by Sarah Morgan
Given that was indeed what he wanted, the sudden flare of his temper made no sense and the inconsistency in his own thoughts and feelings aggravated him as much as her casual dismissal of what they’d shared.
Furious with himself and with her, Matteo sprang from the bed. ‘If that’s what you want then I’ll arrange a flight for you immediately after the concert.’
Even that didn’t earn him her full attention because she was apparently focused on trying to fasten her case. ‘That’s very generous of you. And thanks again for getting me a backstage pass. Wow.’
That was it?
That was all she was going to say?
Not trusting himself to speak Matteo grabbed his phone and stalked towards the bathroom. ‘The concert starts at two. I need to get ready.’
Why was it that men never said what women wanted to hear?
Soaked in misery, Izzy stood in the wings watching her idols with feigned excitement, all the while thinking of nothing but Matteo.
Why, when she knew what he was like, had she expected him to argue with her when she’d reminded him he liked to keep his relationships superficial? He’d spent a lifetime avoiding intimacy so had she really believed he’d change overnight?
When he’d leapt out of the bed she’d really thought he was going to haul her into his arms and tell her not to leave, instead of which he’d strode into the shower without a backward glance in her direction.
All of which proved she’d been right in her decision to leave, but that didn’t make it feel any easier.
She loved him like crazy.
Ending it had felt like cutting off part of her body and now she was bleeding inside. Maybe it wasn’t so surprising that he couldn’t see how she was feeling. He was so used to women who wanted him for his title and connections that it had been all too easy to convince him that she was just one more of those, especially given that her original plan had been to use him for precisely those reasons.
Surprised by how much it hurt that he could think that of her, Izzy stepped backwards as a high-profile rock band sprinted onto the stage.
She had to focus. Somehow, she had to get through the concert.
Her Goal of the Day was simply to survive and not embarrass herself.
Artist after artist performed in front of an ecstatic crowd and at one point Izzy was joined by Jessica and a few of the other teenagers from the hospital.
By the time darkness fell and they reached the climax of the concert, she was exhausted and just desperate for the whole thing to end.
Lost in her own misery, she wasn’t even aware of the commotion backstage until Matteo planted himself in front of her.
Having been avoiding him all evening, Izzy flinched. ‘What?’
Incredulity lit his dark eyes. ‘Have you any idea what’s been happening?’
Happening? ‘Er, the concert is great. The audience is amazing,’ she improvised, and he gritted his teeth.
‘Callie has just been rushed to hospital in an ambulance.’
‘Oh, dear.’ Her mouth formed the words but all she could think was that she was never going to feel about anyone the way she felt about him. ‘Poor her. I hope it’s not serious.’
‘It isn’t,’ he ground out, ‘but what is serious is the fact that she’s on stage next. Singing your song. You’re going to have to do it.’
It took a moment for his words to sink in. ‘But—’
‘No one else knows it and the audience expects to hear it—it’s the official song of the event. You should be pleased.’ He snapped his fingers and a sound technician hurried forward with a microphone. ‘This is the biggest opportunity of your life and we both know you never miss an opportunity.’
A few weeks ago she would have been on that stage faster than a cat after a mouse, but now the only thing in her head was that if her sister married his brother she’d be forced to see Matteo occasionally and that would be agony.
‘I’m really not sure I can—’
‘We both know you can. I’ll do that.’ Glowering, he snatched the microphone out of the hands of a hovering technician and fastened it himself. ‘Don’t even think about putting your hand down her T-shirt.’ As the backs of his fingers brushed against her skin, Izzy shivered.
Looking at his face she thought he looked the way she felt, but then decided she was probably imagining it. Today was always going to be stressful for him. It was hardly surprising that his face was showing signs of strain.
As he drew her forward it finally sank in that she was going to have to walk onto that stage in front of a global audience of millions and sing when she was feeling horrible. Her limbs went loose and a flock of butterflies escaped in her stomach.
‘I can’t do this. I’m wearing shorts.’
His glance was so swift it was as if he couldn’t stand the sight of her. ‘You look fine, rock chick.’
‘I haven’t rehearsed—’
An explosion of whoops and cheers from the crowd made her jump and the next minute she was on the stage.
Oh, God …
The lights blinded her and the roar of the crowd was deafening. In the VIP area she caught a brief glimpse of Allegra with Alex and she frowned briefly because she’d had no idea they were coming.
Great. Could her humiliation be more public?
A few weeks ago she’d stood up and sung at their engagement party, ignoring the disapproving glances. Now she had an excited audience and she wasn’t sure she could produce a single note.
Realising that her legs weren’t going to support her, she plonked herself down at the piano and put her fingers on the keys.
An expectant hush fell over the audience and Izzy saw a beam of light track towards her.
It reminded her so much of the evening she’d sat up in the top of the amphitheatre with Matteo that for a moment she couldn’t breathe. The emotion threatened to choke her.
How could you fall in love with someone in weeks?
And how could that someone not know?
The thought that he was never going to know how she felt, that for the rest of his life he was going to think she’d just used him to fast-forward her career, made her want to sob. He was going to think she was just another of the many women who wanted something from him.
At that moment she glanced into the wings and met his gaze.
Her fingers shook on the piano keys and she stumbled once but somehow managed to struggle through the introduction to The Me You Don’t See.
The crowd roared its approval but immediately settled as Izzy opened her mouth to sing the opening bars of the song.
‘Look at me—’ Her voice cracked with emotion and for a brief, horrible second she thought she wasn’t going to be able to carry on. The only sound in her throat was a sob and she couldn’t get past that because it felt wrong singing this song to a crowd of millions when it had been written for just one man.
And then she realised that this was her chance—her only chance—to tell that man how she really felt and suddenly the sob became a sound, a wonderful soaring sound as she continued. ‘I’m not what you see …’ Her voice grew stronger and she forgot about the audience. Forgot about everyone and everything except the man watching her from the wings.
The man she loved.
She knew she was singing it differently from how Callie sang it, but she didn’t care.
It was her song. This one time she was going to sing it the way she wanted to sing it—the way she’d always meant it to be sung—and she poured everything she felt into the music, and despite the huge gathering the only sound in the amphitheatre was her voice.
As the final notes died away, she dragged her gaze from Matteo and stood.
Desperate to leave, she acknowledged the rapturous reception of the audience and walked off the stage, thinking absently that yet another key moment in her musical career had occurred when she wasn’t dressed for it.
‘You were amazing—’
‘Congratulations—’
A million times better than Callie—’
The praise flowed over her and Izzy pinned a smile on her face, muttered, ‘Thank you,’ repeatedly as she ploughed her way backstage towards the exit.
She was done. Finished.
‘Wait!’
His deep voice froze her limbs and she contemplated making a run for it but as usual her heels were too high to allow a speedy exit so she stood on shaking legs while he caught up with her.
‘You sang brilliantly. They love you.’
Izzy heard a dull roar somewhere in the background and realised it was the audience. ‘That’s good.’ She desperately wanted to escape but Matteo planted himself in front of her.
Black jeans suited him, she thought numbly. He looked sensational.
And then she looked at him properly and saw that those sexy eyes were shadowed, tension visible in every angle of his bronzed, handsome face.
‘Your goal the night of the engagement was to use me to boost your career so I don’t understand why you’re leaving.’
Shaking from head to foot, Izzy reminded herself that her goal right now was to get out of here without making a total fool of herself. ‘The concert has been the biggest success ever. I hope you raise a ton of money. And now I really have to—’
‘If that’s all it was—if you were really only using me to boost your career—then you should carry on using me. I was your Goal of the Day. I should be your Goal of Tomorrow too. Being with me will give you the exposure you need.’
Izzy was so close to the edge she was afraid she was going to tip over any moment. ‘You’ve done your bit.’ She tried to be flippant but the words emerged as a whisper and she tried desperately to wriggle out of his firm hold.
‘Did I suddenly lose my influence and not know about it? Did my recording studio burn down when I wasn’t looking?’ His tone was savage. ‘Was that really all our relationship was to you?’
She’d never seen him like this before and her heart sprinted. ‘What was our relationship to you, Matt?’
Her question was greeted by a long tense silence and she sighed.
He was never going to change.
The energy left her. ‘I can’t do this any more. The stress is going to give me hardened arteries and very possibly an ulcer, and goodness knows what it will do to you. I’m getting out of your life before you crack under the strain of keeping those barriers up. I wish you everything good.’
‘No!’ His raw tone shocked her and she took a step backwards.
‘Really, you’re better off with a woman who isn’t interested in emotional involvement and actually that’s not me. I’m OK with that up to a point but I’m so afraid of saying the wrong thing now I’m not saying anything at all and I’m not even talking about how hard it is not to say “I love you” at critical moments but when I can’t even thank you for a gift because it makes you back off, it’s time to rethink the whole thing. It’s been great and don’t think I’m not grateful for everything you’ve done for my career—’
‘Will you stop talking for a moment!’ His voice was hoarse. ‘Just how hard is it for you not to say “I love you”?’
Slowly her brain unravelled that less than coherent sentence. ‘Quite hard. Well, very hard actually. Why do you think I’m leaving? One of these days it will slip out and I’ll give you a nervous breakdown.’
His face lost colour. ‘You love me? Not just “like”?’
Oh, what the—? ‘Yes, I love you, but seriously don’t freak because I’m leaving. Right now. Plane is waiting.’ She pointed over his shoulder. ‘Over there.’
‘If you love me, why are you leaving?’
Exasperation bubbled up inside her. ‘Apart from everything I’ve just said? Firstly there’s the small fact that you’re never going to trust a woman again, and while I don’t entirely blame you for that given what happened, I can’t live like that. Secondly there’s the tiny fact that I am a disaster and five minutes with me will probably ruin all the good work you’ve ever done. I’m actually being unselfish here and believe me that’s not something I do lightly. I’m a very selfish person so just accept the gesture and move out of my way.’
‘No.’
Wound tight, Izzy exploded. ‘Now you’re the one being selfish. Eventually you’re going to stomp on my heart and I’d rather get it over with now. I’m no good with suspense.’
He gave a ragged laugh and closed his hands over her arms. ‘You’re right that I’m selfish and there’s no way I’m giving you up.’
Izzy glared through her tears. ‘I just—’
‘Ever.’
The word penetrated her numbed brain. ‘Ever?’
‘I love you too. You have no idea how much.’ The confession was delivered with so much sincerity that she couldn’t breathe.
‘You’re right,’ Izzy said faintly, ‘I have no idea. Just how much exactly?’
‘More than is comfortable.’ With a groan, he wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly. ‘There is just no way I’m letting you go. From now on my Goal of Every Day is to make you happy.’
Trapped against his chest, Izzy didn’t move. He loved her?
Happiness soared like a bird taking its first flight and then plummeted back to earth.
‘Even if you do,’ she mumbled, ‘it’s no good.’
‘What is no good?’ He eased her away from him. ‘Don’t even think of arguing.’
‘I’d ruin everything for you. I’m already ruining things for you. Did you think I didn’t see the headlines this morning? Prince and the Popstar?’ The tears were falling now, brimming up in her eyes and flowing down her cheeks because however hard it had seemed before it was even worse now she knew he loved her. ‘They’re saying that I’m using you to further my career. In fact, they’re saying a lot worse than that, but never mind—the point is that I’m a tabloid journalist’s idea of fast food.’
His eyes gleamed. ‘We do a great burger and fries at the palace.’
She turned scarlet at the reminder of her episode with the microphone. ‘You see? That’s just another example of how I’ll embarrass you. I’m a quick, cheap story because no matter what I’m doing I’m probably doing it wrong. Saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing—’ her voice hitched ‘—and you don’t need that sort of person by your side. You need someone like Katarina whatsername, the perfect society girl you were with before, who is never going to put her elegant foot in anything grimy. My foot is permanently in a cow pat.’
He raised an eyebrow. ‘You could try keeping your shoes on.’
‘How can you make a joke?’ She thumped his chest. ‘Let me finish because I have to say this and then I’m going. When I first met you I thought you were cold, arrogant and unfeeling. I thought you were a raging snob, if I’m honest. But then I saw everything that you do and I started to understand. I saw that the reason your reputation matters to you is not because you think you’re better than anyone else, but because you’ve realised just how much influence you have and you use that influence to do good. You took all those vile experiences you had when people only wanted you because you were a prince and instead of becoming twisted and cynical, you turned it into a positive.’
Matteo muttered something in Italian. ‘Izzy, I am cynical. Maybe not twisted, but definitely cynical. At least, I was until I met you.’
‘And then you met me and now you’re twisted too?’ Her laugh bordered on the hysterical and he took her face in his hands and forced her to look at him.
‘I’m not surprised that when you met me you thought I was a raging snob. I behaved appallingly towards you, and yes, I judged on appearances and every time you sing that song it shames me because it reminds me of how shallow I was.’
‘I was the one who behaved appallingly.’ Izzy groaned. ‘And that’s what I’m trying to say to you. No matter how hard I try, I’m always going to mess up. Even when I make an effort I have a talent for doing the wrong thing and then thinking about it afterwards. It seemed like a perfec
tly sensible idea to sing at the engagement until I thought about it afterwards. Even swimming in your fountain felt logical—’
‘I’ve discovered that I love swimming in my fountain.’
Tears slid down her cheeks. ‘Don’t do this. Just … don’t. For the first time in my life I’m being unselfish!’
‘Per meraviligia, don’t cry,’ he breathed. ‘I never want to see you cry. How is it unselfish to walk out on me?’
‘Because if we stay together the press coverage won’t be good. It won’t be all about the good work you do. It will be about my stupid dress sense or other equally irrelevant facts. And people will lose respect for you and then they won’t trust you with their money. And you help so many people …’ She felt him brush away her tears with his thumb. ‘I’m walking away and protecting your reputation.’
‘Do you honestly think I’m going to let you do that after what we’ve shared? You think I’m unselfish but the truth is I’ve channelled my energies into helping other people to fill the hours of my empty life.’ His voice was harsh. ‘After what happened I could never allow myself to get close to anyone. I’ve had plenty of relationships but I’ve only ever known intimacy with one woman. You. I never thought that could happen. And yes, I’ve fought against it because frankly it scared the hell out of me. I never thought I would share my life with anyone but then I met you.’
‘Me.’ Her heart bumped hard. ‘Izzy Jackson. A national joke.’
‘Izzy Jackson, the bravest, boldest, most hardworking woman I’ve ever met. I predict that you will soon be a national inspiration and the people of Santina will love you as much as I do.’ He brushed the tears from her eyes with a gentle hand and she sniffed.
‘You really love me?’
‘A frightening amount.’
‘You can’t be more frightened than I am. I—I suppose I’m not used to intimacy either,’ she admitted. ‘No one in my family is exactly demonstrative.’
‘Get used to it.’ He lowered his head and kissed her mouth. ‘I love the fact that you know what you want and you’re not afraid to go for it. I love the fact that you haven’t let other people’s opinions stop you doing what you want to do. I admire everything about the way you’ve conducted yourself. No matter what happens you refuse to give up.’
