by Judith Keim
“Mrs. Lettie Chandler?” the trooper said.
“Yes. What do you want?” she managed to say in a mouth gone dry.
The trooper took hold of her arm. “Here, let me help you out of the cold.” He led her inside to one of the couches in the living room.
“Is this about Kenton?” Lettie asked, already feeling a knot inside her stomach.
“I’m so sorry, Mrs. Chandler. There’s been an accident south of here and the car he was riding in went off the road. Neither he nor the driver survived.”
Lettie collapsed on the couch and began sobbing. “No! No! Kenton was coming home to me.” She lifted her tear-streaked face to him. “We were going to be together. I was going to tell him about our baby.”
The trooper took a seat at the far end of the couch and studied her with sympathy. “Is there someone I can call for you?”
Lettie shook her head. She couldn’t bear to see anyone else. Then she’d be forced to explain it to them and the truth of what had happened to Kenton would be all too real.
“I really don’t think I should leave you alone at a time like this,” said the trooper, who appeared to be not much older than she.
“A hired hand is staying in the cabin on the property. If I need anything, he’ll come. Right now, I need to be alone.”
The trooper stood. “Again, my sincere condolences. Someone from my headquarters will check on you tomorrow. She’ll help with any arrangements you may want to make.”
Staggering, feeling as if she were in a nightmare, Lettie walked him to the door and watched in a daze as he walked away. Whimpering softly, she closed and locked the door behind him, wishing she could just as easily shut out the truth he’d dared to bring her.
She stumbled back to the couch and threw herself down on it, crying so hard to could hardly catch her breath.
Sitting at her feet, Bee lifted her dark, furry head and yowled. Lettie didn’t realize at first that the little puppy was simply echoing her own howls of anguish.
Sometime later, eyes heavy and swollen from endless tears, she rose from the couch and numbly headed upstairs to the bedroom she and Kenton had joyfully shared.
She took Kenton’s bathrobe out of the closet, and without changing her clothes, she slid beneath the covers on the bed. Turning on her side, she brought Kenton’s robe to her nose and inhaled the lingering scent that was his alone.
No-o-o-o! her mind screamed. It can’t be true! He wouldn’t leave me. He promised to love and protect me all my days.
“Why? Why? Why?” she wailed, sending Bee under the bed in terror.
Painful silence surrounded her.
She pounded the pillow, furious that Kenton hadn’t come home to her. Then she began to cry again at the thought of him suffering.
Exhausted, she lay back among the pillows. The wind had picked up and sleet was tapping against the windows like the long-nailed finger of a monster wanting to get inside.
Too tired even to close the drapes, she turned her back to the window and pulled the quilt above her head. Maybe, she thought in desperation, I’ll die in bed and won’t have to face the future without Kenton.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
The next morning, Lettie heard the sound of knocking at the door but couldn’t make herself move out of bed to answer it.
Next, she heard the sound of someone in the kitchen. Paloma!
Lettie forced herself to her feet and went to the doorway. She opened her mouth to call out to her, but Paloma was already running up the stairs to reach her.
“Lettie! Lettie! I heard the news! It’s all over town. I’m so sorry!” Paloma’s arms wrapped around her.
Giving in to the sorrow that made her heart want to stop, Lettie settled in her embrace and let more tears come.
Over the next couple of days, Paloma remained a constant companion, listening to Lettie rail against the army, fate, and whatever else she could blame. It was she who stood by her side as she went through the agonizing moments of receiving condolences from staff and townspeople.
Mrs. Morley hovered nearby, ready to step in at any moment.
And later, when it was warm enough, Lettie took a shovel to the earth in the grove of trees where they’d buried Rex’s ashes and buried the container of ashes that was all she had left of Kenton.
“There,” she told Paloma and Mrs. Morley. “Kenton can rest beside his father.” It seemed only right that the two of them remain part of the land they loved.
As the baby grew inside her, Lettie often made the trip to the grove of trees to talk to Kenton and Rex about the mantle of responsibility she’d taken on as she’d promised them.
In June, the ground was broken for the addition of the wing to the inn right on schedule. But as exciting as it was to others, Lettie saw it as another burden.
And when, in August, it came time for her to give birth to the baby Kenton would never see, Lettie had to draw on an inner strength to see it through.
Paloma stood at her side when she struggled to bear down as the nurse suggested. “You can do this, Lettie.”
“I can’t,” she protested. “Kenton should be here.”
“Mrs. Chandler, one more big push,” commanded the nurse.
Suddenly there was a cry and within moments a baby was placed atop Lettie.
“A beautiful baby girl” cried Paloma. “A friend for Isabel.”
The joy that should have been there was missing as the nurse held up the baby so Lettie could better see her. Warring emotions filled Lettie. This was Kenton’s child. She couldn’t get past the idea that in the past few months life had taken away those she loved. Maybe it would be best not to get too close to this little one. Maybe it would be better that way.
Later, as Lettie fingered her daughter’s dark, straight hair and checked all ten toes, she wondered how she could carry on with the growth of the inn while trying to become a good mother. She was only a young, inexperienced nineteen-year-old with way too much to handle.
###
One August day, Lettie held her baby in her arms and wished she knew how to make her more comfortable. Autumn Ann Chandler seemed to know she was part of an unhappy circumstance. She fisted her tiny hands and screamed even as Lettie tried to comfort her. Lettie had named the baby Autumn because autumn had been the happiest time of her life. But this fussy little girl chose not to honor the choice of her name.
“There, there,” said Paloma, taking Autumn from Lettie’s arms. With two children of her own, Paloma seemed to know exactly what to do with the screaming baby because, in seconds, Autumn stopped crying and lay in Paloma’s arms, looking up at her with interest.
Lettie let out a frustrated sigh. “I’m not very good at being a mother. I think Autumn knows I wasn’t ready to be a mom, especially with Kenton gone.” She sighed again. “I just feel so lost, so tired, so helpless. I’m afraid I’ll never be able to do a good job with this baby of ours.” Lettie’s lips quivered.
“You’ll be just fine.” Paloma gave Lettie a sympathetic smile. “You have a lot going on at the moment. Maybe later, when things are more settled, it’ll be easier on both of you.”
“I’ve got a bottle warming in the kitchen,” said Lettie with resignation. Nursing the baby was not working that well. “Could you feed her? I’ve got to meet with the construction crew to go over today’s progress.”
“Okay, I understand.” Paloma took the baby and rocked her in her arms, quietly shushing her as they left the room.
Left alone in the bedroom she’d moved into following Kenton’s death, Lettie got to her feet and stared out the window at the rows of grapes lining the hills in even stripes. Breathing easier now, Lettie thought back to the months of despair she’d barely survived. Mrs. Morley, Paloma, and Lew Barnes had worked together to pull her out of her depression by forcing her to follow Rex’s plans for expanding Chandler Hill.
Now, Mrs. Morley had retired, Paloma had taken over for her, and Lew had taken to calling on a regular basis to check on the constru
ction of the new wing of the house.
Never having had many friends growing up, Lettie treasured her friendship with Paloma. She was the mother, the sister, the friend she’d always wanted. In return, Paloma was grateful for the chance to be the capable, creative person she was, not simply the mother and wife everyone expected her to be.
Lettie held a hand to a glass window pane, as if she could reach beyond it to the grove of trees in the distance. “I have a confession to make to you, Kenton. I’m not a very good mother. I’m a lot more comfortable with the inn and vineyard than I am trying to parent a baby. I try. Honest. But it doesn’t seem to be working.” She drew a breath and let it out. “But the vineyards did well. We sold a crop of grapes to a winery down the valley. And at the inn we’re moving forward with twenty-four new guest rooms, as you wanted. I think you’re both going to like it.”
“Who’s going to like what?” Paloma said, coming into the room. The baby was asleep in her arms.
Lettie felt her cheeks grow hot. “I think Kenton and Rex will be pleased with the new addition. It’s coming along nicely.”
Paloma smiled. “I think so too.”
###
It was one thing for everyone associated with the inn to believe she was in charge. It was quite another to convince the construction crew. Lettie had had more than one face-off with the construction boss, a tall man named Bert Hillman, who insisted upon looking down at her short stature with something between a sneer and a leer.
On this particular day, Lettie discovered that Bert had gone ahead with a change to the layout of the walls which meant that a small alcove designated for shelving in each room was covered instead of being exposed.
“You know this needs to be done according to the specs, Bert,” said Lettie. “These areas will need to be redone so we can install the shelving intended to be there.”
Bert hefted his pants and shook finger at her. “Listen, I’ve been building houses in these parts for many years, and I’m telling you it’s a waste of space.”
“A space that we’ll put to good use,” Lettie countered, forcing herself to stand up to him. “It’s part of the plan that was approved. I did not approve your changes, so please go back and rebuild according to the specs.”
She felt a familiar tug in her breast and realized her milk was coming in. Rather than stay and face the humiliation of any leakage, she said sharply, “Just do it.”
As she left, she heard one of the workers say, “Guess the little lady told ya, Bert.”
It was those kinds of comments that made things more difficult. But each time she thought of backing away from an argument, she remembered Kenton’s and Rex’s faith in her, and she stood her ground.
Weeks later, when the wing was finally finished, she was glad she’d worked hard to be strong with the crew. It was every bit as wonderful as Rex had envisioned.
The rooms were light and airy, every space put to good use. Best of all, the rooms had beautiful views over the back hills, or if they faced the front, had a view of the long, winding road and fields that led to the inn.
###
Lettie stood at the front door of the inn greeting the first of her special guests staying in the new wing to celebrate the inn’s first Thanksgiving weekend.
“Lew, so glad you and Emily could make it,” Lettie said graciously. “This celebration wouldn’t be the same without you.” Her relationship with the lawyer was one she treasured. He’d always supported and encouraged her.
“Thanks. Bernie and his wife, Debbie, are on their way,” said Lew. “And I heard Abby Wilkins is coming too.”
“Yes.” Bernie continued to serve as her accountant, and when she’d talked to his wife on the phone, she’d seemed pleasant. And Abby? She couldn’t wait to see her.
“Abby’s been a big support for me working on the advertising campaign. Without her help, I’m not sure we’d get anyone here.”
“She’s very capable,” Lew said. “I’m glad her consulting is working out nicely for you.”
“Mrs. Chandler?’
Lettie turned And faced an unfamiliar woman.
“I’m Susan Connell from The Oregonian.” An older woman with gray hair, Susan’s blue eyes snapped with intelligence as she held out her hand. “I’m happy to be here. Such a lovely idea to include someone from the media like me to spread the word about your new operation in the valley. The growth here is quite exciting. You must be pleased to be a part of it.”
“Yes. My father-in-law felt Chandler Hill was going to be the beginning of many such places.”
“It’s amazing that this is all in your hands now. As Abby Wilkins reminded me, that’s a story unto itself. One I’d like to do. We don’t see many women taking the helm of businesses.”
“I have a lot of support, believe me.” Lettie wasn’t about to tell Susan or anyone else that sometimes she wished she could walk away from overseeing the inn, that it was the grapes that interested her. She’d hardly been available during the picking season and overseeing the harvest. And the guilt she felt about not spending time with her baby was another issue.
Just then, Abby arrived with a friend. “Excuse me, we’ll talk later,” she said to the reporter.
Smiling, Lettie hurried over to her. “Hi, Abby! I’m so glad you’re here. So far, everyone who reserved a room has shown up. It’s going to be a very busy holiday.”
“That’s why I brought Terri.” Abby returned Lettie’s hug and turned to her friend with a smile. “Lettie Chandler, meet Terri Hadley. A special friend of mine.”
Lettie studied the young woman standing close to Abby. Of average height and thin, Terri was striking with her short, brown hair, fine features and dark eyes that sparkled with a sense of fun. Abby and Terri smiled at one another.
Ah, is that how it is? Lettie thought, giving Terri a welcoming hug.
“I’ve put you in the room in the main house where you stayed last time,” Lettie told Abby. “I hope you don’t mind.”
“Perfect. I’ve told Terri all about the Chandler Hill Inn, and I’m anxious for her to love it as much as I do. In fact, she’s going to help me in the kitchen, like I promised.”
“Are you sure you don’t mind? Paloma was concerned about handling this crowd, and when I told her that you offered to help, she was relieved.”
“I’m sure, all right. And if things go well, I have some other ideas for the inn.” Abby gave her a teasing grin that brought a laugh out of Lettie.
“Great.”
“Where’s the sweet little baby of yours?” Abby asked. “I’ve told Terri about her too.”
“She’s with her nanny, but I’m sure you’ll see a lot of her over the weekend. Bee, too. The dog stays right with Autumn. It’s cute.”
After showing Abby and Terri to their room, Lettie headed downstairs to the kitchen.
“How are things going?” Lettie asked Paloma.
“I’ve set out cookies, cheese and crackers, and fresh fruit in the dining room and in the reception area in the new building. Guests can help themselves anytime.”
“Good. Abby is here with her friend. They seem excited about working with you to prepare the Thanksgiving meal.”
“I’m so glad,” said Paloma. “Elisa is doing fine with the cleaning, but she’s no help in the kitchen.”
Lettie and Paloma exchanged smiles. Friends from grade school, Elisa and Paloma were as different as they could be. Paloma was organized and a steady worker. Elisa tended to be flighty and worked in bursts of energy.
###
Thanksgiving morning, Lettie rose and quietly dressed, eager to have a few moments alone before the demands of the day and her guests took over.
Stepping outside into the cool air, she drew in its freshness and studied the sky. A beautiful shade of blue, its color would deepen as the day unfolded. As she headed toward the grove of trees where Rex’s and Kenton’s ashes were buried, Bee raced ahead of her and then circled back to make sure she was following. By now, the dog was
well acquainted with Lettie’s routine morning visits to the grove, some of which included Lettie bringing little Autumn with her. Others might consider her foolish, but Lettie enjoyed her “talks” with Rex and Kenton. She swore those talks gave her a better sense of what she needed to do to make the inn and vineyards the successful operation they’d envisioned.
When she got back to the house, several of the guests were already in the dining room eating breakfast. She greeted each one and then went into the kitchen for a cup of coffee before checking on the baby. Paloma’s mother, Dolores, had taken on the duty of full-time nanny.
“How are things here?” Lettie asked, observing Paloma, Abby, and Terri working together on the breakfast meal.
“You’re going to need a bigger kitchen,” said Abby, carefully moving around Paloma who stood at the sink.
“I’ve already talked to Bernie and Lew about it,” Lettie said. “We’re thinking of converting the back bedroom and bath to additional kitchen space.”
“Good idea. The quiet months are coming up. That would be a good time to do a lot of the work,” said Abby.
“Yes, I know.” Lettie liked the fact that Abby was so invested in making the inn work. “But we’re not going to expand the dining room. We’ll have separate seating times or put in additional tables for meals when necessary. Like today.”
“It’s exciting to see so many people here,” said Paloma.
“It’s a lovely place,” Terri said. “From a distance one would think the addition had always been part of the house. It’s that well designed.”
“Thanks,” said Lettie. “It’s pretty much the way Rex wanted it. In time, more additions will be made to the property.”
“What about the cabin?” Abby asked her, turning to them.
“We’re still thinking about how to best use it.”
“I have an idea. Let’s talk later,” said Abby.
“Okay,” Lettie quickly agreed. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I want to make sure everyone has enough to eat.”
“More eggs and bacon coming up.” Terri followed Lettie out of the room with a platter of food.
