She gestured for Ellie to hand over the teacup. Then she sat on the rattan chair with blood red cushions. Her whole body tensed, and it annoyed her that she felt so nervous. This was just a load of rubbish, after all.
‘Birds,’ the woman said.
‘Birds?’
The woman peered into the cup and turned it around a few times. ‘Clouds. Red dust.’
Ellie wished she hadn’t taken Mrs Hanley up on the challenge because this woman wasn’t making any sense.
The tea-leaf reader looked up, her dark eyes haunting. ‘You hold too many secrets.’
‘No, I—’
‘The leaves do not lie. These secrets are big. Heavy. You waste much energy to hold them inside. You must let them out.’
‘I can’t.’
The woman cocked an eyebrow and returned to gazing in the teacup. ‘Your secrets have saved many lives.’
Ellie’s heart raced. This woman had to be guessing. Plenty of women did work in the war that helped save lives.
‘She had a boy.’
‘Who?’
‘Your friend with hair the colour of chestnuts and a hat the colour of … emerald? She has secrets like you.’
Ellie gripped the table. Cassandra? ‘Is she all right?’
For the first time, the woman smiled. ‘She is healthy. So is the baby. She will soon carry a girl.’
As much as Ellie wanted to believe this woman was a charlatan, she couldn’t deny the comments about Cassandra. Or the Central Bureau.
Ellie swallowed, her throat tight. ‘Did my ex-fiancé receive my letter?’
‘Yes, he did. He has received every single one you sent.’
‘And?’
The woman looked up. ‘And that is all.’
‘What? Surely you can tell me if he’s sent a reply. Where is he living? Is he married? Why didn’t he come back?’
‘I’m sorry, the tea leaves will only reveal what they wish.’
Ellie stood, annoyance roiling through her. She should have known better than to let Mrs Hanley talk her into doing this. She placed some money in the bowl on table. ‘Thank you for your time.’ She turned to go.
‘Miss?’
Ellie faced the woman once more. ‘Yes?’
‘You don’t always have to be in the sky to soar.’
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Ellie and Mrs Hanley got off the tram and started the walk home. The evening had a slight chill and Ellie pulled her cardigan tighter around her.
‘Is this where all the beautiful women stroll of an evening?’
Ellie turned to find Louis behind them.
‘Where did you come from?’ she asked.
‘I just dropped a note at your place to let you know I’m back for a few days.’
‘Why didn’t you knock?’ asked Ellie.
Louis laughed. ‘How would you know if I didn’t?’
‘You never do. You’ve taken to leaving notes in the mailbox.’
‘I might push on home,’ said Mrs Hanley. ‘I’ll leave you two to take in the lovely evening.’
‘It’s all right, Mrs Hanley, I’ll walk with you,’ she said.
‘I will be perfectly fine. Off you two go. The river is always nice at this time of day.’ Mrs Hanley disappeared before Ellie could say anything more.
‘Subtle as a sledgehammer,’ said Louis.
‘She could have stayed.’
‘She’s an intelligent lady, she knows when it’s time to leave.’
‘Why? Because we’re arguing?’
‘Is that what you call it?’ His lips twitched.
‘What would you say it was?’
‘Discussing.’
Ellie scoffed.
‘I’m sorry I’ve not been around much, Bug. I could blame it on work but it was because I needed time to think.’
‘I know,’ she said, feeling bad for giving him a hard time. ‘And I thought I was all right with you leaving notes at Mrs Hanley’s instead of saying hello in person. I guess I wasn’t fine with it, after all.’
He pointed in the direction of the river a few blocks away. ‘Shall we?’
They headed towards the riverbank. Ellie hated feeling uncomfortable in Louis’s presence. It had never happened before, so why now?
‘Are we all right?’ he asked.
‘I guess.’ She noticed a greenish-yellowish bruise under his eye. ‘Did you get into a bar brawl?’
‘Yeah, I make a habit of getting into fisticuffs.’
‘Very funny. What happened?’
‘Doesn’t matter.’ His tone told her to back off and she did.
Something was really off between them and she needed to change it. ‘I have something to tell you.’
Louis stopped, his face clouded in concern. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘Nothing’s wrong. Everything is very, very right.’ She paused for dramatic effect. ‘I got my licence!’
‘What?’ He lifted her up and spun her around. ‘That’s wonderful!’
She laughed. ‘Put me down.’
‘What are you going to do?’ He held her tight but she wriggled out of his arms.
‘I’d love to become a commercial pilot but it’s impossible. Maybe things will change one day. In the meantime, I’m basking in the delight of this achievement. Everything else will fall into place when it’s ready.’
‘I admire your faith.’
‘If I let the fact that I’m a woman get in my way, then all this would have been for nothing. Don’t get me wrong, I originally set out to see if I could do it and now that I have, I’m hoping to take it further and make it my job.’
Louis put his arm around her and gave a friendly squeeze. ‘I’m so proud of you, Bug.’
A lump formed in her throat and she subtly got out from under his embrace. ‘Thanks.’
They walked along the river then headed towards Louis’s house.
‘Want to come in for a beer?’ he asked.
‘Sure.’
They arrived at his place and made their way into the kitchen. Louis sat next to her at the table and handed her a glass of the amber liquid.
‘Cheers to us.’ He held his glass high.
‘Cheers.’ She took a sip, enjoying the frothy cold drink. ‘What’s the beer in London like?’
‘Warm.’
‘Really? I thought that was a myth.’
‘Not at the places I’ve been to. You really need to go to London. You’d love it. I can just see you in Hyde Park, sitting under a leafy tree, sketching away.’
‘I haven’t sketched for a long time.’
‘Why not?’
‘I’ve been busy with other things.’
‘Like?’
‘Work. Studying. You know all this,’ she said. ‘Tell me if the pyramids are as good as people say.’
‘Better,’ he smiled. ‘Egypt is busy and noisy and dusty. The smells of the spices and sounds of the call to prayer are so very different to what I’ve known and I love it. Then there’s the pyramids and hieroglyphs … it’s like stepping into another world. It’s paradise.’
She loved hearing about his travels and a small ball of envy grew. Would she ever get a chance to explore the world like Louis? ‘What about London?’
‘It’s heartbreaking to see the destruction but heartwarming at the same time when you see how everyone has pulled together to rebuild the city. London is a living history book. So is Cairo.’ He leaned back and put his hands behind his head. ‘One day I will take you on an adventure.’
‘Thanks, but I’m not a wealthy countess.’
‘We’ll figure it out—somehow.’
They fell into silence and Ellie finished her beer. She put the glass down and said, ‘I got my tea leaves read.’
‘And?’
‘Do you believe in it?’ she asked.
He shrugged. ‘I’ve never had them done but each to their own. From a logical perspective it’s impossible to predict someone’s future, but my Aunt Dot reads them and she’s one hundred per cent righ
t—all the time.’
‘Surely she can’t be right every single time.’
‘She is. You’d be surprised. So, what did this tea-leaf reader tell you?’
Ellie tried to remember the exact words the reader had used. She mentioned everything except Cassandra and the secrets Ellie held close. She looked at him expectantly. ‘What do you think?’
‘Interesting.’
‘That’s it?’ she asked.
‘It’s interesting that Harry has come up again after all this time. How do you feel about that?’
‘I thought I was over him, but I guess I’m not. If I knew why then maybe I could move past it all.’
Louis concentrated on flipping the coaster on the table. The constant thwack-thwack irritated her. She put her hand on his to stop.
‘What’s up?’ she asked.
He closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again, they appeared clearer, more intense. Louis reached out and gently pushed a stray lock of hair from her face.
‘You’re beautiful.’ His voice was barely above a whisper.
‘Louis …’
‘Being away from you has made me realise many things. The main one being that having you in my life is all I really need.’
The room closed in on her.
‘Ellie,’ he said quietly, ‘we’ve both been hurt. You’ve seen me at my worst, and you’ve stuck by me.’
‘Of course I have. You’re my best friend. You—’ He put his finger on her mouth.
‘Please, let me finish.’ Louis breathed in slowly. ‘I think deep down I’ve always loved you, Ellie O’Sullivan.’
‘I … I don’t know what to say.’ This was all so unexpected. Had she missed something? Had others seen it? Had Maude?
‘You don’t have to say anything.’ He moved ever so slightly towards her, his eyes questioning.
‘Louis,’ she breathed.
When his lips met hers, the stars aligned and the heavens shone. She closed her eyes, losing herself to the moment, trying to quiet the voices in her head.
This could destroy their friendship.
Yet it felt so right. So perfect.
When Louis moved back, a piece of her broke away.
‘I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time,’ he said.
‘You have?’
‘Haven’t you?’
Had her subconscious known? What about her heart?
His shoulders slumped, his frown deep.
‘Louis.’ She reached for his hand, but he moved it away. ‘It’s not that I didn’t love this moment, it’s just taken me by surprise. You’ve always been Louis to me.’
‘What does that mean?’
‘Louis, who was my brother’s best friend. Louis, who became my best friend over time. Louis, who I care for deeply and want only the best for him.’
‘Not Louis, the man I could love?’
She drew her lips together, unsure how to answer. In the deep recesses of her mind, had she ever thought of Louis as more than a friend?
Ellie stared out the window. The evening was now blanketed in darkness.
The sound of rustling papers brought her attention back to him. He pulled an envelope from the pile. ‘This is for you.’
His chair scraped against the floor and he went out the back door and stood in the yard. She stared at the handwriting on the envelope.
To Ellie.
Her hands shook. No. It couldn’t be.
But there was no mistaking it.
She ripped it open and pulled out the letter then lay it flat on the table, trying to see through the tears.
23rd May 1948
Dear Ellie,
You must think I am the world’s biggest coward. You would be right. I should never have ended things the way I did and now, when I think of you waiting at the air base with all the other women being reunited with their loved ones, I am riddled by guilt from the hurt and confusion it would have caused you.
There is no acceptable reason for doing what I did. At the time I was scared and suffering from all I had witnessed in Europe. I can’t begin to tell you how traumatic it was. All the innocent lives lost and the hatred that ate away at people. There are many still clinging to that hate now and it’s heartbreaking how people are torn apart.
I was one of them. I despised the world. I’ve tried taking solace in booze but it only made me angrier and more violent. I was not a good person. I did terrible things that I can never admit. I am full of shame that I will never shed, and I shouldn’t, because I deserve to suffer the consequences of my actions.
I truly regret how I treated you. I didn’t want you to think less of me and somehow I thought it was better not to contact you because I didn’t want you to see the person I had become. I now realise that was weak and incredibly stupid and what I did has caused you a lot of pain.
I am sorry.
I did receive your letters. I just couldn’t answer them. I didn’t know how. Then Louis showed up at my sister’s house today and we had it out. I regret hitting him and he was right to punch me. I should have received more of a beating. He’s a much better man than I will ever be.
Ellie, I owe you so much more than this but I know I can never make it up to you. I am not asking forgiveness, I don’t deserve that. I am not writing this letter in the hope you will think better of me. I am writing to face up to what I did and try to offer an explanation. My biggest regret is not being honest with you and making you suffer. You deserve all the happiness in the world and I hope and pray you will get everything you dreamed of.
Farewell, beautiful Ellie.
Harry
Ellie stared at Harry’s heartfelt words.
She’d waited so long for an explanation and here it was in black and white. The hurt she’d clung to for too long dissipated as she read his letter once more. Sadness and guilt now coursed through her. She’d witnessed his decline in his letters and had tried to keep his spirits up and support him, but how could she have ever known the depth of his misery if he didn’t tell her everything? Empathy replaced her heartache. She couldn’t be angry when Harry had suffered so much for his country. For her.
The back door creaked open and Louis stepped inside the kitchen. His eyes didn’t meet hers.
Her shoulders tensed, her heart hurt. ‘You’ve been back two days, yet you waited until now to give his letter to me.’
‘I had every intention of handing it over.’
‘When?’
Louis looked around the kitchen. Bowed his head. Shoved his hands in his pockets. ‘I don’t know.’
‘After you sweet-talked me? Kissed me? Or … what?’
‘I wouldn’t have gone to the effort of tracking him down if I didn’t plan on giving you the letter.’
‘Are you sure you didn’t find him just so you could punch him in the face?’
‘I swear that’s not the reason. I should never have taken my anger out on him but he was just so cold when I first saw him. He wouldn’t take responsibility for what he did. It was like he hadn’t given you a second thought. He was so angry with the world. Although, he was drunk at the time and his sister begged me to come back after he’d slept it off. When I next saw him, he was a different man. He’s broken, Ellie. I don’t think he’ll ever put the pieces back together. He’s trying, though, and that’s when he gave me the letter.’
Tears welled in Ellie’s eyes and she didn’t try to hold them back.
‘Bug, I’m sorry. I didn’t handle this well. When I saw you this afternoon and you were so happy about getting your licence, I didn’t want to burst your bubble.’
‘And you think kissing me made things easier? All you’ve done is make it … us … more complicated.’
‘I …’ He looked to the heavens, as if begging for the right words. ‘I didn’t plan that. It just happened.’
Ellie was too stunned to make head or tail of what had just transpired with Louis. She needed to buy time to think it through, weigh things up. Quietly, she aske
d, ‘Do you know what he wrote?’
‘Not really,’ said Louis, appearing relieved the subject had changed. ‘He promised it would answer all your questions.’
‘Hmm.’ All Harry’s letter had done was expose the hurt she’d taken great pains to bury.
Louis ran his hand through his hair. ‘He’s not in a good way. He sleeps on his sister’s couch, he hasn’t got a job. He’s aimless.’
‘I thought I’d been there for him, helping when I could see he wasn’t coping. What could I have done differently?’ Ellie rested her elbows on the table and put her head in her hands.
‘There’s nothing you could’ve done. This was his way of dealing with what he’s been through. Ellie,’ Louis used his no-nonsense tone, ‘he cut you out of his life. He did the same with his sister. It’s only recently that he’s been in contact with her again. She’s got him some help but it will take time. A lot of time.’
‘But his letter seemed so … rational. Like he had it all worked out.’
‘His sister said he has moments when he’s able to articulate his feelings. Then something happens and he retreats into himself and the booze once more.’ Louis shook his head. ‘The war continues to collect victims.’
‘Too many.’
Silence wrapped around them.
Louis concentrated on the table. ‘I’m sorry it took so long to give you the letter. I was worried about what it might do to you. I couldn’t bear to see you break into a million pieces all over again.’
‘They’re my emotions, Louis. You’re not responsible for how I react. Besides, that letter was for me and you agreed to hand it over.’
‘I was trying to protect you.’
‘I don’t need protecting.’
‘I can see that.’ He lowered his head and said quietly, ‘Your brother once asked me to look out for you if anything should happen.’
‘He did?’ Her guard fell but she quickly gathered it up.
‘I don’t know whether he had an inkling he wouldn’t return or if it was just him being his usual self and worrying about others, but he made me promise to stand in as protector if he wasn’t around.’
‘Is that why you’ve been friends with me? Because of an obligation?’
Louis’s eyes widened. ‘No, no. Not at all.’ He took a deep breath. ‘Initially I checked in on you because of my promise to Robert. After all, you were his little sister and we didn’t have a lot in common apart from your brother.’ He paused, took a deep breath. ‘But what I’ve discovered is a woman who is beautiful, intriguing and intelligent. A woman who I want to be with—forever.’
The Codebreakers Page 31
