by Lisa Lace
The woman on the other side of the glass purses her lips and drums her fingers on the counter. “There should be four thousand, thirty-five.”
I take a deep breath and glance at the clock. I was supposed to leave ten minutes ago, but as usual, the final customer is the most difficult of the day. “I’m sorry, ma’am. It comes to four thousand, exactly.”
“Count it again.”
I pick up the wad of bills again and hold them above the slot. The woman holds up her hand to stop me.
“Not with that thing. It’s obviously busted.”
I hold my tongue and count out the bills one at a time. “One hundred, two hundred, three hundred—” I place down the final bill, totaling four thousand.
The customer sucks in through her teeth and shrugs. “There was four thousand, thirty-five earlier.”
I wonder if she notices the daggers I’m staring at her. I force a smile. “Would you like me to deposit that for you?”
“I guess.” She leaves without so much as a thank you or apology, but I don’t care.
All I want to do is go home. I quickly close my counter, pick up my purse and speed out the door before anyone else can demand my attention.
I rush out the door so quickly that my body slams into Cole’s. He’s waiting for me on the sidewalk, holding the biggest bunch of flowers I’ve ever seen. A spray of petals float to the ground. At least, I think he’s waiting for me.
Cole lets out a little “oomph” sound when I run into him. I take a step back and look up at him, my face flushed, my mouth forming a little “oh” of surprise.
He looks good. He’s wearing a pair of gray pants and a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows. His blond hair is swept back slightly, his eyes fixed on me. The sight of his chiseled jaw and ice-blue eyes stops me in my tracks. Those eyes haven’t aged a day.
The way my heart skips a beat reminds me of the very first day I saw him standing there in Pisa when he drew my attention through crowds of tourists. Even then, he stood out by a mile.
I take a closer look at the flowers. The bouquet is bursting with purple blooms and sprays of soft white flowers. Purple is my favorite. The bouquet is a little squished after I’ve run into it, but Cole holds out the flowers to me anyway.
I don’t take them. “Cole—what are you doing here?”
“I’ve come to apologize. The flowers are a peace offering.” He holds my gaze intently. He takes half a step forward, leaning in slightly. “I wanted to give you something else as well.”
My eyes widen. “What?”
“An invitation to dinner.”
I let out a surprised laugh. “Are you kidding me?”
“I know; it seems crazy, but hear me out—” He holds out his hands in a gesture of conviction. “We met too soon. Think about it—we were both so young and still figuring out which direction we were headed in, but things are different now. We’re both settled. There are no surprises headed our way. We have the chance to make it happen for real.”
I shake my head in disbelief. “Are you nuts, Cole? A few saucy messages aren’t a reason to open old wounds. I accept your apology, but I don’t want to take it any further than that. I’ve moved on.”
“Have you? It looks to me like you’re exactly where I left you.”
His words sting. Tears rise behind my eyes. It seems to me like Cole has a pretty short memory. I was headed for more before he came along.
“How dare you!” I seethe. “I was going to go to college, but we had a plan: you, then me. Except, once you got yours, you were gone. You left me.”
“That’s not how it went.”
“Isn’t it?” My voice rises in anger. “Because I remember someone who couldn’t wait to run off to a third-world country instead of settling down.”
“Who said I ever wanted to settle down?” Now Cole’s voice grows angry. “I thought I married a traveler; someone with a free spirit. But as soon as there was a ring on your finger, you had visions of us becoming some old married couple, rocking in our chairs on the porch, with four grown kids and a dog.”
“I didn’t even get as much as a ring, did I? You proposed on a whim, making a huge decision without any thought—the same as always.”
“You didn’t say no, Sophie.”
“I loved you.”
“And I thought I loved you.”
The tears spill. I’m furious. My throat and face feel flushed with emotion. My skin is prickling with angry heat. “That’s what it came down to, isn’t it? You thought you loved me, but you made a mistake. You only loved the adventure and having some poor, naïve girl who would follow you anywhere. I put my education on hold for you, and you left me.”
“What education? You didn’t even know what you wanted to study. You hadn’t made any college applications. Taking that job at the bank was probably the best decision you ever made.”
“No, the best decision I ever made was giving you that ultimatum.”
Cole shakes his head and throws the bouquet down. The flowers bounce on the ground, leaves and petals flying into the air, then floating down morosely. “You’re the one who changed when we got back to the US.”
“I thought we had a plan.”
“You had a plan. I never understood why you thought I’d give up my career because we got together.”
“’Got together’? We got married, Cole!”
“We eloped.”
I hold up my hands. “Here we go again. It wasn’t a real marriage. You never saw it as a marriage. For you, it was always a fling that went too far. And now our paths happen to cross again, and because I’m still in the same town, working in the same bank, you think it means I’m still waiting for you. Get over yourself.” I’m shaking with anger. “I could have been someone if I hadn’t fallen for you.”
“It’s not fair to act like I’m the reason you’re still working at that bank. We haven’t seen each other in ten years. So maybe you put your plans on hold when we started, but what’s your excuse for the decade since? It’s time to stop blaming me and take some responsibility for the choices you’ve made.”
“That’s rich!” I retort. “You’re acting like I’ve done nothing with my life, but weren’t you supposed to have won a Pulitzer by now? Maybe I’m ‘just’ working in a bank, but you’re ‘just’ a wedding photographer.”
Cole bursts into the apartment, picks me up, and spins me around.
“I got it!”
My eyes widen, and I squeal with delight. “Really?”
“Yes!” He pulls me close, squeezes me tight, and presses his lips down over mine, holding me in a passionate, deep kiss. When he pulls back, I can see the stars in his eyes. “A permanent position. You know what this means, right?”
Fewer moments like these.
“I’m going to be on the frontline. I’m going to be out there in the action, making a real difference. The pictures I take have the chance to be iconic. I’m going to be more than some B-rate amateur.”
“Your pictures were never B-rate, Cole.”
“Now they’re going to be world-class. Finally, all that hard work is paying off.”
“I’m happy for you.”
I’m pleased for Cole, but his self-satisfaction is a little hard to swallow. While he’s been out working for free and networking, I’ve been keeping a roof over our heads and working a dead-end job. It feels like I’m the one doing all the hard work while Cole gets to chase fame and glory. There’s no glory for the woman behind the man.
Cole frowns. “You always hated my career. Seeing me fail must make you feel really satisfied.”
“Satisfied? Our whole relationship was about you and your photos. Your career destroyed us, and if you’ve failed, all that means is that the whole thing was one huge waste of time. A whole lot of heartbreak over nothing.”
“Maybe this was a bad idea.”
“Finally, something we can agree on.”
“I’ll be seeing you, Sophie.”
“Goo
dbye.”
Cole turns and walks away. My heart is thumping. I look down at the trampled flowers on the ground, and my heart breaks all over again. Cole has a habit of leaving a trail of broken gestures behind him. That’s all they are—meaningless gestures.
My car is parked further up the street where Cole is headed, but I don’t want to walk in the same direction, so I stride purposefully away. Funny—we always end up going the opposite way, even if we’re meant to travel together.
Cole
I have a headache from running through the events of yesterday over and over in my mind. I have no idea how I managed to screw things up so badly. In my head, I’d had it all planned. I’d show Sophie the flowers. Then, she’d forgive me instantly, and we’d pick up where we left off like nothing had ever changed.
But things have changed, Cole.
Dennis is looking at me from across the table in the diner. He’s been silent since we arrived, letting me wallow, but three bites into his double-decker burger later, he’s finding it hard to manage his curiosity. “You know I’m going to ask eventually.”
I pick at my fries. “It was a disaster.”
“What happened?”
“I had it all figured out—what I was going to say and how I was going to say it. Then something completely different came out of my mouth.”
Dennis chuckles. “Welcome to the world the rest of us live in. Finally, a woman who gets Cole Tanner tongue-tied.”
“I don’t know why I thought she’d simply say ‘yes.’”
“I know why.” Dennis swallows another mouthful of beef and lettuce, dabbing at the ketchup on his bottom lip with a paper towel. “You’re cocky.”
“Cocky?”
“You have an ego, and don’t pretend you don’t know it. You think you’re too good for this job, and you obviously think you’re too good for Sophie.”
I raise my eyebrows. I’m taken aback to hear Dennis say it so straight. “Wow. Tell me what you really think, why don’t you?”
Dennis chuckles again and shrugs. “Maybe someone needs to say it. You were a big shot once, and you’ve never forgotten it. From what you’ve told me, you chose your career over your girl and then vanished from her life for the next ten years. Yet the second you return, you think she should drop everything and take you back. Are you really that big a deal?”
I draw in a sharp breath and roll my tongue around my mouth, chewing over his words. “I wouldn’t say it’s quite like that.”
“No. I don’t suppose you would.” He raises his eyebrows and shrugs. “You don’t have to listen to me, though. I wasn’t there.”
I recall the moment my conversation with Sophie went south. It looks to me like you’re just where I left you. A swell of shame stirs in my gut. I nod. “Maybe you’re right.”
“You can’t win them all, buddy. Maybe there’s still time to make things right with Fifi.”
“I don’t want to get back with Fifi—or any of those women online.”
“I’ll be honest. I don’t know what’s gotten into you. If Sophie was that special, you wouldn’t have left her in the first place, or waited ten years to win her back. I think you’re letting old memories cloud your vision. You don’t divorce someone if everything’s all sunshine and roses. Memory’s a funny thing. Things weren’t amazing then, and there’s no reason they should be amazing now.”
She stands under the cherry blossoms. I shake a branch to make the petals fall. Sophie holds out her hands palms upward, her face bright and enraptured. I lift my camera to my eye and take pictures of her dancing under the pink rain.
This very moment, she is too beautiful for words. The lens has always been more important than the subject, but when Sophie is in the frame, she’s all I see. Thoughts of contrast and composition fade away; I only want an excuse to keep staring.
She comes toward me. Her hands close around my lens and draw it down as she rises on her tiptoes to catch me in a kiss.
She threads her arms around my neck and leans back slightly, looking up into my face. She closes her eyes and lets out a soft sigh of contentment. “Today has been a perfect day.”
“You’re wrong. Things were amazing—until they weren’t.”
“What do I know?” Dennis shrugs. “I’ve yet to get to a third date, let alone travel the world, get married, divorce, and then reunite with the same woman.”
“I don’t want us to walk away from each other on bad terms again.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Try again.”
Dennis raises an eyebrow. “Are you sure you’re not pushing this too far?”
“Ever since seeing Sophie again, I can’t stop thinking about her. I was so blinded by my ambition at the time that I took her for granted. I won’t do that again.”
“Really? It seems like it’s already headed for disaster.”
I place down my cutlery and rise from my chair. “I’m going to make this right.” I glance at the clock on the wall. It’s almost five, and I’m only a few blocks away from the bank where Sophie works. “I’m going to see her now.”
I throw down a twenty on the table and leave the diner, then stride quickly toward the bank. I have no idea what I’m going to say to Sophie when I see her, but I can’t let it end like this. I’m convinced that fate has brought us back together for a reason.
She steps outside the building, her jacket folded over her arm. She sees me and her face creases in anger. She turns on her heel to stride away, but I take hold of her arm to stop her. “Please, Sophie, hear me out.”
“Don’t touch me! Jesus, Cole—who do you think you are?”
My hand drops and I step back, bowing my head in apology. “I’m sorry.”
“You need to stop this. I don’t know what you want. First, you trick me into seeing you. Then, you show up and make me feel small by judging what I’ve done with my life. Now, you’re here to stir things up again. Leave me alone, Cole.”
I keep hold of her arm and pull her toward me. She stumbles slightly, her body pressing against mine. Her head twists and tilts upward toward me. Her eyes are full of so many emotions; I see regret and longing.
“Let go.”
“Listen to me: I was wrong. I should never have let you meet me without knowing who it was you’d been talking to. I should never have said that nothing had changed for you when I came by yesterday. I never meant to make you feel small. I made so many mistakes when we were young, and now I’m making them all again.”
I stroke the back of her hand with my thumb. Her hand feels small in my palm. Her body leans away from me, but she doesn’t pull away her hand. She looks back at me over her shoulder, her eyebrows drawn together and her chin trembling. I release her, and she quickly steps back. Her face is flushed.
I continue. “My assistant tells me I have an ego, and I think he’s right. It’s not fair of me to assume that you’re going to want me simply because I’m here. I know that you have your own life that doesn’t involve me, and I have no right to any of your time or your feelings anymore. But I’d like the chance to try again. This time, we would be equal. It wouldn’t be a rerun of ‘The Cole Show.’ So much has changed.
“Since you’ve come back into my life, all I can think about is how things used to be before I got the job at the paper and let you become my last priority. I was an idiot. Please, give me a chance to show you that I’m different now.
“I should never have taken it for granted that you’d want to pick up where we left off, but I got so caught up in the idea that fate brought us back together. I broke up with my girlfriend as soon as we saw each other again. Nobody compares, Soph. Please, please, let me take you to dinner tonight.”
Finally, Sophie turns her body toward me, her anger dissipating. “Why do you want to start this again? We made each other miserable.”
“Not at first. Getting married was the mistake we made. Before we started setting all those expectations for each other, we were happy. You can’t say we were
never good together. You can’t say that our adventures weren’t out of this world. Those memories are the best of my life.”
She bows her head and nods. “Mine too.”
“It could be like that again. Maybe our time for globetrotting is over, but we could still make each other laugh like we used to.”
Sophie bites down on her lip. I can see how excruciating the decision is.
I won’t give up.
“I don’t want all those good memories marred by some stupid things I said because my ego was bruised. If nothing else, I want to walk away on good terms. Let’s go to dinner, maybe see what’s left. If there’s nothing there, I’ll walk away for good. I swear.”
Her resolve weakens. She nods and folds her arms sternly across her chest. “Fine. I’ll go to dinner, but it’s not a date. It’s a reunion.”
“A reunion.” I grin. “Let’s meet at Monty’s at eight.”
“Okay.”
I step back and gesture that she’s free to go. “Then I’ll see you later.”
She steps across my path to pass me with an awkward smile. “I’m actually parked this way.” She presses her key fob and the headlights of a nearby compact car blink with a beep.
“I’ll see you later.”
“Eight o’clock.”
Sophie
I don’t know why I agreed to meet Cole. Maybe it was all his talk of fate. Maybe it’s because, despite my strong objections, he’s completely right. Nothing has changed in my life since he left. In a way, it feels like I never let him go. I never stopped loving him, but I couldn’t live with being last on his list.
But things are different now.
Even if I keep telling myself that this is not a date, I still get dressed in a little number intended to make Cole look twice. It’s a ribbed crimson bodycon dress. I pair it with sheer black pantyhose and a pair of black ankle boots. I wear a dark red lipstick. I never used to wear makeup. I brush my hair until it shines and examine my reflection. Not bad for thirty-one.
I take a cab to Monty’s. It’s a small, hole-in-the-wall kind of establishment downtown. From the outside, it looks like nothing special. The paneled wood door is coated in a chipped green paint, and the bronze italic font above the door is tarnished. It seems tired and forgotten.
