by Mia Kayla
Instead of taking Josh’s hand, he turned and went toward the back of the arena. “Let’s get inside before it gets crazy,” he said in his monotone voice.
Josh scanned the area. “And this isn’t crazy?” His eyes darted to the thousands entering the stadium, mostly women squealing as they tugged at each other’s hands.
I pulled at the edge of his shirt and nodded for him to follow Tilton through the doors.
Once inside the private entrance, the chaos of the crowd dimmed.
“So, how are you, Tilton? How’s it been on tour?”
“Good.”
“Is Hawke doing okay? I was actually surprised to hear from him.”
“He’s well.” Tilton had never been one for words. Sometimes, he would stay mute. At least today he was talking. Maybe he was warming up to me.
Josh laughed silently beside me, and I shot him a look. A shut-up-if-you-want-to-live look. It was good that Tilton couldn’t see because I didn’t think I could protect my friend from his almost three hundred pounds of lean muscle.
When we turned the corner, I took in a whole new level of chaos even though it seemed to be organized chaos. Everyone backstage had special badges around their necks. People were in every corner, moving like ants with a mission on an ant farm. No one was staying idle. Some were carrying boxes or clipboards; others were speaking frantically into their headphones.
My fingers fell to my parted lips when I saw a familiar face out of the corner of my eye. “Holy heck…is that Taylor Swift?” I almost lost my footing mid step. “Channing Tatum…”
Josh was unfazed as he reached for my elbow to steady me. It seemed like we were losing Tilton in my starstruck-ogling stage.
“Let’s go, Princess. We’re losing ground.”
I guessed he wasn’t the starstruck type.
I scurried forward, keeping my eyes on our target, the mean, lean bodyguard machine in a suit.
When he turned a corner, we followed him into a set of dressing rooms.
I chewed on the inside of my cheek, any semblance of control now slipping away, when Tilton opened the door that clearly said Def Deception.
When I stepped in, everyone’s eyes flew to us. Everyone’s, except for Hawke’s. His stare—an arctic-cold death glare—was on Josh.
I inhaled deeply, wondering what was going to happen next. I hadn’t thought this far. I had anticipated some sort of greeting, a kiss, a hi, or something, anything, but silence.
I saw pure murder in Hawke’s eyes. Eyes that blazed with fire.
He was wearing his signature fitted torn jeans and a tight black tee, the sleeves rolled up at his shoulders. His tats adorned both arms.
I had to ignore that as a slew of emotions tore through me. My nerves were a jumbled mess. I knew I’d missed him, but for some reason, it felt like I was meeting a stranger. We were at level zero.
At first, I didn’t know what to do. And I wasn’t his, so I didn’t need to explain why Josh was here. But why did I feel like I was cheating on Hawke somehow?
I released a deep breath when Cofi stood, breaking the tension. His smile was so big, I swore, I saw his molars.
“Sunshine!” He rushed toward me, reached for my waist, picked me up, and swung me around like a rag doll. “You’re in trouble. It’s pretty brave of you to bring another guy here,” he whispered in my ear before letting me go.
He extended his hand toward Josh. “Hey, man. I’m Cofi.”
“Hey,” Josh said warmly, taking his hand.
I appreciated Cofi’s friendly gesture.
My eyes flickered between Josh and Hawke’s staring contest, and every muscle in my body tensed.
Josh stepped forward, the first to break the silence. “Hey, I’m Josh.”
If I’d thought Hawke would be as friendly as Cofi, I was wrong.
Hawke’s glare didn’t change, didn’t move, and didn’t waver. He tipped back his head in his typical greeting, but he didn’t say a word.
I cringed, hating the awkwardness in the room, hating that I’d brought Josh into this situation, hating that I hadn’t even thought this through.
Even the band members could feel the strain because their eyes ping-ponged between Hawke, Josh, and me. No one uttered a word, which was so unlike the usual preconcert rowdiness.
Josh cleared his throat. “You know what? I’m going to get going.” He reached for my hand and turned me to face him.
In a hushed voice, I asked, “I thought you wanted to watch the concert?”
“Yeah, that.” He shrugged. “I realized, I’m not really into rock. I’m more of an R and B and rap kinda guy.” He winked and then gave my hand a squeeze.
There was negative chatter in the air, but either Josh ignored it or didn’t care.
He tilted his head toward the door. Let’s go, he mouthed. “We can still get out of here. Last chance.” He raised an eyebrow, his gaze questioning. “I know this awesome place for dessert.” His smile seemed hopeful, but one look from me, and he knew I wasn’t going to go anywhere.
He blew out an audible breath and then pulled me to the side, blocking everyone’s view. “All right, so I’ll just get going. I’ll catch you later, Princess.”
“Are you sure?” I angled toward him. “I want you to stay.” Because I honestly did.
Josh provided a comfort that I craved, and I wanted him to enjoy the show. I could never have guessed Hawke’s reaction to Josh. I hadn’t expected him to be so cold, so rude, so brazen.
“No, it’s cool. I’ll just see you later.” He went in for a hug, and I wrapped my arms around his waist. Then, he pulled back and gave me a sad smile that made my heart physically ache. “I’ll catch you after the show.”
Just when I thought he was about to turn toward the door, he seemed to think better of it. There was a fervor in his eyes that I’d never seen before, as though he were thinking something through in his head. His eyebrows pulled together, and just when I thought he was going to pull away, he did the opposite. He bent down and kissed me, hard, without hesitation, never breaking our connection, knowing full well that everyone was watching, that the band was watching, that Hawke was watching. My heart raced, and my belly filled with such warmth from his familiar lips.
My hands moved up from his waist to push at his chest, but he wouldn’t budge. He placed his hand at the back of my neck and kept me in place for everyone to see.
Right before I was about to bite his lower lip to get him to release me, he backed away. “All right, bye.” He smiled like this was normal between us, as though his kiss were like a high-five departure and not a bucket of gasoline being thrown onto a smoldering flame.
He threw Hawke a conniving little smile, and then he nodded to the guys and sauntered out the door. Josh played hard ball. No doubt.
And, when I turned, everyone’s attention was on me. My ears burned. My palms sweated. My pulse skyrocketed.
Hawke’s eyes held pure jealousy, his jaw tight and his fists clenched.
A moment later, he stood and stalked toward me in his sleek, predatory way. Heaven forbid, he walk at a normal speed. Even if the President were standing before him, I doubted that he’d hurry.
He stepped into me and held my chin in a possessive manner, and I breathed him in—his musky cologne and one hundred percent male scent.
“Everyone, out,” he barked.
“We don’t have time,” someone muttered.
“We’re not leaving, so you can get some action.”
I recognized Cofi’s voice, but my eyes were strictly on Hawke.
His free hand dropped to my arm, pulling me into him, his grip greedy. There were questions in his eyes that I knew I’d be answering soon.
“Now.” His voice was quiet yet firm. He meant business.
When everyone left, his hands dropped to my waist. Our breaths mingled into one. Lust, want, and greed could be read in the piercing green eyes staring down at me.
“Sunshine…” That one word made my whole body ting
le. “Who was that?”
“Are you jealous?” My lips parted at his proximity, my pulse ticking up in tempo. I was baiting him, but God, did it turn me on.
“Yes.” All honesty with no hesitation. “Who, Sunshine?” He bit my chin and pressed my body flush against his, his hands gripping my ass and pushing me against his hardness. “Are you trying to make me jealous?” he growled. “Because it’s working.”
He peppered kisses along my jawline, causing my breathing to hitch
“No.” One word flew out of my mouth because I doubted my ability to form a complete sentence when his hands were on me.
“Who is he?”
“A friend.”
He nipped at my neck. “Try again.”
“A friend who feels more for me than I do for him.”
It was the truth. It hurt to say it out loud. Josh did feel for me, and if I were to describe my own feelings for him in one word, it would be ambivalent.
Hawke lifted my legs and wrapped them around his waist. Our lips collided, and he dropped me onto the couch. My head bounced against the cushions, and I sucked in a breath, staring into his green irises.
With one hand, he lifted the back of his shirt over his head and flung it across the room. “Who am I to you?”
“Someone who feels for me but less than I feel for him.”
“Not true.” The intensity in his eyes stilled me. He pressed into me, his chest against mine, his fingers threading through my hair, his thighs trapping me underneath him. “Let me show you how much you mean to me.” Kisses covered my neck, and teeth nipped lightly at my breast through my shirt.
I let out a shaky breath.
And, just when I’d thought I was in control of the situation because it was my choice to jump on the wild side, to live out of my comfort zone, I realized I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Because when his hand undid the button of my jeans, I lifted my bottom. When he slipped my panties off, I didn’t protest. When he entered me hard and fast, I didn’t deny him.
And that was when I knew that the control I’d thought I had was slipping to where I couldn’t see myself anymore. All I knew was that I was falling deep, losing myself in all that was Hawke Calvin.
Chapter 17
When you were with someone you enjoyed and you knew that you only had a limited amount of time together, hours seemed like minutes, and minutes seemed like seconds.
I blinked, and the concert was over.
Hawke’s arm snaked around my neck when we entered their penthouse suite at The Palmer House Hilton. I held the bag of McDonald’s nuggets, the scent of grease filling my nostrils, as it swung against my hip. Getting McDonald’s seemed to be our after-concert tradition, one that I looked forward to.
The music rang loudly in my ears, the bass bumping against my skin. The rest of the band, friends, and groupies were already situated in the massive space—all over the couch, half-leaning on the counters, and spanning every inch of the immense room. The party was in full swing as everyone held a drink in their hand.
A pool table sat in the middle of the room. AJ and Carl were playing a round of pool with other people I didn’t recognize.
“Sunshine. Hawke!” someone called in greeting.
Hawke saluted them with his free hand as he dragged me down the hall.
We passed the group of girls sitting on Cofi’s lap. “Where are you going, Hawkeye?”
Hawke ignored him and continued to usher me behind him.
I heard one of the girls mutter, “He’s such an ass when Sunshine is around.”
I didn’t miss her sarcastic tone either when she said Hawke’s nickname for me.
Clearly, he didn’t care. Hawke closed the door behind him and took the food from my hand, dropping the bag on the center table in front of the TV. The food was forgotten and abandoned. The city skyline was our backdrop, beautiful and clear, while the lights of the skyscrapers lit up the night sky.
He took my face in his hands, framing my cheeks. “I’ve missed you, Sunshine.” His lips encompassed mine, sparking a fire in my belly, as he walked us backward to his bed.
“I’m pretty sure we were just reacquainted in your dressing room.”
I felt his smile against my lips while his fingertips dug into my waist.
“That was a quick hello.”
The warmth of his tongue against the crook of my neck set my body aflame.
“This will be the slow”—his hands caressed my ass, pressing me against his erection—“and forever-lasting greeting.”
Boom, boom, boom.
The loud pounding at the door made me jump.
Hawke stilled, his eyes hard on the door. “What the fuck do you want, Cofi?”
“It’s not Cofi. It’s Alan.”
He let out an exaggerated sigh. The veins in his forearms pushed to the surface as he squeezed my ass. “One second.” He placed one chaste kiss on my lips before he charged to the door and pulled it open.
“We need to talk, man.” Def Deception’s manager walked in with his usual cocky swagger. When he saw me, his lips pressed together, and his eyes narrowed, never breaking eye contact with me. “Alone.”
I sat up straighter on the bed and stared him down. I had done nothing wrong.
Hawke exhaled heavily. “What is it now?”
“Why is it that you’re always in a bad mood when she’s in the room?” He tipped his head in my direction.
Hawke stepped in his line of sight, blocking Alan’s view of me. “Because you’re always butting into the little time we have together.”
The little things he said in other people’s vicinity only justified the reason I was continuing to fall for him. I crossed my arms and smirked for Alan’s benefit.
Alan pinned me with his eyes. “You might not want an audience for this.”
“I don’t fucking care.” Hawke’s voice was void of emotion. “Spill it, or leave. Whatever you have to say can be said in front of Sunshine.”
Alan cleared his throat. “Starx Magazine called me today.”
Hawke threw up his hands. “What the hell does my mother want now? We fucking paid her enough to buy us another five years. Damn it!”
“It’s not your mother this time. It’s another girl.”
Alan’s eyes flickered toward mine, and my stomach clenched into a knot.
Another girl?
My arms wrapped around my center. I wanted to stick my fingers in my ears, so I wouldn’t have to hear what Alan had to say next because, in my gut, I knew it wouldn’t be good.
“So the fuck what?” He ran one hand threw his dirty-blond locks. “What are the allegations now? Rape? I hit her?”
Alan’s lips pursed as he turned an eye my way, and then he said, “She’s pregnant.”
I blew out a breath like I’d just been punched in the gut, and the knot in my stomach tightened. It took a few seconds to get air back into my lungs.
Hawke jabbed his finger in Alan’s direction. “That’s some bullshit right there ’cause I’ve never fucked any girl without a condom, besides Sunshine over there.”
Alan reeled back. “You’re not supposed to be screwing anybody without a condom, regardless of who it is!”
Hawke laughed. “You don’t know how it feels to be inside her.”
I cringed, wishing I could disappear, not enjoying the fact that my sex life was out for open discussion and hating hearing the details of another woman he’d been with. I wasn’t surprised, but it still hurt to hear it.
“Alan, that girl is lying. Print it. I’ll take a paternity test. It’s not mine.”
“You don’t remember a Jenelle Fabson?”
“Really? The only name I remember is mine because that’s all they scream.” He threw his hands up. “You know these women. You know they’re only after their two seconds of fame and quick money that some magazine is going to give them.”
“Think long and hard, Hawke. You’ve always used protection, even when you’ve been as high as
a kite?”
My eyes scanned Hawke’s face, but I couldn’t read his eyes. His focus was on Alan.
I clenched my jaw and watched for Hawke’s reaction.
Samantha, what are you doing here?
Pregnant woman? High as a kite?
Those words rang loudly in my ears over and over again, like a skipping record. My heart and mind were like magnets being forced apart. My heart wanted him and his free spirit, but my mind was screaming for me to end this now before I suffered undeniable heartbreak.
“That baby…is not mine,” he said firmly. “Let them print her interview, and then I can have my lawyers so far up their asses, they’ll be paying me for their lies.” He walked toward the door and opened it. “Is that it?”
Alan’s unmoving stance indicated he wasn’t ready to leave, So, Hawke lifted his eyebrows as if to say, What are you waiting for? After a few seconds of uncomfortable silence, Alan nodded and glanced at me one last time before walking out.
After the door shut, I gritted my teeth and staggered to the couch to get my purse. I needed time to think things through and to gain back any semblance of control I’d once had. I couldn’t think with a clear mind when I was in Hawke’s vicinity.
When our fling had begun, I’d convinced myself that it was what I needed, a little fun. Now, I was in too deep. This was too much drama for this small-town girl.
When he approached, I kept my gaze on the splash of art on the wall. It was an array of primary colors against a white canvas. The painting reminded me of my insides, the strings of red like my heart being torn to shreds.
His fingertips grazed my chin and forced me to face him. “It’s not mine,” he swore. “What’s the matter?”
And maybe it wasn’t his baby. But he certainly wasn’t denying that he’d slept with her.
I was falling for a whore. Good God, I was never this girl. There was fun, but there was my integrity and my pride, and I needed both.
I pushed my foot into the Persian carpet and fiddled with the edge of my purse. “I thought I could share, but…I can’t.”
