“Well then, I guess one Browler was enough.”
“You’re such a douche,” Cindy grumbled.
Nick said something back to her but I didn’t hear it. The only thing that rang in my ears was her comment about Max weeping. Oh my God, I need to get to him. My muscles quivered like someone shot poison through my veins, and suddenly I couldn’t catch my breath. I pushed my hands against the massive hole in my chest, struggling to hold back the heartbreak that poured brutally from my soul. My skin burned, like fire scorching across every inch of my body. Suddenly, everything I ever thought didn’t matter. I let Max down when he needed me most.
I struggled to stand up. My legs wobbled weakly, my stomach twisted, and my heart thundered in my chest. I had to get to him; I had to be there for him.
“Joanie—” I screamed as I struggled to grab the doorknob. I couldn’t find my feet; couldn’t find my sight through the river of tears flooding my eyes.
Joanie grabbed me and held me in a tight, protective embrace. The heat emanating from my body grew, causing me to suffocate. I couldn’t seem to find my voice.
“Wilson—stop, just stop. It’s too late, sweetheart, just stop.”
“Joanie, I gotta see him. I want to make sure he’s okay. I love him, he’s everything to me—everything,” I cried.
Joanie let go of me and her soft hands pushed against my face, cradling it, as she spoke calmly and deliberately, “I know how much you love him, sweetheart, but you can’t go over there like this. You’ve gotta pull yourself together. You can’t help Max in this state.”
I could feel the muscles in my face constrict, and the itchiness of the tears that collected between my cheeks and Joanie’s fingers. She was right—I was a train wreck. I couldn’t go over to Max’s cabin all falling to pieces. I inhaled a deep breath and swiped the tears from my eyes. Joanie had always been the level-headed one between us.
When my grandma died, it was Joanie who kept me from losing my mind. She made sure I ate, made sure I went to classes. And when my grandfather died several months ago, she was the one who held me as I cried, reassuring me that I was going to be okay. She was the one who made sure I knew we were family through anything.
I plopped down on the bed, knee first. My toes dragged against the white, furry rug. As long as I had one foot on the floor it somehow made me feel grounded, like I could pull through all this craziness. Joanie sat next to me. I watched her jaw tighten—she was going to have words of wisdom for me, something that would motivate me to pull myself together.
“I think—maybe it’s best—if you gave him some time before you go over there—or call him,” Joanie struggled with her words. Her fingers tangled with my stray strands of hair and wedged them behind my ears. Her eyes narrowed, pinned with concern.
“Really? You think…he needs some time?” I asked. I tried to swallow the leftover agony.
“Well, actually, maybe you need some time to deal with your issues here before you go to see Max. Maybe you need to clear up how you feel about Nick,” Joanie said. Her eyes widened as she nodded her head. She ran her palms across my arms and grabbed my balmy hands.
“What?” I sputtered. I couldn’t believe she thought I had those types of feelings for Nick.
“Wilson, come on, you need to talk to Nick about what happened. You can’t just think it’s over; that type of kiss doesn’t just go away. There’s a reason it happened, and you can’t just say it was the booze.”
“No, but I’d say the booze contributed, plus the fact that Max and I are broken up. Come on, Jay. Obviously I care about Nick, but he understands that I love Max, and we both know what we did was a total mistake.” I stared down at our hands.
“Yeah, but Wil, you owe him that conversation face to face, not just through the door. And if he didn’t think he’d have a chance to be with you, he wouldn’t have come back to console you. Come on, Sis, you’ve gotta clear this up before it goes too far and someone gets really hurt,” Joanie’s tone became heavy.
“Well isn’t this how it all started? I can’t seem to do anything without hurting somebody,” I whined.
“Knock it off, Wilson! Put on your big girl panties, suck it up, and deal with the situation here. Nick is a sweet guy—give him that. Respect him enough to clear the sails,” Joanie snapped.
I crossed my arms, locking them across my chest. I didn’t want to listen. I didn’t want to face the fucked-up situation I’d created with Nick.
“Fine! I’ll do it. But you have to stay here with me. And the minute everything is cleared up, I’m goin’ to see Max.”
“Fine. God, you can be—urrghh!” Joanie growled.
“Difficult?” I interjected.
“No, such a pain in the ass!”
“Yeah, but you’re stuck with me,” I said before I pulled the bedroom door open.
I didn’t expect Nick to be sitting on the floor across the hall. He had his head resting low in his hands, his palms rotating back and forth against his eyes, and his fingers anchored just above his forehead, mingled with his hair. His arms flexed with every motion. He looked up at me, his eyes lost with what to say. He bolted up, standing far enough away to ask if he could come closer.
“Nick, can we talk?” I offered. My hand twisted the knob and let it go, over and over again, anything to keep rhythm to something other than the rapid beat of my heart.
Nick didn’t know what to do with his hands; he slid them up and down his jeans before pushing them into his front pockets as he waited to be invited in.
“Oh—hey there, Joanie,” he sang as he ambled into the bedroom, tossing a wave toward her.
“Hi, Nick,” Joanie answered.
Nick took a couple of fast breaths before he planted his sights on me. He looked concerned and forlorn.
“Everything okay? I mean—well, umm, as far as—umm, everything?” Nick asked, pressing his hands together before pushing them into his hair.
“Why didn’t you go to Frank’s funeral?” I interrupted his question with my own.
“Umm, well, I was here with you,” he breathed.
“Yeah, but Calvin texted you and wanted you to be there.”
“Calvin knew I wasn’t going to go, he was the one who suggested that I stay here with you.”
“Calvin told you to stay with me? Why?” I asked.
“He’s worried about you. He feels like total shit for what he did,” Nick said determinedly.
“Well I totally feel like shit too—I’m still a little freaked out that Cindy walked in on us making out,” I told him as I looked at the floor.
“Yeah, me too,” Nick sighed before he turned to Joanie. “I assume you know about—” he said as he swung his pointer finger back and forth between himself and me.
“Yeah, Wilson told me—everything,” Joanie said. She pulled her legs up, adjusting herself to sit cross-legged on my bed.
Nick’s cheeks, right below his eyes, burnt red while his ears followed suit. He didn’t have to tell me he was embarrassed by Joanie knowing about us kissing; it was written all over his face.
“She’s the only person I’ve told. I am not a kiss-and-tell type of person. Well, except with Joanie,” I claimed, trying to justify a reason for telling her.
“I don’t have a problem with kiss-and-tell; you don’t have to justify anything to me,” he said, low. His smoldering eyes traced me with an intrinsic passion.
Fuuuckkk—knock it off, Nick. Stop staring at me like that. I love Max; he is everything to me.
“Well, Nick, actually that’s what I want to talk about. I don’t think either of us—need—umm, want to have to justify ourselves—or what we did—to other people,” I fumbled for the right words as I grabbed at my forehead. “I mean, it would hurt a lot of people—”
“I get it, Wilson. You don’t want Max or his family to know… what happened last night.”
“Well, yeah, they’ve been through so much. I don’t want to hurt him even more. It was a mistake, a drunken mistake
,” I said. It felt like a huge steel weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
I looked back at Joanie, her face white, as if the words I’d spoken were calloused and cold.
WHAT? I mouthed to her.
She mouthed something back but I couldn’t make it out. Her eyes narrowed and her face pinched red.
“Yeah, a mistake—look, I gotta go,” Nick mumbled before he turned away and left the room
“Whoa, Wilson, that was so brutal, what you just said to Nick. I know I told you to clear the air between you, but I didn’t tell you to rip the guy’s heart out,” Joanie said as she walked up behind me and slapped me across my shoulder blade.
“Ouch! Geez, J. I thought I was supposed to be honest,” I replied as I tried to rub out the sting on my shoulder.
“Honest? Yes. Wicked? Not so much. You just basically told him he was nothing to you,” Joanie said.
“No I didn’t, all I said was, it was a mistake—”
“You said kissing him was a drunken mistake. There’s a pretty big difference. That’s like telling someone you have zero feelings for them. ZERO,” Joanie said, holding her fingers in the shape of a big fat zero.
“Well, that’s not what I meant to say—” I replayed the scene in my head.
“Yeah, but that’s how it came out,” Joanie said in a matter-of-fact tone.
I stood there, thinking about what she said…Shit. It did, didn’t it? I made him feel like crap. In my attempt to save face, I made Nick feel like he didn’t mean anything to me. That was so not my intention.
“I should go apologize,” I said as I pulled open the bedroom door and meandered out, ready to eat crow.
Joanie followed me down the stairs. With every step I took, I could feel the embarrassment of being such a bitch splash through my body. My lungs clung to any breath I had left to explain this total misunderstanding.
My feet hit the hardwood floor, and suddenly, I think my blood stopped circulating to my hands and feet. I stood at the base of the stairs.
“Go on, Wil,” Joanie whispered as she pushed against my back.
I turned and looked down through the doorways of the dining room and the living room and saw Nick’s feet propped up on the brown coffee table in the family room. This was going to be my opportunity to apologize for what I said. I looked back to Joanie, gave her a nod of my head, and turned to face his direction. Am I doing the best thing for both of us? Could I somehow be giving Nick false hope by going in there and apologizing for what I said?
“It’s the right thing to do. I’ll wait here and if it gets too intense, I’ll come in,” Joanie prodded, as if she had read the thoughts racing through my head. How does she do that?
I nodded and took the step that pushed me onto the next page of my journey. I made it to the corner of the sofa before Nick turned around and saw me. He pulled his earbuds out of his ears; his iPhone, balancing on his stomach, slid down into his lap as he sat up.
“Hey, how long were you standing there?”
“Just got here. Do you mind if I sit down?” I asked lightly.
“No, go ahead,” Nick mumbled back at me.
I came around to the front of the sofa and slipped through the space between the coffee table and his legs before I eased down next to him. An awkward moment hung between us.
“What are you listening to?” I asked, pointing to his iPhone; anything to wash away the thick space lingering around us.
“Rage Against the Machine.”
“Wow, they’re totally political,” I said.
“Yeah, well, they are my go to when I need to erase the day,” he said quietly.
“Well, what a coincidence. I need to erase something too,” I said before he glanced at me. “I want to apologize for what I said. And for acting like a total ass. I didn’t mean to hurt you like that. I shouldn’t have made you feel like all I care about is what happens over at Max—the Goldsteins’ place.”
He looked down at his iPhone, his hands busy with flipping it around in circles and dropping it in his lap every couple of spins.
“Okay,” he acknowledged me.
“That’s all you’re gonna say—okay?” I said as I snatched his phone.
“Hey—” he snapped. “Give that back to me. If you know what’s good for you,” he said as leaned over and pressed his chest against my body before clutching my wrists.
“Good for me, huh? What do you have to hide?” I said as I broke the hold he had around my wrists and tried to slide the lock on the screen.
“That’s not me. I don’t have anything to hide,” he said as he planted his hand in the cushion behind my head. He leaned in, close enough for me to feel his breath on my skin and whispered, “…especially if it leads to being tortured later,” then grabbed his phone and swayed back to stand up.
I swallowed the burn of his words as I spoke, “Okay, Nick, I deserved that. But that means we’re even now.” I sighed as I stuck my hand out.
“Really? You wanna shake hands?” Nick teased.
“I want you to help me up.” I wiggled my fingers and added, “But that’s not a bad idea; let’s shake on being friends.”
“I’m not shaking on being your friend,” he grumbled.
“Well, what do I have to do to redeem our friendship?” I asked.
“There’s nothing to redeem, we’re all good,” he said as he grabbed my hand and pulled me into a hug.
“Oh, for Christ’s sake, Wilson, give the guy a break,” Joanie screeched as she meandered in, pulling me out of Nick’s arms.
“Hey, J, what took you so long?” I asked as I plopped back down on the sofa.
“I found the liquor storehouse. Holy crap, it’s a drunk guy’s wet dream, in there,” Joanie roared.
“My parents don’t understand moderation when it comes to alcohol. Conservatism isn’t one of their strong points,” Nick smiled at Joanie. She laughed.
“Well, obviously my best buddy here doesn’t either. Pick your poison…” Joanie winked as she held out her hand to me and pulled me up.
“That would be rum and vodka,” Nick blurted out as he sat on the arm of the chair next to the sofa.
“Yeah, well it would be mine too,” Joanie said, shifting her body to face him and leaning her head to one side. Her dark brown hair swayed as the sunlight beamed and danced across the strands. She caught the end of her hair and twisted it around her finger. Nick took notice.
“So, you’re a lightweight like Wilson?” he replied as he made eye contact with her before lowering his head to look at his phone. I can’t believe this…they’re flirting right in front of me. I felt my heart speed and my scalp tingle. Oh my God—I feel…jealous.
“Pretty much. Hang with fishes, you’re gonna drink like one,” Joanie responded as she tapped me across the shoulder, knocking me out of that space in my head where I didn’t want to go.
“Yeah, well, four martinis at your father’s country club last year proved I don’t belong swimmin’ with the big fish,” I said
“Definitely not,” Joanie chuckled. Nick peeked up from his phone at her. With his legs crossed at the ankles, all I had to do was give a little push and he would have tumbled over.
“Hello?” a voice echoed through the house.
“In the family room,” Nick shouted.
“Who is it?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” Nick answered as he stood up, slipped his phone in his pocket and started walking into the foyer.
I looked over at Joanie then back at Nick. The last thing I needed was Cindy coming in here spewing about more intimate moments she had with Max, comforting him.
“It didn’t sound like Cindy,” Joanie said.
Joanie and I started toward the foyer when I heard a female voice float through the room with a nervous excuse for just walking into the house after she had knocked for several minutes. Nick responded with words that comforted her insecurities before he came back.
“Look who’s here,” he announced.
&nbs
p; Nick’s eyes told me it was someone totally unexpected. My heart fell down into my gut in disbelief. It was the last person I would expect to show up at the Browlers’ place. Camille walked in, her eyes glossy and swollen with red, burnt edges; her velvety brown hair pulled back off her face. Any words I wanted to say got tangled up in the big gulp I took when I saw her.
She forced a smile before her mouth dropped back to the seriousness of her day. My body trembled, rippling from my core out to my skin. She was here; away from her family…away from Max.
“Oh my God,” I whispered, “Camille, how are you? How is your family?” I continued. The last thing I wanted to do was say the wrong thing.
She looked over at Joanie and then Nick before she turned back to me. She appeared to be struggling, unable to choke out any words.
“I’m so sorry,” I moaned.
She stood there, devastated and unable to speak, before she snapped her head up and shook away any possibility of losing it.
“I’m trying,” she said as her breath hitched. “Max, isn’t—” she stopped, her eyes welled with tears.
My whole body was hit with a massive chill that culminated at the base of my head and ran down my spine. What was she going to say about Max?
“Trying?” I blurted out to fill the arduous pause.
Camille’s expression turned to shock. Son of a bitch, I might as well open my mouth and insert my foot now.
“Max isn’t okay. And I’m really scared,” she uttered as she plopped down on the sofa.
“What? Wait, what?” I asked. Suddenly, Camille and I were the only two people in the room. I had to get every bit of information about Max I could. I kneeled in front of her, my hands on her knees. Her sullen eyes met mine; I saw how devastated she was.
“I’m scared and I couldn’t think of any other place to go…” Camille stopped and took a huge breath, like she was about to pummel me for leaving. “Do you think we can talk in private?” she asked, glancing at all of us.
Joanie shot me a look. I knew she’d leave if I asked her to, but I didn’t want her to. She was my rock.
“Anything you have to say…you can say in front of Joanie. She’s my best friend, and besides, she knows everything about Max.” My skin dampened as I blushed, and the cool breeze forced goose bumps through my body.
The Wilson Mooney Box Set Page 50
