by Lace, Lisa
I wasn’t worthy of Kenna, and I wouldn’t hurt her by continuing this farce.
That felt like the right thing to do. I would avoid her. I wouldn’t facilitate this nonsense any longer.
If my memories came back, then I would obviously continue the relationship. But if they didn’t…well, then she would have to move on.
She would have to find a whole man who knew who he was. I would tell her soon. She would be okay without me.
What would I do without her? I had no idea.
KENNA
We had arrived at the wormhole with the vast armada of ships about five hours ago. Mana and Jared were leading the troops in the largest of the fighter craft. I watched from the bridge as the joint human and Susohnnan army devastated the alien ship. The ships were firing simultaneously, and there were hundreds of holes in the hull of the enemy.
We were winning.
I scratched some of my good skin that was itchy under the bandage and looked over at Dar. At the same moment, he looked at me. He gazed at me with no expression on his face. He nodded his head towards the door. I had a bad feeling about this.
He left the bridge and a minute later, I followed, leaving President Mahaar and Dar’s mother on the deck with the rest of the crew. They couldn’t stop watching the viewscreen, and they didn’t notice we had left.
When I got into the hall, I looked for Dar and heard his voice behind me.
“Kenna.”
I turned to him. He didn’t SAY “We need to talk,” but I sensed it.
“Look, I’ve been thinking,” he said. “I believe that the best thing for us right now would be to back off. I still feel confused, and I don’t know how I’m going to rebuild my life. There’s so much going on right now that I just think it would be better if we didn’t see each other for now.”
“You’re breaking up with me?” I said, shocked. “The alien is breaking up with the human.”
“I’m not breaking up with you. I’m just asking for some time. That’s all.”
“I know what that means,” I said coldly. I could hear my voice getting thick.
“Kenna, I can’t promise you anything. I don’t even remember who I am,” he said, his eyes pleading with me to understand.
“But I do. I do remember who you are. I’m not sure I can live without you anymore, Dar.”
He shook his head. His eyes were sad, but he pulled himself up with a look on his face that said further arguments would be futile.
If telling him that I couldn’t live without him didn’t do it, nothing would. Tears filled my eyes, but I held them back, not letting them fall.
This was worse than when I thought I lost him the first time. Losing him was different than an active rejection me, which was a thousand times worse. I didn’t know how I would ever get over this.
Right now, I just needed to get out of here. Get away from him and this conversation.
“We have to get back,” I said, turning and trying not to cry. He followed me back on to the bridge.
Everything had been going so well until this. We were dealing with the alien ship. Dar was regaining portions of his memory.
Even if he never got it back, he was still the same person inside.
Now he was telling me that in spite of the fact that he clearly still cared for me, he didn’t think that it was right for him to be with me.
What the fuck?
After all that we had been through, it was going to end here? Just like that? It wasn’t fair.
As we walked silently back on to the bridge together, I noticed his mother was watching us with a speculative glance. She was probably calculating the chances of still getting babies out of me. Unfortunately, her chances were slim to none and plummeting fast.
“Oh no,” the President said.
“What?” Dar’s mother said.
“All the places where we’ve struck and destroyed a piece of the enemy ship have regenerated.” She looked around at all of us. “Those pieces are reappearing. There are half as many holes in the ship now as there were a minute ago.”
The dangerous situation took my mind away from my problems. We had thought that with so many blasts being directed at the alien ship all at the same time that it would not be able to regenerate quickly enough to overcome our assault.
We were wrong.
“No.”
“Yes,” the President said. Then she spoke into a direct link to Mana and Jared’s fighter craft. “Jared, Mana. Order a retreat immediately. I repeat, order a retreat. The ship is regenerating faster than you are destroying it.”
“We copy that, mother. Ordering a retreat,” Jared said. We saw some of the ships begin turning and heading away from the alien vessel.
Without warning, the army of fighter craft was all gone. Then the alien craft flew into the wormhole and disappeared too.
We stared at the screen in horror. The bridge was silent.
“What’s wrong with the viewscreen?” Dar’s mother said. “Pull up the battle again, ensign.”
“Your Majesty, that is the battle,” the ensign said in a shocked voice.
“What do you mean? There’s nothing there. Everything’s gone. There must be a glitch. Fix it.” Her voice became urgent.
“Mother,” Dar said, and she turned to look at him. I could see that she was pleased that he was calling her by a familiar name, even though he didn’t remember her. “The army is gone, and so is the alien ship. We’ve failed. And we just lost another thirty thousand people to the aliens.”
We all stared at the space in front of the wormhole. My heart filled with grief.
How would we defeat them now that our army was gone?
Where were Jared and Mana and all the others?
How would we ever get our friends back?
Part 3: Disaster
The joint human and Susohnnan fleet attack had failed. We didn’t even have a name for the enemy. We felt that giving them a name would be giving them power over us.
The Earth government was making plans, but they didn’t want to include us in the meetings. It was difficult for us to have a presence at the table while Dar had forgotten everything.
Together, the queen and I decided to do what we could to bring back Dar’s memories on his home planet Susohn. Once Dar was back, we could figure out a way to get our friends and family back.
IF Dar ever came back.
DAR
I watched as the hovercraft approached the city. It could have been any city on any planet, for all I knew.
“Are you remembering anything, Darvish?” the stranger said. I mean, my mother said.
I shook my head. I was feeling depressed again.
My mother had insisted that Kenna come with us to Susohn in an attempt to help me regain my memories. I had mentioned to my mother that I had flashes from the past and she wanted to try and do something. She hoped something would be able to jog my memory.
I had tried to protect Kenna by distancing myself from her. She didn’t take it very well and wasn’t happy about being asked to spend a lot of time with me. But she cared about me so much that she had agreed. At least, I hoped that was why she had said yes, and not out of a strange human sense of obligation.
It broke my heart that this amazing woman was being put through more pain because of me, but it couldn’t be helped. I don’t know if I had been able to stand up to my mother in my previous life, but I certainly needed her now. I looked over at Kenna who was addressing her.
“I’m pretty sure it’s not helpful to ask someone who’s attempting to regain his memories if he remembers anything,” Kenna said, looking my mother directly in the eye.
There wasn’t any attitude in her voice. She was simply stating what she thought and it was clear that she didn’t fear my mother at all.
The former queen arched her eyebrow and didn’t say anything else. She knew that there were issues between us, but she hadn’t asked me about it yet and for that I was extremely grateful. She seemed to want me to be
with Kenna, though I wasn’t sure why.
I sighed. My life was so damned complicated now. The thought made me smile for a moment, in spite of the heavy feeling in my chest. Surely my life was less complicated now than it had been when I was king.
The hovercraft touched down in front of an enormous palace. The edifice had been built like a castle but there were triangles EVERYWHERE.
There were triangular windows. Triangular doorways. I wondered what it was about triangles and made a mental note to ask someone about it as soon as I could.
The building was painted white. It was huge and when I looked up at it, I felt dwarfed by the structure.
“Come on, Darvish, Kenna,” my mother said, gesturing for us to enter. She started up the yellow carpet that led up the stairs and nodded to the servants that were positioned to greet us. I stared up at the enormous set of steps that stretched away, so vast and intimidating.
I knew that the palace was meant to intimidate in order to inspire awe in the ruling monarchs, but it was disconcerting nonetheless. Now it was inspiring awe in me. Kenna glanced over.
“Now you know how I felt the first time you brought me home to your mother,” she said.
“Completely intimidated and overwhelmed?”
“Exactly,” she said, still with no expression on her face. “But you know what made it okay?”
“What?” I said, tilting my head and looking at her curiously.
“That you were with me,” she said, turning and walking up the steps alone.
I followed, climbing the stairs into my home…by myself.
KENNA
It’s funny what a few weeks and changed circumstances can do. When I arrived at the palace with Dar for the first time, I was so nervous I almost threw up. Meeting his mother had been terrifying.
Now I was returning as a Susohnnan female. I had my citizenship papers and the scar to prove it. I was familiar with the palace and I didn’t feel overwhelmed.
When we came here for the first time, Dar had been helping me navigate through Susohnnan culture and now I was the one who needed to take care of him. Oh, and of course, now he had broken up with me instead of being head over heels in love with me.
It was quite the reversal, indeed.
After the necessary niceties had been attended to, we were escorted to our rooms. The former queen had assigned me a room close to Dar’s. I was sure she knew that we had been sleeping together before he was mind-wiped. She wasn’t stupid.
But until a couple was engaged on Susohn, they were required to live separately. As soon as they were engaged, though, they could share a bed until the wedding, which would likely not be for at least a year — more likely three.
Long engagements were common here, as a way of preventing people from rushing into marriage. The engagement provided the necessary release of sexual tension, while allowing the couple to get to know each other. If they decided that they weren’t for each other, then they could call off the wedding.
Because of the difficulty inherent in conceiving — both female and male Susohnnan had fertility cycles and getting them to line up was tricky — they didn’t have a problem with overpopulation and unwanted pregnancies were almost unheard of.
It all seemed to work out for the best. I wished that such traditions were in place on Earth.
The servants delivered our things and Dar and I each went into our own rooms across the hall from each other. I shut the door and leaned against it, closing my eyes and breathing out heavily.
I did not want to be here.
I got hold of myself, went into the washroom, took one of the luxurious face cloths and washed my face. Coming out again, I kicked off my shoes and bounced on to the enormous bed.
Being on the bed made me remember making love with Dar in his bed across the hall. I recalled how he had driven me wild with desire and the intense, ecstatic orgasm that had followed. I buried my face in the pillows, feeling the tears start to fall. I would never feel that again because even though he wasn’t dead, we would be separated forever.
There were memories everywhere.
I cried for a long time and then I sat up. I needed to get myself together. He didn’t want to be with me. I wasn’t going to waste my life making myself miserable over some guy. That wasn’t how my Gran had raised me.
I went and splashed cold water on my red eyes, and then came back. It was time to get ready for my audience with the former queen. I pulled out a new outfit from the closet that was stocked in my size in elegant Susohnnan clothing.
And just like that, I was reminded of Mana. She had had an outfit just like the one I had chosen. She had been angry with me and obviously didn’t like me very much, but she was Dar’s best friend. Even though we weren’t close, I held her in high esteem because she cared so much about Dar.
Jared had saved my life more than once and was such a good friend to me. We had been two humans in a sea of Susohnnan and that had drawn us together.
And now they had been captured by aliens.
It just wasn’t right that they should be enslaved. Why had this happened to such good people? It wasn’t that I didn’t think the other thirty thousand, weren’t good people. I knew that they were. But Mana and Jared had been our friends.
We had eaten together, joked together, planned together, and saved each other’s lives more times than I could count. I broke down crying again. What untold horrors were they enduring because of our poor judgment?
I went and took a shower, trying to get myself under control. There was nothing I could do about Mana and Jared right now. I needed to focus. As unpleasant as it might be, my presence here with Dar was important.
Some of his memories had returned, and if some could, then maybe everything could, no matter what the doctors said. I needed to take him to the places we had been together and a few other places his mother suggested that had been important to him. Maybe seeing the places would help him to remember.
If he became himself again, then we could make a plan to save Mana and Jared. If his memories never came back, everything was over with him anyway and I would join the team that was being organized to go and free the slaves.
I would risk my life to free them because whether I lived or died was no longer of any great importance. Intellectually, I didn’t want to die, but emotionally, I didn’t care either way.
One of the reasons I had agreed to come back was that it might help me take my mind off the loss of Jared and Mana. Staying there and just waiting was enough to drive me insane. Coming back here and helping Dar to remember himself seemed like an infinitely preferable option — no matter how painful it was to be close to him and to know that I was nothing to him.
I rubbed my scar and prayed that the plan would work, for my broken heart’s sake.
*
I strode into the room where I was meeting Dar’s mother. I no longer had any fear of this woman. And I was ready for anything she was going to dish out. I didn’t know exactly what this meeting was about, but I assumed it had something to do with the reason I was here on Susohn.
She watched me approach the table, her face was unreadable. Impressed, perhaps? Why would she be impressed with me?
“Kenna,” she said, making the sign of The Three.
“Your highness,” I said, curtsying deeply. Then I rose and made the sign of The Three to the best of my ability with a bandaged hand.
“Let’s lower our speech. You may call me Sarallia and we can dispense with the formalities when we are alone. I still expect that you will be my daughter-in-law and I will treat you as such.”
We were getting right to the meat of the conversation. Good. I hated small talk. I sat down across from her at a table that was loaded with Susohnnan pastries. A servant came forward and poured me some lemonade.
“I hate to disappoint you, Sarallia, but I doubt that I will ever be your daughter-in-law.” I felt my throat closing up but I refused to break down in front of this woman. I pushed the tears away and focused o
n what she was saying.
“It might seem that way now, but I have every confidence that he will regain his memory. He has already remembered some things that he should not have if he had been properly mind-wiped. Contrary to appearances, I am not merely an old woman desperately wanting her only son to look at her and remember who she is.”
I was feeling too many emotions. Bitter and angry, as well as sad and despairing. I had somehow completely lost the filter on my mouth.
“I thought that you would like him to forget you. That way, you could portray yourself as a sweet, old doting mother who had never done anything to harm him.”
She flinched at my words but she didn’t back down.
“You have a point. But I would rather he remember me, warts and all, than the nothingness I see when he looks at me. You know what I’m talking about.”
Oh, I knew.
“Now we are aligned, Kenna. We both love Dar and want him to regain his memory.”
I couldn’t let her continue without telling her what had happened.
“That’s true,” I said. “But there’s something you should know.”
“What’s that?” she said, looking wary.
“Dar broke up with me. I don’t know exactly why. He doesn’t want me anymore, Sarallia.” I tried not to sound as pathetic as I felt.
She didn’t look upset at all. In fact, she started laughing.
“Nonsense, that’s just because he doesn’t remember you right now. Don’t give up hope, Kenna. He will.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“He will remember you and you will be together. I will have grand babies before I die, Kenna.”
“What makes you so sure?”
She stared down at her hands.
“He said that you were his sheeranla, Kenna. Do you know what that is? What that means?”
“I looked it up. The dictionary says it means soul mate or chosen one.”
“Yes, but Unified doesn’t do the word justice. In our language, sheeranla is a spiritual mate as well as someone that you partner with — body, mind, and soul. A sheeranla comes with you through all your lifetimes until you join with The Three forever.”
