by Colora, R.
“Baby, that was amazing.” He kisses my shoulder. “You’re amazing.”
“We have time for a few more rounds,” I add with a smile on my face.
While we are trying to catch our breath, we can’t help but just to stare into one another’s eyes. I’m not sure what is going through his mind right now, but for me at this very moment I feel at peace like I’m home. He pulls out of me and goes into the bathroom to get a washcloth and cleans us both us before lying back down with me and pulling me into his arms. Lying in bed, Michael kisses the back of my neck. I melt into his touch, happy in the moment, but then of course with a few words that happiness melts away.
“Katie, what's the real reason you won't move in? Is it because of my bi-polar disorder?” I hear the hurt in his voice when he asks so I tell him the truth
“It's not about your bipolar; you have it under control. It's the fact that I'm not going to be your live-in girlfriend, Michael. We have talked about marriage, but you have yet to propose, but you expect me to leave my house and move in here and play house. I don't want that for myself, and it's not something I want MJ to think is acceptable.”
I feel Michael move away. “Katie, we are practically engaged, everyone knows we will be getting married, but there has just been a lot going on with my family and the business. I just have a lot going on. I don’t want to get overwhelmed; you know that it isn’t conducive to my treatment plan.”
Why does it feel like he is just giving me excuses? Why do I feel like he is just trying to tell me what I want to hear? I’m not sure what I feel, but I know the feeling isn’t good, so I get up and head to the shower and slip on some clean clothes when I’m done.
“I have some things to take care of at home.” I know I’m being petty, but my feelings are hurt. “I’m going to call your mom and ask her to drop MJ off at the house. I will talk to you later.” I don’t look at him as I pack my weekend bag up.
“Katie, don’t leave upset, please.” He sits up on the bed as I walk over and smile, grabbing my keys off the side table.
“I’m fine, Michael, I just have work stuff to get done.” I don’t look back as I walk out of his condo. I get in my truck and sit for a few minutes. “What am I really upset about?” I say out loud in the truck. Turning on the radio to drown out my thoughts, I head toward the Reservation. When I get home, I see my parents rocking on the swing on the front porch, so I head over to their house and sit in the rocking chair across from them.
“Michael asked me to move in again,” I say, never taking my eyes off the ground. I know what they are going to say, but I just need to hear the words.
My mom paused before saying, “Have you ever thought maybe you need to take a step back and reevaluate what you need out of this relationship? You want commitment and stability, a life for your son. Are you getting any of those things? I see you, Katie. Michael is taking and not giving anything in return he is doing everything right when it comes to being a father, he has really stepped up his game, but in ten years he is still a crappy boyfriend. You have to decide if you’re happy being Michael’s weekend bed warmer and you need to look at how it’s affecting your son.” My mom gets up and moves inside as I sit there in stunned silence.
“Michael isn’t a bad guy, Katie, but he is getting all of the benefits of a wife and none of the responsibility. You come home from these weekends, and I see a little less sparkle in your eyes every time. You know in your heart that things aren’t the way they should be.”
I didn’t say a word; I just walked off the porch and to my house. I looked at the calendar; it was a few weeks until Thanksgiving break, and I was already so mentally exhausted. I started laundry and took out some chicken for dinner.
“Hey, Mom.” I heard the screen door slam. I looked at MJ, and then Elena followed behind him.
“Hey, buddy, did you have a good weekend at the cabin?”
“Yes, Mom, we did a lot of fun things. I love hanging out with everyone.”
“I’m glad, buddy. Wash up you can help me with dinner,” I say to his retreating back.
“So since you aren’t at the condo, I am going to assume you and Michael have gotten into tiff of sorts.”
I continue to cut the peppers, and then it hits me. The truth sucker punches the hell out of me.
I stop chopping to say, “Michael and I have some things to discuss.”
“Whatever happens please don’t keep MJ from us.” I see the panic in her eyes.
“Never, Elena, I wouldn’t do that to you.” She says goodbye, and I go back to preparing dinner.
“Are you still coming Thursday for the viewing party?”
“Yes, of course. I wouldn't miss it for anything. This is really special for Frankie.”
Frankie’s Bakery is going to be featured on the Food Channel’s show Confessions of Confectionholic with Olivia Jameson.
I don’t hear from Michael for the rest of the day or the day after; I don’t bother to call him, and he doesn’t bother to call me. It’s Liam or Rhydian that drops off MJ after practice. It’s been four days since our conversation and I realize I’m not crumbling or breaking.
“Mom, are you and Dad OK? You haven’t been talking on the phone. When I asked dad about it, he says everything is fine, and you have both been busy.”
I choose my words very carefully. I don't want to tell him that his father has basically ghosted me so I keep things vague “Things between your dad and me are fine, sometimes adults just need a time-out, so we took one. I'm sure he will be there when we get to your grandparent’s house, you know he never passes up a chance to get some of Frankie cupcakes or cookies.”
I pull into the Kerrigan estate and head to the front door where Rose greets me with an uncomfortable smile. MJ goes looking for his cousins, and I'm sure some cake.
I see MJ is frozen in place; he hasn't moved an inch, and when I walk toward him I see Michael and some blonde sitting on a small sofa. They seem to be going over some kind of paperwork, but it looks odd, and I feel my heart rate increase. No one is saying anything, but all eyes are on Michael and the blonde. Estelle steps forward with a chair and places it next to the blonde. The blonde puts her stack of papers down on the chair.
“Mom let’s go,” I hear MJ say, his voice is full of anger and pain
I feel my heart start to splinter when the blonde looks up and makes eyes contact; she has a friendly smile on her face, and she places her hand on Michael’s shoulder to get his attention
No one is moving or saying anything.
When he looks up, he smiles. “Hey, MJ!” He gets up, and the blonde stands up with him.
“Stephanie, I would like you to meet my son, MJ, and his mother, Katie.”
I don't extend my hand even though Stephanie extends hers. Instead, I just look down at it and then look back at Michael.
“Stephanie and I went to Dartmouth together. She is relocating to Denver from Boston she is looking for property.”
“I've heard a lot of great things about you both,” Stephanie says with a genuine smile. She turns to MJ. “Your dad has been going on and on about you for weeks.”
“Mom, let’s go,” I hear MJ say again, but my feet are planted on the ground. I can't move. I see everyone waiting for some kind of reaction
“Yeah, buddy, let’s go,” I say with a smile.
“Why aren’t you guys staying?” Michael says, pulling me to the side. “I haven't been able to spend any time with MJ all week because of work I was hoping to see him today.”
I'm not going to make a scene, so I keep my voice calm and even. “MJ doesn't want to stay, so I'm gonna head home.” I turn to walk away when he blocks my path.
“Katie, she is just a friend. Why are you acting like this? I told you work was hectic, and I have a lot on my plate.”
“Michael,” I say, taking a deep breath. “MJ is uncomfortable, everyone is uncomfortable. We are going to go. This is Frankie's night, let’s not do this.”
“Do what, K
atie? What are we doing? Are you upset that I haven't had time to call you every five minutes or that I have work obligations? What are you upset about, Katie? Tell me so I can fix it, and you can stop acting like a complete bitch.”
I see Liam charging toward Michael, but I throw my hands up. Regardless, Easton and Rhydian are right behind Liam. That's when I smell it: the alcohol. I lean in and inhale.
“Michael, you know you shouldn't mix alcohol and your pills.”
“I had one drink, Katie.” I know he is lying. This isn't my Michael anymore, this the selfish Michael, the one I saw the last day I saw him ten years ago
I turn to Liam. “He's been drinking,” I tell him, and I start to walk away.
“I want MJ to stay here,” he yells after me. I pull MJ to me and head out of the living room
“Katie, he's my son too. You can't keep him away every time you get pissed off at me.”
“I'm not, Michael. You have been drinking, and it's affecting your medication. I don't want MJ exposed to this.”
“I guess I won't see you for another ten years. It was nice meeting you, kid,” he says with a chuckle. I stop in my tracks and spin around
“Don't ever say something like that to my son again.” I reach into my purse and pull out a yellow-stained envelope I've carried in my purse as a constant reminder that I survived.
“You didn't see him for the first nine years because you gave me two thousand dollars and told me to get rid of him, that you weren't going to give up your dreams to play teen dad.” I take the envelope and slap Michael across the face with it, the money flying everywhere. “I didn't need you then and I sure as fuck don't need you now.”
I turn around and walk toward my son as he walks over to Michael.
“You wanted my mom to kill me?” he asks Michael.
When Michael doesn't say anything, MJ steps closer. “I want you to pretend I'm dead from now on.” My son turns and hugs me, and we walk out.
Once we get in the truck, I hear, “Wait. Please, wait.” I turn to see Stephanie. “I’m sorry if you got the wrong idea, but I promise you woman to woman Michael has talked nonstop about you and MJ. We have only been working together on a professional level.” She holds out her hand, and I see a small diamond solitaire on her finger. “I’m engaged,” she beams. “I would never cheat on my fiancé, he’s a first-year professor at DU, and he has been working with both Michael and me on finding us the perfect house. He should be here any minute he just got held up at school.” I look at Stephanie, and I see sincerity on her face. “Please don’t be angry with Michael. I wasn’t here as a date just a friend.” Just then a car pulls up, and a tall guy in a tweed jacket and glasses gets out. Stephanie skips over to him, and he wraps her up in a hug.
“Did you and Michael have any luck today?” He kisses her nose.
“Yes, I think we found something, baby. Come, meet Katie.” She pulls him by the hand, and when he comes closer I notice he is very handsome in a nerdy kind of way
“It’s great to meet you finally,” he says. “I’m sorry I was late.” I instantly feel like an asshole. I totally misjudged the situation, but now everyone knows what really happened all those years ago… even MJ.
I have to apologize to Michael, but my first priority is making sure MJ is OK.
I get home, and MJ instantly goes to his room. I decide to hit the shower, but I make it quick and check on MJ when I’m done. He is sitting at his desk looking at the wall.
“MJ, you want to talk about it?” He doesn't say anything. “I know you’re really upset, but your dad does love you. He made a mistake with his medication, and that's why he was acting strangely.”
“I don't want to see him again; I don't want to see any of them ever again. I used to think him not being around was worse than anything, but Mom this is so much worse. He wanted me dead, Mom.”
“Baby, it's just not that simple. I shouldn’t have said that. I'm sorry, I owe Michael an apology. I shouldn’t have said that. I was angry, and I used my words to hurt him, remember when I told you words hurt worse than fists?”
“Mom, just leave me alone. Please, I just want to be alone.” I walk into the living room to find my parent there,
“I take it you got a phone call.” My dad just comes over and hugs me. “Dad, I thought he was there with someone. I was so wrong, and I made a mess of things.”
“Shh, don't say anything just let me hold you,” my dad says, patting my back like he did when I was a little girl.
The next morning I head to school and the day drags on. I'm glad it's the weekend. I'm surprised when I see MJ waiting outside my classroom. “Hey, I thought you had lacrosse tonight.”
“Nope, I called the coach and quit. I kind of sucked anyways. I told Uncle Liam not to come get me. I was kind of hoping you could call Ian and see if he had room in his scout troop for me. I know it's late in the year, and I missed a bunch of events, but I really miss the guys, and I just need to go back to how things were before.”
“OK, I will call Ian and see what he says. Want to head out for some pizza? I really don't feel like cooking tonight.”
“Can we grab it and come home? I really just want to be at home with you, we can even watch HGTV all night, but I just want to spend time with you, Mom.”
“Whatever you want, buddy,” I say, looping my arms through his. “I say we get two whole pies. I'm feeling like a binge night with my favorite guy.”
“Mom, thanks for having me. I know it was hard, but thank you.”
I hold my tears back, and say, “The minute I heard your heartbeat, I knew you would be the most important thing in my life.”
Saturday morning I walk MJ to the community center to see about him joining his old troop. Ian is happy to have him back, and he gets pulled into a group hug by his troop mates.
I tell him I will pick him up in a few hours, that I have to head into town. I run a few errands, and when I get back in the truck after I drop some stuff off at the post office, I see I have a text from Michael. He wants to meet and talk; he wants to see MJ and talk to him. I put my seatbelt on, pull my truck out and make it to the light. When it turns green, I pull forward, and I hear the sound of screeching tires. I turn to the left, and I see a logging truck fishtailing and heading straight toward me. I turn to slam on the gas, but I know won’t make it out of the way in time. I brace myself for impact and pray. I pray that I survive this. Then all I hear is the crash and blackness takes over.
Chapter 13
Michael
Stop the car!” Stephanie yells from the back-seat of the car. I’m not even fully stopped when she bolts out of the back-seat of the truck. I see what she is running toward, it is a really bad wreck involving a semi carrying logs and what looks like the remnants of a truck. I can’t tell, the vehicle underneath is too mangled to be sure. I park, and Mac and I run to the accident scene to see if we can help. We can hear the siren coming, but there is no way the person inside that truck survived. People are running to the accident trying to help.
“MAC! MAC!” Stephanie is calling for her fiancé. When he walks closer to the wreck, he turns around and the color drains from his face
“Michael, I need you to stay calm. It’s Katie. Katie is in the truck.” I run toward the wreckage, but Mac is holding me back. “Stop, Michael, you can’t help her let Stephanie help her.
"Where’s MJ? Is MJ in the car?”
I push and drop down to the ground and crawl to the wreckage, and when I see Stephanie, she is covered in blood
“She’s alone, Michael.”
“Oh god. Katie, baby.” I reach out to touch her, but I can’t reach her through the crushed car door opening. The paramedics and fire department are on the scene seconds later, but neither of the EMTs can fit into the wreckage
Stephanie tells them to start handing her things. I watch her snap into doctor mode, I know Katie is in good hands Stephanie was a highly sought after trauma surgeon before deciding to open her own practice here in
Denver She puts something around Katie’s neck, and I’m on the ground watching not being able to do anything. She attempts to wipe the blood out of Katie’s face; it’s all cut up, and she has pieces of glasses sticking out of her skin. They finally are able to cut Katie out of the truck with tools I never thought I would see in person.
“Michael, Mac is going to bring you to the hospital. I’m going to ride with Katie.”
“Michael, focus. You need to call her family; you need to get your son, and you need to get to the hospital.” I stand there as they close the doors to the ambulance. I barely make it to the car and Mac is already on my phone, and we are heading to the hospital. I make it to the waiting room and am told Katie is being prepped for surgery
Stephanie comes out, and she has changed into scrubs. “I can’t touch her, but the doctor has agreed to let me come into the OR and then give you updates. Michael, it’s bad, but she is fighting. She is fighting to come back to her son and to you.”
Just then, a crowd of family members come rushing through the door. I see MJ, and he runs to me, shouting, “Dad!” I crumble down with him.
Stephanie comes up to him, “Hey, MJ, it’s usually not allowed, but how about I take you back really quickly. They are going to roll your mom by on the way to surgery, and I will have them stop so you can see her.”
MJ wipes his face and takes Stephanie’s hand. They walk behind the doors, and I can see through the glass they are wheeling Katie out of the emergency room. They stop, and MJ steps hard and kisses Katie on the cheek before he turns to Stephanie, who holds him while he cries.
She walks him back to the waiting area, and he clings to me. “There is a family waiting room. I will walk you guys back, and then I will go into the OR with Katie. I will be out every few hours to give you an update.” She walks us to a large room with a few TVs mounted to the wall with the news on covering the accident. MJ sits in-between my parents, and I walk over to him.
“MJ, can I talk to you?” He looks up, and I see his face is streaming with tears. He nods, stands up, and we walk to the corner of the room and sit down.
