“Everything I didn’t know I was looking for,” I took a second to wipe away a tear that had fallen, “…it’s there whenever I’m with you. I don’t know what it is that you think I deserve, but I don’t want anything other than what’s right here, right now.”
A few more tears fell from my eyes and Jesse stretched across the table to wipe them away. He held on to my hand the whole rest of the time we sat there and even after we got up to leave. He pushed open the door for me and we stepped out into the moonlit sky. I started the car and we pulled off onto the country road on our way to the showcase to make more of those memories.
31
The showcase was a lot of fun. It was something new the town had started in hopes of producing Nashville’s next big thing. There wasn’t any particular artist who really stood out to me, but I liked the idea of the show as a whole, so I spent some time afterwards talking to the creator of it, letting her know I’d try my best to see if we could fit it into an upcoming post.
I wasn’t very tired when we left and asked Jesse if he was in the mood to keep the night going. He agreed and I decided I wanted to try someplace new. Maybe someplace neither of us had ever been before. We brainstormed for a while on the drive back towards Nashville. It took most of the drive and a lot of research on our modern technology, but we discovered a quaint little speakeasy with a mellow vibe and decided to check it out.
I almost felt like lounges had become kind of our thing. The oversized, comfy seating and upscale drinks in a more laid-back setting…it was much more convenient to cuddle up next to him with a cocktail in our hands and continue our conversation.
“You’re beautiful. Have I told that?” he asked.
“Maybe once or twice,” I said, “but I like hearing you say it.”
He reached his arm around me and I leaned in close enough that our bodies were touching. We laughed our way through multiple drinks and I watched as Jesse took one final sip from his glass and freed his hand by placing it on the table in front of us. His fingers flirted with mine for a little before they made their way to the bareness of my thighs. I could see the goose bumps form as he massaged his hands up and down.
“Cold?” he asked.
I looked into his eyes and shook my head. Lifting my hand to his face, I swept his hair from it, never looking away. I was much less reserved at that point in the night, so I placed my hand on the back of his head and pulled him closer, surrendering into his embrace. I could feel my hand grow tighter around the stem of my martini glass each time his lips met mine.
I kept my eyes closed as he moved from my lips to my cheek. There wasn’t much more I could take once I felt them wrap around my ear. I pulled back abruptly, and his immediate response was to apologize. My vision wasn’t incredibly clear in that moment, but my desire for him was undeniable.
“Can we go now?” I whispered heavily in his ear.
“Are you okay?”
I pressed my lips against his again to help him understand.
“Let’s get out of here,” he said, taking my hand and leading me out of the bar.
Jesse was in much better condition to drive at that point in the night, so he took the keys and helped me into the passenger seat. I was well-behaved for as long as I could be, but the more I thought about his lips on me, his strong hands and broad chest, and the more the alcohol set in, the less modest I became. I leaned over to him and brushed my lips from his neck to his ear. The heavier his breathing got the more intensely I pressed against him. Every red light we hit he would grab me, trace my lips with his tongue and when I’d pulled back slightly as he reached for me he would whisper how bad he wanted me.
It seemed like we had covered hundreds of miles before we pulled up to Jesse’s loft. The same spot I had pulled in before was still open. He pulled into it and both of us wasted no time getting out of the car after he turned off the ignition. I leaned heavily on the railing as I stumbled up the stairs. He didn’t hesitate to turn the key in the door and push it open for me to step inside.
“Hey,” he said as I closed the door behind us.
He wrapped me up in his arms and I could feel his heart beating again my chest. My hands rubbed up and down his back as I looked up at him. My whole body was yearning for him. I wanted to taste him, to feel him, to hear him need me as much as I needed him. I leaned up to kiss him again, but this time he pulled back.
“Come here,” he said pulling me to through the foyer to the living room couch. “I want to do this right. I don’t want you to wake up tomorrow with any regrets.”
“Why do you think I would regret this?”
“Well, it’s just, you had a lot to drink and I don’t know where your head’s at.”
I lifted his chin. “My head and my heart are in the same exact place right now. I haven’t regretted a single moment I’ve spent with you. You make me happy and I want nothing more than to spend tonight showing you how much.”
“You’re sure?” he asked.
I pulled myself on top of him, slowly undoing each button of my blouse until it fell to the floor behind me. His hands gripped my waist as I leaned into him. My breathing became quicker every time I felt the moistness of his lips on my skin. First I felt it on my chest and then my stomach. I leaned back into his hands the deeper he went until finally he stood. With my legs wrapped firmly around him, he took me to his bedroom.
My body wouldn’t lie still as he lay me down on the bed. He pulled his shirt over his head, hovering over top of me. He slid his finger all the way down to the button of my shorts. My whole body was shaking as he slid them off and tossed them off the side of the bed. His hand returned to caress firmly between my legs, moving slowly up and down. The faster his fingers moved the louder I became. I grasped my fingers into his back. He knew he had me exactly where he wanted me. I watched him as he balanced over me, unzipping his jeans and removing the last bit of clothing he had on.
He left me lying there, yearning, as he reached to open the drawer of his nightstand. He pulled a condom from it and slid it on before he slowly eased inside of me. He went gentle at first, as he could feel me tense up around him. Once he made his way fully inside, his thrusts became deeper. My hands grabbed his waist to pull him in against me, each time harder than the last. The small of my back rose off the bed, my hands gripped him tighter as the pulsing sensation in me grew stronger. He would tease me by changing up his tempo every now and then until he stopped to turn me over.
I couldn’t hold out much longer. I could feel myself tense each time he drew himself in. I was shaking even more than before. He lifted me up to him so my back was pressed firmly against his chest and as soon as his hand slid well below my belly button everything inside of me began to quiver.
“That a girl,” he whispered in my ear.
With a few more thrusts, he did the same, biting gently on my neck to muffle himself as he finished. I stayed leaning against him for much longer after we were done, then I gently rested my head on his shoulder while he kissed my neck over and over again, both of us holding on to that moment as long as life would let us.
32
Life gave us until about ten o’clock the next morning before it called us back down from cloud nine. Jesse’s phone woke us both from a deep sleep. My hands held on tight to his as my prone body fit snug against his. He let it go to voicemail and we lay there for a few more minutes until my phone did the same.
“Who’s calling this early on a Saturday?” I groaned, letting mine too go to voicemail.
I rolled over in Jesse’s arms to face him. He too was now wide awake. I loved the way the sun peeked in through the window just enough to reflect off of his eyes. My arms rested in between us as we welcomed the morning with a kiss.
“All I want to do is stay like this all day,” Jesse said.
‘That sounds like a perfect plan to me.” I rolled him over and made myself comfortable on top of him. “Can I ask you something?” He nodded. “You do live alone, right?” I asked, thinkin
g about last night. I didn’t feel as if I did a very good job muffling my emotions.
“Technically, no, I do have a roommate.” My eyes widened. “But he’s barely ever here and definitely wasn’t here last night. He’s in production and out on tour for a while.”
I sighed heavily and laid my head down to the warmth of his skin. Every now and then I would turn my head to kiss his chest as he continued to hold me tightly in his arms.
A few minutes later his phone rang again and we both surrendered. I sat up on top of him as he stretched his hand out to pull it over. He turned it to me and I shrugged at the sight of Logan’s name. Neither of us knew what to do, but it was a hard hit to both of us when it happened. It was a harsh realization that there was life outside these bedroom walls, life that the two of us were both going to have to face. Things we were going to have to talk about and people we were going to have to tell.
“Hey, man,” Jesse said.
I could hear Logan’s voice on the other end of the phone, but couldn’t really make out what he was saying. I tried to understand the conversation from Jesse’s end, praying he hadn’t found out about us through some sort of third party and was calling to give us hell. From what I gathered, it was about music, which calmed my nerves until Jesse hung up.
“My services are needed today,” he said, “Logan and a couple others want me to do some writes.”
“And there goes our plan to play hooky all day.”
I lifted myself off of him and pulled my phone from the nightstand. I too had a missed call from Logan. He hadn’t mentioned anything about me to Jesse, but I did find it kind of strange he’d call the both of us within minutes. Panic set in again as I listened to the voicemail.
“Hey Celia, just checking in to see if you had any plans tonight. Thought maybe we could grab a bite. Let me know.”
“Oh, a date with Logan, huh?”
I couldn’t tell by looking at him if he was joking or if there was a hint of jealousy behind that comment. To ease his mind just in case, I leaned in and kissed him. Then kissed him again…and again, until he soon forgot about anything other than him and me, once again alone in his bed.
33
I waited until I was almost home before I called Logan back. Not for any other reason than Jesse and I were a little busy for the rest of the morning. Busy in the bed and in the shower before he peeled himself away from me to head out around noon.
“Good morning,” Logan said once he picked up.
“Morning? It’s afternoon.”
“Already? Jeez, this morning flew by.”
“You’ve been busy?” I said inquisitively. I pretended not to know what he was up to.
“I haven’t slept yet,” he said, “was on a roll all night writing songs. Jesse got here a little while ago actually to help me with a few I’m stuck on. We’ll be here a few more hours, I’m sure, but I wanted to see if you had plans tonight.”
I had to think about it for a minute. It was shocking to me that I actually had no plans. I had nowhere to be, no article that needed attention, and no interviews to give. Today was starting out to be one amazing Saturday.
“Want to meet me in 12 South about seven?”
I looked at the clock on the dashboard. It was half past noon. My hair was still dripping wet and I had on last night’s outfit, but that would give me plenty of time to get home, enjoy a cup of coffee, and actually relax before getting ready. I accepted the invitation and by the time I hung up I was back home in my kitchen searching the cupboard for the largest mug I could find and poured myself an extra strong cup of coffee, which I sipped while sifting through my closet for some fresh clothes to wear.
A strong breeze met me on my front porch that afternoon once I was ready go. It reminded me why fall was my favorite time of year in Nashville. It was cool enough for me to wear my favorite new cardigan, but didn’t give the air such a chill that flip-flops were still allowed to be worn.
I lounged around most of the day and took a much needed nap before it was time to meet Logan. I refreshed my hair, threw on a new outfit and pulled up to the 12 South neighborhood right on time. Through my sunglasses I saw Logan across the street. He was so preoccupied with his phone that he hadn’t even noticed me come up behind until I grabbed him.
“Holy shit!” he exclaimed, spinning around and laughing. “You scared the living daylights out of me.”
“That was the plan,” I said.
“Get over here, you brat,” he said and pulled me in for a hug. “Well, don’t you look all sprightly this evening?”
“I do?” I asked.
“Yes, you do. Life must be treating you well.”
“Oh, not any different than usual,” I told him instinctively, then winced as a twinge of guilt came over me. “So, where are we going?”
“Taproom?”
“Let’s do it.” I wrapped my arms through his and let him lead the way.
Once we were seated inside, I took a good long look at Logan. His poor eyes were bloodshot. The color in his face was not nearly the way I remembered it. The paleness on his cheeks made him look sickly. I knew he was under a lot of pressure, but it had me a bit worried.
“I hope you get a good night’s sleep tonight. Pulling an all-nighter is not good for someone always on the go like you.” I said.
“It’s that obvious, huh?”
“You look like death.”
He laughed. “Well, thank you.”
“I’m sorry, you just have me worried. I don’t want you to run yourself down.” I pulled a bottle of multivitamins out of my purse and handed them to him. “Take one of these,” I said, pushing the glass of water the waiter delivered closer to him “No sleep means your immune system gets weak, and the last thing you need is to get sick.”
“Who carries multivitamins around in their purse? Oh yeah, the daughter of a nurse.”
There was no argument from my end. I was absolutely my mother’s daughter. Also in my purse, should I need it for any reason, I had painkillers, topical ointment, vitamin E and Band-Aids.”
“Laugh all you want; you’ll thank me later.”
“Is this what you’ve been doing lately? Taking multivitamins?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked, taking a sip of my drink
“I don’t know; you seem different, that’s all. In a good way. Whatever it is you’re doing, keep it up. It looks good on you.”
I choked down a few more sips of my water. I wanted to tell him why I was happy. I wanted to tell him all about it, but I couldn’t. Jesse had become the guy that Logan wanted to be. And the worst part was that Jesse wasn’t just a random guy I met out at a bar. He was Logan’s friend. A good friend. Someone he trusted and relied on. What Jesse and I were doing, it felt so right to me, but would Logan understand? I tried not to think about all that right then and focused my attention on spending time with Logan.
“So, how did your songwriting go this morning?” I asked.
“It went pretty well for the most part, but there was this one song I desperately wanted to finish and I couldn’t do it. I had a couple bridges written out, but no chorus, I couldn’t get anything to sound right so I called Jesse and he came in this morning. That kid, he’s ridiculously talented.”
“Oh really? And why’s that?”
“I spent hours trying to write that chorus and honestly, I had nothing. I called him and the two of us, we finished it in just over an hour and it was freakin’ phenomenal. We videotaped it, actually, hold on.”
Logan took out his phone and handed it to me. I hit play and my two favorite people came to life. The sound of their voices together truly was amazing, but what drew me in the most were the words. I scrolled back a bit and listened again, making sure I heard it right.
And we’ll let the world dance around us
While you lie here in my arms
The beat of your heart
Is all the music I need to hear
I spent my whole life searching f
or this melody
So I’ll listen while I hold you near
I wasn’t one hundred percent sure the lyrics were inspired by this morning, but I was at least going to pretend they were. I kind of liked the idea of it, and listening to those words come out of his mouth…there wasn’t anything like it.
“Wow, that really…wow,” was all I managed.
“Ha, speechless. I’ll definitely have to let Jesse know it was that good.”
“No, don’t,” I blurted out. “I mean…he probably really wouldn’t care what I think, so there’s no point in telling him.”
I had no idea if I saved myself of not, but I prayed to everything holy that Logan wouldn’t tell him I had heard it. If it wasn’t at all inspired by me and he told him my reaction, I would be so embarrassed.
“You know,” Logan said, “speaking of Jesse, is everything okay with you two?”
“What? Why wouldn’t it be?”
“Well, at my party you two seemed really uncomfortable around each other, and at trivia you looked really on edge when I found you two outside.”
“No, not at all. Honestly, both nights I really wasn’t feeling well.”
“Okay, good,” he sighed. “He’s a cool dude, and I would’ve felt bad if I had to punch him in the face if he did something to cross you.”
I laughed and then swallowed hard. Suddenly a lump formed in my throat. I chugged down half a glass of water to drown it, but it wouldn’t go away. What is the hell was I doing? Was I crazy? It’s one thing to be sleeping with Jesse, but now I was lying about it. I had never lied to Logan about anything before. A lump formed in my throat and I began to feel nauseous. I managed to croak out a question at last. “Hey, Logan, can I ask you something?”
“Always,” he said.
“You and me, we’ll always be friends, right? No matter what?”
He raised his eyebrow. “I thought we already talked about this. I’m not going anywhere.”
Behind the Strings Page 12
