Lipstick and Lies

by Viggiano, Debbie

  All I had to do now was devise a way to see off Selina.

  Chapter Six

  That evening we ate without Edna. She’d been invited to dinner by an elderly gentleman she’d met in B&Q.

  ‘Aye aye, my mother’s landed herself a toyboy,’ Jamie had informed me earlier.

  ‘Who is he?’ I’d asked in amazement.

  ‘Some chap she met in the paint aisle. He’s five years younger than her. Transpires he’s making a rocking horse for his grandson. Just like she has for Eddie.’

  ‘Fancy that.’

  ‘I think she does,’ Jamie had chortled.

  Sitting now around the dinner table eating a rather adventurous chicken stew I’d managed to throw together, the children regaled us with their woes. Their complaints centred on teachers setting overly large amounts of homework.

  ‘Mrs Peterson is a right old bag,’ announced my step-son. ‘She gave me an A minus in French when it should have been an A star.’

  ‘Stop showing off Jonas,’ my step-daughter chided good-naturedly. ‘We can’t all be brainboxes like you.’

  ‘Speak for yourself Petra,’ Toby shrugged.

  It was a fact that both our boys were academically gifted, whereas Petra and Livvy had to work hard to achieve good grades.

  ‘Okay kids, if you’ve finished you may be excused,’ Jamie said.

  There was a moment of noisy chair scraping followed by a mass departure.

  ‘So, with the exception of our little boy, I have you all to myself,’ Jamie stood up. He moved around the table and pulled me into his arms. I melted against him. ‘I don’t believe I’ve yet complimented you on your hair,’ he kissed the top of my head. ‘It’s stunning. You look like you used to. When I first met you.’

  ‘Before I became a mother again,’ I said ruefully. I wound my arms around my husband’s neck and gazed up at him adoringly. How could I have doubted Jamie wanting to spend time in Selina’s apartment for any reason other than being helpful? The expression on his face said it all. The look of love.

  Jamie released me and went to Eddie’s highchair. I began to clear the table. ‘By the way,’ he said, undoing Eddie’s safety straps and lifting our son out, ‘I have something to tell you. Something you’re not going to like.’

  I froze, the casserole pot suspended in my hands.

  ‘Is it to do with Selina?’

  Jamie gave a rueful look. ‘Yes.’

  ‘Go on.’

  ‘She’s coming to dinner tomorrow evening.’

  ‘She’s what?’ the colour drained from my face.

  ‘Well she kept going on and on about how lonely she is. You know, while Ethan’s in America. And banging on about going home to an empty apartment. Hating her own company. That sort of thing. She dropped so many hints about fitting one more around our table – which incidentally I ignored – that in the end she asked me outright.’

  ‘Asked what outright?’ my heart refused to follow this conversation, even though my brain already knew the answer.

  ‘She asked if she could join us for dinner.’

  ‘To which you replied No I’m very sorry you cannot.’

  Jamie gave me an apologetic look. ‘She also said how much she wanted to see you again. Said she really likes you.’

  ‘Likes me? Are you mad? I swear she tried to poison me.’

  ‘Oh don’t be daft Cassie. Now you’re being melodramatic.’

  ‘Funny how it was only me pinned to the toilet after eating her food. I can’t believe you’ve allowed yourself to be coerced.’ I put the casserole pot down. Before I flung it at my husband. Instead I set about clearing plates and cups, banging and crashing things about. How dare Jamie agree to that woman coming here! How dare he! And how dare she ask! Impudent cow.

  ‘Well she knows we’ve had Ethan here a few times for kitchen supper. What am I meant to say?’

  ‘Yes, but he was on his own back then!’

  ‘And currently Selina is on her own. Ethan would be very pleased to know we’re looking after her. I’ve told you before that he’s tremendously keen for our women to bond.’

  ‘I’ll never bond with that woman. Not in a million years. And nor do I want to bond with her.’

  ‘Cassie calm down,’ Jamie wiped Eddie’s mouth and put him in his playpen. ‘I know you don’t want to see Selina–’

  ‘You promised me I wouldn’t have to suffer her again for ages!’ my voice was rising. I couldn’t seem to stop it. I sounded like one of Alvin’s chipmunks in the grip of hysteria.

  Jamie raked his hair. ‘The woman invited herself and–’

  ‘Well she can bloody well uninvite herself! Tell her our cooker has blown up. Or the house has imploded. Use your imagination.’

  At that moment the back door opened. A gust of cold air curled around my ankles as Edna came into the kitchen.

  ‘Are you okay Cassandra?’ My mother-in-law shook out an umbrella and took off her coat. ‘I could hear you outside dear.’

  ‘I’m fine Edna,’ I said through gritted teeth. ‘Totally hunky-dory.’

  ‘I was just explaining to Cassie that my business partner’s fiancée is joining us for dinner tomorrow.’

  Edna turned a pair of blue headlamps on her son. ‘The fiancée is coming with the business partner?’

  ‘No. He’s in America.’

  ‘Cassandra dear, don’t distress yourself. I’ll do the cooking for you. It will be my pleasure.’

  ‘That’s very kind of you Edna, but that’s not why I’m upset.’

  ‘I am sensitive to the situation dear. I haven’t forgotten the problems this young lady caused you both. However, these are tenuous circumstances. She’s the fiancée of Jamie’s business partner. And Ethan is the Senior Partner. So don’t let this person spoil things.’

  I gazed at my mother-in-law. She was astute. And her message to me was clear. Refusing Selina could jeopardise Jamie’s partnership. So don’t upset the apple cart.

  I rubbed a hand over my forehead. Perhaps I was being a tad over-reactionary. I could understand Selina being lonely while Ethan was away. I remembered how lost I’d been when I’d first split from Stevie. Once the twins had gone to bed it had been me and the four walls. Although I’d kept myself busy with the many things a mum always had to do. Having a family meant there were always chores to keep up with. I’d been glad to immerse myself in washing filthy football kit, scrubbing muddy boots, or staying up until midnight sewing name tags in uniform. It had been a welcome distraction. Whereas Selina didn’t have children to dilute the loneliness. She didn’t even have to clean the apartment or do the ironing because Ethan employed a home help. And Jamie was right. Ethan had, from time to time, joined us for supper. It didn’t escape me either that if Selina and Ethan were a permanent fixture, I’d have to get used to her visiting periodically in the future. Give me strength.

  ‘Right,’ I said sourly. ‘Selina will join us tomorrow.’

  ‘I think that’s very wise Cassandra dear,’ said my mother-in-law. ‘Now, if you’ll excuse me, I know Livvy has some Physics homework she needs help with.’

  I stacked the dishwasher while Jamie played with Eddie. If only I wasn’t so tired perhaps I wouldn’t be so paranoid about Selina. Chucking a powder tablet into the machine, I switched it on and then went off to find Morag’s sleep plan. It wouldn’t hurt to have a read. And maybe give it a whirl.

  Five hours later, the entire house was asleep. Apart from me and my puce-faced screaming son. With nerves stretched to breaking point, I consulted my watch. In one more minute the plan permitted Mummy to return to baby’s cot, make reassuring noises, then smartly exit before marking another five minutes on the clock. If baby was still awake after one hour of controlled crying, the plan should be abandoned. Whereupon Mummy must keep baby awake for precisely one more hour before starting all over again. As the second hand on my wristwatch concluded its fifth revolution, I padded back into Eddie’s room. Of all the babies in the world, I’d known mine would be th
e infant to turn the sleep plan on its head.

  ‘Hush Eddie, there’s a good boy,’ I whispered. Leaning into his cot, I scooped him up. After one hour of squawking, he was almost hoarse. The noise tore at my heartstrings as I jiggled him about, patting his little back. And somehow we had to now stay awake for another hour. As I blearily wondered how the hell I was going to achieve this, Eddie crashed out on my shoulder. Well bugger me. Carefully I returned him to the cot, laying him gently on his back. His long lashes swept across the pillows of his cheeks. My heart contracted into a tight little knot. Suddenly I was gulping back the tears.

  A shadow fell across the open doorway. ‘What’s up?’ whispered Jamie tip-toeing into the room. ‘Why are you crying?’

  ‘Oh Jamie,’ I sobbed, ‘I can’t bear the thought of Eddie getting married and leaving home.’

  ‘Darling for goodness sake, that’s about twenty years from now. By which point we’ll be dragging women off the street, and begging one of them to take Eddie off our hands.’

  ‘Never,’ I dissolved into fresh floods. ‘No woman will ever be good enough for my little boy.’

  ‘Of course they won’t, of course,’ Jamie pulled me to him. He began patting my back. Not unlike how I’d patted Eddie’s. It was strangely soothing. I could see why Eddie liked it so much. Maybe Jamie could pat my back more often. Perhaps I should patent the idea. To Mothercare. Design a soft fluffy contraption that patted babies to sleep at night. I sniffed. In the absence of a tissue, I wiped my wet face on the back of my dressing gown sleeve. Jamie led me back across the landing and into our bedroom.

  ‘Come on. Bed.’ Jamie tucked me in. ‘Go to sleep.’ He stroked my forehead. Ah, lovely. His hand caressed my weary brow. Again. And then again. Fantastic. My eyelids drooped. Scrap the idea of patenting a back patter. Instead I would design a baby bonnet with inbuilt head massager. Brilliant idea Cass. Ten seconds later I was fast asleep.

  When my alarm went off the following morning, I realised Eddie had slept through the remainder of the night – after his initial sleep plan rebellion. I wasn’t convinced we’d cracked things on the first attempt. But it was a positive start. The baby alarm emitted a rustling noise followed by a reedy cry.

  Two minutes later I crept downstairs, babe on my hip. It would be another twenty minutes or so before the other children were up and about. I fed Eddie and then popped him into his playpen. I was just scrambling a mountain of eggs when Edna came into the kitchen.

  ‘Good morning Cassandra.’

  ‘Hi Edna. How are you?’

  ‘I’m very well dear.’

  ‘You didn’t tell me how your date went,’ I smiled.

  Was it my imagination or was my mother-in-law blushing? She busied herself with the kettle.

  ‘Pleasant,’ she nodded. ‘Like me, Arthur is making a rocking horse. Although his is on a far more elaborate scale. But it’s nice to chat with somebody who has similar interests. Very nice actually.’

  ‘So where did he take you?’

  Edna’s eyes lit up. ‘To a tool fair.’

  ‘Wow.’ This Arthur clearly hadn’t a clue about romance.

  ‘It was most informative. We saw all the latest tools being put through their paces. And for lunch we had a very passable bacon butty. And right at the end of the day we were both given a free t-shirt. Mine says Power Drills Do It Best.’

  I boggled into the scrambled eggs. ‘I see.’

  ‘Now Cassandra dear,’ Edna poured boiling water into a teapot and added four teabags. ‘I know this evening is going to be a little taxing for you.’

  ‘Ah, yes.’ I’d momentarily forgotten about Selina gracing us with her presence.

  ‘I insist you let me take care of dinner tonight.’

  I transferred the scrambled egg into an oven dish to keep it warm.

  ‘Okay. Thank you. That will be a great help.’

  I set about loading an industrial sized toaster with bread.

  ‘Is there anything else I can do?’

  ‘As it happens Edna, I’d love to take Nell’s dog for a run this morning. I was going to drive to Nell’s straight after the school run. Could I leave Eddie with you for an hour or two?’

  ‘Of course dear. He’s no trouble at all.’

  ‘Thank you so much.’

  Whilst I sometimes grumbled about Edna taking over, this was one time when I was tremendously grateful for her doing so.

  In due course the children and Jamie came down. There was a frantic five minutes as hands whipped across the table grabbing scrambled egg and demolishing a tottering pagoda of toast.

  Kissing Jamie good-bye, I waved to Eddie in Edna’s arms, and then loaded the kids into the Muck Truck. I was just about to reverse out of the driveway when my mobile rang. It was Morag.

  ‘I’m bored.’

  ‘How can you possibly be bored with a four month old baby to look after? Not forgetting all Matt’s children and step-children that seem to prefer living with the pair of you, rather than their biological parents.’

  ‘That’s just it. They’ve all naffed off.’

  ‘Where?’

  ‘Uni. Or abroad. One’s gone on World Challenge with their school. Another is doing a student language exchange. The only daughter at home right now is Joanie. And she’s bundled Henry up and taken him down to the yard in his buggy. She absolutely dotes on him. Joanie told me to go shopping. So I wondered if you were up for a trip to Fairview?’

  ‘You know me. Always up for a bit of retail therapy. However, this is one morning I can’t. After I’ve finished the school run, I’m seeing Nell. Albeit briefly. I’m going for a workout with her mad red setter.’

  ‘Ooh, I’ll come with you.’

  I made a snorting noise. ‘Since when did you ever do exercise?’

  ‘I exercise every night!’ said Morag indignantly.

  ‘I don’t meant that sort of exercise,’ I hissed into the handset, ‘and watch what you’re saying because I’m about to switch you to loudspeaker. Four sets of ears will be wiggling away. As of now.’

  Hands free, I reversed the car through the electric gates.

  ‘I’m perfectly capable of going for a run,’ Morag sounded indignant. ‘In fact I’ve just bought a new sports bra. It’s excellent. My boobs don’t even wobble in it.’

  The children snorted with suppressed laughter as we headed off.

  ‘It’s Morag,’ whispered Toby to Jonas. ‘She’s got massive boobies.’

  ‘I know,’ Jonas whispered back, ‘but they’re not as big as Miss January’s. I’ve got a naughty calendar in my room. I’ll show you later.’

  ‘Just a moment Morag,’ I looked in the rear view mirror at my step-son. ‘Where’s the naughty calendar Jonas?’

  ‘What naughty calendar?’

  ‘The naughty calendar you just told Toby about.’

  ‘Oh that naughty calendar. It’s in the dustbin.’

  ‘But you just told Toby it was in your room.’

  ‘Um. No. You misunderstood.’

  ‘Mum it’s perfectly normal for boys of Jonas’s age to look at smutty photographs,’ said Livvy, ‘we’ve been debating this in PHSE.’

  ‘Normal or not, I don’t like it. Nor do I want that sort of thing in the house. Okay Jonas?’

  ‘Please don’t bin it Cass. It’s not mine.’

  ‘Well who does it belong to?’

  ‘Harry’s dad. Harry nicked it out of his dad’s office. I’ve got it on loan. It cost me two packets of chewing gum.’

  ‘Well you can tell Harry from me I think he’s out of order.’

  ‘Dirty Harry,’ said Morag coming back into the conversation. ‘Now Cass, never mind pubescent children and Miss January’s–’

  ‘Yes thank you Morag,’ I spluttered.

  ‘So you’ll be at Nell’s in, what, twenty minutes?’

  ‘Yep.’

  ‘I’ll see you there.’ Morag clicked off.

  Five minutes later I parked up by Boxleigh Grammar. The kids pil
ed out of the car without so much as a backward wave, never mind a kiss or a hug. I’d learnt long ago that it was uncool to be demonstrative in front of their peers. Indeed the only thing I was permitted to do at this stage of the drop off was to sit silently and look straight ahead. Even playing the radio was a no-no.

  ‘But what’s wrong with listening to music?’ I’d once asked in exasperation as Petra had leant over my shoulder and stabbed the off button.

  ‘Nothing Cass. It’s just that you have a habit of jerking your head in time to the music. It looks a bit spazzy.’

  Livvy had agreed. ‘And you sing the wrong lyrics.’

  ‘I do not!’ I’d protested.

  ‘Groove Armada do not sing about shaking their arms Mum,’ Livvy had looked pained.

  As soon as I was on my own, I hit the play button. Music flooded the car. I drove off jerking my head in time to its rhythm. It wasn’t just teenagers who had the monopoly on rebellion. And the fact that it was one of Eddie’s nursery rhyme CDs was irrelevant.

  I had just parked up on Nell’s driveway when Morag arrived. The natty little sports car she had owned pre-Henry had been replaced by a sensible Ford Galaxy. As a nod to still being a girl-racer, the Galaxy had don’t-mess-with-me low profile tyres, state of the art interior and rear passenger privacy glass. It had yet to reach the slobby levels of my own car, but all in good time.

  ‘Good morning Cass,’ Morag greeted me looking like she was off to do a photo shoot. She was in full make-up and pristine joggers. A cosy fleece stretched across her ample bosom.

  Two doors down a man in a pin-striped suit emerged from his house. He took one look at Morag and tripped over a cat that had been patiently waiting on his doorstep.

  ‘Good morning!’ I gave her a hug.

  We were momentarily distracted by the sound of a spitting kitty. Pin-stripe had the grace to look embarrassed. He slung a briefcase in his car and hastily drove off.

  ‘Where’s this mad dog of Nell’s then?’

  ‘Brace yourself. I don’t think Rocket has had any exercise of late due to Nell’s enforced bed rest.’ I rang the doorbell. ‘Expect to be carted along at ninety miles per hour.’