by J. L. Beck
“Lola needs to get ready for bed, and I’m exhausted so yes we’re leaving so early…” I mocked his tone that he had used just moments ago. My body was humming with need, need that it wouldn’t be getting anytime soon.
“Your mommy’s friend…” Lola beamed, smiling up at Jake like he was the knight and shining armor she assumed him to be. Jake looked down at her with some much care that I almost forgot for a second home badly he had hurt me.
“I sure am… and I’m going to walk you and your pretty mommy up to the house.” Jake spoke so softly like he was telling her a bedtime story. Lola wasn’t immune to her father’s charms but I most definitely was and I wasn’t going to have him weasel his way into mine, and Lola’s life again.
“Here sweetie, how about you walk the rest of the way up to the house, get your PJ’s out and pick out a book.” I released her placing her feet on the ground. Her brow furrowed and she stared at me as if to say no, only to turn around and run in the direction of the house.
As soon as she was out of sight I turned on Jake, feeling the heat of his body wash over me in waves.
Must resist his charming ways.
“I refuse to let you hurt her like you hurt me!” I poked my finger into his chest, trying to get that one single point through to him somehow.
“Hurt her? I’m not a monster Mia. It’s not like I went out of my way to hurt you. It’s not like it didn’t hurt me too…” He narrowed his eyes at me the blue of them darkening well the green seemed to grow lighter.
“She’s my daughter…” I growled, wanting that too to be something he understood since he seemed to find a way to get into every single aspect of my life now that he was back in town.
“I know that…” He leaned down, brushing a few strands of hair that had slipped out from behind my ear back into place. I couldn’t breathe with him this close to me. Every breath I inhaled was of his woodsy scent. He smelt like nature, the trees, and grass. He was home, and my heart and body knew it.
“Obviously not.” I snapped, coming out of the trance he had put me in. The side of his lips pulled up in a smile that told me he knew what he was doing.
“Giving in would be so much easier Mia. All I want is to talk…” His thumb slid across the side of my cheek sending a shock wave of emotions through me. My body was trembling with need I refused to give into.
God, did I want to give into him like I had before, more so now than I ever had before, but I wasn’t dumb, and I knew nothing good would come from just talking to him.
“I don’t want to talk to your cock, Jake. I’ve got enough going on in my life right now. Plus, Lola is number one when it comes to everything and I won’t be making a choice I might regret later on, especially one that could have ill effects on both of us.” I was so over explaining this to him. All I wanted was for him to go away and leave me, and my daughter alone.
“One way or another I will win you back, Mia. Maybe not today, tomorrow, or this month but I will. I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life but leaving you was the biggest one….” I could feel my inside turning to mush. Every word I had always wanted to hear him say was finally being said.
Grasping at whatever strength I had left, I moved a step back, and completely out of his reach. I had to end this before it went too far…
“Save the speech for someone who cares… I’m not your girl anymore, and I never will be again.” I swiveled around, holding on to the last shred of strength I had left, and hauled ass up the rocky trail to the house, refusing to look back at him. As soon as I was in the confines of my home and away from his intoxicating scent I locked the dead bolt.
It was then as I slid down the door letting the tears fall that I had been holding in all evening that I realized how much I really wanted him. I wanted him so badly but was it worth it at the expense of my heart.
I wiped away the tears hoping that Lola would stay preoccupied until I could get my emotions under control because God knows she didn’t need to see her strong as hell mommy crying over something she couldn’t change.
Chapter Four
Jake
Weddings aren’t my thing, like at all. Neither are tuxedos or wearing underwear but…
“What can I get you to drink?” The bartender questioned sauntering up to my side of the bar. I tapped my fingers against the wood grain.
“Just whatever beer you have on tap…” I confided, before swiveling around on the bar stool to survey the crowded hall. My eyes went straight to her, my everything, my strength, and need: Mia.
She was wearing a silver dress with white lace. She looked like a fucking sin I wanted to commit again and again.
“Here you go.” The bartender spoke to my back as the sound of the cold glass of beer hitting the bar entered my ears. I turned around quickly and grabbed the frosty mug, bringing it to my lips for a quick sip.
“Is this not the most beautiful wedding you’ve ever seen?” Sofia squealed with delight clapping her hands together with far more excitement than needed. I had to force myself not to roll my eyes at her comment.
“Oh, it’s great…” I made myself sound as uninterested as possible hoping she would get the hint. There wasn’t enough beer to deal with this girl. Not only was she someone that Mia hated with a fiery passion but she was also Donovan’s ex-girlfriend and had it not been for her also being Harper’s best friend she wouldn’t even be here.
“I’m glad you’re back…” Her voice took on a seductiveness that I didn’t like.
“Right. I’m sure you’re glad…” This time I did roll my eyes because I was done playing nice guy. I was here because of one girl and one girl only: Mia. And Sofia was not going to wedge a rock between us if I had anything to do with it.
“Oh, I am… and I’m hoping you’re ready to move on from Mia. Since you know she has someone else and all…” Sofia’s fingernails dug into the fabric of my shirt as she tried to get my attention. Didn’t she get the point yet?
I had to hold my temper in because Sofia wasn’t worth the hassle that she wanted to cause. Mia would be mine again.
“Mia has been, and always will be mine. I don’t care if she had a baby with someone else. I’m here now, and I’m going to pick up right where we left off…” I growled, frustration with the bitch because she just wouldn’t stop.
“She doesn’t want you...” I blocked out her voice as I picked up my beer and moved away from the bar. Mia had made that clear more than once. I didn’t need to hear it from some bimbo who thought she had a chance with me. Shaking my head I tried to let go of the anger Sofia stirred in me.
“Why don’t you dance with her?” Donovan’s voice met my ears just as I took another swig from my beer. If things kept up the way they were I would have to switch to liquor at some point and time tonight.
“One I don’t dance…” I commented my eyes instinctively searching for Mia in the crowd. “And two she has no interest in me…” Like I had said before I wasn’t all that shocked that she wanted nothing to do with me but I was shocked at her immunity to my charm.
“Don’t let it get to you. Once she warms up to you and feels that you’re a good fit with Lola everything will be okay.” I gripped the glass of the beer hard testing its strength before speaking.
“How old is Lola?” My eyes darted down to the blonde haired, blue-eyed beauty at her mother’s feet. They were dancing together, their faces full of excitement and laughter. I stared at them both feeling as if I was missing a piece to the puzzle.
“I’m not good with Birthday’s man,” Donovan mumbled under his breath and before I could comment telling him to actually think about it Harper had come and whisked him away and out onto the dance floor for a dance.
But now that I had this haggling need to know when Lola’s birthday was I couldn’t just give up on it. I wanted to know. I needed to know and I didn’t understand why.
Leaving my beer on the table I got up and sashayed over to them, hoping maybe Mia could give me the answer I needed.
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“You look beautiful tonight.” I leaned into her backside whispering the words in her ear. She smelled heavily like homemade cookies and sugar… Yeah, she was definitely good enough to eat.
“Umm… thank you…” She stumbled over her words as a pink flush worked its way up her throat, and onto her cheeks. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. She was everything I ever wanted and the one thing that I needed most in this world.
“No thank you! I haven’t able to stop staring at you… you’re all I can think about…” I was getting carried away but I hated having to keep my feelings hidden away. Mia was my oxygen and without her, I couldn’t breathe.
“Jake…” The way she said my name made my cock hard.
“It’s true Mia… I’ve never lied to you… ever…” Maybe the beer was getting to me or maybe it was the fact that I missed Mia after all these years I didn’t know but I was tired of missing her. I wanted to wake up with her every day. I wanted her to be mine again.
“I can’t do this with you right now…” She finally turned around, looking me straight in the eyes as she spoke. My heart ached, and my hands started to sweat.
“I don’t want anyone else, just you.” I wasn’t above begging for her.
“I saw you with Sofia so I doubt that but either way it’s not happening so stop, stop making it harder than it needs to be.” Tears filled her eyes, and I hated that I was the reason for them.
“You know that Sofia has nothing on you…” My teeth ground together. Why the fuck did I even have to tell her that? Didn’t she know it already?
“Just…” The words caught in her throat, and I pounced taking that chance to touch her. I took her face between my hands, cradling her as I leaned into her face. Her hands lifted resting against mine as if she was going to pull away, but she didn’t.
“We might not be together and you might not be mine right now but nothings going to stop me. I can’t live without you. I can’t…” I exhaled every ounce of oxygen from my lungs as I spoke.
Mia shook her head pulling out of my hold. The tears I had seen in her eyes earlier started to fall, marring her beautiful cheeks.
“Please…” I huffed, my heart beating out of my chest.
“Stop.” She cried wiping any stray tears from her face as she took a step back away from me. I reached out to her one last time wanting her to just give me something, anything to hold onto.
“Mia…” I yelled her name as she turned on her heels and rushed out of the room. A few bar patrons glanced my way as I called her name, but I didn’t care about drawing attention. It didn’t matter me not as long as I had Mia.
“Fuck!” I growled, squeezing my fists together at my side. I could feel the aggression and anger festering. I was so angry with myself and angry with Mia for refusing to forgive me that I couldn’t even see straight. I didn’t want to be here or dressed in this obnoxious tux.
Grabbing my glass of beer from the table I had been sitting at I headed in the direction of the back door. If Mia didn’t want me here then I wouldn’t be here. I couldn’t make her love me again, nor could I make her see how much I wanted and needed her. As soon as I stepped outside and into the cool night air I knew what I needed to do.
It all started and ended with me.
Chapter Five
Mia
Was it possible to hate someone you loved so much? I wondered time and time again when Jake would come back to me and when, and if he did how I would react to it. Yet here he was and all I wanted to do was run away.
“He just makes me feel emotion’s I’m not ready to feel again,” I confessed to my best friend Rosy. She knew about Lola being Jake’s and she also knew how much pain and heartache I had endured losing him.
“We talked about this a million times, and you know this day would come.” Rosy lifted an eyebrow at me, sounding completely unsupportive.
“Whose side are you on?” I questioned, before taking a drink of wine. I was on my third glass for the night, which was way more than I would ever normally drink.
Rosy smiled, “Yours of course.” I couldn’t help the eye roll I gave her. Rosy liked Jake regardless of what he had done to me, and not because she wanted to be mean. She said she saw his reasoning, and understood, while I, on the other hand, didn’t and had spent the last four years being hateful. In all reality I didn’t hate him, I was just upset that he hurt me.
“I just want him to stop. That’s it.” I was emotionally, and physically tired of his advances and I wasn’t sure how much longer I could fend him off. I was becoming weaker with every single word he spoke.
“Do you though?” Rosy wiggled her eyebrows at me and I took that moment to kick her under the table.
“I do…. I can’t fall again, not with Lola here. I’ll never survive if he hurts me again.” Confessing the words out loud made me feel weak and I didn’t like feeling weak. I had held in the secret of who Lola’s father was for the last four years, and something told me that I wouldn’t be able to for much longer.
Rosy placed her hand on my shoulder, holding me to the ground with her touch. I needed someone to keep me sane right at this moment.
“You have to come clean about everything… It’s been compiling for years, and no one, not even your family knows the truth. You’re trying to hide something you shouldn’t have to hide…” I bit my bottom lip trying to hide the tears that wanted to fall. I was an emotional wreck and all because of a man who left me pregnant and alone for four years.
“I know…” I sighed. “I just don’t know that telling him right now is the right thing to do.” Jake was so hung up on getting back with me that if he knew Lola was his he would do everything in his power to bring us all back together.
But isn’t that what you want?
The words echoed through my mind.
“How about this…” Rosy smirked making a gesture at the bartender. “We forget about Jake and leave your brother a big ass tab?” I didn’t even have to think about it. Lola was with my parents for the rest of the evening and I was nursing a broken heart all over again.
Tequila shots and wine would have to remedy that.
“Let’s do it!” Excitement zinged through me as Rosy ordered us a round of shots. I took each one graciously letting the tequila trickle down my throat and warm my belly. Shot upon shot entered my mouth, but no matter how much I tried to drown my thoughts of him with alcohol it didn’t work and by the end of the night I was left drunk with more thoughts about him than I cared to share.
“Whoa!” Rosy giggled as I hopped off the bar stool and headed outside. My entire body was swaying like there were hurricane force winds outside.
“I’m going to find himmmmm, and tell him…” My words were slurred and my vision was blurry but I could do this.
“You don’t even know where he is and no one has seen him all evening…” I heard what Rosy said but I didn’t care. I would search till the ends of the Earth for him. He had to know the truth.
“Well, he’s sleeping around here…” I gestured towards my house, and Rosy busted out in laughter.
“He’s sleeping outside in the grass near your house?” I turned around faster than necessary glaring at Rosy. The alcohol in my belly sloshed around, causing a slight ache to form in the pit of my stomach.
“Don’t…” I growled staring out into the grassy field like an idiot. The truth of the matter was that he wasn’t here and that he probably found someone else to take home for the night.
“What the he…” A smile pulled at my lips as Jake’s deep robust voice met my ears. A shiver ran up my spine as his face appeared before me in the summer moonlight.
“Ummm… I’m going to go…” Rosy smiled sheepishly before stepping away from me.
“No, you can’t…” I reached for her but due to all those tequila shots, she gave me my depth perception was off.
“Whoa, Nelly…” I was blanketed in warmth seconds later as Jake wrapped his arms around me. I settled my head against her chest,
missing the sound of his heartbeat beneath my ear.
“Jake…” His name came out as a sigh. He had no idea how much he meant to me and hopefully he never would because if he ever did find out that would mean I would have fallen for his charms once again.
“Are your drunk Mia?” Jake asked the most obvious question ever. I pulled out of his strong arms and looked up at him feeling a tiny bit of dizziness wash over.
“No! I’m coping.” I grunted. Rosie’s words of wisdom echoing through my mind.
“Coping with what? I think we need to get you into bed. Where is Lola?” I clenched my fists at my sides; hating all the questions he was peppering me with. Nothing I did was his concern or business.
“You. I’m coping with your presence…” I spoke slowly trying to hide the slur in my words.
“Come on let’s go,” Jake ordered and within seconds he had me wrapped up in his arms cradling me against his chest. My eyes roamed over his face lingering on his lips. I wanted to kiss him, and the need was almost overpowering me.
“I missed you.” The words were a whisper I hoped he wouldn’t hear.
“I know you did.” He whispered back, his voice making me shiver. I could feel the wetness of my arousal pooling between my thighs. It had been a long time since I was with anyone but Jake had my body begging to be taken by him. I longed for his touch for as long as I could remember even when I told myself I hated him.
“But I still hate you,” I added, making sure he understood how unsure I was of him. I wanted to give into my body’s needs and wants but I knew the adverse effects that would take place if I fell for him all over again.
“Your body says otherwise.” He purred in my ear, with a smidge of humor in his voice.
“No. My body just knows when a good looking man is handling it.” I licked my lips, as my nails sunk into his strong shoulder muscles.
“Keep sinking your nails into my skin like that and I’m going to have no other choice but to strip you bare and devour that sweet thing between your legs.” Shock filled my belly. As much as I hated to admit it I wanted him to keep talking to me like that. I wanted him to dirty me up, and take from me like he never had before.
