Then somebody behind him said, “MOOO.”
Larryboy whirled around and fell over. (It’s not so easy to whirl on four feet.) He couldn’t believe what he saw. He saw himself wandering around nibbling on grass. Or at least he saw someone who looked just like him wandering around nibbling on grass.
Larryboy, the cow, ambled over to the other Larryboy.
“Who are you?” he asked. “Are you me? Or am I you?”
The other Larryboy swallowed a mouthful of grass. Then he simply smacked his lips and said, “MOOOOOO.”
This was unbelievable. Larryboy’s brain had been switched with the brain of a cow!
CHAPTER 12
AN EMERGENCY WEATHER BULLETIN
3:29 P.M.
We interrupt this story with an emergency weather bulletin.
A cool-kid warning remains in effect for the rest of our book. These cool kids strike like lightning and pack heavy winds. Be ready to seek shelter at a moment’s notice.
The National Weather Service has also issued a kindness watch, which means conditions are right for acts of kindness to occur. In fact, there is a thirty percent chance of lightly scattered kindness.
So keep your eyes open.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled story …
CHAPTER 13
BOWLED OVER
3:30 P.M.
It’s amazing how quickly a fad can spread. By afternoon, a bunch of kids at Bumbly Park were strutting their stuff with clothes hangers in their shirts.
Meanwhile, Junior left the Daily Bumble and cut through the park on his bicycle. He spotted Ricky and Ziggy, who were loaded down with the afternoon edition of the newspaper.
“I’m here to help you deliver papers,” Junior beamed. Hanging with Ziggy and Ricky brought with it amazing prestige. Wait till my friends see this! he thought.
“Great!” said Ziggy. “Maybe you can go bowling with us when we’re done.”
“Really? I’d love to!” he replied. But then it hit him. Ziggy wasn’t talking about the kind of bowling most people do. Ziggy meant bully-bowling.
Junior’s heart sank. “Ummm … I don’t know if I can.”
Ziggy’s eyes became dark and narrowed. “Listen, Asparagus. You’re one of us now. And that doesn’t happen to many Veggies. You’d better go bowling with us … or else.”
Being cool suddenly didn’t seem all that hot. Junior gulped. “Who … who are you planning to bowl over?”
“Who else?” laughed Ziggy. “Those two losers over there.”
Junior looked down the sidewalk. Ziggy was talking about Wally and Herbert, who were both loaded down with their own newspapers to deliver.
“But you’ve already bowled them over today.”
“We’re trying for a turkey … that means we’ve got two strikes to go!” said Ricky.
“We’ll do the actual bowling. All you have to do is retrieve our bowling balls when we’re done,” Ziggy told him. “Whataya say, kid?”
This was Junior’s big chance to take a stand. But which stand would he take? To be cool like Ziggy and Ricky? Or stand up for what’s right and show kindness?
“We’re waiting for an answer, Asparagus,” growled Ziggy.
Junior didn’t know what to do.
“Come on, Asparagus. Be cool and rule. Or be a loser and drool.”
“Either way, you’re part of the game,” snickered Ziggy. “You can help us, or we’re going to bowl you over. Take your pick.”
Junior looked around. A group of kids had collected and were hanging on every word. He took one last look at Ziggy’s ugly stare. He was scared.
“Let’s go bowling,” he muttered.
CHAPTER 14
COW-BOY
3:32 P.M.
Meanwhile, we last left Larryboy in the body of a cow, while Fred the Computer called for a medic.
“I’m melting, I’m melting!” shouted Fred.
Larryboy ran over to the crashed Larryplane, which was still sticking out of the side of the barn.
“Do something!” Fred said. “Call an ambulance! Call a programmer!”
“You’re a computer, Fred. You don’t need an ambulance.”
“I’ve already lost two pints of data,” said Fred, freaking out. “I’m going to need a transfusion from a laptop. Hurry! I’m moving toward the bright light!” Suddenly, the computer went quiet for a few moments—very unusual for Fred. “Hey, you’re not Larryboy. You’re a talking cow,” he said.
“No, I’m Larryboy. That twister put my brain in the body of a cow.”
Stunned silence. Then Fred started giggling. Pretty soon, the computer couldn’t control himself. “Say, Larryboy, did you hear this one? What do you call it when super cows do battle? Steer Wars!”
Larryboy was not amused.
“And where does Superman’s cow live? In Moo-tropolis!”
“Very funny, Fred.”
“Hey, don’t have a cow, man! Or should I say, don’t have a man, cow?” Fred couldn’t stop laughing.
While Fred continued with his antics, Larryboy used one of his hooves to push the communicator button in the plane’s cockpit. Archie popped up on the high-definition video monitor.
“Larryboy, are you behind that cow?” asked Archie. “Larryboy! Come in! A cow seems to have triggered the videophone.”
“Bad news, Archie. I am the cow. My brain is in this cow’s body.”
There was a long pause on the other end of the videophone. Archie blinked in shock. “Okay, don’t panic. Don’t panic. We can still do this.”
“How?” asked Larryboy.
“How now brown cow?” snickered Fred.
“Listen closely,” Archie ordered. “There’s a spare pair of supersuction ears in the back of the Larryplane. I think they’ll fit over the ears on your cow head.”
“What do you call a hero who gets superpowers after being bitten by a radioactive cow?” asked Fred. “A moootant!”
“There’s also a minicomputer under the front seat—a computer so small you can carry it like a portable CD player,” said Archie. “Plug it into the airplane’s controls and download Fred onto it. That way, you’ll have Fred with you for help.”
“What sound effect does Bat-Cow make when he fights villains?” giggled Fred. “COW-POW!”
“I’m not sure that I really want Fred with me.”
“Of course you do. Without him, I don’t see how you’d be able to track down Plum Loco. I’m convinced that he’s behind all of this.”
“But Fred is awfully emotional,” said Larryboy. “One second he’s getting mad. Then he’s panicking. Now he can’t stop laughing.”
“I’m e-moooooo-tional,” laughed Fred.
“I programmed emotions into Fred so that he’d be a computer with a heart. Remember your superhero lesson? Heroes have a heart. But perhaps I overdid the emotion programming.”
“I’m e-moooooooo-tional,” Fred chuckled again.
“Oh dear,” Larryboy sighed, but he did exactly as Archie asked. He slipped a pair of supersuction ears over his cow ears, downloaded Fred onto the minicomputer, and attached the computer to the cowbell hanging around his neck.
“Look at me! I’m a cowbell!” shouted Fred. “Of course, I’d rather be a cow-boy, but I suppose this will have to do.”
As for Larryboy, he stood in the farm field with a purple mask on his face, supersuction plunger ears over his cow-ears, and a minicomputer around his neck.
The fate of Bumblyburg rested in the hands of a cow.
CHAPTER 15
BRAIN-TWISTER 2
3:44 P.M.
Larryboy had to admit that Fred came in handy. Within three minutes, Fred had figured out that there was a secret headquarters underground—right beneath their feet.
And a minute after that, Fred figured out that you could enter the secret headquarters through the farmhouse’s storm-cellar doors.
And two minutes after that, he came up with the password to get them inside the cellar.
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And ten seconds after that … Larryboy tumbled head over hooves down the cellar stairs.
“You’re an udder failure when it comes to going down stairs,” chuckled Fred.
“I don’t think I’ll ever wish I had feet again,” muttered Larryboy.
The first room they entered in the underground headquarters was filled with pictures and diagrams of brains. A giant, clear-plastic model of a brain stood in the center of the room. But there was no sign of life.
The song, “Don’t Go Breaking My Brain,” played over an intercom.
“Hook me up to one of those computers on the wall,” said Fred.
“Sure thing.”
One minute later, Fred was sifting through all of the information on Plum Loco’s computer system.
“Archie is right,” Fred calculated. “Plum Loco is the guy who’s been switching brains around. His invention is called the Brain-Twister—a tornado that switches brains between different bodies. Amazing.”
But suddenly, Fred started crying. It began with quiet weeping. But then he cut loose with some heavy sobs.
“Now what, Fred? You’re a computer,” Larryboy told him. “You can’t cry.”
“It’s my disk drive, and I’ll cry if I want to,” sobbed Fred. “I’ve just tapped into Plum Loco’s diary … and … and …”
“What is it, Fred?”
“It seems as though Plum Loco never had any friends growing up. Other kids teased him and called him a brainiac. Nerd. Geek. Four eyes. It’s all so sad … I … I …”
“Get a hold of yourself, Fred.”
“Plum Loco never received a single birthday present when he was growing up.”
“Never?” asked Larryboy. “So that explains his dastardly deeds.”
“Yes, it does. Plum Loco decided to use his massive brainpower to devise mean tricks. And get this. Today is his birthday, which probably explains the reason for his attack. It’s all so sad …”
“Is Plum Loco the one who’s been stealing all the stuffed animals?” asked Larryboy.
“That’s right.”
“But why?”
“It seems that Plum Loco surrounded himself with stuffed animals while he was growing up. Since no one was ever kind to him, he had to turn to stuffed animals, the next best thing. He could never get enough. They were warm. They were fuzzy. Since then, his plan has been to take every stuffed animal in the world.”
Fred was boo-hooing now.
“Control yourself or you’re going to blow your circuits,” said Larryboy. “Besides, we’ve got to be quiet.”
Larryboy crept silently into the next room—as quiet as one could with four cow hooves and a bell. He heard someone talking.
Peering out from behind a stack of gadgets and blinking contraptions, Larryboy spotted Plum Loco. The mad scientist was in the middle of the room, fiddling with the controls of a newer, larger Brain-Twister. The round ship hovered three feet above the ground.
“Switching brains with a superhero like Lemon Twist was so much fun,” Plum Loco told his Teddy Bear. “But the citizens of Bumblyburg haven’t seen anything yet. My first Brain-Twister was a toy compared to the Brain-Twister 2. I’ll be able to switch the brains of hundreds of people all at the same time! And then I’ll get my final revenge by destroying the entire city of Bumblyburg!”
“You’d better do something fast,” Fred whispered to Larryboy. “Notice I said the word you.”
Fred was right. It was time for this cow to become an action hero.
CHAPTER 16
THE BIG SWITCHEROO
4:04 P.M.
“Cowabunga, baby!” shouted Larryboy as he leaped out from his hiding place. He tried a “cow fu” stance, but that wasn’t easy with four cow legs. Larryboy wound up flat on his tail.
Plum Loco spun around in surprise. Then he laughed, threw open the hatch on the top of the Brain-Twister 2, and hopped inside. “I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little computer, too!” he cackled.
As the Brain-Twister 2 fired up its power, Larryboy turned his cow head and fired a supersuction plunger ear. The plunger tore across the room and stuck fast to the side of the ship. thonk!
“Now what?” asked Fred.
“I haven’t thought that far ahead,” said Larryboy.
“Big mistake.” Fred was right.
The Brain-Twister 2 rose high in the air until it hovered midway between the floor and the ceiling. And then it began to spin. Slowly at first. Then it built up speed and power. Since Larryboy (and Fred) were connected to the ship by the plunger cord, they, too, began to spin. Faster and faster and faster and faster.
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh!” Larryboy yelled.
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh!” Fred yelled.
The Brain-Twister 2 began spinning at speeds that would make an astronaut sick to his stomach. As it twirled, the ship created a powerful, spinning wind. It had become a twister! Directly above the twister, the ground opened up. If anyone had been watching, it would have appeared as if the very earth itself had opened its mouth.
Come to think of it, there was someone watching above ground. The cow—actually the cow in Larryboy’s body. Despite the fact that he was busy munching on grass, this spectacle caused even him to be curious. So this cow (who looked like Larryboy) wandered over to the big hole that had just opened up in the ground. He peered inside.
“MOOOOOO?”
The twister rose out of the ground. Within an instant, the tornado had sucked up the cow that looked like Larryboy along with every other chicken and pig that it passed over as it cut across the farmland.
Then as it turned and headed for the city, the tornado began hurling animals out of its funnel cloud—just as fast as it was sucking them up. It looked like it was raining pigs and chickens.
“OOF!”
“MOO!”
“OUCH!”
“OINK!”
That was the sound of Larryboy, Fred, the cow, and a pig being spit out of the twister and hitting the ground. But the million-dollar question was, when they landed, who had whose brain?
The good news was that Larryboy’s brain was no longer inside that cow. A pig’s brain was inside the poor creature instead.
The bad news was that Larryboy’s brain did not wind up back inside his own body. His brain ended up inside the portable minicomputer, where Fred had been stored.
Hmmmmmm … Then what happened to Fred the Computer?
His computer brain wound up inside Larryboy’s body.
Fred looked down at his brand-new, cucumber body and said, “Larryboy, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.”
CHAPTER 17
CLOUDY, WITH A CHANCE OF KINDNESS
4:05 P.M.
Meanwhile, back at Bumbly Park, Ziggy and Ricky had bowled perfect strikes. Ziggy’s bowling ball sent Wally hurtling into the bushes, while Ricky’s hook shot knocked Herbert ten feet into the air. Their newspapers went flying in all directions.
Junior felt horrible as he watched Wally and Herbert struggle to get up and then run around trying to catch their papers before they blew away. Lots of other kids stood around watching, too. Only Laura Carrot had the courage—and the heart—to help them.
“Gee thanks, Laura,” said Wally.
“Yeah, you’re a pal,” added Herbert. “What’s gotten into Junior today?”
“He’s too cool to care,” muttered Laura, her anger rising.
Meanwhile, Ziggy and Ricky prepared for another frame of bully bowling.
“Who do you want to take out this time?” Ziggy asked Ricky.
“I’ll take Wally and the carrot girl. It’s a tricky shot, but I love a challenge.”
“But you already got your turkey!” Junior exclaimed.
“Chill out, Asparagus. We’ve got a perfect game going. Can’t stop now.”
“Wait till they pick up all of their papers,” Ricky snickered. “Then we’ll roll again.”
Junior didn’t know what to say. He looked at
all of the kids standing around, just watching. No one wanted to help. No one showed an ounce of kindness—except for Laura.
“This isn’t who I want to be,” Junior found himself saying. “I quit.”
“You what?” asked Ricky.
“Don’t have the guts to bowl with the big boys?” Ziggy smirked.
“This isn’t my kind of game,” Junior told them. “Someday you just might wind up in Wally and Herbert’s shoes, and you won’t like it either!”
“They don’t wear shoes, Asparagus boy!” Ricky chuckled.
“Besides, that’ll never happen,” Ziggy told him. “There’s no way we’d ever be caught wearing anything they would wear.”
“And I’m no longer going to be caught wearing this silly thing in my clothes!” Junior said. Then he yanked the hanger out from under his shirt and rushed over to help his friends pick up their papers.
“Gee thanks, Junior,” smiled Herbert.
“I’m sorry I didn’t do this sooner,” Junior told his friends.
“We’re all going to be sorry any second now,” said Laura. “We’re about to be bowled over.”
Ziggy and Ricky were lining up their next shots.
“I’m not afraid of them anymore,” said Junior.
“Don’t sweat it, guys,” said Herbert. “It looks like we’ve got much bigger problems than Ziggy and Ricky.”
Wally, Laura, and Junior looked in the direction that Herbert was staring. Rising high above the city was a storm. It was the biggest twister they had ever seen. Its black tail scoured the ground like a snake.
And the monster was heading their way.
CHAPTER 18
TWIST AND SHOUT
4:19 P.M.
Fred couldn’t have been happier.
“Look at me! I’m a cucumber! I’ve got a body!” Fred said as he hopped around like a little kid on Christmas morning.
“That body is just on loan,” scolded Larryboy. His brain was still trapped inside the minicomputer, which still dangled from the cow’s neck.
“Let’s do the twist!” Fred swiveled his hips, dancing like a crazed cucumber. “Let’s do the—”
LarryBoy in the Amazing Brain-Twister Page 3
