“Of course, my Lady.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Carson. Truly, I do not know what I would do without you.”
She took the basket of cakes and left the kitchens, only to freeze on the threshold of the entrance hall. James stood by the door, sifting through the letters that had been left on the silver tray from the morning’s post. He turned towards her, a curious look on his face.
“And where are you going on this fine morning?” he asked.
“I thought to visit some friends in the village,” she replied, without missing a beat.
He frowned. “Friends?”
“Yes, I have become acquainted with several ladies.”
“And when has all of this happened?” His expression twisted into a grimace, understanding visibly morphing onto his features. “Whilst I have been away, I presume? You have sought to ingratiate yourself into this paltry town without breathing a word of it to me? How deceptive of you.”
Jane shook her head vigorously.
“It is not like that, my dear. I required a tincture from the herbalist, and I happened upon a few of the ladies whilst I was perusing his wares. I did not think you would be interested in my female endeavours.”
The weight of her fresh news pressed down upon her shoulders. She knew that now would be the perfect time to tell him of her pregnancy, but she could not muster the words.
Although it had come as a shock, she already loved the child that grew within her. Indeed, her hands moved protectively to cover her abdomen. It did not matter that its father was James, for she would adore it nonetheless, giving it everything it could wish for. It was part of her now.
“I had thought you somewhat light-hearted when I returned last week. Is this the reason? These new friends of yours?”
“Yes, my love,” she replied stiffly.
Could he see the lie written across her face?
He shrugged.
“How you entertain yourself is of little concern to me, as long as you behave in a correct manner. Who are these women you speak of?”
“Labourers wives, mainly.”
He pulled a face.
“You may visit them this one time, but I must insist you do not see them again. It is beneath you to acquaint yourself with such lowly individuals. Do you understand me?”
Her heart sank.
“Yes, my dear.”
“Then, off you go. I have a meeting with Mr. Parch in ten minutes and I do not need any outside distractions.”
Jane dipped her head in an awkward curtsey before hurrying out of the door. She feared he might change his mind if she lingered a moment longer.
If this was the last time that she was to see Elliott, at least until James departed again, then she knew she had to make the most of it. Her heart ached to think that it might be so, for she did not know how to exist without him, now that he had become so ingrained in her life.
He had become her sole beacon of hope, brightening her days by his mere presence within them.
She arrived at the old church to find it devoid of people. Confusion prickled through her veins, for the labourers and their wives were nowhere to be seen. Instead, Elliott sat, alone, on the low wall that surrounded the church. A smile lit up his face as she approached, though she could not match his joy. For her, this was a sad day indeed.
“Is something the matter?” he asked, noticing her sombre mood.
She looked up into his hazelnut eyes and sighed wearily.
“My husband has discovered these visits. He has asked that I desist, though he has granted me this final visit. He does not know of you, be assured of that, but I fear I must obey him or find myself punished.”
Elliott looked crestfallen.
“Might you find a way to visit me in secret — Saturday afternoons at the old mill, perhaps? I would not dare to ask, but I do not know how I may continue without you. Every time I see you, I find the intensity of my affections increased tenfold. I know that you and I can never be more than what we are now, but to be starved of your presence seems like a cruel prospect. I would not wish to bear such a thing, if it may be avoided.”
“I will do what I can, but I can make no promises to you. You have seen with your own eyes what he is capable of, but that is not the full extent of his wrath.” She gasped in a breath. “Truly, I fear his retaliation if he were to discover us in one of our discussions. He is a jealous man, despite his disinterest in me. I belong to him, you see. He would not take kindly to secret visits.”
“No, this cannot be the end of our association,” Elliott urged. “Please say that it is not.”
“I do not know that I can.”
He reached out and took her hand, lifting it to his lips and pressing a hard kiss upon it.
“There must be a way.”
“I will write if I am able to, though he censors my letters to everyone. Somehow, if there is a way to see you again, I will send word to you.”
A loud crack ricocheted through the dell like a gunshot, prompting Jane to whirl around in fright. A pale figure crouched in the shadows of the woodland nearby. Jane recognised her immediately. Lucy, the maid, was watching them intently.
As soon as she realised that she had been noticed, she turned on her heel and ran into the darkness. Jane’s heart leapt into her mouth, for she realised what this meant. Evidently, James had sent Lucy to follow her, and now they had been discovered.
Oh, why couldn’t the labourers and their wives be here? Why did you have to see us so alone?
“I am sorry, Elliott. I must go.”
“Jane, wait!” he called after her, but she had already broken into a run.
With terror pulsing through her body, she tore after Lucy with as much speed as she could gather, praying she might reach the house before the maid did.
That day, fortune was not on her side.
As soon as she barrelled through the front door of Clackford House, she felt the violent tension bristling in the air. Her blood ran cold.
James stood at the top of the stairs with Lucy beside him, her mouth moving rapidly as she told him of what she had seen. Part of her wanted to turn around and sprint back out of the door, making a break for freedom. But what good would it do her? He would find her, wherever she ran to. From his grasp, there was no escape.
“You!” James spat, as he stormed down the stairs towards her. He gripped her by the shoulders and slammed her up against the nearby wall. This time, Georgette was not there to save her. “You vile hussy. You despicable wretch. I leave you here, trusting you, and you betray me in the most disgusting way with some labourer from the village.”
She winced as he shoved her harder.
“It is not like that, James,” she said desperately. “I went to visit my friends, as I said, and he was simply there to tell me that they were not coming today. He is nobody.”
It stung her to say those words, for Elliott had become everything to her.
“Liar!” James screamed into her face.
“No… I am no liar. It is the truth, I swear it.”
“Have you lain with him?”
She gaped in disbelief.
“No. I would never do such a thing! I have been loyal to you, my love. I have not betrayed your trust.”
“You are no better than a common whore,” he hissed, spittle flying. “I will send you away from here in disgrace. I will ruin you for what you have done.”
“I have done nothing,” she wept.
He slammed her back into the wall, her head cracking off the hard stone.
“Slattern!”
“Stop, James,” she begged. “I am with-child. Your child.”
He stilled, his face morphing into a mask of shock.
“What did you say?”
“I am with-child. It is your child. I have lain with no other man but you.”
“Another trick?”
He arched an eyebrow.
“No, no trick. It is true. Mrs. Carson will verify it if you do not believe me,” she said
quietly. “I have been unwell for some weeks, and that is the reason. I intended to tell you this afternoon and send for a physician. Please, do not send me away. My child will need its father.”
“You are sure of this?”
He glanced down at her stomach, which lay flat beneath her dress. She had yet to show, but she would begin to, soon enough.
“I am, my love. I have not betrayed you. I could not.”
He stepped away from her, assessing her. “You are with-child,” he murmured, half to himself.
“Yes.”
“Then… I will not send you away. Though your behaviour today has sickened me, that is not the fault of our child. It is my hope that you will bear a son.” he said, softening slightly. “However, you have forced my hand in this, Jane. I will send for my children this very moment, as a means of occupying you. You will not go into the village without supervision, and you will not see these labourers and their wives again. Do I make myself clear?”
She nodded weakly.
“Yes, my love.”
“Now, retire to your bedchamber before I change my mind. I shall send for the physician anon, so we may discover the truth of this. You had best hope you are not lying to me.”
“I am not.”
“Then go.”
His cold tone shivered up her spine, as she turned and made her weary way up the staircase towards her bedchamber.
She passed Lucy on the way, who stood with a smug smirk upon her face. What have you won, Lucy? she thought bitterly.
You have won nothing. He will not love you, and he will not lie with you. You have done this for naught but selfish gain.
Closing the bedroom door behind her, she walked over to the window-nook and sat down. She looked down at the Nettlerush River, sweeping swiftly past behind the house, and wished she were underneath its surface, being carried to anyplace other than this.
Chapter Nine
A week later, with the children’s arrival imminent, Jane sought refuge in the kitchens with Mrs. Carson. She missed Elliott intensely, her every waking moment filled with thoughts of him. To distract herself, she perched on one of the stools and watched Mrs. Carson prepare the afternoon’s luncheon. It helped somewhat, though she could not rid herself of the poignant stab of loss in her heart.
“Have you heard about Lucy, my Lady?” Mrs. Carson asked, with a note of wariness in her voice.
Jane frowned.
“I do not know what you mean.”
“His Lordship sent her away this morning,” she explained solemnly.
“Why would he do that?”
“I do not know that it is my place to say, but I would not have you mocked for your ignorance in your own home,” she said.
“You see… Lucy is also with-child. There was something of a dispute earlier this morning between the pair of them, and he has spurned her. He has sent her far from here, where she may have her child in solitude. Please do not tell him that I was the one who told you of this, for I fear it would result in my immediate dismissal.”
Jane leaned over the workbench and held her head in her hands.
“She is with-child?”
“Yes, my Lady.”
“After all his protestations to the contrary, he has lied to me.”
“It would appear so.”
She lifted her gaze.
“Thank you for telling me this, Mrs. Carson. I will keep your secret, as you have kept mine from him. I am sorry that he has forced you into this position, though I am grateful to know the truth of the matter.”
“It felt like the honest thing to do, my Lady.”
“I fear I must retire to my bedchamber. I feel rather unwell,” Jane murmured.
“Do you need help, my Lady? I can assist you if you would like?”
She shook her head.
“No, thank you. You are kind to offer, but I will be fine on my own.”
Dragging herself out of the kitchens, she wandered through the empty corridors and paused in the entrance hall. Moving towards the door, she pulled it open and let the warm breeze wash over her fatigued face.
Across the square, Elliott stood watching the house. Their gaze met as she collapsed in the doorway, her knees buckling. Instantly, he broke into a sprint, hurtling towards her.
He skidded to a halt halfway across the cobbles, as arms surrounded her and lifted her up. She turned in surprise, to find James staring down at her with worried eyes.
She prayed he had not seen Elliott running in her direction, though she stole one last glance at him as the door closed behind her. Elliott wore an expression of helplessness, his chest heaving with the exertion of his sprint as she lost sight of him.
“You are weary, my love. Allow me to take you to bed,” James murmured softly, in a voice she had not heard since before their wedding. “I should have insisted upon it as soon as I learned of your pregnancy.” She lay limp in his arms as he carried her to her bedchamber and laid her down, covering her with the quilt. “The physician said you would be quite well to wander around, but I see that he was wrong. You lack the strength, my love. A life is growing inside you — a life that we made together. We must see you both protected from any harm that might befall you.”
He sat on the edge of the bed and held her hand for a while, his gaze never leaving her face. She could not understand the sudden change in him. However, she was not as naïve as she had once been. This was another act, if ever she had seen one.
Frankly, she did not believe a single word or gesture of kindness, for she did not know how rapidly it might alter again.
“I cannot expect you to endure this pregnancy and take care of the children,” he said kindly. “I was hasty in calling them here, though it cannot be undone now. However, I have put a notice in the paper, searching for a governess to take on those duties. Hopefully, someone suitable will come along in due course. Until then, I have employed a lady from the village to come and educate them. An older lady, with a history in education.”
Why older? So you will not be tempted? she thought sourly. She felt bitterness, too, for she had suppressed her own desires for Elliott so as not to betray her marriage vows. What did they mean now? Nothing. They lay in tatters at her feet, every single one of them.
“Do you expect me to be grateful?” she asked.
He sighed and turned his head away.
“No, I merely hoped to act with kindness towards you. I have been too harsh these past months. I know I cannot repair the void between us, nor can I heal the wounds that I have caused, but I hope this child may bring us closer together. I can forgive your behaviour earlier this week, if you can forgive mine. Not now, but one day.”
“You lied,” she croaked.
“I confess, I did. I presume that Lucy, in a jealous rage, informed you of her condition?”
“Yes,” she replied, shielding Mrs. Carson’s secret admission.
“You must understand how sorry I am. It was a moment of weakness, several months ago.”
“What does it matter now?” she wheezed. “What is one more act of cruelty?”
He lowered his head.
“You must know that I will love our child.”
“I hope you will, for the child’s sake. Although, you cannot hope for my forgiveness.”
“Perhaps, you will change your mind once the child is born. I will leave you to your thoughts.”
He rose from the edge of the bed and crossed the room, pausing in the doorway.
“For what it is worth, my love, I am sorry.”
It is all an act. You cannot fool me this time. She said nothing as he strode out of the door and closed it behind him.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
As Summer turned into the first crisp nip of Autumn, Miss Alice Lambton arrived at Clackford House to take up the position of governess. A charming young woman with amber eyes and auburn hair, she entered Jane’s life and changed everything. From the very instant that they met, Jane felt as though she had known Alice all her life. She was intell
igent and amusing, with a cheerful demeanour that raised Jane’s spirits.
Before long, the two of them became firm friends, with Alice defending her from the return of James’ cruel advances. His act had not lasted long. Indeed, it had dissipated long before Alice even arrived at the house, thought he did not hurt her as painfully as he had once done, for the sake of the child.
Yet the bruises reappeared, and Jane’s strength of spirit began to diminish again. Without Elliott to bolster her, there was little for her to look forward to. Only the child in her womb, and Alice’s arrival, kept her from throwing herself into the Nettlerush river headfirst.
Chapter Ten
Jane sighed at Alice’s insistence that she fetch a physician. She was used to the aftermath of James’ brutality, and he had not been nearly as violent as he had once been. She would survive this, as she had survived every other act of aggression he had wrought upon her. However, Alice would not be deterred.
“Is there at least an herbalist in the town that I might take you to? The fresh air may be good for you, and a walk around the town could do wonders.”
Jane realised that she was not going to get Alice to yield. “A walk might be pleasant, and there is an excellent herbalist not far from here,” she replied reluctantly. A walk did sound nice.
“Then we should go, right this minute.”
“What about the children?”
“They will be quite well for an hour, whilst you and I enjoy a constitutional. I really do insist, my Lady. You are much too pale. You are in need of fresh air and a good rest, once you have returned.”
Jane glanced down the hallway towards her husband’s study. “Do you think I should—”
“I think we must go before he can prevent you,” Alice interjected.
“I believe you may be correct.” They dressed quickly to keep out the autumn chill, putting on thick coats and fur wraps, before stepping out into the beautiful afternoon. Jane had always loved autumn, with its changing colours and crisp air, the leaves tumbling slowly from the trees to welcome a few months of slumber before Spring arrived again. They headed into the town, Jane relishing the freedom of being out of the house, with the safety of Alice at her side. Nobody could question her with such a chaperone. She followed Alice towards the outer path, which looped around the outskirts of the town, revealing the beautiful countryside across the babbling river. An endless expanse of fields and greenery that delighted the eyes at every turn. Together, they traipsed through the sparse woodland, with Jane watching the blackbirds as they fluttered from branch to branch, chirping out their winter song. A blanket of fallen leaves muted the sound of their footsteps as they wandered along the trail in contented harmony.
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