by Lisa Lace
It had all been exciting and fresh when he’d first looked my way. I’d been a wallflower my whole life, and suddenly this gorgeous guy was giving me the time of day, and he was so adorable at first. I was over the moon to have a guy on my arm I could show off.
In the early days of our relationship, I let him get away with being a jerk because I’d waited so long to meet anybody. I would risk never meeting anyone again if I walked away. As we got older, I let him get away with things because we’d been together for a long time, and it seemed like a lot to throw away. I believed he didn’t mean the terrible things he said, and I thought eventually he would grow up.
He never changed. Not for the better, at least. Over the next couple of years, I became a complete doormat for him. Week by week, he took me for granted and started taking advantage of me.
The possessiveness and jealousy started, followed by violence. Everything happened gradually. I’d let one small thing slide, and then another, and then suddenly I was with a man who could treat me however he wanted because he knew I’d never stand up for myself. Part of walking away had been finding a way to do things on my own. To be strong, alone.
I was supposed to be forgetting men. And yet Nate was on my mind. Every time I blinked, his image was there. That confident, dazzling smile flashing my way. His eyes shamelessly tracing my thigh.
I felt myself blush as I remembered showing Nate the rip in my pantyhose. Could I really pretend that I hadn’t hoped his eyes would light up? What was wrong with me? I was a woman finding her own path. I was supposed to be a professional looking after Nate’s kid. And yet, I wish I could go back to this morning, let myself stare at him, and raise my skirt to watch him look at me.
Nate
I always enjoyed seeing Harriet at the end of the day, but I now had another reason to be excited to pick her up from preschool. Jenna was a fascinating woman who sure knew how to hold my attention. Harriet’s, too. My baby could never stop talking about Miss Dawson and all the fun things they did together. Daddy, daddy! Look what I made with Miss Dawson! Or Daddy, daddy! Miss Dawson taught me a new song today!
It was hard to admit that I was growing jealous of Harriet and how much time she got to spend with the tantalizing Miss Dawson. In the two weeks since Harriet had been back at preschool, I’d managed to pick her up four times. That gave me four more chances to talk to Jenna.
Jenna seemed to be a warm but reserved person. She had a compelling and attractive personality, but she was too cautious to completely let it shine.
Instead, I saw glimpses of a woman who was fun and teasing, and with a good head on her shoulders. I was in awe of how she could get any child to do whatever she asked. On the other hand, I was ready to do anything she wanted me to do.
I pulled up outside the preschool and made my way down the hall to Harriet’s class. The kids inside were all packed up and waiting for their parents to come and get them. I spotted Harriet chattering away animatedly with her friend Samantha by the bookshelf. I spotted Jenna talking to Jason Hasting — single since he’d divorced Leann. What was he doing here? I wanted him to move along. He didn’t have the same rights I had to talk to Jenna.
I could see his eyes lingering on her, and I frowned. How could I blame Jason, though? I couldn’t stop myself from staring at Jenna either. My eyes were locked on her. She was wearing tight black denim jeans showing off her slinky behind and a cute little sweater covered in ladybugs. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail, showing off model-high cheekbones brushed with blush. I thought I saw her glance my way. Lucky for me, Jason was leaving.
I approached Jenna with a smile. “Hi, there. How’s it going?”
“Today was a good day with the kids. That’s all I can ask for.”
“Still feel like you’re settling in OK?”
“Pretty much. I’m surprised at how easy it’s been. I thought it would be harder to feel comfortable. I keep feeling like something’s gotta give.”
I chuckled. “I think you’re just better at this than you give yourself credit for.”
Jenna flushed slightly and looked down again. I found it endearing that she didn’t know how to take a compliment. It was like she wasn’t used to getting them. I decided to take it one step further. “Your hair’s up. I like it. The look suits you.”
Her blush turned deeper, but she smiled and touched her hair. “Really? I think it makes me look like I couldn’t be bothered to style it.”
“No. It makes you look like a woman who knows she doesn’t need to.”
I’d been out of the dating game for eleven years or so, and yet the old moves came back easily. A compliment — if she blushes, give her another. Flirting 101. It took me by surprise when I realized what was happening.
I was flirting with my daughter’s preschool teacher.
She bit down on her lip again. That habit of hers was starting to drive me nuts. “You don’t look too bad yourself.”
Was she flirting with me too?
I smiled. “It’s Friday. I bet you’re ready for the weekend, right?”
“I sure am! I love the kids, but they take a lot of energy. I’m ready to collapse. What do you have planned?”
I caught her eye. “Nothing. To tell you the truth, I’m completely free.”
Jenna’s lips parted slightly in surprise. The remark had come out like an invitation, and she didn’t know how to react. She laughed a little and distracted herself by tidying some crayons from a nearby table. “I hear Sam and Carla are going to a food fair out of town this weekend. Maybe you could tag along.”
My dreams fell apart in an instant. I called Harriet and held out my hand to her. “Yeah, maybe. I guess we better get going.” Harriet ran up to me, and I lifted her into my arms. I met Jenna’s eyes one last time and smiled. “See you around?”
“Sure. Next week, I guess.”
“Have a good weekend.”
Jenna quickly moved away to tidy up, and I watched her for a moment. She had a strange look on her face like she was angry at herself. Maybe she was kicking herself for not acting on my hint that I was free. I briefly considered whether I should go back to her and ask again, giving her a second chance to show some interest.
No.
Not now. If she wasn’t into me and I went in there full-steam, it would make for an uncomfortable school year. I decided to let things simmer a little longer.
Time would tell.
Harriet and I arrived home. I set her up with some cartoons which she watched from the kitchen table while I made some macaroni for a snack. My sister would be coming around later that night with takeout for us.
“Harriet, what did you do at school today?”
“Looked at some bugs.”
“That sounds gross.”
Harriet giggled. “Yeah, they were icky.”
“Did Miss Dawson hold one?”
“They was in boxes so she didn’t have to.”
“Does that mean you didn’t hold one?”
“Nope.”
“I bet you would have if you had the chance. Maybe a big, ugly grasshopper?” I crossed the kitchen and ran my fingers up her arm like they were the steps of a cricket. “You would have carried that bug, right?”
Harriet shrieked with laughter and pushed me off. “No way!”
“Really? Does that mean you don’t want a pet beetle, then?”
“No!”
“That’s a shame. I was going to pick you up a nice big, fat beetle for your bedroom.”
She was laughing so much that she was shaking now. “Ew! No!”
“Hmm. Maybe not, then.” I gave Harriet a wink and returned to the stove to give the macaroni a stir. “I thought we said we would eat more vegetables this week. What happened to that? I thought you told me ‘Daddy, I want more broccoli.’”
Harriet giggled some more. “You’re silly, Daddy.”
“So vegetables are silly now, are they?” I poured some frozen corn into a pan. “Well, I’m giving you some anyway. They
will help you grow big and strong.”
I finished cooking the food and sat down at the table while she ate. It gave me time to ask her more about her day and what she was going to do with Grandma tomorrow. For a four-year-old, my daughter was good company.
After dinner, I washed Harriet and got her ready for bed. Every night we did the same thing. I had to read her favorite bedtime story, Fireman Doug. It was a series of books about a firefighter puppy who saved all the other animals while going on adventures. Harriet loved to ask lots of questions about whether I had ever saved a duck from an icy puddle, or rescued a sheep that had fallen off a cliff onto a ledge.
I had to make up a lot of things. Usually, I would tell her something along the lines of, “That’s exactly what I did today! You know what? That duck was so slippery, I could barely catch him!” or “I sure did! That sheep made one heck of a noise!”
She was too young to know the realities of her daddy’s job. Fighting fires and saving lives weren’t all adventure and glory. Sometimes we got there too late or couldn’t beat the fire before the it consumed people. It was better if Harriet thought I was out keeping ducks safe from frozen puddles.
I’d just finished putting Harriet to bed and reading the story when Kacey arrived with our takeout order. I let her in and greeted her with a kiss on the cheek.
“Hey Kacey, how’s it going?”
“All right, thanks, but I’m dead on my feet! I showed the Wilsons six properties today.”
“Ouch. Have they put an offer in on anything?”
Kacey looked at me with a single raised eyebrow and sighed. “What do you think?”
“You’ve got to be kidding me! How many properties total is that now?”
“Twenty-three.”
I began to laugh. I took the bag from Kacey and headed into the kitchen to unpack it and serve it onto plates. “I guess it’s a big decision.”
“They’re treating me like a damn tour guide.” Kacey opened my refrigerator door and glanced inside. “Please tell me you’ve got some wine?”
“Bottom shelf.”
“Thanks. If I drink too much, I’ll crash here and take Harriet straight to preschool in the morning. What time are you in tomorrow?”
“Starting at 4 am.”
Kacey made a face. “At least I don’t have to start work at the crack of dawn. Not that any of you guys actually work until there’s a call.”
I grinned. Kacey was always ribbing me about that. “You know there’s lots we do when we’re not on call.”
“Cleaning the engines and doing push-ups. Brutal.”
“Something like that.” I handed Kacey a plate of Chinese food, and she traded me a glass of wine. We made our way through to the sitting room and both collapsed onto my sofa. I switched the TV to a game show, and we could both finally unwind. “How was your group tonight?”
Kacey flicked a glance my way and gave me a tired smile. “Tough. One of the poor girls is having a nightmare of a time over the custody battle for the kids.”
“I bet. That must be hard.”
“It is if you were married to an asshole. And you know he’s doing everything he can to poison her reputation and make her look bad in front of the judge. It’s not fair. Thank God Vince and I never married or had kids.”
Vince was Kacey’s ex-boyfriend. They had dated when she was in her early twenties, and he’d been a real piece of work. Heroin was his vice. The guy had been a total junkie, but Kacey had been too young and love-struck to walk away. She’d been convinced she could fix him.
That never happened. First came the lies, then the stealing, then the abuse. Kacey took it all, hoping one day Vince would miraculously get back on the straight and narrow and realize she had been an angel. Instead, he’d nearly destroyed her as she tried to save him. It was her family who had to pull her away in the end. We’d held an intervention to get her to walk away from him after the bruises started to become larger and more frequent.
Time had helped Kacey realize she’d been in a losing battle with Vince and she was far better off without him. After a while she studied to be a volunteer counselor for female survivors of domestic abuse. She ran a support group on Wednesday evenings.
“I’ll drink to that.”
Kacey turned to me. “And what about you? How’s life? How’s work?”
“Fine, I guess. Nothing particularly exciting.”
“Are the boys okay?”
“They’re great.”
“How’s Sam getting along with Carla?”
“Like a house on fire.”
“Really? I kinda thought she’d have eaten him alive by now.”
I laughed. “Her man-eater days are over, I think. Besides, Carla was never cruel. Just indecisive and scared of missing out. She wanted a piece of everyone.”
Kacey smirked. “Now she’s had a piece of everyone and she’s ready to settle down. Is that what you’re saying?”
“Be nice. Carla’s a good woman, even if she is a bit on the wild side.”
Kacey’s smirk softened into an apologetic smile. “I know. She’s always been really nice to me.” Kacey twisted and rested an elbow on the back of the sofa and let her head fall onto her hand. She gave me an intense, counselor’s look. “And what about you, Nate? Have you met anyone?”
I rolled my eyes. “Come on, Kacey. We’ve talked about this before. Don’t push me on this.”
“Sorry.” Kacey held up her hands apologetically and sat back. “I won’t ask again.”
I cast her a sideways glance. She had turned her guilty gaze to the TV. She knew that I didn’t like people prying into my love life ever since Marie passed, and especially not Kacey. She was always acting like my therapist.
I could see that she was concerned for me and acting out of love, not nosiness, so I threw her a bone. “There’s a new woman working at Harriet’s preschool. She seems nice.”
Kacey furrowed her brow, and then her face lit up. “Yes! I’ve seen her. The brunette? Slim? Pretty.”
I smiled. “Is she? I hadn’t noticed.”
“What about her? Are you interested?”
I ran a thumb up the stem of my wine glass in thought. “Perhaps.”
Kacey offered a warm, affectionate smile and laid a hand gently on my forearm. “Nate, it would be so nice to see you putting yourself out there again.”
“I don’t know if anything will happen. I kind of made a move today, and she didn’t go for it.”
Kacey’s face fell. “What did you say?”
“I suggested I was free over the weekend.”
She rolled her eyes. “That’s not a pickup. Geez, Nate — you’re losing your touch!”
I laughed. “I’ve still got it.”
“Maybe you weren’t clear enough.” She gave me an encouraging nudge. “I’d try again.”
“You think so?”
“Sure. What do you have to lose?”
“I’ll think about it.”
Kacey was satisfied with my response, and turned back to the TV with a smile. I sat back too, thinking about Jenna. Kacey was right. What did I have to lose?
Jenna
It had been another good day. I still couldn’t believe how easy my new life was coming together. A couple of months ago, I would never have believed that one day I would be living a free life. For so long, Victor had haunted every waking hour. I was used to constantly looking over my shoulder, feeling him breathing down my neck, or hearing him bark commands. Finally, I was starting to feel like I didn’t need to be afraid.
After all, everything was falling into place. I loved my new apartment. At first, the silence had seemed daunting, and it scared me, but as the days passed, I was growing to love the peace and quiet. I filled the environment with things that warmed my heart, like little plants and lots of books. It was starting to feel like a sanctuary and a home.
Then there was the job. It was going so well! Victor had kept me away from studying so I could support him while he chased his dreams
. I had to learn to put aside my yearning to work with children, as I slaved away behind a desk dealing with irritable and rude people every day. Now I was one step closer to my ideal job and in a classroom at last. Each and every one of those kids was a ray of sunshine in my life, and at last, I was living in summer.
Then there was Carla, an instant best friend. Almost every day, I would stop by her coffee shop, and we’d giggle, gossiping like schoolgirls. Sometimes I even forgot why I’d come to this place, and why I ran away. It felt like I had come home. I was learning to be happy again.
I set off for my apartment with a smile on my face.
I was walking home when I spotted him. Nate leaned with his forehead and fists against the side of the fire station building, a restrained look of anguish on his face. I felt a strange tug of attraction toward him even in his despair. In fact, the look of agony pulled me to him even more. It proved even gods feel pain.
He was only wearing the bottom half of his fire gear. He had a white T-shirt on, showing off arms which always caught my eye. His skin was dirty like he’d just come from a call, and his hair was disheveled. As I watched, he swore and kicked the wall. I hesitated before approaching him.
“Hi, Nate. Is something the matter?” He turned around and looked surprised to see me. He quickly tried to regain his composure and make his face expressionless, but I’d already seen him looking like his world was crumbling. “What’s wrong?”
Nate shook his head. “It’s just work.”
I came to stand closer by him and looked up into his stony face. His jaw was set tight. He was gritting his teeth. But his striking blue eyes told a different story, like terrible thoughts were turning inside. “Do you want to talk about it?”
He forced a smile onto his face. “I doubt you’d want to hear me talk about my problems.”
“You’d be surprised. Tell me.”
