He looked at me. “Do it. If you’re going to end me, just get it done because I can’t raise a hand to you. Ever.”
Oh. Damn it. I gritted my teeth and looked for the strength I’d carried with me for months, the sheer force of will wanting to end Icahn hours earlier. Where had it fled? Why couldn’t I find it now?
I screamed, raising my eyes to the heavens. What the hell had happened? Where had my purpose gone?
Jason stood up, his voice gentle. “Rachel….”
I interrupted him. “Get out of here. Go. I hate you and I don’t ever want to see you again for as long as I live. If I come across you changed into your lunatic self, I’ll slay you.” I had to believe I could do it. “Take care of your father if you have to, just stay out of my way.”
“You have to know I wish things were different. We’re meant to be together.”
I shook my head. “There is no ‘meant to be’ in this world. The time for fairy tales has long passed.” If there ever really was such a time…. Certainly, I’d never experienced it.
“Not true.”
I turned my back on him, the ultimate dismissal to a Werewolf. Not only had I just exposed myself, giving him the chance to hurt me if he so desired, but by deliberately opening myself up to injury, I’d told him without words I didn’t think him capable of causing me pain. I’d also let the human part of Jason know I’d finished with our conversation.
He growled before I heard him tromp off into the woods.
I counted to thirty before I let out the shudder overtake my body. Wow. When I had I gotten to be so pathetic? All my grand plans, all the time I had spent in Redemption deciding how things would go, how I would finally rid myself—and the world—of the Jason and his Wolf pack. When it had finally come time to do what I’d decided on doing, I couldn’t manage it.
“Maybe you should start explaining things now.”
I jumped up to my feet, ready to lunge at whoever had spoken to me until my brain finally registered whose voice I heard. Deacon.
And standing next to him—why was I surprised? —Chad, Micah, and Tia.
They’d not let me go see Jason on my own, just hung back to see what I planned on doing. I sighed, wiping one of my ridiculous tears off my cheek.
“Guess I should have known.”
Tia stretched her arms over her head. “I told them we really should wait for you but you know men, they always think they know best.”
Chad shook his head. “You could have waited, little sister. We could have come and gotten you if you really wanted to leave Rachel alone.”
“Like I’m going to stay out here by myself with all the Vampires and Werewolves running around.” Tia’s tone spoke volumes. Some things might change, others never would. She had no business managing monsters.
“You want answers.” I nodded. I could understand. If our situations were reversed, I’d never stop hounding them until they told me.
Deacon glared at me in the darkness, the moon lighting up his strong features. He’d aged in six months, looking less like the teenager I’d rescued and more like the man I guessed he’d become soon.
We all seemed older. I’d been so certain I knew the future when I’d turned sixteen. Mostly it involved me dying at the hands of a monster my first night out.
Now? I knew there weren’t too many villainous creatures out there I couldn’t destroy. It was everything else in the world that terrified me.
“So, my name is Rachel Clancy.”
I waited a bit for my piece of information to sink in. They didn’t know me with my last name. They did know my parents.
Chad spoke first. “Like Harold and Kate.”
Deacon interrupted. “Bullshit. The Clancys don’t have any children or family. Everyone knows they’re childless.”
“Let her finish.” Tia shoved at Deacon’s arm. He didn’t budge, but her point had been made. She believed me. I couldn’t blame her. She either accepted what I said as truth, or she accepted she’d lost her marbles.
I considered myself lucky Tia Lyons hadn’t taken the brain altering as well as everyone else had.
“They do have a daughter. They just can’t remember her. Me.” I steeled myself for what had to be said next. “Like they can’t remember my mother, Kate, had actually been dead for sixteen years. Or you were also dead, Chad.”
Silence met my declaration. I couldn’t have said another word in the moment even if I’d wanted to. My throat had clogged up and all I could manage to handle involved breathing in and out in slow, deep breaths to avoid falling on the ground from hyperventilating.
“No—”
Whatever Micah would have said ended when Chad spoke over him. “Tell me how it can be.”
Considering I’d just confirmed the horrible news he’d gotten when he’d overheard me with Icahn earlier in the night, he’d taken my statement rather calmly. I’d be screaming at the top of my lungs in denial.
I opened my mouth and the words flew out, piece by piece of the last year, of everything that had happened. I told them how I had believed I’d been born thirty years after the world ended. I explained I’d only recently retained memories from the before time, the proof I’d been a child of the world before the Vampires.
I held nothing back. My feelings for Micah had waned when Jason had come back into my life. Jason’s betrayal, not the first time he’d done so, and how his actions had led me to Chad. The problems between Deacon and Chad, all my fault, and how I had lost my mind after Chad had died.
The revolution I’d tried to lead, to free people, to bring down Icahn and the Vampires. The disastrous way it had ended. When I mentioned how Tia had turned us in, she flinched. I couldn’t—wouldn’t—hold old mistakes against her but I needed her to know everything.
Finally, I confessed my part in the erasing of everyone’s memories. How I’d needed to give Icahn what he wanted in order to have what I desired—the end of this whole mess. So I’d sequestered myself from their lives, taken my existence from their memories.
When I finished talking, I shoved my shaking hands in my pockets. The night had turned cool even though the sweat on my back made it seem like we lived in scorching-hot weather.
Four sets of eyes stared at me in the darkness. No one spoke. My mind felt foggy and I still didn’t know if I could take a deep breath.
“Look, I don’t expect you to understand what I did. Or why I did it. But you’re here, Chad, and it’s s a really good thing. So, um, let’s just leave it. I just let Jason leave unharmed. I need to get to Redemption and do at least part of what I promised myself I’d do.”
One way or another, I’d destroy Icahn’s plans. He couldn’t keep cloning himself, fixing things up the way he wanted them to recreate life as he saw fit. There had to be an end to it. I needed to make sure he got one.
“Why would you do that?” Tia shrieked. The old Tia would be more annoyed her reprogramming hadn’t worked. She never liked to be different or out of the loop. “Why take our memories away? It doesn’t make any sense to me.”
“I’m sorry you’ve suffered.” I really did feel horrendous about her situation. The thought she’d spent most of the year not sure she could trust her own mind made my skin break out in pinpricks. “But I couldn’t do what I had to do and have you all with me. I knew it would—well, I knew it would it end up just like this. Me standing here having to explain myself, having to tell all of you what I intended to do. One of you managing to stop me from undertaking what needed to be done.”
“Let me get this straight.” Micah had moved into a defensive stance, with his legs far apart and his arms raised like he might be attack. I looked around. Whom did he expect to assault him? Me? “You did this so we couldn’t tell you going in after Dr. Icahn willy-nilly might be the stupidest thing in the world? You gave us all brain damage so you wouldn’t have to consult with your friends?”
“I suppose you’ve got the general idea.” And I really didn’t care what they thought of it. They hadn�
�t faced the decision; they hadn’t needed to live with it.
“Liar.” Deacon shook his head.
“Excuse me?” Micah might have been braced for an assault but I actually wanted to go after Deacon. The smug look on his face made me want to whack him. Hard.
“You didn’t do it so you could go off on your own with no ramifications. You did this so you could bring him,” he pointed at Chad, “and your mother back from the grave without anyone noticing.”
I opened and closed my mouth. Really, I had nothing to say to Deacon’s comment.
“You decided for all of us it was better to have Chad Lyons and your mother in the world than letting the rest of us live our lives with our minds intact.”
“Do you feel damaged?” I jolted forward, grabbing a rock from the ground next to me. In two seconds, I’d thrown it at Deacon’s head. He darted to the right avoiding getting hit. “Does your brain feel hurt?”
“No.” Deacon charged forward, grabbing me by the shoulders. “But I bet Tia’s does.”
“I know.” I gulped. “And I feel terrible about it. I didn’t know it could happen, and I don’t know why Icahn didn’t fix it when clearly he could have.”
“Well, it might be because he’s clearly a psychopathic lunatic. Maybe he got off on it.”
“Your expression you just used, ‘got off on it,’ you’d never have used it before because you didn’t grow up like the rest of us did. You were underground, waiting to be eaten by Vampires. You didn’t know our expressions before they changed you.”
“Yeah?” Deacon let me go. “Weird.”
“Particularly for me since I’m the only one who remembers you.”
I felt tired, like the cells making up my body couldn’t perform any more tasks. There didn’t seem to be any more to say so I sat down next to the fire Jason had used earlier. At least I’d be warm until dawn. There would be plenty of time to figure out how to storm Icahn’s castle in the morning. I hoped.
Deacon sat down next to me, which surprised me. I almost scooted over but Chad had taken my other side before I could do so. In the old days, I would have assumed they were both trying to get my attention romantically. Now? They were probably flanking me to make sure I didn’t get away.
Either way, having the close contact of people I actually cared for heated up a place inside of me, a place frozen for months.
“I’m going to take Tia home.” I couldn’t read Micah’s expression. He’d hidden off his thoughts. Or maybe I didn’t have the energy required to focus on other people’s inner musings. My own sounded…tired.
“I don’t want to go home.” Tia hissed. “I’m a part of this, and as it turns out, I’m not nuts so I get to stay where I want to stay when I want to stay there.”
Her words barely made sense. I drummed my hands on my knees. “Tia….”
She pointed at me. “You should be on my side.”
“I would be if I didn’t know you freak out whenever you see a Vampire.”
Micah laughed, a low snicker. “She really does freak out. Even when she thinks one might be coming and it turns out it’s just a false alarm.”
Tia elbowed him. “Not all of us are built to be big, dumb monster-killers.”
I liked to see some of her spunk coming back even as I rolled my eyes at her statement. Just like Tia to insult every person in the area without even being aware she’d done it.
“Listen, I’m more than happy to have you come. Hell, who am I to tell any of you where you should or should not go? But there are going to be a ton of Vamps there. Redemption is where Chad died.”
My announcement killed whatever lightness I’d felt moments earlier. Chad shifted next to me, like his place on the ground had suddenly become really uncomfortable.
“Strange to hear that.” Chad stared off into the fire. “If Chad died there, then who the hell am I?” He tugged at his coat. “Some clone. Something against nature.”
I shoved at his shoulder. “Don’t use those words. You should be here. You are Chad. You have all his memories, all his thoughts. You’re Chad.”
Deacon coughed into his hand. “It’s cold tonight.”
“Are you getting sick?” Chad snickered. “Because you know if you die, we’ll just bring you right back. You can be Deacon part two.”
Deacon nodded. “Could I be scarless? I mean if they regrew my body, would I have to keep all the dents and dings I’d really rather not have?”
Micah kicked a log. “What’s the matter, Evans? Not pretty enough?”
“You know I’ve always wanted to be as handsome as you Lyons boys. All the girls swoon over you.”
They all laughed, even Tia, whom I hadn’t seen amused in years. The wind pushed at the fire, blowing it first right, then left, leaving black smoke in its wake. I watched the vapor travel upward until it disappeared into the darkness of the night.
“Come on, Tia.” I dropped my gaze to where Micah held his hand out to his sister. “You need to go home and I need to think.”
She didn’t argue this time. Maybe she’d had time to contemplate the Vampires we’d encounter and how she would handle it. I shook my head. Who knew with Tia? She usually had some kind of agenda I didn’t see coming until it smacked me in the face.
I’d wanted to be her, to be part of the Lyons family for so long, it had defined every move I made. Deacon had shown me I needed to be me or I’d disappear into nothingness, like the black smoke I had watched moments earlier.
“You should go with them.” I glanced between Chad and Deacon. “I know what I have to do now. I don’t need any help getting it done.”
“Nope.” Deacon leaned back, laying his head against the ground. “Wherever you’re going, I’m coming with you. I need to see this mess for myself.”
“I have too many questions to leave.” Chad didn’t lie back, didn’t relax.
I wasn’t surprised. If someone had announced I’d once been dead, I wouldn’t exactly feel like going to sleep, either. Besides, I knew Deacon’s so-called easy posture happened to be nothing more than an act. If I did anything threatening, he’d be up in two seconds attacking me.
The fire crackled, and I got up to put some more wood in it.
“So the Werewolf you were fighting with.” Chad stood up and moved next to me. “He’s your boyfriend?”
None of them had asked me about Jason. “Not for a long time. He hurt me. It turned out to really be a misunderstanding. Even so, I never really got over it. And if you want to go back further then, he’s pretty much been lying to me since the moment we met.”
“Was I your boyfriend, Rachel?”
“You were.” Chad’s eyes widened at my remark. I swallowed and continued. “God, Chad I loved you so much. I never knew just how powerfully until you were dead.”
Chapter Eleven
Then
I’d finally fallen asleep. It had been virtually impossible to since I’d broken up with Jason. Well, I hadn’t actually gotten to do it since he hadn’t accepted my declaration on the phone.
“Rachel, you awake?” I groaned and opened my eyes. My father stared down at me, a concerned worry line between his two eyes marring his usually jovial face. Also, the shiner Jason had given him the night before looked like it hurt. I winced as I stared up at him.
“I guess so.”
He nodded. “Good. Because you’re seriously late for school and I’m not even sure if I’m going to let you go. But I need you to get up so I can talk about Jason and what happened last night.”
I groaned and covered my head with the pillow. I didn’t need any reminding. I’d never forget it for as long as I lived.
“Where’s Mom?” She’d be so much more reasonable about this, considering she hadn’t been whacked in the head by my deranged soon-to-be ex-boyfriend.
“Work.”
I glanced at the clock. Yep, she’d have left hours earlier. My bedside alarm claimed it was after ten in the morning. Wow, Dad had really let me sleep. He’d also skipped
work himself.
“Do we have to do this now?”
“Yes. Get dressed. Come downstairs.”
I consented and laid still as I listened to the sounds of his feet while he traveled down the hall. I’d read somewhere, maybe in a magazine or something, how babies could tell the sounds of their parents’ footsteps from other people’s, even when they were newborns. Dad kind of thunk-thunked and Mom always hurried along like the world might end at any moment.
I threw the covers off my bed, letting them hit the floor. My cell phone dinged, telling me I had a message, and I picked it up to read the words. There were two words written there, sent around three in the morning. I’d slept through it. Jason had sent the text. It read, I’m sorry.
“Yeah.” I spoke to the text before I dropped it on the bed. “Go get a therapist and maybe we’ll talk.” Finally, I raised my voice to scream at the phone itself. “Who hits a person’s father?”
“Rachel,” my dad called up the stairs. I could hear impatience resonating in his every syllable.
“Guess I have to take my punishment, Jace.” I knew the phone couldn’t answer me but it would have to serve as my replacement Jason, since I knew I’d never get to see him again. “Since you couldn’t act like a normal guy.”
I stomped down the stairs and through the living room into the kitchen. Every day, I did a quick scan to see if anything had changed in my house. Today, I didn’t see any new touches. My mother liked to redecorate, I think particularly because she was able to do so much of the work herself. My poor dad couldn’t hit a nail with a hammer, but Mom could redo the whole house herself if she had the time. She’d repainted the kitchen at least four times. The current color scheme was yellow wallpaper with small pink roses adding to the design.
Three stools lined up against the kitchen bar, and I saw Dad had placed some cooked waffles and bacon at my place. He loved to cook and was good at it.
With a flick of his wrist, he pointed to the chair across from the plate. “Sit.”
“Should I bother to eat, or are you going to make me choke on my food?”
The Warrior Page 68
