by Lisa Lace
“But I don’t want to need him,” I argued. “What will he think of me? Some helpless woman hiding behind him like a shield? I just don’t want it to be like that.”
“Nate won’t think that.”
“I just don’t want to ruin it.” I tilted my head back and ran both hands through my hair as I let out a long, long, breath. “Jesus…Carla, this relationship has made me happier than I’ve ever been. When I’m with Nate…it just feels like everything is right. I just don’t want to risk losing it.”
“All right. So, let’s say you don’t tell Nate. And you don’t go to the police. Let’s say you just bury your head in the sand and pretend that none of this is happening. What then? Victor just goes away? You know him better than me, Jenna—is he going to just give up and leave?”
No. Victor would never give up. Victor would never leave. He would hunt me down until he had me in his grasp, and then who knew what he would do?
Carla was right. I couldn’t just bury my head in the sand. I couldn’t just pretend this wasn’t happening. I had to take action. If I didn’t, then I was left with two choices: running away again or coming face-to-face with Victor.
Reluctantly, I nodded. “Fine.”
“Fine?”
“I’ll tell Nate.”
Carla let out a sigh of relief. “Thank God. He’ll know what to do. Nate knows how to stay calm in serious situations. He’ll be able to help. If nothing else, he’ll be there for you.”
I nodded, and I hoped she was right. I trusted Nate. I’d not known him long, but I felt a deep connection to him. I believed that if any man would stand by my side through a storm, it would be him. Yet I still feared that maybe the relationship was too young to survive this much, this soon.
I pushed the fear away. This was no time to cut myself off and push Nate away. My mind was made up. I would go to him.
Nate
I was pretty irritated when a knock came at the door at eleven a.m. I’d been working through the night, and anybody who knew my schedule knew better than to come knocking at that hour. I almost didn’t answer the door. In the end, I dragged myself out of bed and headed for the door. I was ready to lay into whoever was on the other side for ignoring the sign on my door telling them not to knock.
I was ready to begin my tirade when I pulled open the door and realized it was Jenna. Immediately, my anger was replaced with concern. Jenna looked out of sorts again, like she’d been crying. She was wearing oversized denim jeans and a chunky knitted sweater. Her hair was loose but uncombed. She wasn’t wearing makeup. There were big, dark bags under her eyes. She looked like she’d been up all night.
“Jenna! What’s wrong?”
“Hi, Nate. I’m really sorry to wake you up. I just…I needed to talk to you.”
“Don’t worry about it. What’s wrong?”
She bowed her head and wrung her purse strap. She seemed like a pent-up ball of nerves. “Can I come in?”
“Of course.”
I stepped back to let Jenna in. She paused in the hall and listened, looking around. “Is Harriet around?”
“She’s with her grandparents for a couple days.”
“Oh, okay. Good.”
I took Jenna by the shoulders and lifted her chin with my thumb. “What do you want to tell me?”
“Can we sit down?”
“Sure. I’ll make us some coffee.”
Jenna offered a weary smile. “Thanks.”
She sat down in the living room while I made the coffee. I was wearing only boxers, so I pulled on a T-shirt while the kettle was boiling. A few minutes later, we were sitting together on the sofa.
“All right. What is it you need to tell me?”
Jenna pulled two envelopes out of her purse and wordlessly handed them to me.
“What are these?”
“Just read them.”
The two notes were handwritten:
I’ve found your mail. Now to find you.
Pretty little green dress you wore last night. And who’s your new friend? I’m watching you, baby.
“Are these from Victor?”
“They were in my PO box.”
“When did you get the first one?”
“A couple of weeks ago.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t want to worry you.”
I read the notes again, and I felt rage building within me. I was angry that Jenna hadn’t told me about the notes—so that I could have been there for her—but my rage had only one target: Victor.
Now Jenna’s sudden mood swing made sense. Now all the dark circles under her eyes and long silences and distant demeanor had meaning. She was being harassed by her violent ex.
“You should have told me.”
“I know.”
“I’m taking you to the police.”
I stood to get dressed, but Jenna put her hand on my arm to stop me and gently pulled me back down onto the sofa. “I already went with Carla.”
“Carla knows?”
“I asked her to get my mail for me. I was scared Victor would be watching.”
I held up the note about the green dress. “Seems like he is.”
Suddenly, Jenna burst into tears. I pulled her onto my lap and wrapped my arms around her.
“Everything’s going to be okay, Jenna. I’m not going to let him lay a finger on you.”
“I just want it to be over!” Jenna wept. “I’ve run from place to place. I’ve started over and over. I’ve given up so much just to get away from him. When is it going to be over? It’s like he knows!”
“Knows what?”
“That I’m happy.” Jenna’s body went limp as she said those words, as though all the life had drained out of her, and when she lifted her eyes to look into mine, I was startled by how defeated they seemed. “He’s determined to destroy me.”
I stroked back Jenna’s hair and kissed her forehead. “Nobody’s going to do that. I won’t let him.”
“You know, I really didn’t want to tell you about any of this. It’s too much to ask you to take this on. How long have we been dating? Like, six weeks? If I were you, I’d be running for the hills right now.”
I let out a low laugh. “I’m not going anywhere.”
I meant it. Since I’d lost Marie, I’d felt like I was living life on autopilot. I was living for Harriet, not for me. I got her up, I got her dressed. I picked her up, I made her dinner. I read her a story, I put her to bed. In between was work, and the odd dinner with Kacey or my parents, but life had been empty.
Jenna had changed all that. She’d come in like a ray of sunshine and chased all the shadows from my life. She’d switched off the autopilot and brought back all the meaning to my day-to-day routine. Life was so much more now that Jenna was here. There was no way I was giving that up.
We sat together in silence for a while. I held Jenna in my arms. She rested her head against my shoulder and closed her eyes.
After a while, I spoke again. “What happened when you went to the police?”
“I transferred the restraining order I had against Victor back in Pennsylvania. It’s now active here.”
“So, he can’t come near you?”
“If he comes near me, he’ll be arrested. That doesn’t mean he won’t come near me.” She looked down at the letter I’d place on the coffee table. “He’s obviously been pretty close.”
“It makes me sick to think he was watching you at the bar.”
“It makes me sick too.”
It genuinely made my blood boil to think of this cowardly thug watching Jenna, his eyes roaming over her in that tight dress, his mind turning with thoughts of how he was going to torment her next.
I couldn’t understand it. I couldn’t fathom how any man could want to hurt a woman who was so sweet and kind. Jenna didn’t have a mean bone in her body. She was nurturing, she was warm, she was giving. She put everyone else first. How could anybody ever harm her?
My instinct was the comp
lete opposite. My instinct was to protect her from every harm. My instinct was to keep her close and hold her tight and make sure that nothing ever hurt her. My instinct was to cherish her and never taken for granted how special she was.
“I’m sorry you have to go through this, Jenna. I promise that I’ll do everything I can to help you. I’m here.”
“Thanks, Nate. That means a lot.” She turned her face upwards to smile at me and then settled back into my chest. She let out a little sound of contentment. “Can I stay a while?”
“Of course.”
“I’m sorry for all this baggage I’m bringing. I really hoped it would all be left behind. I didn’t want it to be like this.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“I didn’t want to put you through this.”
The words I spoke next, I didn’t need to think about. They just happened. Words have a habit of falling out your mouth that way when they’re true.
“You don’t need to apologize to me, Jenna. Of course, I’m going to be here for you. I love you.”
Jenna sat upright and twisted on my lap to face me, her hands pressing against my chest. Her pale skin suddenly flushed, and some life came back to those defeated eyes. “You do?”
“I do. I love you.”
A smile grew on her lips. She was like a flower blossoming, although she took in a small intake of breath like the words scared her, too. “I love you too.”
I kissed her.
She lifted her chin and caught my eyes. I thought I saw defiance in them—but not defiance towards me; defiance against the situation she was in. A determination to carry on, no matter who might be watching.
Jenna stood up and straddled me on the sofa. Face to face, she kissed me again. It was a long, lingering kiss. She held my face in both her hands and let the moment last. Her lips were soft against mine, gentle; her kiss, full of hope.
I placed my hands on her waist and held onto her as we kissed each other.
Jenna slid off my lap and onto the floor. She knelt in front of me and pulled down my boxers. I was already hard for her. She lifted her eyes briefly to mine and smiled before she closed her lips around me and took me in her mouth.
I sat back on the sofa and gently stroked her hair. When I thought I would explode with pleasure, I pulled her up and softly pushed her back onto the sofa. I moved over her and ran a thumb over her cheek, as I moved in to kiss her again. I drank in the sight of her; the way her eyes were fixed on mine, the way her body was waiting for me, the gentleness of her.
She lifted her arms and let me pull her sweater away, then the T-shirt underneath. I rested my palm on her ribs as I kissed her again.
We took our time. We savored the taste of each other. We made the movements matter. There was meaning in every breath we drew together and in every touch of skin against skin.
I removed her bra and kissed each of her breasts in turn. Her fingers rested in my hair as I ran kisses across her chest. She lifted her head to kiss my forehead tenderly.
I moved lower down her body, trailing kisses down her navel, and pulling down her jeans and underwear. Her body relaxed as my tongue pressed against her between her legs, and she breathed my name. Her fingers continued to run through my hair as I pleasured her slowly, drawing her closer and closer towards a gentle climax.
I removed my T-shirt, and it was my turn to lie back. Jenna straddled me, and this time I entered her. She rode me slowly, taking time to kiss me often.
We made love into the afternoon.
Afterward, we showered together and got dressed. I made us lunch, and we sat together at the table in the kitchen. The lovemaking had sealed the promise I had made her. We were connected, and ready to face whatever battles lay before us together.
“I don’t want you to be alone tonight,” I told her.
Jenna smiled. “I’ll spend the evening with Carla.”
“Will you stay the night?”
“That’s not fair to her. What if Victor shows up?”
I frowned. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be in your apartment alone, just in case he’s on the prowl. For all we know, he already knows where you live.”
“I’d be surprised if he didn’t. I suspect he’s been following me for a while.”
“Maybe you should stay in a motel. Or stay here—Harriet will still be with her grandparents.”
Jenna shook her head and gripped onto her coffee mug with determination. “No, Nate. I want to be at home. I can’t keep letting him chase me out. I’ll keep the door locked, and if he shows up, I’ll call the police straight away.”
I didn’t like the idea of Jenna being in her apartment alone, but I didn’t think I was going to be able to convince her to go anywhere else.
“You could stay with Kacey tonight.”
“Nate, please—I don’t want to go on the run again. If Victor shows up, I’m going to face him standing. Not hiding away.”
“I don’t want you to face him at all. He’s unhinged.”
“I’ll stay safe. I promise.”
“I want you to call me when you leave Carla’s.”
“I will.”
“And bolt the door.”
“I will.”
“We’ll drive over there after lunch, and I’ll fit a second lock.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“It’ll make me feel better. I want you to be as secure as possible. I’ll check the windows; take a look around. I don’t want him getting into your apartment.”
Jenna nodded. “All right.”
I pulled out the chair beside her and held her hand. “I’m going to do everything I can to keep you safe.”
Her face softened, and she smiled. “Thanks, Nate. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“We’ll get through this. I promise.”
Jenna
Carla returned in her pajamas and finally came to sit beside me. I’d already been curled up on her sofa for a while, a glass of wine in my hand. Carla had just had a shower and was settled for the evening. She placed a hand on my knee. “How you doing, honey?”
I forced a smile. “I’m all right.”
“You’re gonna be fine. I mean, you’ve not seen any sign of your ex around today, have you?”
“No. I keep looking over my shoulder, trying to catch him, but I haven’t seen a glimpse of him. Either he’s not been following me today, or he’s very good at not being seen.”
“Maybe he’s gone home?” Carla’s voice was hopeful. “Maybe he just wanted to scare you. Maybe that’s all he wanted.”
“Victor’s not one for empty threats.”
“He hasn’t threatened you, has he?”
“What do you call the notes?”
Carla frowned. “He’s a stalker. Obviously psychotic…But what’s his end game? What does he want from you?”
“God knows. He just won’t let me go.”
I hadn’t even told Victor I was leaving him when I’d made up my mind last year. I’d just packed my bags and left while he was at work. I just knew that telling him to his face would have been a disaster. He’d have never just let me walk away, so I’d crept away like a thief in the night. That would have wounded his ego.
I leaned forward and told Carla more of the story. “When I first filed a restraining order against Victor, he went insane. He slashed the tires on my car. He made threats to my family. He’d stand outside my sister’s house, screaming that I was a whore who was going to pay.”
“Oh my God, that’s awful.”
“I reported the damage to the police. They said there was no proof it was him. They wouldn’t offer me any kind of protection. They wouldn’t arrest him. They said there was no hard evidence to tie him to the damage. I reported him when he started harassing my family, but the police said my family didn’t have a restraining order against him, and they couldn’t do anything unless they had an order in place. When they called the police on Victor, he’d always be gone by the time they
showed up. We just couldn’t get him caught in the act. Nothing could be done. I bet he feels invincible.”
“I’ve told you before, honey: this ain’t Johnstone. Nobody gives a damn who Victor is. He’s no big shot here. If he’s breaking the law, he’ll be arrested. No special favors.”
“If that were true, then maybe it would be a good thing if he showed up. An easy way to get him arrested. I just don’t think it’s going to be that easy.”
“Hopefully, he won’t show up at all,” Carla said. “Hopefully he’s just trying to push your buttons and shake you up. Hopefully, he’ll just go away when he realizes you’re not going anywhere…you’re not going anywhere, are you?”
I shook my head. “No. Not this time.”
I heard the words, but I still felt doubtful. Inside me was a deep instinct to run. Inside my mind, a globe was spinning, throwing out options of all the places in the world I could escape to. I fought against that instinct to stay in Brayford, where my life was; where Nate was.
“What did Nate say about it all?”
“He’s worried about me. Furious at Victor.” I sighed and took another sip of wine. “I wish he was here tonight. He put an extra lock on my door.”
Carla smiled. “I told you he cares.”
“I know. I’m very lucky to have him. I just hope this doesn’t get too much for him. I’m praying that Victor will just go away, or fuck up and finally get arrested.” I set down my glass. “I worry about Nate, too. I worry about where his next call will take him. Funny enough, I never used to worry when Victor was on duty. It was a blessed relief when he wasn’t around.”
“You do worry about them,” Carla empathized. “I worry about Sam constantly. You just have to trust that they’re well-trained and they know what they’re doing. They’re a smart crew; they’re good at their jobs.”
“I just don’t know how I’m ever going to fall asleep tonight.”
“My offer stands, sweetie. You can stay here. I can set up the sofa for you.”
I smiled but shook my head. “Thanks, Carla. That’s really sweet of you, but I think I’ll go back eventually. After all, you’re only down the hall if I need you, right?”
