Blogger Girl

by Schorr, Meredith

  “No!”

  “Just checking.” I paused. “Bridge?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Do you like Jonathan?”

  Silence.

  “You can tell me. I won’t be mad! There was some serious flirting at your place last night and it didn’t involve me. That’s all I’m sayin’.” I picked up the container of food for a second attempt and cautiously took another miniscule bite. Satisfied that it was sufficiently cooled down, I dared an even bigger piece.

  “Aargh!”

  I swallowed the nugget of chicken in my mouth. “What?”

  “This is so embarrassing. And awkward. Aarrgh! Let’s not do this now, okay? I need to take another nap.”

  “Okay.” At least she was admitting there was something to talk about.

  “So, are you and Nicholas dating now?”

  “When I left his place he gave me a hug and said, ‘See you tomorrow, Kimmie’ not ‘Want to go to the movies this week?’ I don’t even know if Nicholas dates. He probably doesn’t have to if girls like me make it so easy for him to get laid.” Even as the words left my mouth, I was positive if I had a chance to go back in time, I would have slept with him all over again. I might have been a slut but I wasn’t delusional.

  “You really like him though?”

  I would have been more comfortable with the question if I could truthfully answer that I only liked him because he was hot and the sex was fantastic. I’d never lied to Bridget before and I wasn’t about to start now, so with a mixture of excitement and dread, I confessed, “Yeah, I really like him.” His dorky harmonica performance, the boxer shorts emblazoned with designs of record albums I had spied on the top of his laundry hamper, and even the collection of old MAD magazines he’d collected since he was a little boy made him real to me. The “real” Nicholas was even hotter, if that was even possible, than the Nicholas I had imagined in my head. I repeated, “Yeah, I like him, Bridge. God help me, but I like him.”

  After we hung up, I finished my chicken and broccoli and logged onto Pastel is the New Black. When I saw how many books I had listed as “reviews coming soon,” I snuggled into my favorite reclining chair with my Kindle. Then I remembered the decision I had made the night before, closed my Kindle and emailed Candy at Novel Inc. PR. Before I changed my mind again, I told her to send me Hannah’s book. I crossed my fingers that Cut on the Bias would suck so that I could write a shitty review that was based on fact and not my own personal feelings for the author. But I wasn’t holding my breath.

  CHAPTER 14

  THE NEXT MORNING, I sat at my desk drinking from my second cup of coffee of the day. I hadn’t slept very well the night before. Part of me was still basking in the afterglow of having sex with Nicholas. The other part of me was afraid it was the beginning of the end. Maybe Nicholas had been curious about me and now that his curiosity was satisfied, he would move on to someone else. He also knew that I wasn’t necessarily opposed to having a fuck buddy since Hannah had so kindly blurted out my relationship with Jonathan. Maybe that was all he thought I wanted. Or worse, maybe that was all he wanted. We hadn’t talked since I left his apartment the previous morning and he hadn’t come by Rob’s office yet. I wanted to get our first post-hook-up communication over with but there was no way I was going to him first.

  My phone alerted a text message from Caroline. I had texted her the night before to tell her what had gone down. “I told you he liked you! We have to get drinks soon so you can give me the details!” I was about to text her back when my office phone rang. The caller ID told me it was Erin. I reluctantly picked up the phone, “Hey.”

  “Hey. How was the reunion?” Before I had a chance to respond, she kept talking. “I saw pictures on Facebook. You weren’t in any of them.”

  “Whose pictures were they?” I knew the answer before I asked.

  “Hannah’s, of course. Her dress was stunning!”

  I rolled my eyes. Bridget’s dress was much nicer and so was mine! “I would hope her dress would be nice considering she works in fashion.”

  “Worked in fashion. She’s a writer now.”

  I sighed heavily before responding. “Her book hasn’t even been released yet. I seriously doubt she’s quitting her day job anytime soon.”

  “Soon enough, I’m sure. Did you talk to her?”

  “Talk to who?”

  Sounding annoyed, Erin said, “Hannah! She said she talked to you.”

  It was way too early for this conversation I thought, as I took a gulp of my now lukewarm coffee. “If you knew we talked, why are you asking me?” I lay my head on my desk.

  “I wanted to get your side of the story.”

  I lifted my head. “Side of the story? What story?”

  “She said you agreed to read her book.”

  “She did, did she?” What a presumptuous bitch! “I never actually said that but, yes, I will be reading her book.” Was it too late to recall my message to Candace?

  “Awesome!”

  “Yay!” I said sarcastically, reaching for my coffee again.

  “So, who’s Nicholas?”

  Almost spilling my coffee across the desk, I said, “Wha…What? Why?”

  “Hannah said she met this cute guy and that he was a friend of yours.”

  Why wasn’t I surprised that Hannah referred to Nicholas as my “friend” as if she couldn’t believe he’d actually be interested in me? “What else did she say about Nicholas?”

  “Did I hear my name?”

  I looked up from my phone and felt my get face got hot as I made eye contact with Nicholas. “I’ll talk to you later, Erin.” I hung up before she could say anything else. “Hi there,” I said with a casual smile.

  Smiling back, he said, “Hi. Did I hear my name?”

  I quickly debated making up a lie but decided it wasn’t worth it. “Apparently, Hannah asked my sister about you.”

  “Really? What did she want to know?” Nicholas asked, his eyes twinkling in amusement.

  Scowling at him, I said, “I didn’t get that far, but I can connect you two on Facebook if you’re interested.”

  Nicholas’ close-lipped smile trembled slightly. “Here,” he said, handing me a light pink silk-screened journal. “I bought it for you.”

  I held up the journal and looked at Nicholas. “What’s this for?”

  Giving me a devilish grin, he said, “Consider it payment for services rendered.”

  Feeling myself flush, I said, “I’m not a prostitute, Nicholas!” I knew being a slut would work against me. Why couldn’t I have stopped at kissing?

  Laughing, Nicholas put two fingers to his lips. “Shh. I went to dinner with my sister last night and she dragged me to some stationary store that was having a major sale. I saw it and thought of you.”

  When Rob called out “Nicholas!” he said, “Gotta go,” and walked away, waving behind him.

  I stared at the journal gobsmacked. Why would Nicholas give me a journal? On the one hand, it was kind of sweet, not to mention surprising, that he bought me anything, but a journal? If he bought me flowers or chocolate, I would take it to mean he was interested in me and would be half giddy and half creeped out that he liked me a bit too much too soon. Not that I would ever refuse chocolate, of course. But a journal was neither an obvious sign of romantic interest nor creepy. Unless he wrote in it first. If he wrote a love letter or something otherwise cheesy, I’d die. I quickly opened the journal and flipped through the pages. I let out a sigh of relief when I saw it was completely blank. I scratched my forehead. What did this mean? Did it mean anything? It was times like this I wished I had a brother instead of a sister. I’d actually wished Erin was a boy more times than I could count, but that was neither here nor there.

  When Rob’s phone rang twice without him answering, I picked it up. “Rob Forrester’s office.” I was in the process of taking a message since the guy didn’t want to go into voicemail when Nicholas walked out of Rob’s office. He winked and I gave him a closed-mou
th smile in response. I hadn’t had a chance to thank him for the journal and so after I hung up and handed Rob the message, I grabbed the journal from my desk and walked to his office.

  “Knock, knock,” I said.

  Looking up from typing furiously on his computer, Nicholas smiled. “Who’s there?”

  “Thanks.”

  “Thanks who?”

  “No, thanks you!” I said giggling. Sometimes I impressed myself with my quick wit.

  Nicholas smiled softly. “Nice one.”

  “Actually, I’m here to thank you for the journal. Very thoughtful of you. I could probably use it to take notes while reading for my blog.”

  “Or you can document our X-rated activities,” he said, lifting and lowering his eyebrows.

  “Will we be partaking in more X-rated activities?”

  “I certainly hope so.”

  I took it upon myself to sit down on his guest chair. “Listen, Nicholas.”

  Nicholas placed his elbows on his desk and looked at me intently. “I’m all ears.”

  I took a deep breath in and out hoping to slow my pulse. “I had a lot of fun with you on Saturday night.”

  “And Sunday morning,” Nicholas interrupted.

  “And Sunday morning.” My face contorted into a small smile against my will. “But you should know I’m not looking for a fuck buddy or friends with benefits situation.” Something I probably should have mentioned before I spread my legs.

  Nicholas nodded and rubbed his chin. I rolled my eyes and he grinned. “Good. Because I hate when chicks use me for sex. It’s so humiliating.”

  I had a feeling this conversation was going nowhere fast and so I stood up. Waving the journal at him, I said, “Thanks again.”

  “You’re very welcome. And Kimmie?”

  I had one foot out of his office but turned around. “Yeah?”

  “I hope the journal inspires you to write great things.”

  My stomach lurching, I said, “I’ll do my best.”

  Nicholas leaned back in his chair with his feet against his desk. “Good girl.”

  I returned to my desk, logged onto Facebook and immediately wished I hadn’t.

  Hi Kim,

  So great to see you at the reunion. I wish I had more time to talk to you about “Cut on the Bias” though. As you’ve no doubt heard, it takes place in Paris. You’ve probably never been there but it’s the most romantic city in the world and the perfect setting for a novel. I wanted to make sure you were on the short list of reviewers because I’m positive it will make your 2013 favorites list. You can thank me later.

  Salut à bientôt.

  Hannah

  PS: Nice touch with the Louboutins. They actually gave you a little height .

  After checking a French to English translation site, I shook my head in repulsion. Why couldn’t she just say “Au Revoir” or better yet “Bye” like a normal person?

  ***

  I had a pit in my stomach that lasted the entire afternoon and into the evening. I tried to work on blog maintenance but each time I tweeted a new review, I thought about having to do that for Hannah at some point. The thought of helping Hannah promote her book on any level made my skin run cold, especially since I wasn’t paid for my services. Although, receiving compensation for reviewing her book would only be mildly less nausea inducing. I thought about what Nicholas had said while we were in bed. “Maybe it sucks. And if that’s the case, you get to write a crappy review.” It was easy for him to be so calm. He didn’t have to help the mean girl from his high school with her burgeoning writing career. I should ask him how he would feel representing a bully who repeatedly stole his lunch at recess in the 3rd grade.

  Suddenly, I was no longer thinking about Hannah. I was thinking about being in bed with Nicholas. Had I shot myself in the foot by telling him I didn’t want to be his fuck buddy? I really wanted to sleep with him again! Now that I made my feelings clear, he would either continue to pursue me or cut his losses. And if it was the latter, I couldn’t retract my statement and bed him anyway. He’d lose all respect for me and I’d lose all respect for myself. I was screwed. Or rather, time would tell if I’d be screwed. I removed the journal he bought me from my coffee table and ran my hands up and down the silk bound cover waiting for inspiration to hit. I wondered how long it would take Hannah to fill the journal with notes for her next novel.

  And just like that, I was back to thinking about Hannah. I looked up towards my ceiling, threw my hands in the air and exclaimed, “Oy vey!”

  CHAPTER 15

  I EYED THE LAST BITE of my rib eye steak sandwich. I was seriously tempted to clean my plate, but already felt the need to pull my gray pencil skirt down past my hips so I could breathe again.

  “Just do it, Kim,” David said.

  I looked over at him and he smiled. “You know you want to finish it.”

  I rubbed my belly. “I do. But I’m so full!” I glanced at Rob’s plate. He left half a tuna steak uneaten. “Seriously, Rob. You’re making the rest of us look like pigs!”

  Rob tossed his napkin on the plate. “I’ve lost ten pounds over the past six months. Don’t want to gain it back over the course of one lunch.”

  Rob had always been fit, but ever since he married his second and significantly younger wife, he had become obsessed. Considering his lunches usually consisted of yogurt, an apple and maybe half a turkey sandwich, I was happy he hadn’t ordered the Farmers Market Salad with balsamic vinegar. “Well, as long as you saved some room for dessert.”

  “I always save room for dessert,” Rob said assuredly.

  “No sorbet either!” Standing up, I said, “Excuse me. I need to use the ladies’ room.” At both firms where I had worked with Rob, whenever our group took someone in the department out for his or her birthday, one of us (usually me) had to slickly tell the waiter. And then the birthday boy or girl had to pretend to be surprised when the waiter brought over a piece of birthday cake and we all started singing “Happy Birthday.”

  After I tracked down our waiter, I went to the bathroom, ran a brush through my hair and reapplied my lip gloss. When I returned to the table, all of the plates had been removed.

  Rob cleared his throat. “Now that my right hand is back, I’d like to make an announcement.”

  Another one of Rob’s famous announcements. I chuckled and glanced at David. He gave me a knowing look and flashed me a wide grin. I covered my mouth with my hand in an effort not to laugh.

  “What’s so funny, Long?” Rob asked accusingly.

  I bit my lip and looked at Rob with wide eyes. “Absolutely nothing. Unless you’re gonna tell us about the time the electricity went out during your trial and even the backup generators didn’t work. And how the lights went back on just as someone from the other side was about to abscond with your exhibits, and your junior associate was held in contempt of court for wrestling him to the ground. That’s a funny story.” I paused dramatically. “No matter how many times you tell it.”

  Rob calmly nodded at me with his lips pursed. “Okay then. Well, I was going to thank my lovely assistant for organizing a wonderful 29th birthday lunch for me. But since my assistant isn’t lovely and it’s my 54th birthday, I think I’ll skip the thank you and announce that I’ve hired a lateral associate who will be starting next week.”

  I jerked my head back in surprise. I was generally kept in the loop on these things, especially since I was usually responsible for scheduling interviews, yet this was the first I’d heard of a new hire. “What’s his name?”

  “Her name is Daneen. She’s a third year coming to us from Cravath. Solid background in trademark litigation. She’ll be working closely with Nicholas on the Soap case.”

  I looked over at Nicholas to see his reaction to this new information but he was nodding at Rob and didn’t look at all surprised. Then he looked my way and winked.

  When our eyes locked, I felt my body flood with warmth and forced myself to look away. I still had no idea what
the previous weekend had meant to him and I was trying to pretend I didn’t care either way. Even though I did. Of course. I turned to David. “How are the wedding plans coming along?”

  His cheeks glowing, David said, “Amy is already looking into venues. I wanted us to enjoy being engaged for a while before getting too caught up in wedding plans, but she’s so excited that I’m just letting her run with it.”

  “That’s so cool! We should get drinks or something to celebrate one night.” Although I was genuinely happy for David and his upcoming nuptials, I couldn’t shake off a feeling of discomfort about Rob hiring Daneen without even telling me. In all of the years we’d worked together, Rob had made me feel like an important member of his team, telling me all the big news before almost anyone else, but suddenly I felt like an outsider, a measly secretary.

  Rob had moved across the table to sit next to Nicholas. Their heads were bent towards each other and they were talking in hushed voices until the waiter brought over our coffees and cappuccinos. After we sang, “Happy Birthday,” Rob returned to his own seat and I whispered, “How come this is the first I’ve heard about Daneen?”

  Rob widened his eyes. “I didn’t tell you?”

  I shook my head and frowned. I was surprised and embarrassed by how upset I was about this. I pushed the remains of my chocolate cake around my plate.

  “I’m sorry, Kim. We didn’t go through regular channels with this one. In fact, we weren’t even looking for anyone but she’s a major coup. Comes highly recommended with trial experience beyond her three years.” Looking genuinely apologetic, he said, “Didn’t mean to keep it from you.”

  “Well, that’s great then.” Trying to shrug off the insecurity that had caught me off guard, I enthusiastically added, “Congrats!”

  “Thanks, Long. It’s good for the squad. And stealing an associate from Cravath is certainly an added benefit.” He gave me a cocky smile.