to pick up her car. Grace went inside and decided to call. She was disappointed to find out that no one was home or Reagan wasn’t answering the phone.
She fished through a drawer near the phone and dug out the phone book. She flipped through the yellow pages looking for a florist. She remembered that Alexis said don’t suck up but talk. Grace didn’t care. She figured that she could send a flower as an apology in a single white rose. Grace decided that would be all she would do besides go and see Reagan in person to apologize. Grace wanted to apologize and soon. She felt bad, more like disgusted with herself for her actions earlier in the day.
Grace took a Coke out of her refrigerator and opened it. She drank it in six gulps. Somehow the caffeine inside it gave her the courage to do something about herself disgust. She slammed the can on the counter and decided to go over to Reagan’s house tonight, now. She gathered her coat and stepped out onto her deck. The rain didn’t daunt her. Grace cinched up her coat and forced her way through the rain and across her yard and into Reagan’s front yard. The water flowed off her brow in heavy drops. Grace made her way onto Reagan’s front porch. She didn’t care that Reagan wasn’t home, or that it was pouring torrents of rain. She was going to wait.
Grace was glad that she didn’t have to wait long. She watched Reagan pull up in her car. She watched Reagan slowly ascend the stairs of her front porch. Grace could see that Reagan was staring at her as Reagan approached.
“What do you want?” Reagan asked as she inserted her key into the lock of her hand carved front door.
“I’m sorry,” Grace said.
Reagan turned sharply to look at Grace. For a second, Grace thought that Reagan was moved by the phrase. Reagan pushed the door open and entered the house. She paused for a moment and then invited Grace in.
“I mean I am sorry for leaving you there like that,” Grace said coming in.
Reagan didn’t stop. She made her way to the couch and sat down. Grace could only follow. Grace sat down on the couch near Reagan but not next to her. She didn’t want to offend Reagan.
“Reagan, I’m sorry.”
Reagan said nothing.
“I just need you to understand something. I am sorry for leaving you. I know you needed me to be there for you. I am sorry I wasn’t. I have to admit that I wasn’t ready you confession. It jarred me. It was the only thing that I hadn’t been prepared for as I asked myself why Danica wanted to see you,” Grace said and paused.
Reagan sat there staring out the patio door. She didn’t say anything to Grace. Reagan turned to look at Grace’s face. She could see the pain that contorted across Grace’s face. Reagan looked back out the door.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” she finally said.
“You don’t have to be sorry. You didn’t have to tell me. It was your right.”
“I should have told you long ago.”
“It is your pain and your right to tell me what you want. I just wish I had been more prepared for your meeting with Danica. I couldn’t handle your pain. It was too real, too tangible for me. I have to see that every day. I just wasn’t ready for it, from you,” Grace said.
“And you think I was?” Reagan asked.
“No.”
“So,” Reagan said.
“I am sorry. I am sorry that I left. I shouldn’t have let my ego get in the way. I should have been there for you. I left you when you needed me. I wasn’t objective. I let my feelings get in the way and I couldn’t stop myself.’
“Your feelings?” Reagan asked.
“Yes, my feelings for you.”
“Just tell me, Gracie. Tell me what you’re feeling.”
“I care for you deeply,” Grace said.
“I care for you, as well, deeply. I am sorry that I didn’t tell you before now. I wanted too, but I couldn’t find the right time. And then, last night…I couldn’t.”
“I understand.”
“There is more I have to tell you,” Reagan said.
“Go ahead. I’m sorry if I sound clinical but I am trying to be objective. I understand that this is a horribly personal thing to tell me. I just want you to tell me what you want to tell me,” Grace said.
“I understand. But, I have to tell you this before you read about it in the case files. It is important to me,” Reagan said.
“Sure, I understand.”
“I have a daughter,” Reagan said.
She waited for Grace to say something. Grace sat there on the couch next to Reagan. She had turned into a police officer. Grace had ceased to be Reagan’s lover. Reagan saw this and decided to continue with what she wanted to tell Grace.
“She is about four years old. She is absolutely wonderful. I love her very much. She is my world. Her name is Catherine.”
“She is the product of the rape,” Grace said, knowingly.
“Yes, she is. And, there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her. I’ve asked Danica to do her best to make sure that whoever he is, that he doesn’t find out about her. Can you do the same?” Reagan asked.
“Yes,” Gracie said, whole-heartedly.
“Thank you.”
“I will do everything in my power to protect you and your daughter, Catherine. I am not saying this because it is my job, but because I mean it on a more emotional…more personal level. I want to do this.”
“Thank you.”
“I only have one question for you,” Grace said.
“Ask it.”
“Can I meet her?” Grace asked.
“Catherine?”
“Yes, I would like to meet her.”
“Yes, you can. I would like that. Danica wants me to bring her in so one of your composite artists c
an try to make a rendition of the rapist. She said something about computers and photos.”
“Yeah, what they are going to do is take a picture of both of you and then they will try to remove as much as of you from her as they can. With the final product, we can guess at what he looks like. Then, together with that and the profile we are working on, we will have a better idea of who we are looking for,” Gracie said.
“Good. Gracie, will you go with me? Will you stay with me?”
“Yes, if you would like, I will stay with you.”
“Thank you. For everything, Gracie, I mean it. I know this is hard, for both of us, but I really do appreciate everything,” Reagan said.
“Don’t worry about it.”
They sat there staring out at the rain and the lake. The air between them had become thinner now that they had aired the truth and their feelings. Grace was still trying to come to grips with the knowledge that she had received that day. She was still processing it all.
Grace had to admit to herself that she was wrong from leaving Reagan at the station. She had let her emotions rule her rational thoughts and she had forgotten herself and her need to be objective about the case. She let her love for Reagan cloud her judgment. She let her love for Reagan drive her out of Danica’s office. She let her love for Reagan disturb her beyond her own belief.
Grace, suddenly, stood and went to the large glass patio door and looked out at the lake. She watched the waves on what is a normally calm lake. It reminded her of her heart. She was experiencing turbulence like that lake was from the rain. She had come to realize over the course of the past few hours that she loved Reagan and she didn’t want to lose her.
Reagan didn’t know what to say to Grace. They were both in pain. Reagan could only hope that the truth would bring them back together, again. She didn’t want to lose Grace. She had been upset with her earlier, but after talking with Grace, she could understand Grace’s viewpoint of the situation.
Grace’s cell phone rang but she made no motion to answer it. Reagan looked into her eyes, when Grace turned around to look upon Reagan. They started at each other across the room.
