I'm Holding On

by Scarlet Wolfe

  “I can’t believe you had the nerve to do that. Where did this bold side of you come from?”

  “I don’t know.” Yes I do. Ian brought it out of me. Well, and Drew, too, but more so Ian.

  “And you were flirting with the man. Are you going to make me compete with Mr. Silky Pants, too?”

  “Those are not pants,” I say, pointing my finger in Drew’s face. “They are barely shorts, but if you wear the green ones for me, I won’t feel a need to check his out.”

  Drew climbs off of me and reaches out his hand for me to take. “Come on. I’m taking you home where I can punish you properly.” His lips are pursed and his eyebrows are lifted.

  I begin snickering.

  He huffs and puts his hands on his hips.

  “What’s so funny now?”

  “You. I can see you trying to discipline your children with that same look on your face, right before they stomp all over you. You’re going to be such a softy.”

  He shakes his head at me like he can’t believe what I just said. “Are you enjoying dishing out all this harassment? And what has you thinking about kids, anyway?”

  I take his hand and let him pull me up. He embraces me and appears a little alarmed.

  “Tell me.”

  “I don’t know. I just pictured it when you said that about punishing me.”

  “Did you talk to Ian about kids?”

  Shit. How did we end up here?

  “Um, we did have a conversation about it, but I wasn’t trying to do that with you. Kids get punished, so that’s what I pictured when you said it. You’re really kind, so I don’t envision you being hard on your kids. It was a compliment.”

  “We can talk on the way back to your place,” he says smiling. Thank goodness. After getting in the car, he wastes no time bringing it up again.

  “Are you wondering if I want kids?” he asks.

  “I believed so since you’re close to your family, but I guess I shouldn’t have assumed.”

  “I do want children. Do you?”

  “Yes, I really do. Growing up alone sucked, so I want more than one so they have siblings.”

  “Does Ian want kids?”

  “Yep.” I look out the window. I don’t want to get more into that.

  “He keeps surprising me. I never thought he’d want children. You’ll be a great mother, Bryn. You’re thoughtful, loving and hard working. They’ll always have your attention.”

  I reach over and take his hand. It’s warm like him.

  “Thank you, Drew.” He pulls up in front of my apartment but leaves the vehicle running. “What are you doing?”

  “I’m dropping you off.”

  “I knew you were a softy. See, you can’t even punish me. How will you ever discipline your kids?” I ask, smirking.

  “Oh, I’m not finished with you. I’m going to make you wait for it. Get dressed up. I’ll be back at six.”

  His hand slides along my neck, and he tugs me closer, kissing my mouth.” Go before I change my mind and come in.”

  “OK, see ya soon you big softy.”

  Drew

  I feel like the wind’s been knocked out of me when Bryn opens the door. Her beauty takes my breath away.

  “You look stunning.”

  “Thanks,” she says bashfully, glancing at her dress. It’s pale pink and strapless. There are three pearl buttons going down the center of the chest, and it gathers at her waist, showing how tiny it is. It looks like cotton and ends above her knees.

  Her hair is up, exposing her neck, and she’s wearing high heels. Damn, she looks sensuous, and I don’t want any other man seeing her like this. I put my arm out, and she loops hers around it.

  “You look really handsome. You’re attractive no matter what you’re wearing, but this is a nice look on you. Where are we going?” she asks as I open the door for her.

  “It’s a surprise.” I park at Brasserie Montmartre, a French inspired restaurant downtown. It’s not the most expensive place in Portland but one I thought Bryn would appreciate. “I can’t take you to France, so this is my best move. It’s all I got,” I say, winking at her.

  “I’m really excited. I’ve been wanting to eat here. They’re known for their pommes frites.”

  “French fries, right?”

  “Yes.”

  We’re seated, and Brynlee studies the menu.

  “I want the three course meal with the mixed greens, meatloaf, and maple crème brûlée for dessert.”

  I chuckle. “You figured that out fast.”

  “I’m hungry.”

  She hasn’t been eating enough. It’s worth a hundred dollars to see Brynlee actually consume a whole meal.

  “You’re always too busy to stop and eat.”

  “If you don’t want to hear the dirty ‘B’ word, then cut it out. You’re worrying about me too much.”

  “Boyfriends worry about their girlfriends. Think of that ‘B’ word instead.” I have to frown. Maybe I am too nice like Marissa said.

  “I was joking, Drew, but I don’t want you worrying. I’ve been taking care of myself for years.”

  “But everyone needs help sometimes.”

  “I already let you help me more than I’m comfortable with. You’re trying to show me that I’m tired and sickly and need you to work for me. Stop it.”

  I hold my hands up in surrender.

  “Alright, alright, but I don’t think you’re sickly. I believe you’re stunning.” I reach across the table and take her hand. She’s a real life brunette Barbie tonight.

  I remember Marissa playing with those dolls, and the real one is sitting across from me. This is pathetic. I’m like a hormonal fourteen year old.

  Planning for the Future

  Brynlee

  Drew’s holding my hand, and the lighting in the room is only magnifying how sexy his face is from his sparkling, blue eyes to his charming dimpled smile.

  His dark khakis fit him perfectly, and his light blue and white, pinstripe dress shirt is formed to his muscles, showing his chest and biceps.

  I don’t know how he could look any better than he does tonight, and I wish I knew what he’s thinking. He’s gazing at me as if it’s the first time he’s seeing me.

  We get our meal and it’s excellent.

  “Um, I’ve been doing some thinking about what I want in the future as far as my career goes,” I say.

  “I thought you had that all figured out?”

  “Well, one thing you’re concerned about, I do agree with. I’m too young to have my back hurting already. The creative aspect of my job is my favorite part, not the baking. I’ve been considering teaching it instead.”

  His eyes light up even brighter.

  “I think that’s a terrific idea. You’d make a phenomenal teacher. You’re patient and thorough, and you’re always creating new desserts of your own.”

  “You’re full of the compliments tonight.”

  “I mean it, Bryn. I think it would be a lot less stress and responsibility, too.”

  “I agree. I thought I could start with a job teaching at the college and maybe open a bakery in the future to instruct. I’d like to focus on foreign cuisine and go to Europe for a couple of weeks to take some classes before I begin working.”

  Drew blinks quickly several times as if he’s very surprised.

  “I would pay for it, of course, with some of the money I’ve been saving for a bakery. It would be a once in a lifetime experience and give me more knowledge. I think classes in France and Italy would be a selling point to get a job, too.”

  “Sugar, I think that’s a perfect idea, and if anyone can make it happen, it’s you. I know how badly you’ve wanted to go to Europe, too.”

  I grin at him, happy that he thinks it could work. He has a business degree and manages a coffee shop, so I think he’d know if I was way off base.

  “Your opinion really matters to me, so I’m glad you think it’s possible.”

  “Your clients will be disappo
inted.”

  “Yes, but they’ll be helpful references to find a job. I’ll still bake for you if possible.”

  “Let’s worry about that when the time comes, and how soon were you thinking?”

  “I was going to apply at the school soon.” I look away from him. It’s awkward to talk about kids before I’m even married, but it’s another reason I want to make this big change in my career.

  “Also, I thought it would be better to work for someone else if I’m going to have children. It’ll be easier to take days off when I need to, and I’ll have more time for them. It’s a heavy weight to carry every day, knowing that if I have to be off work, I don’t get paid. It’s scary.”

  “I worry about it, too. You’ve really thought this through.”

  “Honestly, this situation with you and Ian is what made me think about it. I’ve been forced to look closer at what I want.”

  “I guess all three of us have had to do that, but I’ve always known I want you in my future.” He stares at me again, and I watch his eyes go from mine to my lips. I can’t help but wet them.

  “Are you finished with your crème brûlée?” he asks.

  “Yes, thank you very much. Dinner was lovely.”

  We’re both quiet on the way to my apartment. It’s probably because we feel the onslaught of lust coursing through us and don’t know what we’re going to do with it … what we can do with it.

  Drew

  I want to attack Bryn every time she’s in my presence. Now that I’ve had a taste, I can barely contain myself. Once inside her apartment, she goes to change.

  I wait on the couch for her. She comes out in a thin sundress. This one has short sleeves and does appear to be more comfortable than the strapless one she was wearing.

  The problem is, there is easy access with this dress, too. She sits next to me and lays her head against my shoulder.

  “Did you feel obligated to manage the coffee shop?”

  “No, why do you ask?”

  “You love architecture, so I’ve wondered why you didn’t pursue that.”

  “My parents have never made me feel obligated, but I don’t want to see what they worked so hard for come to an end, so I guess I do feel a little obligation, but I’ve done that to myself.”

  “But you always buy those architecture books.”

  “I can dream. They inspire me to sketch my own drawings. It’s a hobby.”

  “I didn’t know you did that. We’ve talked about many things over the last couple of years, but it seems we kept some of the vulnerable stuff to ourselves. I want to see them.”

  “I guess we did. I’ll show you the next time you’re over. If you get to come over again. You know, Bryn, Ian wouldn’t be able to handle us spending time together. I’d always be there as your friend if you ever needed me, but I couldn’t be close to you if you pick him.”

  “I don’t want to think about that. I’m with you tonight, and we’ve had the best day.”

  She sits up and turns her body to face me. Her dress rides up her thighs more, and I can’t take it. I don’t know who leans in first, but we’re on each other, making out heavily.

  My hand skims up her silky thigh and under her dress. I feel her lace panties, and I want to sink my dick into her, so I squeeze her hip, trying to reign in the lust I have for this woman. Bryn pulls away, and I’m frustrated. Really. Frustrated.

  “We can’t keep doing this and stopping. It’s driving me insane,” I say.

  “Telling you isn’t the same as showing you, but I do want you, Drew, so much.”

  “But you want him, too.”

  “Don’t do this.”

  If I piss her off, I’m going to lose her. If she feels guilty when she thinks of me, I might win her for the wrong reasons.

  I rest my hand on her thigh and stare into her eyes that show all her emotions, and right now, I see the anxiety I’m causing.

  “I’m sorry. It really hasn’t been that long since all this started, but it feels like an eternity. You’re not doing anything wrong, and I don’t want to make you feel that way.

  “Ian and I created this mess. It’s the price I have to pay for waiting so long to tell you how I’ve felt, and it’s the price he and I have to pay for being unwilling to give you up.”

  She looks away and gnaws on her lip.

  “I’m a guilty member of this, too. The both of you are intense, and I get caught up in it. I get lost in being needed … desired. Isn’t that what everyone wants?”

  Brynlee begins to sob hard. The biggest tears fall, and I want to take her pain away, to fix all of this, but she’s the only one who can. I pull her into my arms and hold her but she fights me.

  “No, I don’t deserve to have you comfort me over this!”

  “Yes, you do, Bryn. I made this mess.”

  “I feel horrible guilt. Do you think I can’t see the hurt in your eyes when you plead for me to pick you? When you tell me you won’t let me go?”

  “This wasn’t the punishment I had in mind for tonight, sweetheart, so stop torturing yourself. It will work out one way or another.” I hold her firmly, trying so hard not to let her go.

  “Get off of me, Drew, and go home. I handled this whole thing wrong, and you need to let me own it!”

  I rise from the couch. This woman makes me nuts.

  “Fine, Bryn. Do you trust Ian enough to speak from your heart like you’ve done with me through this entire mess?

  “That’s what you need to think about. You feel safe with me. You should feel comfortable telling the man you pick for life all the shit you obviously don’t mind spilling to me.”

  I storm out the door, slamming it behind me. Does she want me to be kind to her, treat her like shit? What the hell does she want?

  I make it to my car door and feel the tug on my arm. Brynlee has hold of it before she steps in front of me. It’s dark, and she’s barefoot in her little dress, and I’m angry I want her so bad.

  “Drew, don’t leave like this,” she says, crying still. “I’m sorry I pushed you away. Seeing you frustrated and hurting makes me angry with myself. For over two years we’ve been happy when we’re together.”

  “Exactly, Bryn, and I want eighty more of those with you.”

  Throwing her arms around my neck, she crashes her lips to mine, urgency and desperation steering her hands to grip my hair.

  I can’t take her back inside like this, or I’ll find a way to make love to her, so I turn her and set her up on the side of the hood.

  She wraps her legs around my waist, and our mouths are glued as my hand clenches her ass and the other holds the back of her head.

  At least it’s dark since we’re on a busy, public street, but neither of us care. Her tongue still tastes like crème brûlée, her scent is of sugar, and her strands feels like silk. She’s a virus that I can’t heal from.

  Pulling away, Bryn lays her head onto my shoulder.

  “Drew, it’s selfish for me to request, but please don’t give up on me. I owe it to Ian to meet his family tomorrow, but I promise I’ll make a decision after.”

  “You confuse the hell out of me, sugar, but OK.”

  Meet the Parents

  Ian

  Today will be the first time I’ve taken a girl home to meet my family. I’m almost twenty-six, so I think it’s time. Brynlee is that important to me. I’ve missed her, and this is getting tiring.

  She’s waiting on the steps to her apartment when I get there. The weather is comfortable, and I’ve picked up on the fact that she enjoys the outdoors.

  “Hi,” she says as she gets in the car. She looks classy today. Her dark hair is down and has loose curls in it. She’s wearing a skirt and a button up sweater that’s open over her shirt.

  Brynlee’s dressed more conservative, and I’m curious if she’s comfortable or doing this because she feels a need to impress my family. The way she looks doesn’t match the woman she’s let me see.

  In seconds, my mouth is on hers, want
ing nothing more than to feel her skin and those lips.

  “Hi. I’ve missed kissing you.”

  “I’ve missed your kisses.”

  “Are you ready? My parents live in Lake Oswego.”

  “Wow, that’s an expensive area. I’ve only been through there a couple of times.”

  “They have a very nice home. My mother’s name is Elisabeth, and my father’s is Grayson, and you know Isaac. His fiancé, Blaire, will be there, too.” My parents’ home would sell for at least two million, so I know it’s going to overwhelm her. I’m worried about this, but Brynlee needs to see all of my world before she makes a decision.

  Once we reach the property, she stares out the window and chews on the corner of her bottom lip. I park and go around to open her door. She hasn’t said a word, and I don’t know what to make of it.

  “This is it.”

  “It’s, um, exquisite.” I watch her take in the surroundings before she lifts up a white box. “I brought dessert.”

  “I’m sure my family will love it. Ready?” I ask her as we approach the door. “Don’t be nervous, Brynlee. They’ll love you.”

  Brynlee

  I think I’m going to throw up. I’m standing at the door of Ian’s parents’ home, and I don’t recall ever being this nervous. He’s dressed very well to have lunch with his family, which is only causing more pressure. How uptight are they? The door opens and a refined, older woman smiles.

  “Hello, dear. I’m so glad you’re here.” She hugs Ian before she looks at me. “Hello, you must be Brynlee. I’m Elisabeth.” She looks back to Ian. “She’s stunning, Ian.”

  “I know.”

  “Thank you. I brought dessert,” I say, handing her the box. Ian lifts my hand that’s in his and kisses the back of it.

  “Well, thank you, dear. Everyone’s in the living room.”

  One down, two to go. We walk through the extravagant home and enter a massive room that has elegant decor. An older gentleman, Isaac and a very attractive, young woman stand from where they’re sitting.