by Laury Falter
Daniel nodded in understanding before turning around to address the messengers. When he did, the look on his face told me that I wasn’t going to like whatever was to come.
As he spoke, Eran’s eyes cautiously swept to the side, to where I alone stood. Not only did I see the movement of his head but I felt his awareness on me, solely me, as if he were waiting for my reaction.
“It has been decided that you,” Daniel announced, tipping his head at the messengers, “are too significant to be left in the perilous position of defending yourselves. Rather than take the risk of making you rely solely on your personal abilities to preserve your lives, guards from Eran’s legion have been selected for the responsibility of looking after your wellbeing. In light of this new role, they have been given a new name. They will be known forthwith as your guardian and you will be known as their ward. One has been designated for each of you and will commence with their responsibilities directly.”
My mouth fell open in offense. I stepped forward, ready to argue against it, but promptly before anyone else could speak, Eran bellowed a command, which was swiftly followed. “Guardians, pair with your ward.”
Apparently, the guardians had done their research. They knew their “ward” by face, which I learned as several dozen of them dropped without delay from the circle that had formed overhead and landed precisely beside the messengers they would guard from this point on.
As they lowered, I noticed unifying traits among them. Each was built with heaps of muscles and shared the same observant watchfulness and stern glower, a result of whatever they had endured while serving in their previous positions.
Once in place, they did not address their ward. Instead, they stood with hands clasped at their waist and appendages folded behind them to wait for their next command. They looked odd in comparison to their messengers, towers of muscles in contrast to shorter, thinner pillars.
As the clearing grew still again, I made the only movement, approaching Eran with a different kind of command in mind, one that he wouldn’t like very much. Daniel, however, stepped in to block me.
“The judgment has been made,” he warned.
I began to argue but Daniel took my shoulders. “It is done, Magdalene.”
I caught sight of Eran noticing my objection, waiting for me to react further. I did, with a narrowing of my eyes.
He ignored it and began to walk between the newly formed pairs of messengers and guardians. He stopped beside a girl who chose a body no older than me. She was blonde and was known for her bubbly personality.
There was one element about her that stood out to me immediately…She was the exact opposite of me.
The subtle sensation of loss crawled up my arms and flushed my face. This type of emotion wasn’t often experienced in the afterlife, but there seemed to be no stopping it now. Its reasoning was immediately clear to me, and knowing it only intensified it… Whatever attraction between Eran and me had once been was now gone, affirmed by his actions and by the anger boiling in my stomach.
While his ward was eagerly awaiting his attention, it remained fixed on me.
The heat now pulsed from my skin. I could feel it searing up my neck and across my cheeks. It had to be visible, but I would not look away. When I tipped my head up in a show of defiance, I thought I saw the faintest flash of a smile form at the corner of his lips.
Intentionally looking away, I scanned the clearing and the pairs standing side by side, taking in the new arrangement. That was when the notion came to me, rising from my core, in an absolute denial of what Eran was insisting. We did not need their help. And I was going to make it clear.
Taking another step forward, I opened my mouth.
Eran, who had remained attentive to me, abruptly announced, “The messengers’ training will not be interrupted.” His voice was louder and hastier than before.
I started to speak again, and again he stopped me.
“Nor will we enforce further changes to the routine you have established.”
I took another step forward and made another attempt to speak only to be interrupted by Eran again.
“Your training will not hinder nor help my men or women in their defense of you. You may continue as you wish, if you wish. “
I made another effort to oppose him and then Eran did something that stunned me to silence. Sighing irritably, he snapped his head in my direction and sent me a look of appalled frustration.
“This has been done,” he said firmly and deliberately directed at me, “for your own good, for the good of the messengers, and for the good of those who the messengers serve.”
Several realizations hit me at once then. First, this man was not accustomed to someone opposing him. He found it exasperating, almost as much as I did being countermanded. Second, in that moment, as he struggled to convince me of the value in this judgment, it became clear that Eran was the one who had influenced it to be made. He had seen something in our training that had made him determine another course of action was needed. In his eyes, we had failed. Third, he understood me more than anyone I’d ever known. Without ever having exchanged a word, without having spent time alone in private discussions, somehow he knew me, my intentions, my desires. It was clear to him that I would oppose him and this decision until I was convinced it was the best course for the messengers’, which he had just proven to me.
I closed my mouth but did not break our stare, which quickly became apparent to others. Eran’s ward began sending confused looks at me and then back to Eran. Others were doing the same.
Knowing that Eran was waiting for my response and that it had better be concurrence to the judgment he had initiated, I answered in such a way that he could not possibly misunderstand my unwillingness.
Having heard of how those in the other realm bid agreement to their assumed superiors with a certain gesture, I let this be my answer.
Sweeping my arms back, I bent at the waist in a slow bow.
Instantly, a reaction swept through the clearing. Some laughed, some looked appalled. Eran did not stir, not even his gaze, for a long duration of my gesture. Not until just before I shifted my feet did the corners of his lips turned up, almost undetectably, and humor slipped into his eyes.
Remaining tucked, I stepped backwards, until I was next to Jacob and distinctly outside the clearing.
This seemed to break the trance over our spectators. The messengers and their guardians began to speak to each other. Those hovering above, who had apparently bid their leader a farewell earlier, left in unison, just as they had come.
Eran was the only one who seemed intent on remaining quietly immobile, and transfixed on me.
Daniel lifted himself over the crowd before us and settled beside Jacob.
“He did this for their own good,” were the first words out of Daniel’s mouth.
I scoffed, unable to keep my reaction to myself.
The truth was I knew Daniel was correct. A personal guard only added to the messenger’s defense. It just didn’t excuse his self-important behavior.
“It was the arrogant, overpowering manner in which Eran had gone about it that insulted me. He thought the messengers weren’t skilled enough to defend themselves and made that decision after only a few practice sessions before directly affecting them by calling for a judgment without ever consulting them. He was…” I watched him talking quietly with his ward. “He is ill-mannered.”
Someone cleared their throat behind us and we turned to find Hermina with a large, swarthy-skinned man. Having overheard me, she was restraining a smile while he stared impassively down at me.
“Jeremiah,” she said “meet my good friend, Magdalene. Magdalene, meet my new guardian.”
In a show of humor, he bent forward into a deep, gracious bow.
Jacob and Daniel burst into laughter. I remained stone-faced, knowing he was mocking me for condemning his colonel. I didn’t care.
Undeterred, I spoke straight to Hermina. “Promise me that you will continue to tra
in. There is no telling what kind of forces – how dark or powerful – have hurt the other messengers.”
Jacob groaned in frustration at me. “That is why the judgment was made, Magdalene.”
I understood this but the wary feeling inside me didn’t diminish, making me ignore him.
“Promise me,” I demanded to Hermina.
She smiled judiciously. “I promise.”
A moment of tense silence passed between us when she suddenly smiled broadly. “On a more positive note, congratulations are in order.”
I grunted as my attention flickered to Eran, who seemed like the only true victor. Our eyes met but I broke our gaze.
Hermina, however, wasn’t talking about him.
“You’ve accomplished what you set out to do. We have protection,” she said motioning to Jeremiah before doing the same to Jacob and Daniel. “And we have trainers to teach us how to assist in that protection. You’ve achieved your goal.”
I hadn’t considered that point but for some reason their additional safety made me feel somewhat better. I had to resist the urge to smile. That nagging feeling seemed to be settling into the pit of my stomach as if the problem the messengers faced wasn’t nearly close to being solved.
“Now that you have, what will you do?” Hermina asked.
Without conscious thought, my focus drifted to Eran, who was still engaged in conversation with his ward. He had effectively dismantled my purpose for remaining here.
“I’ve always been interested in visiting the other realm.”
Hermina seemed pleased by my response. “I was mentioning to Jeremiah that I’ll be leaving soon also.” Noting the displeased expression that traveled across my face, she added, “I’ll be training during my returns here each night.”
When my shoulders relaxed, she smiled warmly. “I’ll be going as an Alterum so that I may hone my gifts.” She tipped her head at me. “You’ll be going as an Alterum also, won’t you?”
The question was phrased more as a strong suggestion, although I didn’t know what significance it held for her. I still hadn’t made a firm resolution to go. The other realm had always been a curiosity to me.
“I’ve considered going as a reborn, unable to recall my past lives so that I could advance my soul.”
She nodded, encouraging me to finish my thought.
“But with the dangers I am aware of now in the other realm, I’d be more inclined to be there for other reasons, mainly to learn and hone my gifts.”
“So you’ll be falling as an infant,” she concluded. “So that you may fulfill both ambitions…learning your gifts while experiencing life on earth.”
I stopped myself there.
What was I doing?
I was a recluse, more comfortable in solitude than around others. I sought harmony and quiet. I enjoyed living outside the status quo, living by my set of rules and no others. Now I was seriously considering discarding these comforts. And if I did, I would be forced to subsist around others, to live in disquiet, to behave as they would expect, and to endure that mental pain along with the physical while in that other realm. There would be no hiding from it, no fleeing back to the peaceful afterlife.
So what was I doing? Why was I considering it?
The answer was so simple that I could not deny it. It hung in my consciousness like a sign draped directly in my view…
For the first time in my existence, I actually felt needed.
“Magdalene?” Hermina prompted.
“Yes,” I said reflexively, preoccupied with my thoughts. “Yes, that’s how I’ll be going.”
“Excellent.” She settled back with relief, as if a tense moment had passed in which she’d wanted me to acquiesce to the idea of it. “We can fall together if you wish.”
I nodded and she reached out to place a comforting hand on my shoulder. “I’ll come for you.”
Again, my attention was drawn to Eran. He remained engrossed in conversation with his ward. I turned back to Hermina and nodded.
“I’ll be waiting.”
What I didn’t mention was my ulterior purpose in leaving for the other side. I didn’t share the overall relief the others felt at the designation of guardians to messengers. The pain in my stomach wouldn’t allow it.
I knew eventually the evil that was hurting the messengers on the other side would show it’s self and hopefully by that time I would be prepared for it.
CHAPTER FOUR: FALL
OF ALL THE WAYS TO ENTER the other realm, being reborn is the easiest. By having your memory of the afterlife temporarily erased, you have nothing to use to compare the pain which you feel at birth. Falling into the other realm is similar to birth with one distinct exception. When you fall, by your willful desire, as an Alterum, you remember the weightless and painless environment in which you have lived. You want to return to it, want to end the pain, want to live in comfort again, but by the time you feel the pressure against your skin, it is already too late.
I’ve been told it is most agonizing on your first visit. Thereafter, you expect what you encounter and brace for it.
I did not brace.
I stood on the precipice, staring over. While there wasn’t much to see other than a void of hazy white, my curiosity was piqued and I remained head down. Beside us, someone was returning from their journey on the other side and being greeted by those who he knew. Some time earlier, when he’d first arrived, he appeared befuddled until his memory returned and recognition of the faces before him sunk in. He hadn’t even recalled his eternal name, Rufus. Now, however, it was a raucous, unreserved party.
There was no one to send us off but each other. Hermina and I stood side by side, alone, preparing for a descent into the unknown. Freewill had allowed us to choose only certain fine points in the lives we were about to live. We knew the physical location where we would land, which family would inherit us, and our age. The rest would be left to the delicate, reactive influences of others’ lives and to the fingers of fate that move us along. A mixture of eagerness and excitement twisted through my insides as I prepared for it.
The step over the edge was familiar to Hermina, so she watched me closely.
“Are you ready?” she asked.
I thought about my beach, how peaceful it had been before that first scream made its way across the water past me, yet I knew it would be waiting for me when I returned.
“I’ve chosen my place of birth, my parents…So, yes, as much as I’ll ever be,” I said and realized there wasn’t enough conviction in it. “Yes, Hermina, show me the way.”
She grinned and tipped slowly downward, toward that other realm.
And as I accepted my decision and fell forward, feeling the pressure of the air buffer me in my descent, the wind began to pick up. A few more feet and it whistled in my ears. A few more feet and it turned into a roar. By then it was grating my skin, feeling as if it were shredding pieces from me.
The searing heat of friction wiped away all opinion, intentions, hopeful prospects of what was to come, every reason as to why I was doing this at all. I felt nothing, imagined nothing, thought of nothing but the pain.
My body unconsciously curled into itself, hiding from the strain it was bearing. I felt my knees at my chin and my arms around the sides of my legs.
I tumbled forward, sideways, backwards. And the heat only increased.
I bore through it, determined to outlast it. And just when I gained hold of myself, it deepened its graze, strengthening in power, and forced a scream from deep within me.
I opened my mouth but heard nothing except the wind. Only the deflation of my lungs and the scratch in my throat told me that one was releasing. When it finished, I drew in a breath to expel another but stopped.
This time I heard a scream, but it did not come from me.
I looked up to address it, to find Hermina and determine if it had come from her, but only the cloudy white surrounded me. She wasn’t close enough for me to have heard her, not if I couldn’t discern
my own scream in the blazing wind.
And this was when I understood…
Another messenger had met an eternal death. The scream had come from them.
If I needed further convincing in my purpose to fall, nothing could have been more pertinent or persuasive.
I gave in to the wind. Plummeting faster, I felt my body level out, the pain ebb, and was able to reopen my mind to thoughts.
And right then was when I blacked out.
CHAPTER FIVE: HALL OF RECORDS
THE WIND HADN’T STOPPED, BUT IT lessened.
I opened my eyes to what was now a dark grey haze. The misty white was gone. Things poked my back, sticking me with what felt like dull needles. The wind blew clumps of dirt into my bare arms. I shifted them, two chunky ones, appropriately sized for a well-fed toddler. Around me, the cold air was disturbed. I knew this condition, this freezing sensation. It was something I’d experienced during training when I’d made the environment more like this realm. It and the pain of emptiness in my stomach were not pleasant. In reaction to it all, I opened my mouth and wailed. And I didn’t stop because I couldn’t, because someone was ordained to hear me.
“Here! Over here!” called a voice in old German, a language utilized in the afterlife.
The grass overhead moved aside and a woman appeared above me, and then a man. His hand was at his temple, turning the brim of his hat against the wind.
The woman adjusted her scarf before settling her fingers on her chest. She seemed stunned. “Who could have left this poor thing out here in the cold?” she demanded.
The man stooped, lifted me, and cradled my small body against him. I was instantly warmed by him. “I’ll carry her,” he said, and he did, all the way to my new home.
I saw all that was happening and understood it. The small, one-room home they lived in, the other children who rushed to evaluate me when we entered, the facial expressions of the man who would become my father after he and his wife discussed what was to be done with me. By the end of the day, they had committed to finding my birth parents, but only I knew they wouldn’t and that in the end they would take me in as one of their own.
