Blogger Girl

by Schorr, Meredith

  The Club Room was almost cleared out by the time I got back, but Jonathan and Bridget were still standing at the bar. Although I wasn’t sure what Bridget was doing would actually be considered “standing.” She was slumped head-first over the wooden bar. Jonathan was gently rubbing her back but stopped when he saw me. “It’s about time.”

  “It’s been less than ten minutes since I left you. Relax.” I glanced over at Bridget who had not uttered a sound. “Okay there, Bridge?”

  From underneath her thick head of curls, I heard a muffled, “No.”

  “Maybe we should get you home,” I said, gently patting the back of her head.

  Still not looking up, she muttered, “Don’t wanna go home yet. Wanna see Nicholas Strong Rhymes with Long.”

  Jonathan shook his head in confusion. “What the hell is she talking about?”

  I felt my face get warm, removed my hand from Bridget’s head and whispered, “Nothing. Gibberish. She’s three sheets to the wind.” I rolled my eyes for effect. Focusing on Bridget again, I said, “What do you want to do then?” I tried to discreetly check the time on my phone without Jonathan seeing me. I probably still had a few minutes before Nicholas arrived to get Bridget in better shape and at the very least, helping her would be a distraction from stressing over it.

  Bridget sat up abruptly. “Need to pee.”

  “I’ll take you,” I offered.

  “I’ll meet you guys in the bar,” Jonathan said before escaping the Club Room like it was Alcatraz.

  ***

  I practiced patience while Bridget used the bathroom, checked herself out from every angle and splashed cold water on her cheeks, but I drew the line when she slapped herself across the face. “What the fuck are you doing?”

  “Trying to sober up.” Bridget said.

  I chuckled. “Does that work?”

  “Actually, it does. But it also hurts like a motherfucker!” Bridget giggled and I was pleased to see that some light had returned to her eyes.

  Checking my hair in the mirror one last time, I said, “Good. Now that you’re showing some semblance of returned sobriety, can we please make like a tree and get out of here?”

  Cocking her head to the side, Bridget said, “You mean make like a tree and leave?”

  I glanced at my watch. “Whatever it takes to get downstairs so I can meet up with Nicholas.”

  Bridget’s eyes opened wide. “You called him?”

  “Yes. Well, texted him. But he’s on his way. He might be here already.” I felt my stomach flutter and my pulse race at the thought.

  “Then what the fuck are we still doing in the ladies’ room? Let’s go!”

  ***

  When we got to the bar, I immediately spotted Jonathan, Pete and Andy perched at one of the many tables located around the edge of the room. They were drinking from bottles of Goose Island IPA and laughing as if ten years had not passed since they used to play poker every Friday night in high school. I walked Bridget over to their table and said, “I’m going to take a walk to see if Nicholas is here. I’ll be back.” I discreetly wiped my clammy hands on the table and willed my legs to stop quivering.

  Bridget started to sit down but hesitated. Her eyes wide, she asked, “Do you want me to come with you?”

  I debated. On the one hand, I would look less awkward circling the bar with Bridget than by myself. But then I would have to slickly lose her. Granted, she wasn’t as sloppy as she’d been fifteen minutes earlier, but I was not all that confident she was capable of taking a “get lost” hint. “I appreciate the offer, but I think I’m good. I’ll bring him to meet you at some point though.” Hopefully after Jonathan had already left. That was an introduction I didn’t really want to make.

  Bridget extended her hand with her pinky pointed outward. “Swear?”

  I entwined my pinky with hers. “Pinky swear.”

  Borrowing Nicholas’ line from earlier that evening, she reached out to hug me and whispered, “Knock ‘em dead, Kimmie” in my ear.

  I returned her embrace and whispered back, “That’s the plan.”

  I began walking clockwise around the bar. Suddenly infused with adrenaline, I didn’t even try to remove the excited smile that was pasted on my face. I couldn’t wait to see Nicholas!

  Until I saw him.

  CHAPTER 12

  HE WAS STANDING BY THE BAR facing away from me, but since I had stared after him as he left a room on several occasions, I had his back memorized and recognized him at once. He was talking to her. Correction: He was laughing with her. And she was smiling at him, exposing a chemically whitened slightly too large mouthful of teeth. And her hand reached down to swipe his arm not once, but twice within a couple of seconds. He didn’t try to brush it away.

  My designer shoes felt glued to the floor. I was unable to move closer to them or head back in the other direction. And then she looked at me.

  In a split second, her facial expression went from the evil stare she used to throw my way a decade earlier to a smile almost as bright as the one she had mere moments ago directed to Nicholas. It was as if she was temporarily lost in a time warp and then remembered that it was 2013 and I ran one of the most popular chick lit blogs on the Internet.

  While still in an eye lock with Hannah, I saw Nicholas finally turn and see me standing there. In that moment, I didn’t care that he looked me over appreciatively. I didn’t care that unlike most straight guys, he actually knew how to wear a pair of jeans to show off his butt. At that moment, all I cared about was that he had come to the bar to have a drink with me and instead, was talking to her. Of course, he would talk to her. She was Hannah Marshak.

  “There you are,” Nicholas said, smiling brightly. “I was about to send you a text.”

  I wondered what the text would have said. “I know I was supposed to have a drink with you, but I met another girl. She’s confident and sexy. She wrote a novel! And she’s tall.” My legs felt weak. “Yeah, I was talking to an old friend and lost track of time,” I lied.

  In a soft voice, Hannah said, “You know each other?” before reaching out to graze his arm again.

  Although Hannah was looking at Nicholas with glossy eyes and not me when she asked the question, I choked out, “Uh huh.” Then I looked at Nicholas. “Can you excuse me a second? I need to, um, catch someone before she leaves. I’ll be back.” Before he could respond, I walked away as casually as I could and prayed that my knees wouldn’t give out.

  ***

  When I reached Jonathan’s table, I removed Bridget’s glass from in front of her and downed the remains in one sip. After a near escape from choking on the contents I said, “What the hell is this?”

  “It’s called a Blood and Sand. Scotch, Vermouth and some other stuff,” Bridget said, patting my back as another choke escaped my throat.

  After trying to discreetly wipe the leathery taste of scotch off of my tongue with a cocktail napkin, I said, “Might as well be dishwashing detergent. Nasty!”

  “That’s what you get for stealing someone else’s drink.” Looking at me through the bottom of the empty glass, Bridget asked, “Where’s Nicholas?”

  “Somewhere up the Wicked Witch’s ass!” I consciously summoned up the self-control not to take Bridget’s empty glass and knock it over Hannah’s inflated head.

  Bridget gave me a puzzled look. “What?”

  “I went to find him and he was actually talking to Hannah.” Loudly, I repeated, “Hannah!” as if Bridget might not have heard me the first time.

  Bridget’s eyes darted around the room. “Oh wow. Where are they?”

  I kept my eyes on Bridget, afraid to spot Hannah and Nicholas making out in a corner somewhere. “Who cares? Fuck him. And fuck her. And let them fuck each other for all I care. I never should have bothered.” I sat down, closed my eyes and pressed two fingers to my forehead. I was such a liar. I totally cared. “Maybe I’ll just go home with Jonathan.” I opened my eyes, wishing I could take back those last words. “Not reall
y, of course.”

  Bridget stood up. “You should do what you want, Kim. He’s your fuck buddy, not mine. I’m gonna head out anyway. Dying for a cigarette. Tell the guys I said goodnight, okay?” She grabbed her coat from behind the chair and started walking away.

  I stood up and reached out my hand to grab her. “Wait.”

  Bridget quickly turned around, her face emotionless. “What?”

  “Are you sure you’re alright? Do you want me to take you home?”

  Not blinking, Bridget said, “I’m fine, Kim.”

  “I’m not really gonna hook up with Jonathan, ya know?” I laughed hoping to break the tension.

  Shrugging, Bridget said, “Do what you gotta do. It makes no difference to me,” before turning back around and walking away.

  I watched her disappear, muttered, “Nice job, Kim,” and walked over to the bar. Having no patience for actually reading the list of cocktails, I ordered the first one on the menu—the Dirty Soho. As I nibbled on an olive, I wondered why I hadn’t left with Bridget after all. At least she’d have known I wasn’t serious about hooking up with Jonathan that night. She was right that he was mine first, but I wouldn’t call dibs on a guy I no longer wanted, knowing that she did. I took another sip of my drink and tried to compose myself. I needed to find Nicholas and fake some semblance of coolness. It would hurt like hell if he chose Hannah over me but there was no way I would admit that to him. Or to Hannah.

  I turned around to face the crowd and saw him approaching me. At least he wasn’t with her. I took a deep breath.

  Unsmiling, he said, “There you are. I thought you went to check on a friend.”

  “I did. She just left so I got a drink.” I held up my Dirty Soho. I was too embarrassed about running away from him to make full-on eye contact so I took a sip of my drink and glanced both ways as if I was looking for someone.

  Nicholas scratched his head, “Um, were you planning on finding me? You kind of abandoned me over there. I thought we were supposed to have a drink together.”

  I bit my lip and faced him head on. “Yeah, sorry about that. Seeing you with Hannah caught me off guard,” I confessed. So much for playing it cool.

  Nicholas’ mouth dropped open. “That was Hannah?”

  Nodding, I said, “Yeah. You didn’t know?”

  Nicholas shook his head. “We didn’t get that far.”

  Recalling the visual of Hannah running her palm up and down his arm, I wondered how far it would have gone if I hadn’t shown up. “What did you think of her?” I asked nervously.

  Nicholas rubbed his stubbly chin. “I hadn’t really given it any thought.”

  His scruff was definitely my Achilles heel. I had fantasized about his rough skin leaving my face red from passionate kissing, but now all I could think about was him kissing Hannah instead. “She seemed to like you,” I whispered.

  “Well, it doesn’t really matter since I came here to have drinks…” His eyes firmly resting on mine, he touched his finger to my chin. “With you.” He removed his finger.

  I willed myself not to touch my chin even though I could still feel the warmth of his hand where his finger just was. I smiled softly, “Good.” That was all the reassurance I needed. I opened my mouth to ask if he wanted to go someplace else, where we were less likely to be interrupted by more of my old classmates, just as Hannah appeared at Nicholas’ side.

  As if I wasn’t standing there, she gleamed at Nicholas and said, “I turned away for one second to remind our class historian that the name of my book was Cut on the Bias. She wants to include it in the alumni newsletter.” Hannah stopped talking and tapped a finger to her chin. “What was her name again?” She shook her head. “Anyhoo, when I turned back around, you were gone. I didn’t even get your name.”

  Nicholas offered a polite smile and took a sidelong glance at me. “It’s Nicholas. I went to see where Kim ran off to.”

  Finally acknowledging my presence, Hannah looked at me and in typical Hannah-speak said, “Oh yeah. You know our little friend Kim too, huh?”

  Nicholas deadpanned, “Yeah, our little friend Kim is kind of cool.”

  Hannah smirked, “I suppose she’s come a long way since high school.” Motioning over my head, she said, “Although Jonathan certainly liked her well enough even back then. Didn’t you, Jonathan?”

  Ruh-roh. I quickly glanced up at Jonathan, who had just joined our little party, and back down towards my shoes. I figured failing to make eye contact with Jonathan was the best way to avoid having to introduce him to Nicholas. For someone who claimed that I “dragged him” to the reunion, Jonathan was certainly staying out late.

  Running his hands through his hair, Jonathan looked at Hannah with a bored expression. “What are you babbling about Hannah?” Then he turned to me. “Andy and Pete just left.”

  I wanted to ask why he hadn’t joined them but I just stood there mute.

  Hannah smiled at Jonathan and said, “I was telling Nicholas here about you and Kim back in high school.” Reaching out to touch Nicholas’ arm again, she said, “They were such a cute couple.”

  I involuntarily snorted since back then Hannah used to insinuate almost daily that Jonathan was cheating on me. I would overhear her expressing to others in a very loud whisper how concerned she was for me that I was dating a cheater.

  “Did you say something, Kim?” Hannah asked.

  I muttered, “No” as my laughter turned into fear over where this conversation was headed. I snuck a peek at Nicholas, wondering what he was thinking. As if sensing my gaze, he turned to look at me but I couldn’t read his expression. I realized I had to respond. “Jonathan and I used to go out,” I confirmed.

  Nicholas nodded. “I gathered that.”

  Jonathan chuckled, “Lucky me,” and I fought the urge to kick him in the shin.

  Hannah winked. “Rumor has it they’re still knocking boots, if you know what I mean.” Turning to me, she said, “Is it true that you guys are still fuck buddies after all of these years?”

  As Jonathan’s face turned strawberry red and Hannah’s laughter boomed, I took a sharp intake of breath. I needed an escape route and fast. “Well, this has been fun,” I said. I looked up at Nicholas, my heart beating fast. “But Nicholas and I are going to finish our drink somewhere else now.” Taking his hand, I pleaded, “Is that okay?”

  Nicholas said, “Yeah, let’s…”

  Interrupting, Hannah said, “Oh, I didn’t realize you guys were together,” Hannah said, the surprise in her voice a little more dramatic than necessary. Looking from me to Jonathan, she shrugged innocently, “I guess the whole ‘fuck buddy’ comment was a bit of a faux pas. My bad.” She laughed.

  Squeezing Nicholas’ hand, I started dragging him away as Hannah called out, “Don’t forget about my book.” Then I heard her ask, “You know about my book, right?” I turned around as Hannah gripped Jonathan’s arm, trapping him in place. He caught my eye and glared. I quickly mouthed, “I’m sorry” and continued walking with Nicholas.

  Once in the lobby, Nicholas stopped in front of an unoccupied couch. He sat down and patted the seat next to him. I sat down and when I turned to face him, his eyes immediately locked with mine. I took a sip of my drink, “Okay, then. That was awkward.”

  Nicholas took a slow sip of his drink while keeping his stare on me. “So, your ‘friend’ Jonathan is actually your high school sweetheart, huh?”

  “Yes, we dated back in high school.” I added, “Ten years ago” as if he couldn’t do the math.

  “You’ve mentioned him before.”

  Since it wasn’t a direct question, I wasn’t sure how to respond. “I guess.”

  Nicholas looked at me quizzically. “How come you didn’t mention that he was your ex-boyfriend?”

  I felt my face get red. “Because it was irrelevant. It was ten years ago, Nicholas.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “Don’t you have a history with any girls?”

  “Of course I do,” Nicholas averted eye contact
and looked down toward his toes. “But I’m not still ‘knocking boots’ with any of them and, according to Hannah, you are. Is that true? Is he your fuck buddy?”

  I squirmed in my seat. “Yes, Jonathan and I still do it sometimes, but we don’t…”

  Interrupting, Nicholas said, “Do it?”

  I giggled at my own childish euphemism for sex. “Yes, do it! If neither of us is dating someone, we sometimes do it.” Not wanting Nicholas to misunderstand, I said, “But we don’t have feelings for each other anymore and it’s not like we hook up every weekend or anything. And we’re not going to anymore.” As the words left my mouth, I wondered why I was explaining myself to him. I still had no idea what he wanted from me and if it was nothing, my relationship with Jonathan, past or present, was none of his business. “Why do you care?” I held my breath, afraid of his answer.

  “Because I like you and want to make sure we’re on the same page,” Nicholas said.

  “We’re on the same page. I like you too,” I whispered. “Even though I caught you flirting with Hannah of all people. She’s cute, right?” Cute like a rabid animal, but there was no accounting for male taste sometimes.

  “I absolutely was not flirting with her, but I guess she’s cute enough,” he said, scratching his chin again.

  I groaned. “For the love of God, why don’t you just shave!”

  Nicholas dropped his hand. “Do I need to shave that badly?”

  “No,” I said meekly.

  “What then?”

  “Have you looked at yourself recently?”

  Nicholas shook his head softly.

  “It’s sexy,” I whispered.

  Nicholas gave me a closed-mouth smile. “Isn’t that a good thing?”

  I pinched my bottom lip. “It could be.”

  “Kim.”