“Um. Can you let me up please? I need to go get some things done. Oh. Can I also get my diary back?” Forrest smile dims some as he tries to look into my eyes to see what I’m thinking but giving up when I look away so he doesn’t see the hurt in them. When he climbs off me to stand, he lends a hand down to help me up off his bed. I take it still casting my eyes down for fear he will see the slight hurt his comment made about finding someone to kiss me as good as his. I don’t want to find anyone to compare him to. I just want him and I want so badly to tell him of my feelings now but I know it’s not the right time and it seems he may not feel the same.
“Yeah. It’s right here.” He reaches under his pillow and pulls out my diary with my pen tucked inside where the last entry I wrote, handing it to me still trying to catch my eye but I won’t let him. “Are we ok?”
“Hmm? Oh yeah, we’re great. I just have some things I gotta do and realized I need to hurry up and do them.” I lie. I try to take the diary from him but he pulls it back before I can get it.
“Ok. I just don’t want you to be mad at me or feel weird about the kiss. It was nothing. Just remember that.” That breaks my heart just a little bit more but I try to hide it with a giant grin so he can see I’m ok when I take my diary out of his hands.
“Nope. We’re good. The kiss meant nothing more than for educational purposes.” His smile falls slightly from his face before he smirks at me and kisses my cheek.
“Great. Now get lost baby girl. I have a huge essay to finish by tonight and you’ve already distracted me enough.” Forrest plops back down on his bed pulling out his laptop from under his bed where he placed it before giving me the most amazing kiss of my life and starts typing.
“Good luck with your essay. Bye.” I quickly walk out of his bedroom and run into mine, closing and locking the door before running to my bed and jumping on it. I smother my face into my pillow and scream. I had to get my excitement of kissing Forrest out before I burst. When I’m done I pull out my diary and write down all that happened in the last fifteen minutes with Forrest, feeling like a love sick puppy while also feeling like my heart is breaking at the same time because it seems he didn’t feel the same.
My dream of the last best memory I had with Forrest ends in darkness before I wake up screaming in pain.
Chapter 2
Forrest
There’s a moment that comes in your life when you realize you need to make a choice between choosing the one you love and setting them free to find someone that would be more deserving of them then yourself. Although you hope that it’s as the saying goes, ‘if you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t they never were’ by the infamous Richard Bach. That’s what I did. I set her free because I loved her enough to let her choose her path in life and love. It was the worst mistake I ever made where she was concerned. I should have been there for her. I should have told her of my feelings sooner and maybe she wouldn’t be gone. She wouldn’t be gone because I would have been the one to take her to and from school. She wouldn’t be gone because when she realized that her car was broken down she would have called me to come get her instead of accepting a ride from her teacher. Her teacher who was said to have been the last one to see her before she was kidnapped. I don’t know Mr. Morris other than that he was young and good looking and all the female student body were in love with him, or so says Sierra. He was her P.E. teacher. I remember her saying that he was really nice and easy to talk to and that many of the students, especially the girls, went to him to talk about their problems. I don’t know if she ever did but I doubt it because she wrote her feelings in her diary and if she wanted someone to give feedback she always came to me.
From the beginning, since the very first day I met her and Damon, I knew there was something different about them. I knew they could be my future, my family and that we would grow to be as close as brothers and sister. Damon befriended me right off the bat when another student tried to bully me. He told them to back off that I was part of his crew. I didn’t know what to think because nobody has ever stood up for me before. I was the kid from the wrong side of the tracks with a bad temper and always willing to fight anyone and everyone, whether I won or lost. I was a bad boy and people didn’t like me but they never thought to get to know me. Of course I put off a vibe that usually meant back off so that could have something to do with it.
When Damon invited me over to his house after I told him who my foster parents were, I was excited. No other kid had ever invited me to their house let alone been my friend. I was a loner with no one to call a friend and no family. When I arrived home that day I was so excited and when I asked my foster parents if I could go to his house which was a few houses up from theirs, they told me that I shouldn’t bother because I would only get him in to trouble. I just ignored their hurtful jabs and went over anyways not caring about if I was good for him as a friend or not. He wanted to be my friend and I needed and wanted to be his friend regardless of the consequences.
I arrived shortly after Damon got home because I had to ride the bus instead of being picked up, and he let me in to meet his family. His mom was the first person to ever come up to me and hug me since my father died when I was younger. It felt amazing being hugged by someone who wasn’t trying to hurt me but I didn’t let it show. Then when we entered the kitchen Damon’s little sister was sitting at the table coloring and when she looked up at me I felt the world shift like she was the only person in the room. I don’t know why she had that effect on me but it was as if she understood me like nobody else even though I knew she couldn’t understand all the horrors I’ve been through. She was younger than us by a few years but she still tugged at my heart strings like a magnetic field. I felt connected to her and I knew from that day forward she would always be in my life and that I needed to help Damon protect her from the evils of the world. I wanted her to stay innocent for as long as possible. She looked innocent with her big, round blue eyes, natural blonde hair with red highlights when the sun hits it just right. Her soft pink lips that were plump like she just sucked on a Popsicle and were swollen started moving but I didn’t hear what she said to me because I was in awe of her.
From that day forward we were inseparable. We were the three musketeers. Damon was my best friend and Sierra was my baby girl. That’s what I’ve called her since that first day and I’ve always thought it was fitting. She will always be my baby girl no matter how my feelings have evolved for her. As we got older we became closer and closer. She would confide in me and I would do the same when it was appropriate with her. I never let anyone I dated ever tell her she wasn’t welcomed and if they caused any problems or said anything rude to her they were gone no questions asked and no room for explanation. Nobody talked to my baby girl with disrespect and I made sure everyone knew it. When she was old enough to start getting noticed by boys Damon and I made sure to let them know that if they tried anything with her or hurt her in any way that we were going to fuck them up. People were scared of me with all the rumors circling around that I killed someone which was bullshit, but it worked to my advantage and no man ever dared fuck with Sierra.
I don’t know when it happened but I fell for her. I knew it was wrong and I shouldn’t have let it happen but how can you stop from falling for an angel like Sierra? You can’t. If you knew Sierra, then you’d know that she has the biggest heart of anyone I ever knew and that she was the sweetest and most beautiful woman that you would be lucky to know. She was always happy with a big smile on her face and tried to befriend everybody. She never said a bad thing to anyone and always told me the reason is because you just never know what kind of situation a person has going on at home so she is nice to everyone. She is so innocent not having seen anything horrible in her life other than a little bullying and yet she still thinks of others as if she knows that some come from abuse or worse.
She’s also so gorgeous with a face like and angel and a toned body. Her big blue eyes grab you and hold
you prisoner not willing to ever let you go. She always seems to see right through you when she looks at you and knows things that you may not want her to see. I know when she looks at me it’s like she sees the real me and just how fucked up I am and yet she still cares. Her long blonde hair makes her look almost otherworldly. She doesn’t wear much makeup and has that natural glow about her that makes you want to just put her up in the clouds where nobody could reach her for fear that they would break her. Those reasons alone I’m sure she causes many guys her age to chase her in hopes to be with her. I don’t know why she never dated but I feel as though she was saving herself for someone that she could love. The day I found her diary I knew I shouldn’t have kept reading on but when I saw the word love, I wanted to know who it was that she had fallen for. I had always hoped it was me that she loved like she said in her last entry but the person she described couldn’t have been me. It tore me to pieces to know that she loved another but there was nothing I could do if she didn’t feel the same for me as I did for her.
I kept her diary that day knowing I shouldn’t, that I should have just put it away for nobody else to find, but I thought about reading more entries in hopes that she would put a name to the person she described. I sat down for several hours just going through her diary from the first entry to the last and realizing the person she was talking about sounded a lot like me when she described what the guy wore or what he was doing and that he was obviously friends with Damon but she never actually said a name so I couldn’t be sure. I could only hope that my assumptions were correct that it was me she was speaking of. Maybe one day I’ll be worthy like she says in her book and when that day comes I would tell her how much I loved her and how perfect she was for me. I knew it wasn’t right to read her diary but she never mentioned being in love with someone before to me and usually she tells me everything.
I had spent the entire Saturday reading entries from Sierras diary so when Sunday came along I had to work my ass off trying to set up the schedule for the underground fight club I ran. Yes it was illegal but it was a front for my secret job. I work for an undercover detective group that tries to catch criminals who participate in sex trafficking and other illegal goings on. I have a lot of connections due to my less than stellar reputation and I help them catch these criminals by gaining evidence and locations of where selling and trading take place. I don’t actually arrest any of them but I set up underground fight clubs that bring in these guys to do their business while they make bets on the fights. Part of my job is I arrange the fights and while they are happening I hang in the background trying to listen to any conversations that pertain to sex trafficking or any other illegal dealings. I have to be as discrete as possible so I always try to look as if I’m just keeping an eye on things like a bouncer would do in a club. Nobody knows that I work undercover, not even Damon or Sierra. They just think that I am taking online classes. I’ll admit that I do take classes but they aren’t online and they are with the group that I am helping catch criminals. I plan to be a detective one day but they have better use of me where I’m at. The head guy for this little undercover operation said that as soon as they catch the head honcho for the sex trafficking that he will bring me in to start my official training to be a detective.
When Sierra came in my room looking for her diary I knew I fucked up. I meant to put it back in her room before she got home that day but I forgot because I fell asleep with it in my hand and when I woke up today I just went straight to work making the schedule for the fights. Since nobody knew about my undercover job I let them think that I am going to school online and sometimes have night classes on nights that I have to be at the fights. I still work at the mechanics shop full time but this job earned me a lot of money and I knew I was helping innocent people from hopefully being sold and lost forever in the underground world.
I had to come up with an excuse quick. The reason I gave was the partial truth. I really was looking for a pen but I was also looking for a place to put the letter I planned to write for her professing my love where nobody else would see it. After all that I’ve seen lately with my secret job I needed to let her know how I felt and what better way than a love letter?
When she asked if I had read any of the entries I started to worry that she would see right through me when I lied so I focused on the page in front of me where my essay was supposed to be and lied about how much I actually read without looking at her. If I told her the truth she might have freaked out and then she might never tell me anything again so I told her I only read the last entry which seemed to make her nervous but she wasn’t angry, which was a good sign. Then I had to know just who this guy was that she was in love with so I know if I needed to kill him or not. It seemed to me that he didn’t know how she felt and that he didn’t seem to feel the same based on her interactions with him in her entries. If he knows her like I do then it wouldn’t be hard for him to fall for her. But then again with some of those entries it seemed to me that it could have been me. So maybe I was the idiot.
I asked a few other questions where her answers shocked me. I never realized that she has never dated or had a boyfriend or even a first kiss. Usually by your sophomore year most kids have already had their first kiss, especially for a girl as beautiful as Sierra. I don’t know how she’s never had a first kiss but I wanted to make sure her first would be spectacular and that she would compare all others to it. I offered to give her the best first kiss knowing I could give her a kiss worth dreaming over and also because I really just wanted to taste her before I lost her to this unsuspecting love of her life. I know it was selfish but I didn’t care. When she agreed, I wanted to jump for joy and shout it from the roof tops that I was going to kiss the most perfect and beautiful girl in the world.
I could tell she was nervous but I assured her that it would be ok. I know she knows I would never hurt her so I hope her nervousness was because she was excited to kiss me not just because it was her first kiss. When I first brushed my lips across hers I had to control myself from pouncing on her and devouring her mouth like a madman. She’s never kissed anyone before so I knew I had to move slowly to let her learn from me. When I probed at her lips asking permission to explore her mouth with my tongue, she opened them just enough to slide it in. Her taste was like an aphrodisiac. She tasted sweet like she just had a jolly rancher in her mouth and I wanted to devour her whole. I never wanted the kiss to end. When she grabbed a hold of me I felt like the world stopped and it was only us moving in our own orbit. The kiss deepened and I wanted to go further than just kissing but I knew I couldn’t, or shouldn’t, and then she moaned and I almost lost it. I had to pull back before I did something that she may regret later. No matter how much I wanted her and wanted to go further I knew she wasn’t ready for that and I also knew it would have been way to fast no matter how long I’ve known her for. When I saw the smile on her face I hoped that smile was for me and not because she was thinking of someone else. I couldn’t help the smile that graced my lips at finally experiencing the best kiss of my life with the woman I love and longed for a future with but unsure if that would ever happen.
I don’t know why I had to make it seem as if the kiss meant nothing to me more than just educational purposes but I realized I fucked up when I saw the smile fall from her lips before she tried to recover with a giant fake smile. I’m such a jack ass and I definitely don’t deserve her. I should have just told her right then and there that I wanted to be the only one she kissed like that and more but I didn’t and I will forever regret it. After that day we acted as if the kiss never happened but every night I replayed it over and over again while changing what I said to professing my love instead.
Now several days after her birthday party, the day she was kidnapped, we are no closer to finding her than we were the day of her kidnapping. They only have one eye witness that says they saw her get into her teachers’ car, Mr. Morris, and driving off in the direction towards town which is the usual route to get to our house which
is just on the other side of town. Mr. Morris was brought in for questioning that same night claiming it wasn’t him who took her home and they can search his car and house if they’d like. They searched his car and found no evidence of her ever being there and ransacked his house finding no evidence of her ever being there either.
When we first realized she was missing, it was when the party had already started and she still hadn’t shown up but her cheerleading squad had. They said that they all left to the parking lot while she went to her locker to get something out of it and that she said she would be home right after to get ready before everyone showed up for her party. We headed back to the school and found her car parked in her usual spot with no sign of her around. I checked it to see why she didn’t drive it and realized that it wouldn’t start because somebody cut the battery line. The police believe it was deliberate that the person who abducted her planned it.
I couldn’t even begin to tell you just how scared and pissed I was when we realized that she was kidnapped. It’s even worse now with nobody to tie to her at the last sighting other than her P.E. teacher who had been cleared for no evidence being found. I think he did it though. I don’t know how I know this but I do. It had to be him because the eye witness said he was sure it was him and his car because he’s seen him drive it nearly every day to and from school. I just need to figure out where he’s hiding her. When I do find her and I find out just exactly who it was that took her, they’re dead. I will kill the fucker who puts his hands on my Sierra.
I have so much I had yet to say to her that I want her to know and I need her here to tell her how much in love I am with her. I know it might affect my relationship with Damon because he has told every one of his friends that she is off limits but I don’t care. I think eventually he will understand and accept it as long as she feels the same for me. I had planned to tell her on her birthday as a surprise and also because she was turning eighteen so she was legal to date but that never happened and I don’t know if I will ever be able to tell her.
Save Me (Taken Series Book 1) Page 3
