"Remind me again? What did I always say?"
"That I shouldn't feel guilty. Martha wanted to commit suicide, and she wouldn't have wanted me to die trying to save her. I must have tapped into some kind of guilt for our mother when I tried to save her, and it all just left me empty."
"I'm glad you've finally realized that. Martha wouldn't want you feeling that way about what she did. And thank you, Gage, for helping my sister get to that conclusion."
"I'm happy to help."
Skylar clearly didn't know what was going on, but she didn't ask either, for which Dymphna was grateful. "What are you watching?" She asked instead.
"Well, since Fiona married Seb, he's been showing her the best of corny horror movies, starting with the sixties. So she in turn thinks that I need to watch them all," Skylar explained. "The latest one she wants me to watch is a Vincent Price movie called The Last Man on Earth. I'm not very far into it, do you want me to restart it and we'll all watch together?"
"Alright," Dymphna answered. "If that's fine with you, Gage."
"Sure. I haven't seen many of those."
"Then watch out when you talk to Fiona or she'll give you a movies to watch list like the one she gave me."
Gage laughed, and he sat down on the couch next to Dymphna, stretching his arm out behind her back like it was the most natural thing in the world. In fact, everyone acting like him being next to her and holding onto her was the most natural thing in the world. Why did it feel so strange to Dymphna alone? Could the problem maybe be with her?
She'd seen the movie before: it was one of Seb's favorites. He had gotten the whole family into it at one point, and now it looked like all the new spouses would be going through the old movie collection. Dymphna didn't mind because she actually enjoyed most of them for what they were. But she didn't need to pay attention to know what was going on, so she let her mind wander. This was probably as good a time as any to really think hard about how she felt about Gage.
Dymphna liked to be logical, so she should apply logic to the problem at hand. Gage was a good person. He cared about people, from whether his mother was doing well to whether Dymphna was happy. He really did seem to want to make her happy, and she hadn't seen any sign that it wasn't genuine. He taught kids, and she thought he was probably a good teacher. After all, if he cared about his students as much as he seemed to care about her family, he would make a good teacher.
But she wasn't supposed to be evaluating his career abilities. She was supposed to be thinking about how he was as a husband, and more specifically, as her husband. But there was no metric for how he fit as a husband. And maybe she shouldn't even be trying to evaluate that.
Dymphna thought about Leo and Skylar. At first, they seemed wary of the connection between them. Leo hadn't been a serial dater like Justin had, but he had been in relationships before. Skylar had almost gotten married before she found her that fiancé cheated on her. They hadn't gotten married to save someone's life like she had. But the call of their magic united them, like it had united her other brothers with their wives. And in each case, her brothers had struggled with their new status as a husband. But each of them had fallen in love with their wives, and their wives had fallen in love with them. Besides, she could claim that she was saving his life through the bond's magic, but that wasn't the only reason to create something like this. She had to have felt something for him before she could do it.
So then it was down to the million dollar question: did she love Gage? Was that why she assented to the plan? Had what she felt for him matured lately to the point that she loved him now? How would she even know? Dymphna continued to think, then realized that over-thinking might just be the problem. She had always thought out solutions before, and it had mostly worked. But then again, she'd cut herself off from other people to a pretty solid degree. If she was going to move forward with letting people, and specifically Gage, in to her life, she needed to stop thinking and just feel. It was harder than it sounded.
So, did she love Gage? She closed her eyes, and tried to open herself to emotions. Finally, she came to a realization, and it startled her.
She did love Gage. Unequivocally.
Every time he walked into a room, her heart thumped harder. When he smiled, he made her want to smile with him. He was funny, and kind, and he cared about people. He cared about her. He was the kind of man who would take his brother and his father's evil as something that he personally needed to remedy. He made her want things like forever. She wanted to wake up every day for the rest of her life and see him in bed with her. She wanted to end each evening with a kiss from him. She wanted to grow old and more crotchety while he grew older and kinder. He completed something utterly integral in her, and she wanted to keep him doing that forever.
She loved him, and the realization made her heart lighter. After all, they were married, and they had both committed that they would be together forever. It was certainly a positive step that she loved him, and it would make their whole relationship brighter.
But what if he didn't love her? He was rather forced into this marriage as well, and while she had no doubt that his honor or pride or something would mean he'd stay with her, that didn't mean that he would love her. And if she loved him, he damned well should love her. Anything else might just kill her.
Dymphna took a surreptitious glance beside her. Gage was enthralled by the movie, keeping his eyes on the screen even as he rubbed a thumb along her shoulder. Damned if he wasn't handsome too. She got lucky in that aspect. Well, there was only one thing for it: she'd have to make him love her. Dymphna was bound and determined that she wouldn't be the only one doing that in their relationship.
Her parents had been so unhappy together, and she wasn't going to make the same mistake. Of course, everyone had been saying how little her relationship with Gage had to do with her parents' relationship, but that didn't mean that she couldn't learn something from their experience.
Gage would love her. Now she just had to figure out how to make him do it.
Dymphna could go for the reciprocal idea: tell him she loved him and hope he said it back. But that seemed too anticlimactic for this big change in her life. She was going in big, and she needed a big gesture.
Dymphna could buy him something nice and thoughtful, then tell him it was because she loved him. But that seemed almost like she was trying to buy his love, and that wouldn't set a good precedent at all. She wanted him to love her for her and not for her bank account.
She needed a gesture, some kind of thing she could do to show him how much she loved him without making him feel guilty if he didn't say it back. But what to do?
She had an idea: if Gage was learning about his fire magic, he should be able to use some of the same techniques to master his air magic. Or at least, the basics of air magic. Then Leo or Seb could tell him more about using it. But what she'd do is she'd open herself to him. She would let him take a thorough reading of her, and he'd be sure to feel the depth of her emotions for him.
Dymphna considered some kind of elaborate poem or sign or something, but she wasn't much good with poetic words or gestures. So she'd lay herself bare and be totally honest with him. About everything. That would have to do. And if, at that point, he said he loved her back, she would be a happy woman. Especially since she knew him well enough that she knew he wouldn't lie to her about something that important. She'd do it tonight, before she lost her nerve.
She figured that plan out right about as the credits started to roll. It was amazing how long it took her to come to terms with what was going on in her heart. Hopefully it wouldn't take Gage as long.
"How did you like the movie?" Dymphna asked, trying to keep her voice light.
"I liked it. It's definitely different."
"Don't be too enthusiastic when you talk to Fiona," Skylar warned. "I'm serious about that movie list. She typed it up, saved a copy of her computer, and everything."
"It'll be our secret," he agreed.
"
I know it's early, but I'm beat. Something about being pregnant, I guess. Can I get an infusion before I go to bed?"
"Sure thing. I'll come up with you."
"Thanks."
When Dymphna and Skylar left, Leo gave Gage a hard look. "Did she really figure it out today?"
"I think she really might have. It certainly seemed like she had an epiphany. And I sure noticed that she wasn't paying attention to the movie this evening."
"No, she wasn't. I'm glad you picked up on that as well."
"I meant it when I said I was going to try to be the best husband possible for her. I want to be able to pick up on her moods, her patterns, and her opinions. I love her."
"I'm glad to hear that. Have you told her?"
"No. From what I've seen, she's not ready to hear it. Or at least, as of this morning she wasn't. After this afternoon and the emotions she went through at the grave, she might be. I don't want to pressure her to do or feel anything she doesn't want to."
"I appreciate that. Dymphna has been my twin and my best friend for many years. It's a great relief to me that she's found someone like you who loves and appreciates her."
"I'm glad to be that man."
"I don't even have to threaten you, though I'll admit I've always rather wanted to treat one of her boyfriends to the riot act."
They both laughed and were laughing as Dymphna returned. "Your wife is ready for bed. Well to be honest, she's already asleep."
"I've got to wake up early anyway, so I'll head up as well. Goodnight, you two."
"Goodnight."
"What do you want to do now?" Gage asked her. She seemed rather tense, and he wanted to make her relax. She was on sabbatical, after all, and she needed to take advantage of it. She clearly worked too hard when she was working.
She seemed to debate with herself on something. Finally, she spoke. "I have been thinking about how you've been working with Skylar. I think you could probably apply some of the same techniques to your other areas. From what I've heard, the meditation and such required to do fire magic is similar to what everyone else does."
"That certainly sounds reasonable. What do you think I should try?" He expected her to say water magic, and he was looking forward to having her show him something.
"Air magic." That startled him.
"Air magic?"
She blushed and looked at her hands, gripped tightly in her lap. Something was going on, and he wasn't sure he liked it. But for the life of him, he couldn't figure out what. "Yes, air magic."
"I can try it. What do you want me to do? Levitate something?" Gage looked around for something reasonable.
"No," she whispered. "I want you to do a reading. I want you to try to do a reading on me. I want to be your first, and if things keep progressing like they have been, you'll be getting there soon with other people. It's a very intimate thing, and I want to be first."
"I can understand that. And in another way, I was your first, so I'd love to do you the same honor. Let me see if I can figure this out or if I'll need to ask Leo for a pointer."
He fell into the meditation easily enough, but rather than call for a fireball, he called for a thread of magic, like what Skylar had sent to him. If it worked for Skylar to test their magical compatibility, maybe the same principal would apply here. He wasn't sure how to differentiate his types of magic, so he concentrated on the objective and hoped it would work. He centered his thoughts on Dymphna, then reached, ever so carefully, to her. He saw, much like when he worked with Skylar, a cord of magic reach from him to her. But this magic appeared white rather than red. He connected to the seat of her magic, and he tried to read what was there.
The first thing he got was trepidation. But since he had seen her wringing her hands, he knew that already. He kept going, trying to let the feel of her wash over him. It took a while, but she seemed patient enough to wait. He started to feel her excitement, but he wasn't sure if it wasn't his own.
Then, could it be love he was feeling? He knew it was in his own heart, but was it possible that she was feeling the same for him? Was he that lucky? He tried to open his eyes so that he would see what she saw. Amazingly enough, when he opened his eyes, he saw himself. And when he looked at himself, he felt love. And the feeling wasn't precisely the same way he felt. It was still love, and it was strong, but the flavor of it was just different. That's how he knew that he was feeling her love. For him.
He blinked and returned from his meditation to look through his own eyes. "Dymphna?" He asked slowly. "I think I did that right."
"It felt a lot like when Leo or Seb has done it. But I could tell it was you because it felt like you."
"Then did I feel what I thought I was feeling?"
"Yes. I didn't know how to say it, so I thought I'd show you. I love you, Gage." She looked like she was going to keep speaking, but he was so exuberant at the confirmation that he grabbed her and pulled her to sit in his lap. Then he kissed her for all he was worth. She responded eagerly.
After a long kiss, she pulled back. "I feel like I've loved you for a long time, but it was only tonight that I fully realized it. I couldn't wait to share it with you. I was nervous, too, and I wanted to make sure I didn't lose my nerve."
"Why were you nervous? It's great."
"I thought you could feel what I felt. I was nervous because I wasn't sure if you loved me back. There, I said it."
"Oh, Dymphna! I do love you. I've loved you all along, and I just didn't want to pressure you to say the same. You're an amazing woman, and I'm so glad to have you."
She had tears in her eyes, but she was smiling. "So you love me?"
"I do. I'd do anything for you, Dymphna, and you should know that. And I'm very happy that you love me too."
"I really do. It took me a long time to wise up to it, but it's better than never."
"Yes it is. I look at you and see everything I want for my future."
"What about kids? Do you see those in our future?" She asked, looking deeply at him.
"I would like to have kids, yes. I love children, and I would like to have some that are yours and mine. But we have the rest of our lives. I know that you're very involved in your career, and I know it's important to you. I don't want you to think that you have to choose between children and your career. How do you feel about it?"
"I didn't think about kids much until I met you. But I'd also like to see what our children would turn out like. I'll even admit that I've been jealous of Melanie when she had her twins and of Fiona and Skylar waiting for theirs. Childcare may be an issue, but I have a feeling that between the eight of us Wards that there will be something in place. I'd need to take a few months off work for a child, and I would probably have to cut back on how many cases I've been doing. But I've already figured out that I'll need to cut back now that I'm married, much like Leo did. So yes, I do think I want kids. But not quite yet."
"Sure. We have plenty of time for kids, and I imagine that if we watch your family with their kids we'll learn a lot for when it's our turn."
"I'm glad we're in agreement."
He kissed her again, just to show how much they were in agreement. "I'm glad you love me. And it was special that you were the first person I've read."
"Feel free to practice on me anytime. Just give me a heads-up, alright?"
"Sure. I appreciate it. But I did sense something off about that visit to Martha that was still on your mind. Should I guess or will you tell me?”
“I'll just tell you. After both my mother and my mentor, the two water witches I knew the best, both killed themselves in the same way, I was sure I would go like that as well. I didn't know what would push me, but I felt sure I'd end up on the edge of that same lake with the same purpose.” Tears welled in her eyes, and he pulled her to him.
“That's terrible!”
“But after standing there with you, I realized that I have the opportunity to change my own destiny. If I don't want to die there by my own magic, I don't have to.” She smil
ed, even as the tears continued to fall.
“That's so true. You are so brave that you can fight through anything that could push you to that point. You're too strong for suicide.”
“Thank you.”
“Then let me cheer you up,” he said. He showed her just how he wanted to cheer her up by whispering those words into her ear then kissing it. He kissed a train across her cheeks and to her mouth. She responded readily, and he thought he could work that through with her.
"I've heard my brothers mention that an air witch can read their partner during sex. Apparently it makes the whole thing a lot better for both participants."
"That does sound hot. After all, even if we're not having kids yet, we can certainly practice for that time."
"I like the way you think."
But before they could adjourn to the bedroom, Gage's phone started ringing. Groaning, he checked the caller ID. "Bad timing for a call from Mom when I'm hard as a rock."
Dymphna laughed as he picked up. She teased him by kissing his open ear with lots of kisses in quick succession. She was moving through her revelations and right into the next mood. It was really hard to pay attention to what his mother was saying. It seemed to take a lot longer than it really did for her to be finished.
"My mom's plane will arrive tomorrow at 3:10. Can we pick her up from the airport?"
"Sure," Dymphna breathed on his ear, tickling the sensitive skin there with her breath.
He said goodbye quickly and hung up. "That wasn't very nice of you."
"Perhaps. Perhaps you should... punish me for that."
"Oh I think I will," Gage growled, moving in to tickle her. "I'm giving you a one minute head start. If you're not naked on that bed when I get up there, your punishment will be even more severe."
She giggled and jumped up, running out of the room. He counted out loud to sixty then followed her. He liked the idea of reading her during sex and how that would allow him to make it even better for her. For someone who was new to sex, she was enthusiastic about learning all she could.
When he got upstairs, she was still trying to get her jeans off. He picked her up, sat her on the bed, and ripped off her pants in one movement. Then he undressed himself as she grabbed a condom. But as she reached for him, he pulled back.
The Responsible Witch (The Ward Witches) Page 12
