by J. L. Beck
“Think I’ll go shopping. It’s been a while since I’ve been out doing my own thing, and I could use it. If you don’t feel like death later, we should hang out,” I said, and she agreed. We chatted for a few more minutes before I let her go and hung up the phone. I laid in my bed for a moment while staring up at the chandelier I had insisted Daddy purchase for me when I turned 16. Still as beautiful as the day we hung it up, but it didn’t bring me the same thrill it had back then.
There were so many ways in which I felt I had grown up, but there were others that made me feel as though I were still a child, only wanting to get my backpack and go back to school. I’d felt a sort of safe in the halls of class, not having to worry about any scandals or anything like that. But then, I had to remember, Kenzie was right. Adults did this sort of thing all the time. Was I ready? I flushed as I remembered what Knox and I did in his office. Too late for this kind of thinking, I was sure ready for what he did to my body. He had just owned it. He did all the right things in the sexiest of ways. He literally took my breath away and it was even better than I’d fantasized about since I’d been working with him.
I’d just been lucky enough to get the chance to do it myself, and it took skills. After all, how many other 18 year olds were there out there who could say they were sleeping with not only a billionaire, but with the love of their lives? All in all, I had to say I was pretty fortunate – and all the more so, knowing I wasn’t the one who was hungover on a Saturday morning. I snickered as I thought of Kenzie.
With a sigh, I threw the blankets off and stepped to my floor, stretching and taking a deep breath. I looked around my room – a strange mix of the little kid I was, the rebellious teen I still am, and the professional woman I wanted to become—and told myself I was. There were so many things running through my mind, and I wasn’t sure where to even begin following them.
Then, my phone chirped and I looked down, expecting to see some sort of message of something Kenzie forgot to tell me.
But it wasn’t her.
It was Knox.
Then suddenly, nothing else mattered.
Chapter 6
Throughout my young life, there have been many things I freely admit that I have been addicted to. When I was a child, it was my favorite television show. When I was a younger teenager, it was sugar. Though my father never knew I even experimented with smoking for a while, but when my friend’s mother passed away from lung cancer, it was enough to scare my straight out of that habit.
But I could honestly say that nothing was as addicting in my life as Knox. He consumed my thoughts in every way – I had to be with him as much as possible – but I knew I also had to be careful. If there was one thing I learned quickly, it was how gossip floated about even in the office of a billionaire, and I had little doubt in my mind people were going to talk.
Part of me was convinced they already were.
No one said anything to me directly – and I certainly didn’t do anything to prompt them to do so. I didn’t want to talk to anyone about what was going on between me and Knox. I didn’t feel it was any of their business to ask me about it, either. Of course, I still got the nagging fear in the back of my mind that someone was going to get word to my father somehow—the last thing I wanted to happen.
Yet, even in spite of all the fears and uncertainties I was feeling, one thing remained true—when Knox was around, everything was suddenly all right. I no longer cared about anything or anyone else – I even told myself I wouldn’t care if my father happened to find out about what was going on. Of course, deep down inside, I assured myself that nothing as shocking as this would happen, but I still found it interesting how I really didn’t care.
At first, I’d been scared things were going to be awkward between us after what happened, but Knox picked up with me right where he left off as though nothing in the world had changed. Part of me thought we were even closer now than we were before, but another part of me thought the other night was so ignored – it had been nothing more than a dream.
“Did you have a nice weekend?” Knox asked me when I dropped off the coffee in his office that morning.
I was wearing the same outfit as Friday, but today, I noticed his eyes didn’t linger on my curves as they had in the past. I brushed off the feeling, not wanting it to bother me as much as it did. “I did! I didn’t do much, but it was nice – did you?” I asked lamely.
He laughed. “Same. Spent it watching football and hanging out with my dog.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at him for this.
He gave me a look. “What’s so funny?”
I smiled. “You’d think that someone like you would be out doing stuff – not sitting at home with their dog like a real loser.” I smirked.
Knox looked stunned. “Did you just call me a loser?” he asked with mock horror in his voice.
I put my hands on my hips. “What if I did?” I asked with a coy look. I was challenging him, and I could see by the flicker in his eyes he was enjoying every second of it. Knox was a powerful man, and it took a girl who wasn’t afraid of that power to stand up to him. I wasn’t afraid and I intended to prove it.
“Perhaps I’m going to have to punish you,” he said with a wink. He spoke with the same tone he’d used when we had sex a few days before – deeper, stronger.
The sound of it sent shivers of excitement down my spine. “Perhaps you will,” I quipped haughtily. He gave me a ravenous stare and I tossed my hair over my shoulder as I walked back out of the room, making a show of swinging my hips as I did so. I wasn’t afraid to show off for him, and he knew it. I was surprised to find that putting on such a show made me feel powerful – to be desired by one of the wealthiest men in the country – and one who was twice my age at least – made me feel like a goddess, and I loved it.
Our flirting started up immediately once more, and it wasn’t long before I found myself once again seated on his desk with his head buried between my legs. I was moaning and enjoying myself even more than I had the first night we had sex. Sex with Knox wasn’t only beginning to feel natural, it was beginning to feel almost as though we were in a relationship. Of course, I wasn’t about to let my mind go in that direction, but I would allow myself to pretend.
After all, how many dirty secretary stories had Kenzie and I entertained ourselves with when we were in grade school? We had to sneak it, of course, but that didn’t stop us from getting our hands on things that would have made my father cringe and wonder how someone so young could think of such a thing.
The second time we had sex, I was prepared to deal with the aftermath the next day – the feeling of guilt and wondering if I was doing something wrong, the feeling of how I should put an end to it all before my father found out. Surprisingly, however, it didn’t come. I felt nothing but peace and pleasure when I woke up – and an excitement for when we would get the chance to do it again. I knew I was addicted.t quit if I tried and—I didn’t want to try.
I was beginning to have my own ideas of the things I thought were going to be fun, and I was wanting to experiment with him doing the things I’d seen or read about. To make things even better for me – Knox was perfectly happy to go along with anything and everything I suggested. Any position, any scenario – it was like he became my open sex diary, and was willing to do anything and everything to keep me happy.
And the more we had sex, the more I wanted to have sex with him. I found numerous reasons to sneak into his office, and we became good at doing it quietly – even in the middle of the day when there were plenty of other people there who could catch us in the act. I began to wonder if it was the chance of being caught that I found so appealing about it as well, but I’d become so entrenched in all of it, I didn’t stop to ask myself much.
All I knew was— sex was good and with Knox—I couldn’t get enough.
Chapter 7
The life I settled into was better than anything I could have imagined. Although a strong part of me wished it would go on for
ever, I’d gotten so caught up in the moment that I felt it would be forever. There were still times when I felt guilty about what was going on with Knox behind my father’s back, and I wished I could tell him – but at the same time, I didn’t want to let go of what I was doing with Knox. Plus, I just couldn’t break my daddy’s heart in that way.
But things weren’t going to go on in perfect harmony forever, as I soon learned.
“Knox? What’re you doing here?” I asked as I walked downstairs, surprised to find him there with my father. Immediately, my heart started to pound, and I worried that he had decided to say something.
However, my father seemed to be perfectly at ease as the two of them were cooking steaks on his indoor grill. “Hey, don’t forget that we’re buddies,” Daddy said.
I then wanted to bury my face in my palm. Of course they were, how could I forget? I only got the job at the office because of their relationship – in fact, we’d only met because of their relationship.
“We’re making up some steaks, want one, Kiddo?” Knox asked.
I sat down at the table and paused. I used to like it when he called me that. Now, the pet name stung in my heart. What did he mean calling me Kiddo? We’d been having sex off and on for nearly two months – it was time for that nickname to go. “Sure, I mean – since you offered,” I replied.
“That’s a good girl,” Knox replied.
I refused to make eye contact. This felt weird, and I didn’t want it to. Knox was acting perfectly normal, and my dad clearly had no idea there was anything going on between us – and part of me wanted him to. Part of me wanted there to be some sort of weird tension in the room, as though Knox was struggling to keep this secret as much as I was.
But he was sitting down to his steak and chatting away with my father as casually as he always had – as casually as he’d done when I was only twelve years old and he would come over for dinner with the two of us.
“Knox tells me that you’ve really found your place in the office,” Daddy said as he set a steak in front of me.
I smiled as I glanced up at him, biting my tongue not to say something stupid.I’d found my place on his lap, his desk, at his mouth… “I guess you could say that. I still feel like there is a long ways I’ve got to go yet – I don’t know,” I said with as bored of a tone as I could muster.
My father laughed.
Knox shook his head with a chuckle. “You’re too modest!” he said as he looked at me.
I got the distinct impression he was being serious. Could it be possible that he had no thought whatsoever of him and I having sex while he was with my father? I’d become a nervous wreck, but he was acting the same as he always did. This attitude was almost more than I could take. “Yeah,” I said uncertainly.
He gave me a concerned look. “Are you okay, Kiddo?” he asked.
Now for the first time, I realized I wasn’t. I was feeling rather nauseous, and this bite of steak I had in my mouth felt like the worst thing I’d ever decided to eat. Sure, it tasted good, but everything in my stomach wanted to come out, and I felt like the whole room was spinning.
“I was going to ask you the same thing,” Daddy said. He looked at the clock. “It’s rare for you to sleep in this late – especially on a Saturday.”
He was right – it was nearly two in the afternoon and I’d done nothing today besides wander out and grab some orange juice earlier this morning before going back to bed and passing out for a few more hours. “I don’t really feel that hot,” I admitted.
Knox shook his head. “See? I told you that you’d better stop working those long hours or it was going to take a toll on you, but do you listen to me? No!” He laughed.
My dad joined in with a hearty chuckling. “She’s like her old man, isn’t she?” he jeered.
The two continued to laugh, but I couldn’t take it any longer. I felt like I was going to puke, and the last thing I wanted to do was make a scene in front of them. “I think I’m going to go back to bed and get some more rest.” I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I was feeling agitated and angry with both of them, and neither of them had done anything to deserve it really. At the same time, the smells of dinner kept making me dizzy and feeling sick to my stomach – but I had always loved the smell of steak before. Perhaps I was catching some weird strain of the flu. Whatever it was, the only thing that sounded appealing was going back to bed.
“Alright Honey, let me know if you need anything!” Daddy called after me as I walked up the hall toward the stairs.
“Don’t be afraid to take Monday off!” Knox called after me.
I felt too dizzy to answer either one, and I could hear them pitying me as I started back up the stairs. I had barely walked into my room when I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to get everything out of my stomach – but the problem was, the only thing I had in my stomach was a bite of steak.
I ran to the bathroom as quickly as I could, barely making it before the sickness overtook me with a vengeance. I held my hair back and retched over the toilet, my mind spinning as fast as the room was. I didn’t know why I felt so angry with Knox all the sudden, but seeing the way he was acting with my dad was more than I could take.
I didn’t know if it was guilt I was feeling or shame, but I wanted my father to know. Then again—no, I didn’t. I had to stop having sex with Knox. I just did. It had been so perfect, but the feeling that had overtaken me was so strong I knew it had to end. Seeing the way he was with my father was more than I could take. Daddy was right – they were best friends, and here I was, fucking his buddy.
He wouldn’t just be mad if he found out. He would be devastated. I had no doubt in my mind that it would ruin their friendship, and the last thing I ever wanted to do to my dad.
I remembered Knox being the solid rock that my dad and I needed when my mother died, he’d been that constant being who’d always assured us things were going to be all right. I couldn’t ruin that because of some crush – perhaps it was time for me to move on.
No, it was definitely time for me to move on. The thought of it made me sicker to my stomach than I already was. So I felt grateful to still be bent over the toilet before a fresh wave of nausea hit me. I would get over this flu, then I would tell him things had to stop between us.
He wouldn’t fire me over it – would he?
Maybe. But it would be worth it, as long as it kept my father from finding out what we’d been doing the past two months.
Chapter 8
It wasn’t true. It couldn’t be true. I would do anything to make sure it wasn’t true. But there would be no arguing with the results I held in my hand. One pink line means negative, two pink lines means positive. And right now, there were two glaring pink lines staring back at me on the pregnancy test.
How was it possible? I’d done so well with my birth control. Sure, there were a couple of days when I didn’t take it on time, but I never missed a day completely. I had heard it was best to set an alarm to make sure I didn’t forget, but I never really worried about getting pregnant before. After all, it was like almost a hundred percent effective – how would I possibly be one of the girls who fell into the minority?
But there was no arguing with the test in my hand – or the fact I would have to tell Knox. I was going to have to tell my dad too. The thought of this made me cringe. I felt almost sickened by the thought of this part even more than the morning sickness that was continuing to linger, though it wasn’t as bad now. I managed to cover most of it to keep my dad from realizing it had become pretty consistent in the mornings, and he didn’t seem to notice a thing.
I myself, hadn’t even realized it until it suddenly dawned on me how I was starting a new pack of pills and I hadn’t bled yet. It wasn’t at all unusual for me to be late with my period, even though the pill was supposed to make it regular, but it had never been this as late – and now I knew why. I hadn’t wanted to say anything to Knox – not yet anyway. It wasn’t until I’d gone to the gas station on the corne
r of the street on my way home and bought a couple of these tests that I even knew for sure.
I wanted to believe the first one was lying. After all, it could be possible to get false positives. I had myself virtually convinced it was until I took this second one a couple of days later, and now, there would be no denying the two pink lines running down the center circle.
At first, I panicked. This would change everything in my life, and the truth was – I didn’t want anything to change. I hadn’t even had the chance to tell Knox that I wanted to stop sleeping with him, and now I was going to have his baby. My thoughts were spinning through my mind faster than I was able to keep up with them, and I wasn’t sure what I needed to do.
What if Knox got mad? What if he thought I did this on purpose? I hadn’t ever told him I loved him – at least I hadn’t said so since he and I had become physically involved – suppose he were to think I’d done this to trap him with me forever?
Suppose he were to make me get an abortion? I didn’t want to have a child anymore than he did, but at the same time, I refused to go through with anything like that – I had to have this baby, even if I ended up giving it up for adoption as soon as it was born.
Either way, my father would find out. There was simply no hiding it from him at this point – sure, I could cover it for a while, but how could I cover a baby bump when I was nine months along? How would I get myself to the hospital when it came time to give birth? It just wasn’t possible.
I cringed at the thought of how he would treat Knox – and I felt like it was all my fault. If only I’d been more careful with the birth control, none of this would have happened. I had shaking fingers when I picked up my phone, then I suddenly realized this was something way too important to tell him on the phone.
