“They weren’t cruel.” Griffin could see that Jazz felt the need to defend her parents which was normal. She probably blamed herself as children often did when their parents divorce or abuse them. He’d seen it often enough in dysfunctional domestic situations.
“Do you talk to them?”
Jazz shook her head, more tears silently falling. He’d never seen a woman cry so quietly and it made him wonder how many times she’d cried alone in her room so her parents wouldn’t hear.
“Father died when I was fifteen and Mother never really recovered. She paid even less attention to me then. As soon as I’d saved enough money after graduation I left for Hollywood. Mother barely noticed. At the beginning I’d call home but she’d make an excuse to end the conversation quickly. She didn’t really want to talk to me. She wanted to be left alone. So that’s what I did.”
A ball of anger lodged itself right in the middle of his chest. Jazz’s stupid, self-absorbed parents were idiots. They’d had the love of their daughter and they’d thrown it away. If there was any justice in the world…shit, who was he kidding? He’d been in law enforcement and the military long enough to know that justice – true justice – was a rare thing.
Maybe together they could find some for Casey.
He reached across and swiped at her tears, her skin warm under his fingers. Rising from his chair, he scooped her up into his arms and sat back down with her on his lap. He let her cry, simply rocking her back and forth and stroking her silky hair.
“That’s it, honey, cry it all out. Things will look better when you’re done.”
He didn’t know that for sure but his sisters always seemed to feel better after a good cleansing cry. He didn’t know why it worked but it did.
Eventually the tears stopped and she sniffled and scrubbed at her cheeks. Her eyes had a liquid sheen to them as she gazed into his for a long time. A connection, tenuous but real, built between them stronger with each passing moment. It pulled at him, tugging him closer to her emotionally and physically. It wasn’t a shock when their lips met.
Quicksilver. A frisson of electricity shot to every part of his body, making his hands tremble as he pulled her closer. Her warm but intoxicating scent wrapped around them, making him slightly dizzy while the heat of her body burned through the fabric of his clothes. Instantly every nerve inside of him was awake and vibrating with tension.
He couldn’t have said if she’d made the first move or if he had but at this moment it was a meeting of equals. The kiss was a give and take unlike anything he’d experienced. She didn’t just receive but delivered a bounty of pleasure as well. She tasted of tomato sauce, garlic, and something that was so intrinsically Jazz he would know it anywhere.
Sixty years from now when he was old and gray he would remember the feel and the taste of one Jazz Oliver. They’d been building towards this moment since that first night he’d help her with the luggage. The kiss was more than momentous. It was inevitable.
And it scared the living bejesus out of him. Not to mention it was wrong. Very wrong.
He pulled away and her fingers tightened on his shoulders for a second before loosening. Their lips parted, their breath coming in ragged gasps. He wondered if her heart was galloping at the same pace as his and decided it was. Her lids were sleepy and her mouth swollen, and she had that well-kissed look that made a man crazy with lust.
He was not immune but he didn’t have the luxury of lifting her into his arms and carrying her into his bedroom. It couldn’t happen.
Her fingertips traced his chin and jaw, making it difficult for him to speak. Every instinct inside of him was screaming for them to join together in mutual satisfaction. It was a physical pain to reach up and capture her hand, pulling it away so she couldn’t touch him.
“Jazz. We can’t.” His voice sounded like a shovel being dragged across asphalt. He had to push the words past his tight throat.
Her brows pulled together and her head tilted slightly. “What do you mean we can’t?”
She was whispering as if there were people or cameras. There was no one to stop him from doing something wrong. He only had himself to make things right.
“You’re a deputy in training, honey. I’m practically your boss. It wouldn’t be right to take advantage of you that way.”
She smiled then, that smile that women got when they knew they were right and the man was wrong. “Maybe I’d be taking advantage of you, Sheriff.”
He disentangled himself from her arms, lifting her up and placing her in her own chair. He couldn’t think straight when she was so near. His cock was swollen and pressed against his fly and he stood and walked a few steps away to get some much needed space and air.
“Other people wouldn’t see it that way, Jazz. I have a professional standard to uphold.”
The smile disappeared and her lips pressed together. “A professional standard?” she echoed. “That sounds like bullshit to me. It sounds like you just don’t want to get involved. Afraid I’ll want to spend the night, Griffin?”
“It’s not bullshit.” The haze that had wrapped around them was rapidly disappearing, leaving them both raw and unprepared for reality. “I’m the sheriff of this town, honey, and as such I have a leadership role. It wouldn’t be right for me to start something with you while you were under my supervision. That shit might not mean anything to you in Hollywood but it means something here. All I have is my integrity.”
Jazz hopped to her feet, her breath coming hard and fast. “I hope your integrity keeps you warm at night, Sheriff. Now please take me home.”
He’d fucked this up and handled things all wrong. With a past like hers, Jazz would see his pull back as a rejection of all that she was. If she only understood it was far from it. It was one of the hardest things he’d ever done, breaking their kiss and stopping the tidal wave that seemed hell bent on washing them away and into the nearest bed.
“Jazz,” he tried again, keeping his voice soft. “I want you, Hollywood. Make no mistake. You’re fucking perfect and if things were different I’d make love to you all night long in every way possible. But–”
“Fuck you, Griffin,” Jazz interrupted, her voice sounded broken and close to a sob. “I’m not buying whatever it is you’re selling. I get the message loud and clear so stop worrying. Let’s go.”
Without a backward glance, she turned on her heel and disappeared into the house, presumably heading for the front door. Griffin sighed in defeat, vowing this wasn’t the last word on the subject. He’d give her time to calm down and then talk to her again. She’d already been emotional talking about her parents and then this. She needed a chance to decompress and calm down.
With a grim sigh, he followed her, grabbing his keys from the kitchen counter on the way out. She was already sitting in his truck by the time he got to the front door. When he swung into the driver’s seat, she averted her head so she was staring out of the window.
“You’ve got this all wrong, honey, and this conversation isn’t over. I know it. You know it. And my hard cock and blue balls know it. I didn’t want to stop back there.”
She didn’t reply or even turn to acknowledge his words. Turning the key in the ignition, the engine came to life and he headed back toward the main road.
This wasn’t over by a long shot. He’d talk to her again tomorrow and make her understand. Just because he wanted something didn’t mean he could reach out and grab it whenever it suited him. Grown men didn’t do that. Real men respected boundaries.
And right now there was a giant fence with a “no entry” sign on Jazz Oliver.
Chapter Twelve
Jazz sat down on one of the benches that ran alongside the obstacle course and shielded her eyes from the bright sun. It was competition day on the show and each contestant was going to run the course. For real. The person with the best time couldn’t be eliminated this week. Right now, Danny was chatting with Sandy while Levi and Wayne hung out near the tent.
Griffin was tryin
g to corral the large crowd that had come to watch today. Every day the crowd had grown larger and today was no exception. Every deputy Griffin had was on duty and a neighboring sheriff from another town had even given a few men on loan. It was easy to see that Griffin was not happy with the loud, raucous throngs that had taken over his town. For a man that loved his peace and quiet this had to be hell.
Tony and Gordon were working the crowd, trying to get them excited and cheering for the contestants. Hoping neither of them noticed that Jazz was alone, she tried to not capture anyone’s attention, ducking her head and pretending to tie her shoes. She knew the producer and his assistant wanted to know what was going on between her and the sheriff. One minute things had been warming up and now it was a veritable arctic zone.
The last few days had been excruciatingly awkward between Jazz and Griffin. She knew it was all her own fault but she always had trouble admitting when she was wrong. This time wasn’t any exception to that.
He’d tried to explain the next morning, but still upset after a sleepless night she’d shut him down quickly. She’d known she gone too far when his expression closed and his gray eyes turned flinty and cold. He was pissed as hell at her stubborn attitude.
And she didn’t know how to make it better. Once she’d calmed down and realized he had a point about them getting involved it had been too late. She’d screwed up and now he thought she was a real bitch.
“God, it’s hot out here.”
Sandy plopped down on the bench next to Jazz, a bottle of water pressed to her forehead.
“It is warm today. I’ll be glad when this is over,” Jazz replied awkwardly. She liked Sandy just fine but had found the two of them had little in common. Their conversations this week had grown shorter, especially as Sandy had begun to spend more time with Danny and Wayne. Jazz had found she had more of a rapport with Levi and Peggy.
“This whole thing is just stupid.” Stupid was one of Sandy’s favorite words. The bus ride was stupid, the hotel was stupid, the food was stupid. And so on.
“It’s just the first of many challenges. I think we’re all going to be disappointed today except for Levi. He’s probably going to win.”
Sandy gave Jazz a smug mile and leaned back on the bench. “I’m not worried.”
Jazz frowned, not understanding Sandy’s nonchalance. After her performance today she should be concerned. “We all need to be worried if we don’t win.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” Sandy declared with a giggle and then pranced away toward a cameraman.
“Wait–”
“Are you ready, Jazz?”
Deputy Dare’s voice broke into Jazz’s query. It was the deputy’s last day of work and he’d been thoroughly embarrassed with a gigantic cake at the sheriff’s station. There had been a lot of back slapping and funny stories told but all in all everyone seemed sorry for him to go. Dare included. She didn’t know what he had planned but he had the demeanor of a man that was headed to war or something like it.
“I’m ready. Any advice?”
Jazz tugged on the leather gloves that would keep her palms from being ripped to shreds and steeled herself for the challenge. She’d need a miracle to beat Levi but stranger things had happened.
“Yeah, keep your ass down when you crawl under the net.”
She glanced over her shoulder at her generous curves and grinned. “I’ll do my best but I can’t promise anything.”
She would have sworn on her own life that the surly deputy almost smiled. Instead he nodded and escorted her to the starting line. Sandy, Danny, and Wayne had already made their runs posting fairly lousy final scores. Jazz had a real chance if she could edge out Peggy. Levi was easily the frontrunner today and he would be going last.
“Don’t be in too much of a hurry and be careful,” Dare said as she stretched her muscles in readiness. She was anxious for this to be over. “The penalties are what killed the others so having a clean run will help you. Got it?”
She nodded and focused ahead of her, waiting for the starter’s pistol. Her heart was beating a mile a minute and she only hoped she could run that fast.
“On your mark. Get set.”
A loud blast in her ears and she was off. Diving to the ground, she remembered to keep her ass low and she easily cleared the first obstacle. Focusing her energy, she smoothly moved to the next, careful not to incur a penalty. Everything she’d learned in the last week came together and she crossed the finish line feeling like she’d won. She’d given it all she had, holding nothing back.
She was sucking in air when Deputy Dare walked up next to her. “Great run, Jazz. That’s a personal best for you. Here’s some water.”
He handed her a cold bottle and headed off to the starting line where Peggy was waiting to take her turn. Gulping down half of the bottle, Jazz collapsed on the bench, her elbows on her knees. Levi smiled and sat down next to her.
“Wow, you were amazing. That was awesome.”
In the last week she’d learned several things. One was that Sheriff Griffin Sawyer was like no man she’d ever met. Honest, good, and hardworking. A man a woman could depend on. The second thing she’d learned was that Levi was cut from the very same cloth. He was currently in the middle of a nasty divorce, and for the life of her Jazz couldn’t think of a single reason a woman would want to rid herself of a great guy like him.
He said it was because he didn’t have any money. Jazz simply thought the woman was crazy. Just like Griffin, Levi was a catch.
“Thanks. I wanted to give you some competition.” She laughed and set her now empty water bottle on the ground.
Levi grinned and patted her hand. “You did that and then some. I’m going to have to run my best today. That’s the way it should be.”
“Couldn’t let you just waltz away with the win.”
Levi lifted his gaze to the other competitors and gave her a wry smile. “You’re someone I wouldn’t mind losing to, Jazz. You’ve worked damn hard this week.”
“So have you.” She paused before plowing forward into ‘none of her business land.’ “You really want this deputy job, don’t you? I mean really, not just the money or the recognition. You want the job.”
His expression grew serious and he nodded. “I do. This is my chance for a new start. I did everything I was supposed to and it didn’t work out. I studied hard, got good grades, went to a good school, and then got a good job that paid well. Married a beautiful woman, got the house in the suburbs and the three car garage. That’s where it all went bad. Next thing I know my software job has been shipped overseas. Then the two subsequent jobs, the same. Wife gets tired of financial instability and leaves, cleaning me out. House goes into foreclosure and the wife sleeps with my best friend. He’s employed.” Levi rubbed his chin and shook his head, but he didn’t look bitter despite everything that he’d been through. “I’m tired of chasing the supposed American dream. It’s time for my dream. When I was a kid I used to pretend to be a cop, now I have a real chance to be one. This is my shot.”
His reasons sounded so much better than her own. If he’d asked her why she wanted to win, what could she say?
I want to be a star.
So people will love and approve of me like my mommy and daddy never did.
Jazz wasn’t naive or stupid. She knew why she was doing the acting thing. She loved the applause and the adulation. Inside she was still that little girl trying to get her parents’ approval. Funny thing, it had never occurred to her at eighteen there might be a better and easier way to get that love and approval, but she was thinking about it now. Look at the lengths she was willing to go to for this dream. Would it be worth it?
Somehow she doubted it.
“You’re up, Levi.”
Griffin was standing up in front of them, or at least his worn cowboy boots were. She let her gaze wander up his tall frame all the way to his handsome face. He was wearing his usual cowboy hat that shaded his features but she could see his expression was gua
rded as if she might go into a tirade right then and there.
“Good luck, Levi,” Jazz said as he bounded to his feet, a smile on his face. If she couldn’t win she sure wouldn’t mind if he did. He deserved it, really.
“Thanks, Jazz. I’m off.”
Levi jogged towards the starting line and Griffin turned to walk away as well.
“Wait. Griffin, I need to talk to you, okay?”
He halted and lowered himself onto the bench not saying a word. The ball was in her court.
“Listen, I’m sorry. Really sorry. I can be a real bitch sometimes and the other night was one of those. I didn’t understand in the moment but I get what you were saying. I just wasn’t very happy about it.”
He didn’t look at her, his eyes following the line of people crowded around the course. “I wasn’t happy about it either.”
He wasn’t going to make this easy.
“Are you mad?”
A corner of his mouth tilted up. “Nope.”
“You aren’t saying much.”
This time he turned to look at her. “There isn’t much to say, is there? I’m not mad. I’m frustrated. Sexually and otherwise. But this game has to play out before anything can happen.”
“Maybe I’ll get voted off tomorrow night.”
There was a part of her that hoped she would. It would free them from the confines of a professional relationship and plunge them into a personal one. But if she did get voted off, she couldn’t win, probably wouldn’t get any acting jobs, and to top it off wouldn’t help find Casey’s killer.
Shit.
“You don’t mean that.” Griffin was shaking his head in denial. “I know you want to win.”
“Two hundred and fifty thousand would be life changing for me,” she replied, thinking of the acting lessons she could take with that kind of cash. She had a feeling making love with Griffin would be life changing as well. She certainly wasn’t going to be the same when she got back home no matter what happened between them.
“For most people.” Griffin chuckled before standing and nodding towards the course. “Watch.”
Cowboy Famous: Book 4 (Cowboy Justice Association) Page 10
