by Con Riley
In his waking nightmare, Marco had wrapped his arms around him, one hand grasping at his nape. His fingers had tangled there, and he’d breathed out foreign-to-him calming words that drowned out the sounds of yelling.
By the time the cops arrived, Paul had crossed the street with Levi and left him safely there with Amber. Levi only returned when the cops insisted, their expressions both bored and disbelieving. Their skepticism finally dissipated when Levi covered for him.
Wasn’t that another nail in his coffin?
If Levi could tell bald-faced lies to the cops, like that shit was second nature, no wonder he’d had Aiden snowed. That kind of deception, especially while under pressure, had to be habitual. Aiden recalled his dad talking about cash discrepancies and the type of people responsible for them. He should have noticed sooner, and he blamed himself again.
The far end of the backyard was cooler and shady. It backed onto a small wood and pond where people exercised their dogs. Aiden could hear somebody calling in the distance and the sound of undergrowth rustling from the far side of the fence. He turned away with his eyes closed, and he wished himself awake.
When he opened them again, Marco was approaching. His expression had reverted to a careful neutral. Although he smiled when he reached Aiden, it was small and fleeting. “The police officers are leaving now. They believe what Levi said, I think, but your neighbor isn’t quitting. She is out front right now, telling them your truck is ugly and lowers the value of her home. The woman is not normal.” He hauled in a breath. Aiden saw the way his hands fisted in his pants pockets.
“There’s nothing wrong with my truck.”
Marco closed his eyes for a moment. Aiden thought he heard him groan. When Marco spoke, his voice sounded somewhat shaky. “Right now, your vehicle is not my biggest worry.”
“I know.” It was hard to meet his eyes. “You know I’m sorry, don’t you?”
Marco only nodded, turning back to look up at the house they shared. Amber was just visible through the kitchen window, standing next to Levi, and Paul walked toward the back door, rubbing his forehead as he went. When Marco looked Aiden’s way again, his expression had shifted subtly. It made Aiden take a step back.
“Oh no you don’t.” Marco’s hand moved in a flash, grabbing Aiden just as Paul had, around his still-sore wrist. “It’s not me who needs to hear your apology. You are not going anywhere until you explain what just happened.”
“You saw.”
“That is not an answer, Aiden.”
He guessed it really wasn’t.
“I lost my temper.”
“Aiden. You could have hurt Levi with . . . un martello.” He struggled to find the English word for hammer. “Thank God you dropped it. You came so close to getting physical, and Paul had to hold you back.” Marco looked indignant. “Peter’s father, Aiden. His papà. Don’t you realize that you could have hurt him too?”
Aiden apologized again.
“Stop.”
That was all Marco said, his tone stern and unforgiving.
Maybe this was how it should be.
Marco should talk to him like a stranger after the awful shit he’d almost done. He couldn’t expect to hear his endearments any longer. That much at least was obvious. Lord knew he’d found all of Marco’s babys and tesoros hard to hear at first. He was far away from infancy, and he sure was no one’s treasure now, Italian or otherwise.
He watched as Marco drew in a long, slow breath, and the grip he had on Aiden’s wrist loosened. Marco took one step away, shaking his head.
That was right too, Aiden guessed. He wouldn’t want to be with him either. He looked up again at the faces in the kitchen window. Paul had joined Amber and Levi. Yeah, Marco should go be with them, rather than staying with him.
“Come with me.”
Instead of heading back to the house, Marco walked over to the unfinished fence and stepped through a gap in its supports. “Come. Now.” That tone made Aiden follow him as he pushed aside sapling branches until they found the walkers’ path. It was shadowed and still damp there, even after days of late-summer sunshine. The rainstorm from a few nights ago had left some deep and muddy puddles that Marco skirted with precision. His pace never faltered, and he moved quickly along the trail rather than at his habitual, relaxed amble.
When he suddenly halted, Aiden nearly knocked him over.
The pond was small and partially shaded. Dragonflies skimmed the greenish water, their wings like fractured mirrors reflecting scattered beams of light. Three ducks paddled away, marking Vs on the water’s surface. A bench was set near the pond edge, and when Marco gave his next terse order, Aiden sat down with him.
They stared at the pond in silence, until Marco suddenly broke it. “This cannot continue.”
That statement was understandable. The moment Aiden’s emotions had overwhelmed him, he should have seen this coming.
“The way you are . . . .” Marco shook his head.
His dismissive gesture was reasonable too. It was what Aiden had expected.
“You cannot even make yourself explain. You share nothing with me, Aiden. Nothing, unless you are desperate. I had no idea that you were angry. When did that start, exactly? You were fine after this morning. You seemed to be happy with me. Then we come home to this.” His voice shook, and Aiden hung his head.
This was why he and relationships didn’t mix.
Who would want to be with someone who was such a mess?
Theo’s phone call had reminded him of how badly he’d fucked things up financially. Then he’d nearly lost his shit over Paul’s lighthearted teasing. Levi’s arrival had pushed him over an edge he hadn’t known he stood so close to.
“It is like you do not see me as any different from the others.”
That wasn’t true at all. Aiden swallowed, his mouth dry, but Marco wasn’t finished.
“Do not speak. Do not say a single word to me.” Marco’s hand moved to his head as if it was aching. “When I first moved in, I couldn’t understand you. You had no fun in your life. I thought you lacked a sense of humor, and I tried to get you to lighten up. Then I thought you must have been hurt by someone and simply needed time and space before you would relax around me. You started to share, and today I thought we made real progress.” His hand fell to his lap. “The things you keep inside aren’t worth this . . . .”
Aiden blinked his vision clear.
There must be pollen in the air.
His eyes stung very badly.
“They’re not worth this extent of anger. Whatever happened in the past”—Marco shook his head again—“you have to find a way to leave it there. You can’t carry this fury with you. It changes you, and I think it is getting worse.”
It took a while, and a whole lot of controlled breathing, but Aiden finally got some words out. “I’ll move out tonight.” He wasn’t sure Marco heard him, so he added, “I’ll go stay with Mom.”
What happened next was like a one-man controlled explosion. Marco’s “No!” rang out like a gunshot, and the woods around them burst into panicked life. Ducks flapped, rising from the water, joining the sudden sounds of hidden creatures taking cover. Marco had risen to his feet, both fists clenched, and he walked a few steps away from Aiden.
“No.” With his back turned, his voice was much quieter. “Regardless of what just happened, I thought we’d started something. Do you really want to walk away from me?”
“I . . . . No. No, I don’t.” He really, really didn’t. That realization made Aiden blurt out some more hurried words. “I thought you said you’d had enough already.”
Marco’s turn was quick, as was his pace as he approached the bench. “Of your secret-keeping, Aiden. That’s what I have had enough of. That’s what leads you to this place, where you can’t control your actions. That is what has to stop now.”
He got right up in Aiden’s space, blocking the clearing’s sunlight. When Marco spoke next, Aiden’s hands gripped the bench’s edge.
It took a moment for Aiden to realize that Marco had seen him at his brand-new low point and still wouldn’t walk away.
He looked up, and Marco stared down at him before straddling his legs. One of his arms wrapped around Aiden’s shoulders while his free hand cupped his cheek. Marco’s voice was a low murmur—gritty and laced with worry. “You have to tell me what you are thinking. You have to start right now.”
Aiden tried to nod, but Marco’s grip on his face tightened.
“You will answer truthfully when I ask you questions instead of trying to deflect me.”
Aiden nodded yes before he knew what he was doing.
“You are not seeing people clearly right now. If you feel your control slip again, tell me, and then listen to my guidance.”
Following instructions would be a relief, but the last time he put his trust in another person it had all gone to shit.
“I mean it.” This time Marco faltered, dipping his head and hiding his expression. When he met Aiden’s gaze again, his dark eyes were bright and shiny as he summarized. “Trust me until you can trust yourself, and tell me what you’re thinking?” He probably hadn’t meant that last statement as a question, but Aiden didn’t argue. His fingers uncurled slowly from the rough wood of the bench seat, and he hugged Marco to him.
They sat like that until they heard Paul’s voice call out. Marco pressed their foreheads together, and then gave him a kiss. He asked, “Are you ready, baby?” and Aiden shook his head.
No way was he ready. He wanted to run away. He felt that very strongly, like when he’d found out about his dad’s financial mess. Only now he wanted to take Marco with him.
“I don’t want to go back.”
“Good. That’s a good thing for you to tell me.” Marco almost smiled before his eyes narrowed. “We are going anyway. We are doing it together.” Aiden followed as Marco led the way back, quietly encouraging him as they walked at a much slower rate than before.
When Marco said, “Ben warned me that American men could be complex,” Aiden’s first thought was, “Ben who?”
Amber watched with her arms tightly folded as they climbed back through the gap in the fence and crossed the backyard toward her. Levi stood close by, with Paul right behind him. When he saw his brother at the kitchen window, and Theo too, Aiden’s progress faltered.
What were all these people doing here?
Why the hell was Theo here with Evan?
This was more than he could deal with. His steps slowed, and then they stopped. Marco’s hand curled around his, his tug a silent order to face his firing squad. His words were low-pitched and encouraging. “Do you think they are here because they want to punish you? Why would Levi send the cops away if that was what he wanted? Why would Amber be here, if not to check that you are okay?”
“Can’t you get rid of them?” Aiden could barely handle himself. There was no way he could deal with other people.
“No. You keep too much to yourself already. You have a chance to set things right in public, rather than pretending things are okay.” He tugged Aiden’s hand again. “The sooner this is over, the sooner we can fix things. All these people care about you.”
That wasn’t true, Aiden thought as they approached the back door. Paul didn’t owe him any loyalty. That didn’t stop Paul from reaching out to him. He put a hand on each of Aiden’s shoulders, arms braced to keep him steady, as he scanned Aiden’s face.
“Are you okay, son? You had us kind of worried.”
It wasn’t the reaction Aiden had expected, and his response made Amber hurry forward.
Aiden was so often quietly angry at his adoptive father, and he felt nothing for the one who’d played a part in his conception. But out here, in the backyard of his borrowed house, held up by someone else’s dad, he wished he still had a father.
His eyes welled, and there was nothing he could do to stop them. He said something like “I’m so sorry,” and “I don’t know what happened,” but Paul told him to quit it, then pulled him close and hugged him.
His “You scared the shit out of me, son” was shaky.
Marco’s hand was a warm weight on his nape, fingers gently squeezing, as Amber wiped Aiden’s face, just like his own mother would have. When he looked up, Levi stepped closer, looking scared but determined.
Evan’s tense “What the hell’s going on here, Aiden?” from the direction of the back door made Levi retreat quickly.
Theo encouraged Evan to stay inside for a moment. Evan argued until Aiden looked his way and tried really hard to smile. His brother’s face was starkly white, his pale eyes huge and worried, but he let himself be led away when Aiden nodded.
Aiden couldn’t help being pissed off. “Did you have to call my brother, Marco?”
“He was the first person I called. Of course he should be here. He just needs to calm down. Joel has his car right now, so he must have asked Theo for a ride.”
Aiden’s next words were instinctive. “Why the fuck has Joel got his car?” followed by “If Evan’s here, who’s minding the store?”
Marco’s sigh was loud. “I think you need to listen to yourself. Are these really your priorities? Surely now isn’t the time to dwell on your irrational dislikes or on your place of business. Come, sit now, and think hard for a minute.”
Marco continued once they were settled at Peter’s old wooden patio table, nodding to Theo as he came to sit with them. “I did ask Evan the same question about his car. He said that Joel’s RV is temperamental, and he needed a reliable vehicle to drive down to Portland. Do you know a professor of environmental studies who works for a university there?”
Aiden started to shake his head, then frowned and slowly nodded. Peter’s partner, Sean, had worked as a research assistant for a professor named Vik, and Aiden had met him at the beginning of the summer.
“He wants Joel on his Doctoral program, so he’s down there taking a look around right now.”
“Why the hell would Joel leave Seattle? I thought he was done with environmental studies. He said he was into working with people now.” This made no sense to Aiden. Besides, Vik wasn’t an easy man to get along with. He lived for heated argument. Joel, while annoying, was generally laid-back.
Theo sat on the other side of the patio table. He spoke calmly, but he looked far from happy. “I don’t know, Aiden. What could make him feel that some distance from Seattle might be a very good thing?”
This was too confusing. Were Joel and Evan breaking up? Or did this mean Evan was planning to leave with Joel and hadn’t told him? He shook his head to clear it, then slumped back in his seat. If Evan left Seattle, who was going to tell their mother? This was all too much.
“I need to go talk with my brother.”
“No.” Marco reached out and held his wrist, his grip tight where Aiden was already bruising, pulling his scattered thoughts sharply into focus. “None of that is important. Your brother’s love life and your business are both things that can wait.”
Aiden gripped the side of the table, worrying about his mom’s likely reaction and mentally calculating how much lost business this afternoon had already cost him. Marco squeezed his wrist again, this time so hard that Aiden gasped and turned to face him.
Marco leaned close and spoke into his ear. “Focus for me, Aiden. Listen to what I say now.” His warm breath made Aiden shiver. He closed his eyes to concentrate on Marco’s voice. “You need to spend some time with Levi. He has things to tell you. The question we all have is whether you will keep your temper.”
Aiden felt shame, hot and bright, wash over him. “Can’t you at least make all the others go so I can talk with him in private?”
“No.” His answer was unequivocal.
“It’s time you started sharing—the bad as well as the good—with people who will stand by you.”
Aiden reluctantly nodded, then lowered his head. He was sick to his stomach about having lost his fucking mind and ashamed that they’d all seen it happen. He drew in a deep breath and looked directly at Levi, who was still standing between Paul and Amber, taking in his huge eyes and the dark shadows underneath them. The kid really looked like shit.
Aiden said, “Thank you for calling off the cops.” Levi nodded and sat next to Theo.
Aiden added, “I want you to know that I’ll do the same.” Somehow that seemed like justice for scaring the crap out of the kid. He’d call Drew and make some excuse. What was one more lie among so many? “I’m sorry I scared you.” He’d really scared himself. Never in his whole life had he lashed out at another person.
Paul’s hand was firm on his shoulder, and Aiden leaned into his silent support.
When Levi spoke, he sounded embarrassed. “I wanted to talk with you in private. I tried to catch you at the store before you’d done the payroll.” He paused and wet his lips. “I hoped that you’d still pay me for the work I did last week.”
Aiden blinked across the table.
Levi’s voice wavered. “I really need my money.”
Aiden turned to look at Marco. How the hell was he meant to sit here calmly? Levi had stolen from him. They’d both watched him do it, over and over, in irrefutable DVD playback. Had he really made a house call for more of Aiden’s money? Marco’s expression mirrored his confusion.
Theo joined in the conversation. “Aiden, did you listen to my voicemail yet, from earlier today?” He nodded when Aiden said yes. “This is what I wanted to talk over with you. Levi, can I ask you a question?”
Levi agreed that Theo could. When he raised his hand to flick his bangs away from his eyes, it was clearly shaking.
Theo smiled and told him not to worry, like Levi was the victim rather than a criminal. He asked a simple question, one that Aiden hadn’t before he’d thrown Levi out of his store.
“Did you take money that wasn’t yours out of the cash register?”
